Beyond Repair (Broken Girl Book 1) (16 page)

A sob rips from me, the tears falling in a river down my face, “I don’t know what to do anymore, mom. I’m sick, I’m really sick, and I can’t make it go away. I’m all alone and I need you,” I let out a humorless laugh. “How can it be possible to miss someone you’ve never even met this much, huh? This illness is killing me, mom. I can’t be strong anymore. I know this is your home, and you love it here, but I don’t know if I can stay. I wish I could take you away with me but you know how unreasonable the old man is.”

I raise my gaze to the stars and try and pull myself together, “I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you much over the past few years. I couldn’t, but I never stop thinking about you. I want you to know that, I want you to know that you’re always in my head, in my heart,” I lean forward and brush away the dirt that’s collected on the stop of the slab. “Kitty’s going to be a mom soon. She’s going to have a little baby of her own who will be the cutest kid ever. I’m going to have to get my shit together if I’m going to be the Aunt that her baby deserves.”

I wipe away my tears, “I’ve got to go now, mom. Kitty’s cousin, Callum, is here and I need to go home. You might remember him, or his mum at least. I will come back soon and bring you some of those pink flowers that always remind me of you. I love you.”

I stand, and with one last longing look at my mother’s resting place, I walk to where Callum is waiting. He reaches for my hand and grips it. I look up at him, his face almost angelic under the light of the moon. I’ve been so angry at him for the past two weeks but I can’t seem to recall why right now. I just want to sleep.

“Callum, can you take me home please?”

He brings his thumb to my face and wipes away a stray tear, “I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, Little Bit.”

"I'm telling you all, there is something fucking wrong with these pills."

She's irate, more than I've ever seen as she paces the length of her living room shaking her medication. I cast a clueless glance at my cousin and her husband. They offer me the same expression back. We all came over here after Lydia issued an SOS to Kate and then Kate called me at the office. I check the time on my watch for the fourth time in the past ten minutes. I really have to get back to work. I can't exactly tell my boss I needed an extra-long lunch hour due to his psychotic daughter having a bad day. It's bad enough that I have to squash down the knowledge that he covered up for the asshole that hurt my cousin. I don't want to, but after a long winded conversation with Kate and Joe, I've agreed to keep quiet. I'm doing it for her though, and her unborn baby. They don't need the drama that putting my fist through the Mayor's face will bring. I am, however, looking for a new job. Maybe I'll start up my own PR business like I always wanted, work from home doing my own hours. Maybe.

"What do you mean, Lyds? Sit down and talk to us," Kate says, trying to reason.

"Sit down?" Lydia laughs, almost coldly. "I can't. I really wish I could. I can't focus on anything or anyone." She walks over to the bookcase in the corner and begins to pull things off, letting them drop to the floor.

"It's fucking filthy in here. All this dust," she marches to the kitchen and returns with a cotton rag and bleach. "I have to clean it, I have to make it perfect. What will people think if they see it like this?" She mumbles.

Kate heaves herself up from the sofa with the help of Joe. Her stomach is getting big now, and the idea of her having an actual person inside there makes me queasy. She goes to Lydia and take the cleaning stuff from her, forcing her friend to look at her.

"Lydia, sit down. Tell us what's wrong with your medication? We can't help you if we don't know."

Thankfully, she does as she's told and slumps down on the arm chair, crossing her legs the same way a child does. She brushes back a loose strand of pink hair from her face. The rest of it is piled high on her head in some weird contraption that I have no chance of naming. She pulls at the oversized t-shirt covering her small frame. I hide my laugh at the ironic slogan across the front - You Can't Sit With Us. She's always wearing stupid shit like that.

"It's Tyde," she whispers. "I know I sound crazy but these new pills are fucking me up. I think he's doing this on purpose."

A gnawing feeling of unease tugs at me, but I squash it. This is Lydia. Maybe she's just having an off day. She hasn't been right since I brought her home Friday. Watching her at her mom's grave so upset and broken nearly killed me. She looked so lost, so defeated as I drove her home. I wanted to stay with her that night, but I had to deal with Cerys. It took me nearly all weekend to get rid of her. I don't even know why I resurrected that relationship in the first place. It's so very obvious that she's not what I want anymore, and I'm not even sure she ever was. I bring my focus back to Lydia. She's shivering on the chair, wide eyed and pleading.

"I'm not losing it, I swear. He's been different for weeks and I'm on edge all the time. I wasn't like this," she brings her eyes to my cousin who is kneeling in front of her. "Kitty, please believe me. I was doing okay, I was better. You saw me. You all saw me."

A lone tear falls from her eye. She whispers, "I'm not crazy."

I share a look with Joe, who I think is thinking the same thing as me. Lydia needs help. Professional help. We watch as Kate leads her off into the bedroom, then I finally release the breath I was holding. Shit. I'm not really sure what I'm meant to do here. I mean, I want her to be okay. I really want her to be okay. I've gotten to know her, I like her, and I felt the loss of her immediately when we weren't speaking. Now though, now it's like she's not even here with us. She's right. She's been edgy for a while, even I've noticed that. But how do I help her? How do I make it all okay for her? Joe must sense my pathetic despair and claps a hand on the back of my shoulder.

"She'll get through this, Cal. She always does."

I nod, offering a weak smile when Kate returns. I jump up to stop her from cleaning the mess Lydia made a few minutes ago by the bookcase. She thanks me as I begin to pick it all up, being careful to put everything how I know Lydia likes it.

"How is she?" I ask, when it's all done.

"I don't know," Kate shakes her head. "Something is off with her. It's like she's with us one minute, and not the next. She's not sleeping, she's just lay in bed staring at the ceiling."

