Beyond Control (9 page)

“Suck face? I haven’t heard that for years.” I pressed my palms into the booth and scooted back. “Do you think that means that Jason doesn’t have a girlfriend?”

“I know this is kind of an over-the-top idea, but why don’t you just ask him when you see him?” she asked.

“Meh. We’ll see.” I was silent for a moment. “I’m going to sound completely crazy, but when I saw Jason the first time it was like my fantasy guy had come to life. He has the perfect combination of good looks and attitude… And his eyes hold this intensity that I can’t get out of my mind.”

“So why do you come off like such a…” her voice trailed off.

“I have no idea.”

“Are you going to ask your therapist?” she prodded.

“So now she’s going to be my love guru?” I rolled my eyes.

“Let’s go out on the floor for a little bit and then take off,” she offered.

I nodded, drinking the rest of the beer, and followed Brandy onto the floor.

I didn’t even know what time the cab dropped us off at our condo, but apparently I ordered one buttery nipple after the other, and now we were both in agony. We made it into the elevator, and both leaned against the wall as the cart took us to the eleventh floor.

“I never want to hear the words butter or nipple ever again,” I moaned, as the doors opened into the hall.

“Won’t be hearing it from me,” she muttered, pushing the key into the lock. “I’m so over this right now.”

I tried to giggle, but the nausea in my stomach reminded me to get inside and quit moving.

“No more,” I whispered, walking to the couch that looked like it was on rollers. Our voicemail was blinking, but it looked like too much effort to venture over to the table.

Brandy was already in the kitchen. I heard her pouring something bubbly into two glasses as I closed my eyes, focusing on the quiet, darkness of the room.

“You wanna hear something completely pathetic?” she asked, coming into the room.

I opened my eyes and she handed me a seltzer water.

“What?”

“It’s only a little past eleven.”

“I’m completely recovered in time for the weekend,” Brandy confessed.

“Even though I felt like crap last night, I feel fine now,” I agreed. “But I think I’m kind of—”

“Over that scene?” she interrupted.

“Completely.” I turned the Jeep into the condominium’s parking garage. The office had summer hours from Memorial Day to Labor Day, so every Friday we were able to leave at noon. We had gone to Westlake Center to pick out new swimsuits and grab a few kitchen things.

I—for obvious reasons—had planned on staying in for the night, but Brandy was going to meet Lily, one of our friends from college. She had moved down to Portland to take a job at a PR firm and was second-guessing her decision every moment that went by. At least, I wasn’t alone in that category.

“So your bike’s being delivered tonight… Are you going to take it out for a ride?” she asked.

“Not tonight. But tomorrow for sure.” The excitement was completely building, but I wasn’t sure if it was for the bike or because I was going to see Jason again.

“Okay good. Because the idea of you taking it out when I’m not around…” she began, but I tuned her out.

As soon as I parked the Jeep, I jumped out and grabbed the bags. “I can’t wait to relax in the Jacuzzi this afternoon.”

“It’ll be nice,” she agreed, following behind me with her bags.

We rode the elevator up to the eleventh floor, and I pushed our front door open with my knee as soon as Brandy unlocked it.

The place was pretty clean. I’d have time to tidy up right before he got here. The week’s gossip magazines were piled on the coffee table, and there were our glasses on the end tables from the night before. There was a plate that had held my toast from morning, but there were no crazy disaster zones.

“I’m gonna go change,” I hollered down the hall to Brandy.

“Awesome,” she replied, popping her head out of her bedroom.

I tossed the bags on my bed and dug through the one that had the two swimsuits I’d bought. Deciding on the lavender bikini, I closed my door and changed out of my skirt and blouse. I yanked the sticker out of the bikini bottom and pulled it on, tying the strings on the side. Glancing in the mirror as I tied the bikini top around my neck, I let out a large sigh. I’ve looked at myself with the scar for so long, I wasn’t sure I could even imagine my body without it. I wanted to act like it didn’t faze me any longer, but that wasn’t true. Every day when I had to take a mouthful of pills, I was reminded that my life wasn’t like everyone else’s.

