Between Love and Lies (27 page)

“Noah?” Her voice, hushed and hesitant, made his heart race with hope then dread.

She hadn’t spoken since she’d collapsed, and her last words haunted him.
I’m scared too
. The confession, coming from a woman who never admitted to fear or weakness, terrified him.

“What can I get you?” He strove to keep his tone even. He needed to be strong for her sake. “How about some water?”

She didn’t open her eyes. A peeved expression wrinkled her nose as she muttered, “When this is over, I’m going to make you pay.” She sounded coherent again.

He exhaled a sigh of relief. “You deserve whatever payment you choose, and I’ll gladly give you whatever you ask for.” He brushed her damp hair away from her face. “Until then, is there anything else you need?”

“Water sounds good.”

When he held the cup to her lips, she raised her head and opened her eyes. She managed a sip before collapsing back on the bed. Her face was pale and pinched. But her eyes worried him most. They glittered much too brightly.

“You’ll feel better soon,” he said, trying to believe his words.

She turned her face away from him. A single tear ran down her cheek.

He instinctively reached out to comfort her but halted midway. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to let anything, or anyone, hurt you again.”
Not even me.
He grasped his knees to prevent himself from touching her. “This illness will pass.”

“That isn’t why I’m crying.”

“If you’re worried about Gertie and Cora, don’t be. They can’t reach us inside this jail.”

She rolled her head back to look at him. The tears in her eyes turned them sharp as shattered emeralds. They cut him to the quick, slammed him back on his heels. “More than anything, I’m confused.”

He had to clear his throat before he could speak. “Confused about what?”

“I used to know what needed to be done. I had everything mapped out.” This time her tears fell unchecked. “I had a plan.”

He clutched his knees tighter. “Tell me what you need done, and I’ll do it for you.”

Her gaze drifted to a point over his shoulder. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t trust you.”

His heart sank. She was right. He’d destroyed whatever trust he’d hoped to build between them when he’d forced her to stay with him in this jail.

“I can’t trust you not to get yourself killed trying to save me.” The brilliance in her eyes faded until they turned the color of sludge at the bottom of a well.

He knew the look. She was slipping back into delirium. His hope along with his heart plummeted to a depth that felt like hell.

“You shouldn’t trust me either,” she whispered. “I’ve lied too many times. I can’t leave Dodge.”

So the other day—when she’d finally said she wanted to leave town, when she’d asked him to take her away—it’d been a lie. He cursed himself for a fool. He’d warned himself not to get his hopes up, but he hadn’t had the strength to listen.

“But I want to go.” She shifted onto her side, drew her legs up, and hugged them tight to her chest. “I want to go far, far away. And never look back.” She pressed her face to her knees, hiding from him.

He released his death grip on his own legs and stroked her hair as gently as he could, wanting to soothe her. He needed to do more. He had to—

“I can’t leave you, Noah.” Her hushed words penetrated his chaotic thoughts.

Him?
She couldn’t leave him? His heart took off at a gallop. He tried to rein in his excitement. He couldn’t have heard her right. She was rambling. She’d admitted to being confused. She—

“Stubborn Texan. I can’t go if you stay. I won’t abandon you to pay for my sins.” She exhaled a quick breath. “Not when you’re the most honorable person I know.”

Her words blasted a gigantic hole in his conscience. He hadn’t shown her what true honor looked like. When her fever finally broke, it’d be time that he did.

And maybe after he accomplished that feat and helped her be truly free to do whatever she wanted, then maybe she might once again ask him to leave Dodge with her, and spend every day after that by her side. All of his nights too.

He grasped his knees again. With that yearning constantly resurfacing, it was going to be damned difficult to be honorable.

* * *

Four days after
Noah had agreed to take away her freedom, she sat in his bedroom. This time on a chair he’d carried in from the office. She stared mesmerized by the play of muscles along his arms, revealed after he’d rolled his shirtsleeves to his elbows and bent to change the bed sheets… an arm’s length away…if she had the strength to reach for him.

Fatigue and doubt, a hundred times heavier than the woolen blanket he’d wrapped around her, held her prisoner. She watched. She waited. She’d who’d once gambled so brazenly now too timid to turn over the next card and see what it held.

Finally, he padded toward her on bare feet. Dressed so causally, his hair wild and uncombed, he looked like a diligent husband eager to embrace his new wife.

That recurring wish wouldn’t die. Better for them both if it did.

After being bedridden for days, what more could he see in her than a bedraggled waif spat up from hell? But at least her flesh no longer pained her to the point of madness. Her illness had retreated. It might be gone for good. It was hard to tell now that she was well enough to once more appreciate his proximity…and be overwhelmed by it instead.

“The bed’s made.” He stared at the object in question and scrubbed his hand over his face. Several days’ growth of beard darkened his jaw. Deep lines framed his eyes. How much sleep had he gotten since she’d taken ill?

He reached for her but paused midway.

The hesitant gesture made her grimace. “Don’t worry. I can walk.”

“No. I’ll carry you. If you’ll…” he swallowed roughly, “…agree to let me.”

Why was he behaving so strangely around her? Like she was made of glass and he was afraid to touch her. She longed for him to touch her.

When she nodded her consent, he picked her up. Her head found the perfect spot to rest against his shoulder. The distance to the bed wasn’t long enough. Too soon, he set her on the mattress and let go to draw the top sheet over her legs. A floral scent curled around her along with a wave of longing.

Ask him to lie down beside you,
a voice inside her begged.

Leaning against the headboard, she watched him straighten the bedding, tucking in the edges. Her own fingers ached to touch him, to explore the man beneath the clothes.
Ask him to take them off.

When she opened her mouth, the most mundane words came out. “The laundry pulled out all the stops.”

“The laundry?”

“They added lilac water.”

