Beyond Possession (Beyond #5.5) (10 page)

Dallas glanced at Lex and raised one eyebrow.

She shrugged. "It sounds nice, but one word from your sister could make it backfire, big time."

"No one will listen to her." Tatiana's heart was ice in her chest. Maybe this was how Zan had felt, hauling her across the marketplace. Knowing he could accept her hatred if that was what it took to keep her safe. "Wallace wants me to trade places with her. She's leverage. That's all she's ever been, and everyone will believe it."

Tatiana would make them believe it. Catalina would be humiliated. Shamed in front of the whole sector. But she'd be alive.

Lex's gaze sharpened. "No trades, Stone. If you want us to help, you let us handle it."

"He wouldn't let her go even if I tried," she retorted. "And I don't want us both trapped. I want her free."

"And you'd be making an even bigger mess for me if you got yourself in trouble." Dallas jabbed his finger in her direction. "If you don't think Zan would be two steps behind you, snapping the necks of every bastard who breathed at you, you're fooling yourself."

She stiffened, unsure if the flutter in her chest was alarm or approval. "I can take care of myself."

"So can she." Dallas jerked his head toward Lex. "Ask her how often that stops me."

Lex shrugged again. "Has it ever?"

"Doesn't that piss you off?" The words escaped before Tatiana could bite them back, and it wasn't just that they were revealing. Dallas and Lex were as bad as Zan. Comfortable, even when they were intimidating. Seductive, on so many levels.

"On occasion," Lex allowed. "But sometimes I deserve it. And his heart's always in the right place."

Something to think about—
after
she'd secured her future. "If I pull this off, I'm going to lose customers. So I want something in return."

"Other than your sister?" Dallas was still smiling, but only a fool would have missed the edge in his voice.

Tatiana squared her shoulders. "I want five years free of protection payments."

"Five years, huh?" His eyes held a different sort of glint now—the one she imagined people reckless enough to barter with him saw right before he crushed them.

He leaned forward, and it was so hard not to lean back. Maybe it was foolish, too. All the loyal crafters in the marketplace scrambled to show their bellies to Dallas O'Kane, but Tatiana hadn't survived this long by showing weakness to predators.

He smiled, as if he'd heard the thought. "Five years," he repeated. "How about we start with one? You may be surprised, darling, at the kind of business you'll gain when you're not perched on that fence anymore."

Assuming all those people who'd relished her humiliation didn't decide she was getting above herself. One year wasn't much, but it was better than having him laugh in her face, and it was all she had.

Tatiana thrust out her hand. "A year, and my sister."

"Done." He clasped her hand, his grip firm, and held on as he continued. "Now, before we let Zan back in... Should Lex find you a place to sleep tonight?" She flushed and tried to tug her hand free, but Dallas only tightened his fingers. "Look at me, Tatiana Stone."

Reluctantly, she met those dark, too-damn-knowing eyes, and felt naked under the force of his stare. No wonder her father had hated this man. No one with selfishness and cowardice in their hearts could meet his gaze for long.

"I'm not your father," Dallas rumbled, as if he could pluck the thoughts from her mind. "I'm not about to hand you over to one of my men just because he wants you. If I ever seemed tempted, Lex would lovingly stab the fuck out of me."

Startled, Tatiana looked at Lex.

The woman rose. "No more questions. We'll find you a room. If you need it, great. If you don't, that's good, too."

Dallas released her, so Tatiana stood, as well. "Thank you."

He waved that off. "Pull this off for us, darling, and we'll be thanking you."

An unsettling—but shamefully appealing—thought. Dallas spread the fantasy of loyalty like a plague, and the only way to shake free of its effects was to get out of his presence.

She followed Lex into the hall. She thought Zan might be waiting for her, but the corridor was deserted, and so was the stairwell at the end of it.

Lex took three steps, then stopped and turned to Tatiana. "You cut your deal. I want to make sure you know what it means."

Tatiana stilled. "Okay."

"It might not work," she pointed out. "Then you'll be stuck on our side, no matter what. So here's my advice to you—make sure you want to be here, independent of any agreement you may have worked out with Dallas."

