Between Breaths (The Seattle Sound Series Book 2) (23 page)

I smiled as John Henderson laughed, wiping his eyes.

“But mainly I’m thankful we had the time we did together. Much as I wish it were longer, knowing Rosie brought contentment into both our lives. That’s something I’ve promised her I’ll continue. With her generous funds, I plan to start the Rose Douglas Foundation, which will help families dealing with cancer and terminal illness get the counseling and support they need.”

I paused, needing a moment to collect myself. Emotion filled Ken’s eyes. Yeah, even Ken mourned Rosie. She was just that charismatic. My eyes swept out into the sea of people there. I brought them back to my mom, her gaze intent on me, her mouth bracketed with wrinkles she’d developed in the last year or so, when she buried her second husband. She wiped her cheeks with a handkerchief my half brother Noah handed her.

“I can’t think of a better legacy for Rosie. And I’m so thankful to be part of her future. To continue to share the love she spread so abundantly through our community.”

I took my seat next to Lia. “Nice speech,” she said.

“Thank you for being here for me. I think I get what you meant. I mean, what Dad said to you.”

She wrapped her arm around me. “So are you going to go?”

I sucked in a breath. “Yes. But I’m really scared. What if . . . what if it’s like Ken?”

The people around us stood, filing out toward the cemetery. Mom and our half sister, Preslee, headed toward us.

“You have to trust, Briar. Otherwise you’re going to be so lonely. Look at what Rosie accomplished by opening up to others. Look what Asher and I have because I took the leap.”

Mom stopped in front of me. “Lovely speech, Briar.”

“Thank you. Rosie deserved it.”

Mom smiled but her eyes were sad. I hugged Preslee, surprised—as I always was—that my half sister was a full-grown woman. She reached up, touching her close-cropped, dark hair. “She was lucky to have you in her life,” Preslee said, her voice as soft and lovely as the rest of her.

I shook my head. “I was the lucky one. You have the key to the condo?” I asked.

Preslee nodded, her pale green eyes sparkling. “Yes. I stopped by before coming here.” She grinned. “I took your advice and went to the fish market first. Princess wound through my legs as soon as she smelled what I’d brought her. I patted her head while she ate, but I didn’t want to press my luck.”

“Smart,” I said. “That cat has very distinct opinions.”

“We’ll let you go to the reception,” Mom said. “It should be nice.”

“You don’t want to come?” I asked.

Mom shook her head. “The boys went to bring the car around.” Mom looked around the large space, her eyes settling on the coffin. “I’m not much for funerals. Brings back memories I wish it didn’t.”

After a moment’s hesitation, I embraced my mother. “Thank you for your help.”

She patted my back, her eyes gleaming when she stepped back. “Not a thing, honey.”

Lia’s eyes tracked our mom and Preslee as they walked away. “I never know what to expect with Mom. I’m glad she helped put this together, though.”

“Going to bury the hatchet once and for all?” I asked.

Lia snorted. “Maybe. But that’s between Mom and me. I like Preslee, Nate, and Noah. The twins are really protective of both Mom and Preslee. It’s sweet.”

“Preslee was happy to help with Princess.”

Lia pulled out a large white envelope. “Here.”

“What this?”

“Backstage pass and Hayden’s hotel information.”

“What? How did you—”

“Asher’s been busy,” Lia said with a wink.

Tears filled my eyes and I threw my arms around Lia’s shoulders. “Thank you.”

H
ayden

A
travel day
was worse than a gig day because I didn’t have anything to focus on except my inconclusive conversation with Briar. I’d called about chartering a private flight to Seattle but I couldn’t make the twenty-plus hours of flight time work, not with a two o’clock rehearsal tomorrow I couldn’t miss.

Flip and Jake were right. I owed them my best for the remainder of this tour, especially since the song I’d played in Prague was such a viral hit, and our fans loved that we were adding more to it with each performance. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t frustrated by the situation.

Interesting how Flip, the most inscrutable of our group, turned out to be my rock. The best mate I’d always craved. And Flip, being that mate, wasn’t going to leave me alone to think about Briar as she struggled through Rosie’s funeral.

