Beyond the Blue Moon (Forest Kingdom Novels) (3 page)

“All ghosts rattle chains,” said Hawk. “It’s expected. It’s—”

“Traditional, yes, I know.”

They advanced unhurriedly on the sheeted figure. It made a low moaning noise that would have raised the hackles on anyone else’s neck, and rattled the length of chain noisily.

“Nice try,” said Hawk. “Are you frightened yet, Fisher?”

“Not in the least. You?”

“Not even close.”

“Good,” said Fisher. “Let’s see if it’s got anything else under that sheet that I can crush in my hand.”

The sheeted figure started to back away. Hawk and Fisher increased their pace. The sheeted figure turned to run, dropping its steel chain, which vanished before it hit the carpet. Hawk grabbed one edge of the bloodstained sheet and whipped it away, revealing a skeleton, which spun round unsteadily before coming to a halt. The skull chattered its teeth menacingly at Hawk and Fisher, then reached out with its bony hands. Hawk and Fisher hit the skeleton simultaneously with axe and sword, and after a few hurried and very violent moments, nothing remained of the skeleton but a pile of broken and splintered bones on the carpet. Hawk kicked at a few with his boot. Far away, something was swearing loudly. Hawk sniggered. Fisher looked around hopefully for something else to hit. The bones disappeared, along with the autopsy sheet Hawk had pulled off.

“You know, this is getting to be fun,” said Hawk. “I wonder what he’ll come up with next?”

“Something quaint and archaic, no doubt,” said Fisher. “This Appleton Hartley must have read the same Gothic romances as you. Maybe he’ll come in as a nun next. Nuns are big in haunted palaces and the like.”

“A cross-dressing ghost? I think he’s got enough problems as it is.”

One by one the lights began to go out. The blue flames of the gas jets died away to nothing, and the few lit candles sputtered out. A heavy gloom filled the parlor like a dark tide. The only illumination now came from the streetlights outside the sole window, and even that was slowly fading, as though something were blocking it out. Hawk and Fisher moved close together.

“Everyone’s afraid of something,” said Fisher. “And you and I have good reason to be scared of the dark.”

“That was the Darkwood,” said Hawk. “This is nothing compared to the long night.” But his voice didn’t sound as sure as his words. Some things could never be entirely forgotten.

“It’s getting really dark, Hawk. No light anywhere.”

“Put the lights back on, or I’m going to set fire to something,” said Hawk loudly. “I mean it.”

“He really does,” warned Fisher. “And some of that furniture looks quite expensive, and very easy to set fire to.”

“I’ll burn your whole damned house down, if I have to,” said Hawk, his voice calm and certain again.

There was a pause, and then the gas lights flared up again, and the light in the parlor returned to normal. Hawk and Fisher breathed a little more easily.

“I thought so,” said Hawk. “This house was Appleton Hartley’s pride and joy; you only have to look at it to see that. He filled it with every expensive piece of bric-a-brac that took his fancy. He’s been defending his home against the dreaded Leonard and Mavis, and their attempts to tear it apart in search of the missing money. He couldn’t risk us damaging it.”

“Fine,” said Fisher. “Nicely reasoned, as always. What do we do now?”

“I think it’s time we all sat down and had a little chat,” said Hawk. “Appleton Hartley! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Or we’ll think of some really destructive things to do to your furnishings and fittings.”

The ghost of Appleton Hartley walked in through the open door, his head tucked under his arm. It would have looked quite impressive, if the head hadn’t had to squint its eyes to see where it was going. Apparently the viewpoint from hip level was disconcerting him. The late Appleton Hartley was wearing the best Sunday suit he’d been buried in, and it didn’t fit him any better now that he was dead than it had while he was alive. The headless body lurched to a halt before the somewhat bemused Hawk and Fisher, and the head’s face looked briefly seasick.

“This is my house,” said the head in a high and somewhat reedy voice. “And you are both trespassing! Leave my property immediately or face my terrible wrath. My righteous anger shall be unconstrained, so flee now while you still can. Or face my fury from beyond the grave!”

“How the hell is he talking like that?” said Hawk. “I mean, his voice box is still in his throat, isn’t it? And even if it isn’t, how are the lungs getting any air to it?”

“Maybe there’s some kind of ectoplasmic connection that we can’t see,” said Fisher. “That would account for the hand and the eyeballs. Then again, his chest isn’t moving, which would suggest he isn’t using his lungs—”

“What’s that?” said the head sharply. “Speak up! Don’t mumble, dammit!”