"I'm loyal," she said quickly. Too quickly. It sounded defensive and hollow, because loyalty wasn't something you proclaimed. It was something you proved, and she never had—because it had never felt like she
could
.

Her gaze fell to Lex's wrists—and the ink there. O'Kane cuffs—and she'd been the first woman to wear them. But she had more ink around her throat, ink that made her more than just an O'Kane. It made her
Dallas's
O'Kane.

"The way I see it, your potential allegiance is directly tied to whether you believe in what we're doing." Lex crossed her arms over her chest. "Do you?"

She wanted to. Just like Zan, only worse, because with Zan she could blame her hormones. How many stupid, hungry young men had her father recruited with dreams of safety and riches? "I'm trying. Maybe I've seen too much of the ugly side to be good at it."

"Then you're not ready," Lex said simply. "I guess you'll have to have faith that everything will work out, honey."

Faith was the last thing she had. No, the second-to-last. The last thing she had was options. Even her adrenaline was failing her. Her body ached. So did her heart.

And Zan wasn't waiting for her. The O'Kanes weren't going to make it easy—or inevitable. If she crawled back to him, she wouldn't be able to tell herself he'd forced her into it.

"Do you think Zan is in his room?" Her voice was steady. Calm, like she wasn't falling apart.

"No. I think he's down in the warehouse."

"Can we go there first?"

Lex's voice gentled. "Because you want to see him, or because you want to yell at him?"

She probably should, or at least want to. But her rage had fizzled out along with her adrenaline—or maybe she just wasn't that big of a hypocrite. She was about to do far worse to Catalina than he'd done to her. "Because I'm tired."

Lex stared at her for a moment, then patted her arm as she brushed past her. There was an exterior door under the stairwell, and she pushed it open. "Straight across the courtyard," she told Tatiana. "The red doors. Can't miss ‘em."

Tatiana recognized it—the warehouse where the O'Kanes held their fight nights. She crossed the cracked, gravel-strewn pavement, tense until she pushed through the side doors.

And then she was tense for a different reason.

Zan was slamming his bare fists into a large, patched boxing bag. He'd stripped to the waist, and his muscles tensed and flexed as he lunged, moving his entire body with every vicious blow.

He was so glorious, he stole her breath.

The door slipped from her grip, swinging shut with a
clang
that reverberated through the empty space.

He hesitated with his fist drawn back as he glanced toward the door, then resumed the volley of punches. "How'd it go?"

"All right." She circled him, until she could see the harsh line of his profile as he landed blow after blow. He looked apprehensive. Wary.

Well, she
had
threatened to stab him if he touched her again.

"Get everything sorted out with Dallas and Lex?"

"We made a deal." She hesitated, his bland disinterest striking a deeper fear. He'd fucked her with so much raw passion, she'd almost forgotten the possibility that it was all a lie. Maybe
she'd
been the one building fantasies about
him
, and he'd only been doing his job.

He struck the bag one last time and caught it as it rebounded. He stood there, his chest heaving and slicked with sweat, not looking at her. "What kind of deal?"

"He's going to take down Wallace and get my sister out." Tatiana closed her eyes. "And I'm going to tell everyone what happened today, and what Wallace wanted from me."

"And afterwards?"

She found out whether or not she could still run a business. Whether or not she still had a sister. Whether or not—

When she opened her eyes he was standing there, watching her, shirtless and so beautiful that arousal pierced her with a sharp ache. "I don't know. So many things could go wrong that I don't know how to plan. I don't know where to start."

He smiled, the expression filled with sadness instead of pleasure. "You might have to trust someone. For once."

"I'll fuck it up." Her eyes burned. So did her throat. And her heart. "How many times could you forgive me for letting fear get the best of me? Do you even know how much of it I have inside me?"

"How many times could I forgive you," he echoed softly. "A million. Every day. The same thing you'd have to do for me. That's what it
is
, Tatiana. Loving someone."

The tears filled her eyes, and she couldn't blink them away this time. "I love people, but they don't love me back. What if there's a reason?"

He took a step toward her, only to stop short, his hands flexing at his sides. "You have to let them, sweetheart."

