Between Heats (Downtown Aquatics Book 1) (12 page)

They all climbed on the blocks and he dared another glance in
their direction.
Still no Madison.
Slowly, a tight
knot began to form in his stomach. It could have been just any call. It did him
no good to think that the call was from
that
guy. But Zoe just shrugged and shook her head, and in his gut, Aaron knew.

It meant so much for her to have been here. Competitive
swimming was so important to him but it wasn’t because he liked the adulation
from strangers. What he had hoped was for someone he loved to understand it and
be part of it in whatever small measure, not dismiss it so lightly.

He leaned to grab the block. He held his body straight, his
legs and arms ready to propel him forward.
You and the water and the wall.
No Madison.
Too bad you already lost,
buddy.

The beep sounded and he leapt into the water.

Madison was drumming her fingers over the steering wheel as
she sped down the freeway. Her stomach had been in knots ever since leaving the
meet and for the nth time in the past half-hour, she doubted if this was the
right thing to do. But Zoe had assured her that it was no big deal. “There’s
still tomorrow,” she had reasoned out, giving her a thumbs-up. “You’ll be here
then. If it’s important, then it’s important.”

That was just it, Madison thought as she stilled her drumming
and gripped the wheel.
Was
it
important?

Her phone rang and when she saw the name on the screen her
heart started pounding wildly. With her phone plugged in, she answered it on
hands free but she was already looking for the nearest exit to take. She
couldn’t talk to him like this. “You missed the final,” was the first thing he
said.

“I’m sorry but something came up… did you win?” she asked,
trying to keep her tone light.

“Are you with him?” His voice was tight, as if that strong jaw
of his couldn’t unclench enough to let the words out.

She hesitated. Oh shit, what should she say? “No, I’m just...
on my way to Hollywood. For a go-see of sorts.”

“With him.” It was not a question, but a statement.

Madison’s mouth went dry. No matter how hard she tried to
swallow and lick her lips, every word seemed to scrape inside her throat. She
spotted an interchange and exited, then pulled up as soon as she could. Every
breath seemed painful but she tried to calm herself. “Yes. But Aaron, it’s not
what you think. It was just too good to pass up—”

“Too good that you’d rather be there than be with me.”

“You’re twisting my words,” she began but he cut her off.

“This was important to me, Madison!” Aaron sounded so pissed.
Pissed and disappointed, and he had every right to be.

“I know! It’s important to me, too. I would have stayed if I
could. But Zoe said you were going to win anyway—everyone said it—I
just couldn’t stay a second longer or I’d miss this job. This is important to
me, too. I thought you’d understand,” she said. “You’re chasing your dreams
everyday. Why can’t I chase mine?”

“I love you, Madison, and I support you, but not like this. Not
when your dreams mean sleeping with some other guy to get them, no.”

Madison recoiled. Hot tears appeared in her eyes. “Aaron, I
love you, too. But I’m done seeing Sean. I was on my way to tell him that, too.
It’s not even like that anymore.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better about you leaving me
to be with your ex?” Aaron said with a sharp laugh.

“It’s not like that! Look,” she said, rapidly brushing her tears
away with the back of her hand, trying hard not to keep her voice from
quivering. “I’ll head back there so we can talk—”

“Don’t bother, Madison.” Aaron was quiet for a second. “In
fact, don’t even bother coming back tomorrow either.”

“Aaron?” His name came out like a choked sob, and the tears in
her eyes finally started streaming down her face. Her voice was a pitch higher.
“We just need to talk about this. I’m sorry that I left. I shouldn’t have done
that. I swear
,
things are over between Sean and me.”

“We’re over, Madison.” His voice sounded so tired. “I’m done
with your crazy. I’m sorry if I ever held you back.”

“Aaron, wait!” she cried out but the line was dead. She tried
calling him back but there was no reply. She cursed herself and tried to head back.
But she knew it was too late. When she arrived at the aquatic center, the meet
was already over. There were only a few cars in the parking lot. Her phone had
begun ringing nonstop, and she could just imagine Sean getting angrier and
angrier by the minute. But there was only one man whose voice she wanted to
hear, and unfortunately for her, he didn’t seem to have anything left to say.

It was late when Madison got to her apartment. She had just
closed the door when she broke down on the floor. She curled up into a ball,
holding her knees up to her face. She cried her eyes out as she felt her heart
being crushed inside her.

The phone in her bag rang again, the shrill tone taunting her.
She had the good sense not to take it out or she could’ve thrown a good working
phone, so she simply pushed the bag aside. She buried her head between her
knees and tried to drown the sound out.

Sean had been livid when she answered his call earlier. He had
reprimanded her, asking where the fuck she’d been. That she just lost the
opportunity of a lifetime. That she wouldn’t be getting that chance again.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” she had told him.

“What the fuck are you on about
?!
”

“This.
With you.
I can’t. I won’t.”
She could hardly muster full sentences anymore; she was just so tired.

It took him a while to answer. “Is that it?” she had heard him
scoff. “You won’t get any better deals than this, Madison.”
 

“Goodbye, Sean,” she had said definitively, even if there was a
crack in her voice.

Yesterday, she had been justifying why she needed to be at
Sean’s dinner. She had just forgotten how easily it was for her to hurt Aaron.

Madison hugged her knees tighter. Maybe Sean was right, maybe
she wouldn’t be able to get an opportunity like that again.
But
at what expense?
She could land any job she wanted, book any gig she
could get her hands on, get the lead to any featured film. None of those
mattered.
Not when the one person that kept her breathing
wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore.

Now she was flailing, drowning in her own sea of misery. And
there was no one to pull her out of it.