“We are not mumbling,” said Hawk. “It’s just that you have an arm covering one ear and the other is pressed against your chest. I’m surprised you can hear anything.”

“Oh. Yes. Right.” The head frowned as Appleton considered the matter. “I’m rather new at all this, actually.”

“Get away,” said Fisher.

Hartley’s body juggled his head out from under his armpit, and held it forward with both hands, like an offering. Unfortunately, the splayed fingers of the supporting hands now covered the eyes. The mouth swore indistinctly, the fingers fumbled for a better hold, and the head slipped through both hands and crashed to the floor. There was a solid-sounding thud as the head bounced, and all three of them winced. The body stumbled forward, reaching down blindly with its hands, and one foot caught the head and kicked it across the floor.

“Oh, go and help him, Hawk,” said Fisher. “We’ll be here all bloody night otherwise.”

Hawk sighed, pushed past the headless body, and strode over to the detached head. It looked up at him imploringly, and tried an ingratiating smile. Hawk sighed and picked up the head by one ear. He gave the grimacing head back to its body, which grabbed it firmly with both hands, and immediately poked itself in one eye. Hawk and Fisher looked at each other and got the giggles. Hartley’s head glared at them and stuck out its lower lip sulkily. Hawk had to bite his own lip to keep from laughing. Fisher turned away, her shoulders heaving.

“Put your head back on your neck, Hartley,” said Hawk. “Please.”

The ghost did so, head and neck rejoining with no trace of a seam. Hawk indicated to Fisher that it was safe for her to turn back, and they studied the reassembled Appleton Hartley standing somewhat uncertainly before them. He appeared to be solid enough, if you overlooked that somehow he’d managed to get his left ear on back to front. Hawk decided he wouldn’t point it out.

“Go ahead,” said the ghost. “Laugh it up. You think it’s easy being a ghost? The condition doesn’t exactly come with an instructional pamphlet, you know. I haven’t even figured out how to walk through walls yet. And you have to concentrate on your shape every minute, or you start losing track of the details. So embarrassing. It’s not easy being dead, you know. Who are you anyway, and what are you doing in my house?”

“First, we are Captains Hawk and Fisher of the city Guard,” said Hawk. “And second, this house now belongs to Leonard and Mavis Hartley. You left it to them, remember?”

“They don’t deserve my house,” said Appleton Hartley. “My lovely house. They don’t appreciate it. Have you seen what they’ve been doing? Vandals! And what do you plan to do, Captains? Arrest me? The law only applies to the living. And you can’t exorcise me, because I’m not at all religious.”

Fisher frowned. “Hold everything. You mean you don’t believe in life after death?”

The ghost hesitated. “All right, I’ll admit I’m still a little shaky on that bit—”

“What are you doing here?” asked Hawk, pulling the conversation back onto safer ground. “This
was
your house, but you willed it to Leonard and Mavis.”

“Only because there was no one else. Bunch of freeloaders. Never wanted to know me when I was alive. Didn’t even wait till I was cold in my coffin before they were in here tearing up the floorboards and turning the place upside down. This is my house, my home, and I’m not leaving. Don’t I have any rights?”

“Well, no, not really,” said Hawk. “You’re dead. You’re supposed to … move on, leave material things behind.”

“And leave my lovely house in the hands of these philistines? Never! If I can’t take it with me, I’m not going. Here I am and here I stay. We’ll see who weakens first.”

“Get his family in here,” said Hawk to Fisher. “Maybe we can bash out some kind of compromise.”

“I wouldn’t put money on it,” said Fisher, heading for the door. She walked right through the ghost, just to remind him who was in charge, and Appleton shuddered violently.

“You have no idea how repulsive that is,” said Appleton Hartley.

It took a lot of persuading to get Leonard and Mavis and Francis Hartley to reenter the house, but Fisher could be very persuasive with a sword in her hand, and surprisingly soon, the whole Hartley family, living and deceased, were standing in the main parlor, glaring at each other. Hawk was hard put to decide which side of the family looked more disgusted with the other.

“Some
people have no sense of propriety,” said Mavis loudly. “Hanging around when it’s clear they’re no longer welcome,
haunting
… I don’t know what the neighbors must be thinking. We’ve never had a … revenant in the family before. And after we paid all that money for the funeral, too! Professional mourners, tears on demand, and a real oak coffin. With a velvet lining and real brass handles. Tell him, Leonard!”

“Real brass handles—”

“And the flowers! Do you realize how much wreaths cost these days? I don’t know how they can stand to ask for the money.”