“I think I’ll chill out for a little bit with you before I take off,” Brandy said through the door, interrupting my thoughts.

“Nice.” I opened the door and she was in one of her new suits too. It was a red string bikini with fringe along the top. “You look hot with all that fringe.”

“There aren’t that many places to wear fringe. Gotta enjoy it when I can. That and sparkles.” She smiled and I followed her out to the balcony.

Brandy lifted off the cover and flipped the jets on full blast. I had grabbed my iPhone and ear buds and scoped out a place to put them, settling on the chaise.

“So you promise you won’t go for a ride alone tonight? I want to at least be around when you zoom off,” she said, her mothering qualities emerging.

“You sound like Carla,” I laughed. “Only more annoying.”

“It’s only because I love you.” She sat down in the bubbles, grinning, as I stepped into the hot tub.

I looked through the balcony rails at the view of Puget Sound. The sunlight was dancing off the water, creating a brilliant sheen as the outbound ferries chugged toward the islands. I imagined myself on a ferry, heading to a home that was secluded enough to feel like a hideaway but close enough to the city for necessities. That must be so relaxing to ride a ferry everyday to commute, especially on a bike.

“What are you daydreaming about?” Brandy asked.

“Sometimes I think it would be really nice to live on one of the islands,” I mused.

“You don’t think you’d feel trapped?” she asked, floating her hands atop the fizzing Jacuzzi water.

“I don’t think so.”

“I bet you’d miss me,” she chided.

“Probably true,” I laughed.

The jets were attempting to whoosh my bottoms off, so I scooted to a jet free area and resituated before looking back over the Sound.

We both sat in the water, with a comfortable silence between us, as I felt the tension of the week slip away.

“You okay over there?” she asked as I began to move around, adjusting.

“I think my suit’s too big,” I said, laughing. “Things don’t want to stay put.”

She grabbed my phone and glanced at the time. “Well, I should probably get going. I was only going to stay in ten minutes and it’s been fifteen.”

“Have fun,” I told her. “Can you hand me the ear buds and scoot the chaise closer so I can listen to my music?”

“Anything else you’d like Ms. Princess?” she teased, as she stepped out of the Jacuzzi.

“Maybe a towel?”

“I’ll drop one off before I take off,” she assured me as I secured the ear buds in my ears.

“Thanks, doll,” I shouted over the music I amped into my ear buds as I settled into the jetted water. We didn’t turn up the heat in the hot tub when the weather was warm like this. We enjoyed dunking in the Jacuzzi to refresh or relax and that’s exactly what I intended to do, not necessarily in that order.

As the sounds of the bubbles were drowned out by the music, my body fell into a wonderful half-slumber. The laziness of my limbs as they floated in the water felt delightful. I didn’t even know how long I was in my trance because it wasn’t until things felt far too free down south that I was jolted awake.

The sun had moved substantially so I must’ve been out far longer than I realized. Scooting to the left, a whoosh of water in certain crevices meant only one thing. My string bikini had floated away.

Thank God I was alone!

On a mission to recover my bikini bottom, I searched the tub for anything lavender and finally found it being beat to death by one of the jets across from me. Snatching it up, I leaned over to my phone and panicked when I saw that Jason was going to be here in less than an hour. I scanned the patio for the towel and realized Brandy forgot to bring one out. Oh well. I’d just make a mad dash to the bathroom. I yanked the ear buds out and tossed them over the edge and dunked my head quickly in the water before standing up.