She desperately wanted to talk to Aaron but she didn’t dare
press the call button. The last thing he needed right now was someone calling
him in the middle of the night. But Madison hadn’t slept much herself. It felt
like all of her energy had been sapped out of her. She tried to sit up, her
whole body numb from sleeping on the floor. She felt nothing, except for the
tightening in her chest.

Eventually she took out her phone to check the time. What
struck her was not the dozens of missed calls from Sean or the lack of them
from Aaron. Instead it was a text message from Zoe that she had not seen last
night, in all her frantic scrambling:
Hi,
how did your work thing go? You missed a really tight set of finals. Aaron
barely made third. Coach D ripped him a new one for his shitty reaction time.

After all his hard work and that impressive preliminary heat,
he almost didn’t place.

And she knew
who
to blame.

With what little strength Madison had left, she quickly stood
up. She washed up and got dressed, and as crazy as it sounded, decided to drive
back to Irvine.

This time, she didn’t stay in the VIP section with Frank. She
chose to blend with the rest of the crowd. She stayed as far away as she could,
but still close enough to see him clearly. Madison wasn’t there to plead with
him. Almost losing last night’s race had made it clear that he didn’t need the
confusion
nor
the distraction. But she couldn’t live
with herself if she didn’t see him race, if she didn’t see him do what he had
been chasing for.

She didn’t move from her spot, except for a short lunch break,
and she stayed until the very end, way after his finals were over. He raced in
the 100-m that day. She held her breath every time he dove in, but there wasn’t
any need to worry. Aaron placed first in the preliminaries and then later in
the finals, swimming and sprinting like a man possessed.

Watching him, she realized that all this time, he hadn’t needed
her. Aaron was already his own person before they had met. He had his own
goals. He knew who he was. For a short time, they had fooled themselves into
thinking that she gave him something to swim for but now it was time to accept
that she was the one who needed him.

God, she loved him. That was undeniable now. As she walked back
to her car, letting the exiting crowd flow around her, she still rejoiced for
him. Her heart felt like it had been squeezed out of any emotion but pain, but
all she wanted to do now was to congratulate him for his hard work.

Tell him how proud she was.

Tell him she was only his.

When she got to her car, she saw the cap with his name on it.
The one she had left there last night. The one she wore yesterday. The one he
owned. She traced the letters of his surname with a trembling finger. The now
familiar tightening in her chest made her grip the steering wheel, lean over,
and let the tears fall.

“These shots are amazing, Red,” Elliott said proudly as they
went over the photos from the Stroke campaign. He had called her over to check
the photos before the upcoming launch, and he was more than impressed. “I think
we have a lot of good new tear sheets for your book.”

Madison wasn’t even listening. She tried to put up an animated
front, but could only muster mild disinterest. It has been days since Irvine
but she still felt dejected. She tried not to let it show when she was working.
She used her emotions to projecting seriousness in shoots and mustered enough
energy to still
be
affable with her co-workers. Her
sister Mackenzie knew something was up, but thankfully she didn’t ask.

But her mask would slip every now and then. And now, at this
one table in the agency, her self-control was weakening. It didn’t help that
most of the photos before her were of her with Aaron, rapidly transporting her
back in time.
That handsome smirk of his caught and frozen on
these photographs.
The same smile he had when he teased her or when he
would talk about all the things he loved doing. And those clear gray eyes that
stared back at her, that made her felt she was the only one worth looking at.
It now seemed like ages ago.

She only realized that her tears had started to fall when
Elliott reached out to hold her hand across the table. She looked back up at
him and saw the concerned look in his eyes. She had told him about the break-up
when he confronted her after a botched shoot that almost cost her the project.
He hadn’t said anything then, dropped being a booker for the moment, and just
became a friend.

The same way he was now, standing across the table and holding
her hand. He never said
I told you so
over Sean; he didn’t have to. He knew he didn’t have to scold her since she did
a bang-up job doing it
herself
.

“You look like you’re in desperate need of your wheatgrass fix.
How are you holding up?” Elliott asked with a soft voice he didn’t use often.

Madison wiped the tears from her eyes with her
hands,
grateful she didn’t put any makeup on that day.
“Miserable,” she mumbled.

“Have you tried calling him?”

“Almost every day. I leave messages. I'm getting pretty close
to becoming the stalker ex. I expect a restraining order soon,” she replied
cheekily, summoning her old
self back
.

But Elliott could definitely see the sadness in her eyes. This
was the same person who was there during her rough start. And she recognized
that look on his face. “I really liked you together, Madison,” he said. “You
were good for each other. Maybe it doesn't have to end like this.”

She cast her eyes back down on the photos in front of her, and
the one that stood out was with the both of them in it, looking off to one side
and away from each other. “Maybe it already has.”

Elliott tightened his hold on her hand for a few more minutes
before letting go. Then he pulled out and opened his planner on top of the
photos.
“Next is your schedule,” he stated
,
now back in booker-mode
. “You have a go-see tomorrow at
10:30 down at La
Cienega
. Think you can handle it?”

Madison looked back up at Elliott, and she knew she had to stop
pitying herself. “I’ve got this,” she acknowledged.

She soon threw herself in her work. After the Stroke campaign
was finally launched, she got another job as a fit model for an up-and-coming
fashion design house, which gave her a steadier paycheck. She took on an
evening shift at Common Grounds to keep herself busy. But every night, before
she stumbled onto bed, she would check the
internet
for news of him. She read every new interview, browsed through every new
gallery. The second leg of the Splash Circuit Nationals had taken him to
Colorado. She wondered, as she closed her eyes, if he ever thought about her at
all.