“Whatcha say? Let’s go see what Amsterdam has to offer,” Flip suggested as we gathered our bags from the carousel. Flip, Jake, and I opted to fly instead of spending the day on the tour bus. The decision made everyone happy, because Ets was entertaining twenty-two-year-old identical twins on the bus. From what little Jake said, the girls were screamers. I couldn’t imagine a worse way to spend the seven-plus hours between locations than listening to Ets getting it on.

Jake hoisted his bag onto his shoulder. He’d been even quieter than usual, but I was glad for his company.

“I want to see the Rijksmuseum,” he said.

“Really?” Flip asked. He put on his sunnies, heading through the speed customs we’d VIP through—one of the benefits of superstardom.

“Yeah, took ’em ten years to renovate it. I read it has heaps of the Masters.”

“I read about that,” I said. “Reckoned to be one of the best museums in Europe. I’m game.”

“Let’s get our gear checked in and we can head over,” Flip suggested.

He nodded toward our driver, who walked us to a large, sleek SUV. I liked riding in these way better than limos, which felt pretentious and wasteful. With no other choice, I relaxed, looking forward to the afternoon.

“I want to try out some of the beer here,” I said. “Isn’t this the birthplace or something?”

“Dunno,” Jake admitted. “The guys from uni were more interested in the legal pot and sex.”

“I bet.” Flip laughed. “I’m steering clear of both of those. Cynthia would have me by the balls. Can’t imagine your Yank would like those pics much, Hayden.”

I shook my head, a small smile forming. “I’ve no plans to find out about any of it.”

“You two are doddery. Soft,” Jake said.

“Hey, you could’ve stayed with your brother,” Flip responded. “I’m sure one of those girls would’ve been happy to entertain you, too.”

Jake shook his head. “It’s getting old. All the partying and easy sex. I’m ready to see some of the world. You know, get the most out of our time on this tour.” His gaze slid to mine. “Something tells me things are going to change when it’s over.”

I leaned back into the soft leather, refusing to rise to the bait. “So whose paintings are we going to look at?”

“Rembrandt, Vermeer. Some van Gogh. I want to stand in front of
The Night Watch
. One of my favorites we studied.”

“That’s right! Your degree’s in art something.” Flip pouted his lips together in a kissy duck face. “Wanker.”

“Don’t give him shit,” I said. “Mine’s in music composition. Worked out well for us. You’re just jealous you didn’t get the cert.”

Flip shrugged. “I’ve got the cash to see the real deal painting now. Maybe even buy it if I wanted. Seems like that’s a pretty big win.”

* * *

T
he rest
of the day sped past, and I fell into bed. Exhaustion mixed with the five different beers I’d managed to try between dinner and now. I dialed Briar’s number again, the tenth time in the past few hours. She’d texted me about an hour after our talk, letting me know she’d have her phone off during Rosie’s funeral. I frowned when it once again went to voice mail. Surely, with the funeral starting at 10:00 a.m., it should be over by now.

I went to the gossip sites. Their information about Briar’s doings was better than mine. According to the web, the actual funeral was over, but the large group—nearly five hundred people attended Rosie’s funeral—had gathered at The Fairmont in downtown Seattle. An all-day affair, then.

I sent her a text.

Hope the day went smoothly. Thinking about you. x

I stared at the screen for many minutes before I plugged in the charger and set it on the nightstand. When I woke in the morning, I’d have a message from her. I hoped.

* * *

I
woke
up late the next morning and reached for my phone. A grin started to form when I saw I had a text from Briar, but the budding happiness faded quickly when I realized it wasn’t a message I wanted to see.

Today was hard. Turning off my phone. Just need some time. I’ll be in touch. Soon.

No. She was supposed to call me back. Something more than the bullshit lines I reread, trying to make sense of.

I checked my phone the rest of the morning as I went through my usual routine. Her response frustrated me enough to warrant a run down by the canals instead of staying inside. Signing the hundreds of autographs on the way back to my hotel made me late, and I raced through my shower. I arrived at the venue fifteen minutes late—a feat considering I’d barely returned to the hotel before I was supposed to leave. Good thing we were only a short walk—and an even shorter car ride—from the venue.

“Nice of you to join us, Hayden. Now we can finally get started.” Ets’s words pushed me further over the edge.