His hands stilled on the sheet. “I asked them to.” His gaze met hers with an intensity that stole her breath.

“I should let you rest. You can’t afford a relapse.” He turned to leave.

Without thinking, she grabbed his hand. He didn’t pull away. Nor did he clasp her hand in return.

“Noah…” She stared at her hand clutching his much larger one, at his strong fingers that wouldn’t hold hers in return.

“What’s wrong?” The familiar worry had crept back into his voice.

More than ever she wanted to leave town with him. But he didn’t believe she’d stay with him, and she’d lied too many times for him to trust her if she tried to convince him otherwise. “Now that I’m getting better…”

“You can no longer use your illness to keep everyone at a distance.” His finger closed around hers. Then he dropped to his knees beside her.

Her breath stalled in her throat. He was close now. So very close.

“I hadn’t planned for this,” she whispered.
I hadn’t planned to fall in love with you.

“What had you planned?” His voice was equally hushed.

“I wanted to leave Dodge a free woman.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happens. You have my word.” His hand turned in hers as if to seal his pledge with a handshake. But when his thumb grazed the sensitive skin along the inside of her wrist, he stopped.

Had he felt her pulse leap at his touch? Like it jumped again, along with her every nerve and sinew quivering under his thumb now stroking its way higher and higher up her arm?

She swayed toward him.

“Sadie.” Her name came out hoarse. “From now on I’m doing what’s best for you. You need time to heal.” He released her and drew back.

Before she could protest, a knock came from the other room. It rattled the door that opened onto Front Street.

Her heart thundered in her chest as she watched Noah grab his revolver from his holster slung over a nearby trunk.

The knock came again. Louder. More insistent.

“Don’t say a word,” Noah ordered in a low voice. “Or move from this bed.”

When he disappeared through the doorway into the adjoining room, she scanned the bedroom for a weapon of her own. She’d be damned if she hid and let whoever was outside harm him.

Noah’s muted curse made her freeze.

“If you’ve come for Marshal Masterson,” he said in a raised voice, “you’ll find him at the Dodge House across the street.” His tone sounded more wary than angry.

She leaned toward the door, straining to hear more.

“I’m here to see Miss Sullivan,” a muffled voice replied.

“She’s doesn’t need a doctor,” Noah shot back

Doctor Rhodes was outside? Why? Had Gertie sent him?

“I’d like to ascertain her condition for myself,” Rhodes said. “My visit will be short.”

“You’re not needed here, Doctor.”

“Yes he is!” The words shot out before she had time to reconsider. She wanted to know why he’d come.

This time Noah’s curse sounded loud and clear. It made her ears burn. The door clicked open and closed.

“Follow me.” When he returned to the bedroom, his narrow-eyed gaze didn’t leave the doctor who followed a stride behind until they both stopped—the doctor in the doorway and Noah at the foot of her bed.

Rhodes’ gaze ran over her. His expression turned relieved, but his shoulder stayed stooped and his hands restless. He twisted the handle of his case until it creaked. “How are you, Miss Sullivan?”

“I’m—”

“She’s still recovering,” Noah said from between clenched teeth. “She needs to rest.”

“Noah’s taking excellent care of me, Doctor Rhodes. So you needn’t worry. It was kind of you to visit, but you didn’t have to.”

“No, I had to come. I have to—” He stepped forward.

“That’s far enough.” Noah raised his hand in warning. “You’ve seen her. You can go.”

Rhodes came even closer. Noah moved between them and seized the doctor’s arm. When she grabbed Noah’s arm in return, he finally looked at her.

She shook her head. “Let the doctor finish.”

“Madam Garrett confronted me,” the doctor said in a rush, “demanding to know why I’d helped you fake your symptoms. She said she’d learned you never had syphilis. Is that true?”

So, Cora had finally told Gertie the truth. And now the doctor was suffering for Sadie’s sins.

“I’m sorry that I had to lie to you.”

“
Good God
.” Rhodes’ voice rasped with horror. “I had no idea that medicine was capable of causing such extreme reactions. I believed the good outweighed the bad. My oath to do no harm—” He clutched his case so hard his knuckles turned white. “I could’ve killed you.”

She grabbed his arm. “This wasn’t your fault. You did the best you could when faced with my falsehoods.”

“And now the best thing you can do is leave,” Noah grumbled.

The doctor’s arm remained stiff under her hand as his troubled gaze darted between her and Noah’s hold on him. Then he blinked as if he’d unearthed a great secret. His tension vanished, replaced by an easy smile. “You’re lucky to have found each other.”

She shook her head again. She was lucky. Noah wasn’t. If it weren’t for her, he’d be safe at home in Texas.

Rhodes’ gaze rose to meet Noah’s. “I’m glad to see you’re still committed to safeguarding Miss Sullivan.”

“I won’t stop.” He glared at her hand on the man’s arm. The flash of jealously in his eyes startled her.

She released both men. “Thank you for your visit, Doctor Rhodes. We appreciate it.” She certainly did and she hoped Noah would eventually as well. “I would consider myself a fortunate woman if one day we all greeted each other as friends, but first I need to know: did Gertie send you to check up on me?”

Rhodes straightened his shoulders as he turned to her. When the man claimed his full height, he stood as tall as Noah. “I cannot lie to you if I’m to be worthy of your friendship. Yes, the madam demanded that I do her bidding.”

Dread churned inside her stomach. “What’s she planning?”

“Don’t know. She just insisted I bring her information, but I won’t. I’m only sharing what I know with you. I came to warn you.” His gaze swung back to Noah. “Both of you. Gertie’s hissing like a powder keg ready to explode. Even John’s steering clear of her. No one’s seen him at the Star for days. But there’s more.” He glanced over his shoulder as if recalling the past. “After Madam Garrett, I received another troubling visitor.”