As I swung one leg over and attempted to climb out of the hot tub—holding my bottoms in one hand and leaning on the edge with the other—I heard the glass slider open up. I glanced up at the same time Jason’s mouth fell open, and a little grunt escaped from my throat. My one leg flailed in the air as my hand attempted to cover up things that couldn’t be covered up. In an all out panic, I dropped my bottoms on the outside of the Jacuzzi and fell backwards, splashing huge amounts of water out of the Jacuzzi. Unable to even comprehend what he must have seen, I frantically attempted to regain my bearings, even though that was impossible.

“Umm. I’m so sorry,” Jason said, beginning to laugh.

Laughter. Not the response I would hope for in this type of situation!

“Back away,” I yelled, standing in the water hugging myself and evaluating how to dial 9-1-1 without him seeing anything else.

He put up both hands and slowly spun around, but not before his eyes coasted over me, with his lips threatening another smile. That only infuriated me more.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?” I yelled, as he continued to face the other way.

I was in a pickle. My bikini bottom was on the outside of the tub. I had no towel. I had no weapon. And for some Godforsaken reason—no matter how angry I wanted to be—I was kind of intrigued with this setup.

“Brandy let me in,” he offered as if that would make everything okay.

“I don’t believe it,” I argued.

“I can’t help what you choose to believe,” he countered, still holding his arms to the sky. “I’m guessing you didn’t listen to the voicemail.”

Shit! The light was blinking last night, but he was right. I hadn’t checked the voicemail.

But regardless, this wasn’t my fault. This was his fault.

“You can’t blame shift,” I told him. “You came out here onto
my
patio.”

“You’re completely right, but in my defense I wasn’t expecting you to be half naked. I had been sitting on the couch inside for a really long time, trying not to disturb you.” I could hear the smile in his voice, exactly like I’d heard on the phone. “I mean you can play the victim here, but—”

“Don’t even,” I snapped. “I have a right to be how I want to be in my own Jacuzzi.”

“Is this a common practice? Bare bottomed?”

My cheeks burned, as I stood helpless in the Jacuzzi.

“Actually, no. My bottoms floated off while I was sleeping,” I confessed.

“So it’s no one’s fault. It was just my lucky day.”

I sat back on a ledge directly in front of a jet, water up to my chin, as I forced down the waves of embarrassment. Truthfully, this wasn’t his fault, but I wasn’t going to let him off the hook. I didn’t want to send him into the condo, chancing another accidental glimpse as I reached for my bottoms or something so I had to come up with a safer plan.

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Now you want to play nice?” he teased.

I ignored him.

“If you could possibly grab the other half of my bikini, I would really appreciate it.”

“I’ll do one better. I’ll hand you your bikini, and if you tell me where to go to get a towel, I’ll bring one to you,” he offered.

“Sounds like a deal,” I agreed, watching as he slowly spun around to face me. A huge grin broke onto his face as his eyes connected with mine, and I found myself looking away. My insides knotted at the thought of me in the Jacuzzi and him only feet away. And that was absurd.

“This was the first time I’ve been naked in front of a guy and haven’t been stressed over my scar,” I said before I knew what escaped my lips.

“What scar?” he asked, his brow arching.

“Nice one,” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“I’m serious,” he replied, his voice kind and void of the cockiness I had detected so many times before.

“You saw parts of me I don’t even think my doctors have seen,” I told him.

“Like I said—”

“I know. I know. Today’s your lucky day,” I interrupted, trying to force the smile from my lips, but I couldn’t. Not when he looked at me like that. And I don’t even know what
that
was, but there was something inside of me begging for more.

Jason bent over and grabbed the bikini bottoms and dangled them just out of my reach. He was wearing a black t-shirt and as his fingers held onto the bikini, the muscles in his forearms tightened and my eyes followed up his arm to his broad shoulders.

Damn him for looking so good!

His amber eyes grazed across my collarbone, landing at the waterline along my skin and a cascade of goose bumps broke out along my flesh as his eyes continued to drink me in. My insides stirred at the thought of him paying such attention to me, yet at the same time I wanted to throw myself off the balcony for turning into one of those women.