“Sorry. Went for a run and got mobbed.”

“Sure it was rough having women rub against you. Did you file a suit for molestation? Is that what took so long? You’re not the only member of this band, dickhead.”

I didn’t bother with words. I lunged. Jake and Flip got between us quick enough. “Cool it,” Flip said. “We’ve only got a few hours before the gig, we’ve got to start sound check. Pull it together.”

I stomped over to my piano and went through our pre-performance checklist.

Four hours later, I slammed into the dressing room, angry with the compromise I’d made on “Between Breaths.” I flopped on the couch, arm over my eyes. I was supposed to use this time between practice and the actual show to eat, nap, or meditate, but I was too restless.

Briar hadn’t told me she loved since the night before I left her. She’d said she’d
fallen in love
with me. That could be past tense.

Maybe she couldn’t get beyond my bloody stupid behavior. She hadn’t agreed to meet me in Paris, London or New York. She hadn’t said anything about us, really.

Maybe it was time to let go of that dream.

B
riar

I
stood
out front of the Seven One Seven, impressed by the old-world charm.

The place was small, barely big enough for the band. My heart pounded as I approached the black door, pulling my suitcase behind me. Inside, I slid my sunglasses up onto the top of my head and walked to the front desk. Time to test my plan.

“Hi,” I said when I reached the concierge.

“Good afternoon,” the sleek brunette said, her smile professionally inquisitive, but recognition widened her eyes. Being chased by cameras finally had an upside. Her brass name tag read Lotte.

“I’m here to check in,” I said with a bored look. At least I hoped it was. My heart raced faster than it did when I ran sprints.

“I’m sorry for your inconvenience but we have no rooms.”

I tapped my sunglasses on the counter. “Oh, no. I’m checking in to Hayden’s room,” I leaned forward to whisper with a smile.

Lotte smiled politely and typed on her computer. “Mr. Crewe didn’t leave any instructions for us to allow anyone up to his suite.” She shook her head.

Well, there went the easiest route. I kept my smile in place but my heart rate ratcheted up and sweat gathered at the back of my neck. I pulled my phone out.

“I’ll just text him to clarify the confusion. Does he need to come back from the Melkweg to sign me in? That’s not his normal routine. Well, I hope it doesn’t throw him off his performance tonight.” I nibbled at my lower lip.

“I wouldn’t want to inconvenience Mr. Crewe,” the girl said, clearly at a loss. I kept my head bent over my phone.

“I understand. Let me just finish this and we’ll get it all cleared up,” I said, my fingers flying over the screen.

Lotte set a key card in front of me. “Pleasure to have you staying with us, Ms. Moore.” I lifted my head to see the girl flash a smile, her dimples dancing. “Mr. Crewe will be happy, I believe. He’s been . . . restless,” she finished with a shrug.

“Ah. Didn’t he get to run? That helps.”

“The fans mobbed him by the canal.”

I frowned. “He doesn’t like that part,” I muttered to myself.

“That is why I didn’t ask for his autograph.” Her cheeks deepened from pink to rose. “Though I would like one, if possible.”

I snagged the card off the counter and grabbed my bag. “I’ll see what I can do,” I said. “Which room?”

“The Room at the Top. Up the stairs. That suite offers the most privacy and the best view of the city.” She nodded toward the narrow flight tucked across the lobby.

“Thank you, Lotte. Are you working tomorrow?”

She nodded. I smiled, hoping neither of us would be in trouble. “See you then.”

“A pleasure, Ms. Moore.”

Hayden’s room was nice, but they always were. Not overly big but the beamed ceiling added ambience. I stood at the window for a few minutes, soaking up my first view of Amsterdam, before heading to the shower. I needed to wash off the plane ride and take a nap so I was ready for the night ahead.

Clean, but only mildly more awake, I pinned up my damp hair, wanting fat curls to flow down to my bare shoulders. I was sure Hayden would like running his fingers through them. As I sat on the bed, fatigue threatened to pull me under. I yawned hard, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. Jet lag was no joke, especially on top of days of little to no sleep. I should call Lia. At least text her.

I’d set my purse on Hayden’s desk. I walked to it and pulled out my phone, shooting off a quick note. Lia responded immediately.