She'd drawn so many lines with him. Rules and boundaries, all in an attempt to sketch out some way letting him into her life could be safe. As if she could negotiate away affection and heartache.

As if she could negotiate her way out of love.

"Show me?" Her voice cracked, but she didn't try to hide her fear. If they were going to do this, he had to know it was there. "Show me how you'd love me, if I let you."

Zan held out his hand. "Up on the roof."

The urge to laugh bubbled up through her tears. She slid her hand into his, clinging tight. "You'd love me on the roof?"

He snorted. "Some of the others are up there, enjoying the last bit of sunshine before it gets too cold. It's a
party
, Tatiana."

"Oh." Her cheeks heated, because her mind had gone straight to filthy sex, and he was being sweet again. "I haven't had a lot of time for parties. That would be nice."

He drew her closer, all the way to his chest, and rubbed his thumb over her cheek. "I can't show you what it means unless I show you my family."

Family
. The word always twisted her up inside. Family meant grief and guilt. Her mother, who'd been shot by one of her father's rivals before Dallas had put an end to the constant street wars. Her father and his bloody, brutal legacy. The burden of her sister's safety, and Tatiana's frustration with herself for every shred of resentment she couldn't shove down.

Zan's voice lent the word so much warmth that she ached with envy. "Is that what they are?"

"Ever since my brother died."

"Your brother?"

"Hunter." Zan stiffened. "He fell in the last big fight, when Dallas took over."

A chill swept over her. Her lips felt numb. "My—my father?"

"Or one of his men, I don't know." He pulled away to grasp her upper arms. "But I don't blame you, Tatiana. I never have. He and I both knew the danger of fighting against your father."

"I'm still sorry." She slid her arms around him, pressing her forehead to his broad chest. "My father is responsible for so much death and pain. Sometimes I can't even blame the people who want to take it out on me."

"They shouldn't," he said resolutely. "You didn't do it, and you didn't want him to do it, either."

No, but she'd learned to bite back that defense early on.
Did the poor little princess lose all her pretty things? I know how you can earn them back.
Only the women in the sector had held their tongues, because they already knew what cold comfort a brutal man's power could be.

The women, and the O'Kanes.

She kissed Zan's shoulder. "Will you tell me about him some time?"

"Yeah. Whatever you want to know."

"Everything." She tilted her head back to smile up at him. "I want to know everything about you."

"Then come on." He kept her hand firmly in his as he reached for his discarded shirt. "There's no better place to start than an O'Kane party."

Tatiana had heard about O'Kane parties.
Everyone
in the sector had heard about them. If you listened to even the tamest gossip, they were decadent affairs full of sex, booze, and skin.

If you listened to the things people whispered behind their hands, they were straight-up kinky orgies.

As they climbed the stairs, Tatiana fought rising nerves. Parties full of debauchery weren't completely foreign to her, but they'd been her first significant source of friction with Gia. It had been challenging enough for Tatiana to submit in private. Getting on her knees in front of strangers had twisted dread through her gut.

Gia had been furious. Not that Tatiana failed to enjoy it, but because she tried so hard to endure it. That was everything wrong with their relationship, boiled down to one simple truth—Gia wanted something Tatiana could never be. And Tatiana had been so lost, so scared, that she'd tried anyway, and it only hurt them both in the end.

Zan liked having her beneath him. He might like putting her on her knees. Hell, behind closed doors, with just the two of them, she might like it, too. But if he did it now, in front of strangers—no, not strangers, in front of the people who had fought and bled in the war with her father, who had every reason to want to see her small—

Once, she'd crawled for Gia even while it cut her up inside. She'd spent the years since humbling herself in front of her father's enemies. She'd done it for survival, because she had to, but she wouldn't do it now for someone else's entertainment. Not even for Zan.

Nervous but clinging to her resolve, Tatiana followed Zan through the sturdy door...

...and found a picnic.

O'Kanes were scattered across the roof, on lounge chairs and blankets and clustered around a grill. She recognized several—Trix and Rachel, two of the dancers who frequented her shop often. Ace, the O'Kanes' infamous tattoo artist and one of Gia's longtime friends.