She releases a long sigh and rubs her stomach, "I'm just not sure how to help her this time. She's convinced that her doctor is messing with her medication, so now she's refusing to take them all together."

"I could maybe call her doctor?" I offer.

"No," Joe says. "They'll lock her back up. Just the mention of that places causes her to freak out. Imagine how she'd feel if it was one of us who put her back in there."

"You're right. We can't send her back there. It will be the end of her," Kate drops onto the sofa and begins to sob silently. "I'm going to stay here with her. She shouldn't be alone."

I walk over to her grasp her hand, "I've got to get back to work, but I'll come over after and spend the night. You need to be in a proper bed. I'll be over at five, okay?" Kate and Joe both nod their thanks. "I'm just going to say bye to Lydia and then I'll go."

I leave Joe consoling my cousin in the lounge and head into Lydia's room. I watch her for a second, lay beneath the blankets on her bed perfectly still. She looks like a doll, all made up with her usual makeup but completely lifeless. The blue sparkle in her eyes is gone, dimmed out by the illness that eats her alive. I've never wanted to take someone else's burden so much before in my entire life. I cross the room to her and perch beside her on the bed.

"Hey, Little Bit."

She turns her head to face me, but doesn't respond. I lean forward and rub away a stray tear from her eye, "I have to go now but I'll be back later, okay?" Still nothing. Despite how much this is tearing me apart I continue. "It's my turn to buy takeout so think about what you want, yeah?"

I press a kiss to her forehead and stand from the bed.

"Callum," she says, so quiet I almost miss it.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for not being the person I thought you were."

The clock ticks slower with every minute that passes. I don't want to be here. I want to be back with Lydia. I can't think about anything other than how sad she looked when I left. I'm on a fucking mission to cheer her up, which I'll do if I can just get out of this place. Five more minutes. Just five more minutes and I can spring myself from here. I glance at my cell for the third time in the past three minutes and breathe a sigh of relief when I see a reply from Kate. She's been texting me updates on Lydia all afternoon.

Kate:
Not much has changed, but she's out of bed finally. We've managed to convince her to take her medication so hopefully she'll be calmer for you and then maybe actually eat something. Cal, she's in a bad way.

Me:
At least that's something. I'll try and get her to eat tonight when I'm over. I'm hoping I can cheer her up a little. Don't worry, Kate. We'll get her back.

I don't get to see if she replies as I'm interrupted by noise outside. I stand from my desk and head out. Mayor Baker is practically leaning over Doctor Tyde outside his office. His face is taut and hard. I can't hear anything but hushed whispers but it doesn't matter anyway as I'm noticed a second later.

"Ah, Mr Reeves," Mayor Baker says. He fixes a smile on his face, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I was just coming to see you."

He turns back to Tyde, "Doctor Tyde, I will get back to you about that issue in the morning."

Tyde nods and hurries out as Baker takes a step towards me. He laughs quietly as he joins me, "I often worry that the man looking after my daughter's health is as skittish as a mouse." I force a smile.

"I can't say I know Doctor Tyde all that well, sir."

"No, I don't suppose you do," his head tilts to the left a little. "But you do know my daughter. How is Lydia? I can't seem to get a hold of her."

Here we go. Should I tell him that Lydia isn't doing so great? Do I let him know that his daughter looks like she's two steps away from never waking up again? Do I tell him her concerns about her doctor? "I haven't seen much of her lately, Mark," I lie. "But Kate hasn't mentioned anything."

Another lie.

He nods, hopefully accepting my untruth, "Okay, well please let me know if anything changes. Despite what she believes, I do care about her wellbeing," he looks to his watch. "Now I know you have to go, but I just wanted to ask how the media preparations were coming along in the lead up to the parade."

"It's all taken care of. In light of the spotlight being put on you for the award in a couple of months, there will be four different news crews recording the event. I've put a request in with Garry to get together later this week and work on your speech and what we think people will respond to better," I offer a smirk. "You're not just addressing a small town this time, Mayor."

I take a deep breath. Time to save Lydia's ass, "I'm in discussions with the reporters that will be there regarding what they will be asking you. I think it might be best if we ask them to keep your family off limits on the topics."

His eyebrows shoot up, but he doesn't look angry, "You don't think I should talk about my wife or daughter. Being a single parent has always helped in most cases." I nod, he has a point but then they'll want to know more about Lydia. Anyone else, I'd say go for it.

"Yes, in our town it would. The bigger cities will want more than the cliff notes of your relationship with Lydia though. They'll expect her to be there and they'll want to talk to her. Can you trust that what she'll say will beneficial?"

He snorts a laugh, "I think we both know the answer to that. Okay, do it. Put a block on all questions regarding family. I imagine they already now Lydia's health history so I suppose we can use that as a reason."

"Okay, good. I can say something along the lines of you not wanting to thrust your daughter into the political spotlight, and that you respect her decision to be independent from it. They'll like that."

He agrees and we finally part ways. I grab my stuff from my office and head out the building.

I'm a little late when I get to Lydia's apartment, but not by much. I meet Kate and Joe on the stairs.

"We saw you pull in," Joe says. "We've left the door unlocked for you."

"Thanks. How is she?"

Kate places her hand on my arm, "She's working, which is good. She's focused on that mostly but I think she's better. Keep her breathing for me, Cal."

No pressure then, "Gotcha."

I take the steps two at a time up to her apartment, and let myself in. I find her in the lounge, curled up on the sofa with her laptop on her knee. Her glasses are perched at the end of her nose, her tongue sticking out ever so slightly. She hasn't heard me come in so I take the time to watch her. Lydia becomes someone else when she's working. Her concentration hard lines to her laptop and she forgets everything else. I don't know much about what she does, but I know it has something to do with websites. She taps the hands-free device on her ear and begins to talk.