“The professional mourners were good,” said Francis. “Did some lovely keening.”

“You call that racket mourning?” said Appleton heatedly. “You knew very well I wanted to be cremated, with a purely secular ceremony! You didn’t even have them sing my favorite song at the funeral.”

“Certainly not,” said Mavis primly. “It was quite unsuitable for a public ceremony. Nothing more than a drinking song, full of vulgar references to women and … body parts.”

“What’s it like being dead?” Francis asked the ghost wistfully. “I think a lot about being dead.”

“If I had your parents, so would I,” said Appleton. “And if you keep annoying me, boy, I’ll arrange a firsthand experience for you.”

“You see! You see!” Mavis went purple in the face. It suited her. “He’s threatening us now! Do something, Leonard!”

“What the hell am I supposed to do against a ghost?” said Leonard, feeling very definitely put upon.

“Don’t you dare take that tone of voice with me, Leonard Hartley!”

Leonard gave Hawk a long-suffering look, full of pleading, as one married man to another. Hawk sighed and stepped forward.

“Can we at least decide exactly what this argument is about? Why are you so determined to remain in your old house, Appleton, instead of … moving on?”

“Because I spent years getting this place just right, and they’re destroying it!”

“In search of the money you’ve selfishly hidden here!” countered Mavis. “Money that is ours by right!”

“Ah,” said Fisher, finally on familiar ground. “Every time there’s a family argument, you can bet money’s at the bottom of it.”

“When Appleton liquidated his business and took all his money out of the bank, it took two coaches to transfer all the cash here!” said Mavis. “That money is ours, and I want it!”

“You can want all you like,” said Appleton, grinning nastily. “But you won’t get it. Oh, I took hundreds of thousands of ducats out of the bank. A lifetime’s savings. But it’s all gone now. When I found out I was dying, and there was nothing magic or doctors could do to save me, I cashed in everything and spent the lot on wine, women, and song.” The ghost paused to consider. “Well, wine and women, mostly. Had a hell of good time, while it lasted….”

Mavis was finally struck silent. Leonard looked like he might faint. Francis smiled for the first time.

“You crafty bastard,” he said appreciatively. “If only I’d known, I’d have joined you.”

“Francis!” said his mother.

“Should have done it years earlier,” said Appleton. “But I was always too busy running my business. Never married. Never had any fun. But when I knew I was dying, everything was suddenly very clear to me. Why spend your life making money just for some ungrateful relatives to inherit? So I spent all my money on a pre-wake and had the best time I could stand. Toward the end it was a rush as to what would kill me first, the disease or the wine and women.” Appleton sighed happily. “I had more fun dying than I ever did living my old life.”

“There’s no money?” asked Mavis in a broken whisper. “None at all?”

“Well, you might find the odd coin lost down the back of the sofa, but that’s about it. And you needn’t think about selling my house, either. Rather than see you make a penny profit out of dismantling my home, I’ll haunt it till you’re all dead and gone. Think of me as a sitting tenant with a really long lease.”

“You people don’t need an exorcist,” said Fisher. “You need family counseling. And possibly a good slap on the side of all your heads.”

“Right,” said Hawk. “This could drag on for years, except I haven’t got the patience. So this is what we’re going to do. You, Leonard and Mavis, will agree to sell this house to someone who will appreciate and look after it. And you, Appleton, will agree to this, or Fisher and I will burn the whole place down.”

“You wouldn’t!” said Leonard, Mavis, and Appleton together.

“Oh, yes, we would,” said Fisher, and everyone there believed her.

“We are now leaving,” said Hawk. “Sort out the details among yourselves. Only keep the noise down, or we’ll be back.”

“Right,” said Fisher. “And next time we’ll bring a social worker with us.”

“No need to be nasty,” said Hawk.

Sometime later, though not soon enough for either of them, Hawk and Fisher were back on their beat in the North Side. It was still the early hours of the morning, but the streets weren’t really any less crowded now than during the day. In many ways, the North Side really came alive only after all the honest, hardworking souls had turned in and gone to bed, leaving the streets to those who made the real money. You could buy anything in the North Side, if you weren’t too fussy about its provenance. Or the kind of people you had to deal with. Hawk and Fisher strolled casually along, and everyone took pains to avoid their eyes. Businessmen hustled customers into shadowy back alleys, and everyone else suddenly remembered somewhere else they had to get to in a hurry. For their own peace of mind, Hawk and Fisher tended to work on the principle that if they couldn’t see it, it wasn’t happening. Otherwise, they’d never get anything done.