I’m going to need all the details.

I smiled and dropped my phone back into my purse. I missed and it landed on some of Hayden’s papers. Picking up my phone, my eyes caught the top sheet.

It was some sort of itinerary. Seattle. From Berlin. That was scratched out. Brussels was listed below. The date was in three days.

A name—probably the company owner or a pilot—was under the jetliner’s name, all scrawled out in Hayden’s slanting script. Picking up the paper, I pressed my other hand to my chest.

He’d scheduled a flight back to see me. On the only open two days in his schedule for the next six weeks, he’d planned to fly across the Atlantic and the entire US to see me. He’d told me he wanted me in his life. Here was the proof that he’d work hard to make that happen—on my terms.

I set the paper down, smoothed my hand over it. We’d talk our relationship through, he and I. We’d work through his confusion and my feelings of betrayal. Because my relationship with Hayden was once in a lifetime.

I yawned again, my jaw popping. Four hours until I needed to be at the venue. I slid into Hayden’s bed in just my panties and a cami. I inhaled his scent, already more at peace than I’d been in days.

* * *

I
woke
to a light tapping on the door. “Ms. Moore? You didn’t answer the wake-up call.”

“Crap!”

I scrambled from the bed and ran to the door, opening it just a little. “Thank you,” I murmured.

“You are most welcome. Anything else I can help you with?” Lotte asked, hands folded demurely in front of her.

“Nope. All good.”

I flew into the bathroom to wash my face. I’d slept longer than I’d anticipated, leaving me less than thirty minutes to get to the venue.

I quickly added some mascara and a touch of lip gloss before pulling on my backless silk top. I wiggled into my skinny jeans and slid on a pair of beige wedges. Unpinning my hair, I despaired I didn’t have the time to style it better.

I grabbed my purse and hustled out of the room.

The walk to the Melkweg would have been much more fascinating if I weren’t so anxious. I should’ve waited for Hayden at the hotel, talked to him there, in private. Or just called to let him know I wanted to fly out and be with him. He’d invited me to New York . . . I didn’t have anything to worry about.

I owed him a grand gesture. He’d told the world he loved me, and I’d returned his feelings with skepticism and fear. I wanted to show him I was willing to embrace his fame, all of him.

Cameras flashed as I walked up to the window, showing them the all-access pass Asher had gotten through his record label. Knowing the right people made this process so much easier.

I put the lanyard around my neck and worked my way through the mass of bodies, some talking, some drinking, many wearing way less clothing than I was. I took a deep breath and headed toward the side entrance. Time to see Hayden.

I pulled out my phone and texted Lia, needing some support.
I’m scared shitless. Not sure I can do this.

She’d been waiting for a message from me based on how quickly my phone lit up with her reply.
He’s the one who told the world he loves you. Claim your man.

I tucked my phone back into my small purse and lifted my chin. I walked up to the first official-looking man I found. He was big and broad, probably a member of the security team. I flashed him a smile but he didn’t so much as blink.

“I’m looking for Hayden,” I yelled over the current band.

“Who isn’t?” the guy growled.

I showed him my pass and he pulled me forward by the lanyard, a scowl deepening on his face as he turned it toward the light. “Haven’t seen one of these.” He glared at me. “Wait here.”

He moved to take it off, but I stopped his hand. “It’s mine. I got it from my—” How did I categorize Asher?

He whipped it off my head, and I winced as the lanyard caught in my hair. “No, sweetheart. When it comes to an all-access pass, only the band and record executives decide who gets ’em.”

Shit. I couldn’t get any closer to the band, and he knew I knew it. Smiling, the security guard pushed forward and was swallowed by the crowd.

Unsure what to do, I followed. Well, sort of. I couldn’t move past the crowd like the security hulk did, and most people weren’t as willing to let me through.

The guy disappeared through a set of doors. I fidgeted. Would he come back? I didn’t know.

A man said something to me, probably in Dutch. I shrugged. Pointing to the stage then my ears.

He gave me another once-over and then walked on, sucking on his beer.

The song ended and still I stood there. The opening band bowed and the lights came up. I pulled out my phone and texted Lia.
Some security guard took my pass. I don’t know what to do.

She didn’t respond.

People swirled around me, laughing and chatting. The door that the security guard passed through opened and another guy came out. Dark hair, lots of tattoos. Hooded, cynical eyes. Then I recognized him: Jackaroo’s guitarist, Murphy Etsam.

He beckoned me over. People turned to look at him, some of the girls gasping and calling his name. He ignored them all, eyes on me.

“Briar?”

“Yes. Hayden calls you Ets.”

I started to put out my hand for him to shake, but he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. My spine stiffened as he did a once-over, starting at my feet.

“Can’t say I think you’re that special.”

“You don’t have to,” I said, my eyes narrowing. “I’m here to see Hayden.”

Ets smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “That’s the rub of it. Ben found
me
. And I’m not letting you in.”

I raised an eyebrow but my heart slammed against my ribs.

“You’re a cool one, I’ll give you that.” He leaned forward. “But you’ve fucked with Hayden’s head. He can’t keep it in the music. That’s because of you, and I don’t like what you’ve done to him.”

In all the possibilities I’d considered, this wasn’t one of them. I knew the situation between Hayden and Ets was strained, but I didn’t think he’d try to stop me from seeing Hayden.

“Look, I don’t want to cause any problems between you,” I started. My phone beeped and I resisted the urge to look at it.

“You already have. Everything was fine before he went to Seattle.”

“Are you really going to try to stop me from seeing Hayden?”

“No. I’m not trying. I’m doing. He’s sandwiched between two groupies and looks happy as a clam. So turn around and go home.”

He shut the door in my face. I blinked, disbelief warring with anger and shame. The shame won and my face burned. People saw that—heard him talk to me that way. My phone beeped again. I pulled it out.

Lia said simply,
Text Hayden.

But—two groupies? Of course I knew how easy it was to get sex. Still, he’d told me he loved me. Last time Ets pulled something like this, Hayden stayed up all night to ensure he told me his version of the story.

I’d believe him. Hayden wanted me here.

I pulled up his name.
I’m here, at Melkweg. I wanted it to be a surprise, but Ets just shut the side door in my face. Maybe because you told him to? If you want me to leave, I will.

“You’re Briar. Hayden’s Briar.” I turned to find a young girl looking at me.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re Hayden’s girlfriend. Why didn’t Ets let you backstage?”

The girl’s friend asked her a question, eyeing me. She answered, and the groupie’s gaze turned apprising. “Marie wants to know if you can get us backstage passes.”

I shook my head. “The security guard took mine,” I said. My chest ached.

“Why would the security guard take your pass?”

I glanced over and saw a growing group of people surrounding me. Someone snapped my picture. Another flash.

“Why aren’t you backstage with Hayden?” someone in the crowd called—probably a reporter.

“Did you break up with him because he was cheating?” another asked.

“Are you angry he didn’t come to your friend’s funeral?”

“Do you like to do threesomes?”

The questions shot at me, so rapid-fire they landed over each other, hard to tease apart and understand. More flashes as more people took my picture. I was hemmed in, surrounded. I pressed against the wall. Stupid move, and I regretted it immediately. The crowd leaned in, pressing closer. The camera flashes caused my head to ache.

“Please, back up. I need some space.”

“What brings you to a Jackaroo concert?”

“Did you and Hayden get married in Seattle?”

“Back up!” I yelled. One of the men grabbed my arm.

“Look this way,” he said.

“Let go!” The fear, anger, and frustration overwhelmed me.

Coming here was a mistake. A big one. I whirled around and ran straight into the security guard who’d taken my pass. I stumbled back, trying to keep my balance, but my purse slid off my arm, its contents spilled onto the floor. The security guard gripped my biceps to steady me. More flashes. More intrusive pictures. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what the papers would print this time.

“Don’t touch me,” I said, close to hysteria. “This is your fault.”

“Look, lady, you need to calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down.” My hand dashed at the tear sliding from my eye. “I just traveled five thousand miles to see my boyfriend and you took away my pass.”

“What are you talking about?” He sounded shocked.

“You took away Briar’s pass?”

“Did Hayden tell you to do that?”

“When did you break up with Hayden, Briar?”

I dropped to the ground and picked up my purse, shoving back in my phone, my passport, lip gloss, and my hotel key card.