Big Spankable Asses (3 page)

“Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies!” she laughed.

“I don’t believe it! Prove it!” he hissed back over the partition and promptly sat back down when Ms. Hillman came out of her office.

Lilliana dug out her bag from underneath her desk in the cubicle and plopped it into her lap. “I have the proof right here,” she said and rummaged around inside until she came out with a folded piece of paper. She wheeled herself away from her desk and toward Lee’s cubicle and shoved the cut-out to him. “Check it out!” she giggled.

Lee quickly scanned the contents of the ad and raised approving eyes at her. “Oh, snap! You did do it! Girl, I can’t believe it! Oh, how funny, Big Spankable Asses!” he chortled at the words she’d handwritten across the top of the paper. “Did your girlfriends do it as well? I want all the details and don’t leave anything out!” He settled back in his chair with an excited look crossing his handsome face.

“I’ll give you the scoop at lunchtime—right now, give it back! Ms. Hillman is headed this way.” She grabbed the paper and stuffed it into the top drawer of her desk and got busy before their supervisor busted them.

“Fine, but I want all the details!” He went back to work as well, before the woman reached them.

“J
osh, I want you to take the Bradley case over from Ben,” Allen Longmire told his nephew as they left the top floor suite of offices and entered the elevator.

“No problem, Allen. Is Ben okay with that?” Josh asked and punched the elevator button for the third floor.

“He’s
going
to be okay with it.” The way Allen said it left no doubt in Josh’s mind that it wasn’t Ben’s idea to be replaced. “You’ve got a proven track history with these particular investments. Ben’s been fucking up lately and we don’t want to alienate the Bradleys. They bring big money to the firm. We need to keep them happy, and money keeps them happy. Making money keeps everyone involved happy, particularly this firm. You’ll do a great job with it, I have confidence in you, boy.” Allen patted his back as they left the elevator. Josh managed not to grimace at the hearty pat and the way his uncle called him “boy.” At twenty-eight, he’d left boyhood behind a long damn time ago. Actually, since his father left his mother when he was six years old, he hadn’t felt like a boy for what felt like eons.

“That’s fine with me, as long as you let him know it was your idea and not something I approached you with.”

“Of course I will, just leave Ben to me! I’ll take care of it.” His uncle patted him on the back again. “Look, it’s lunchtime, do you want to head down to grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria? I don’t have the time to go anywhere else today.”

“I was thinking the same thing. Let me go back upstairs, I need to grab my wallet.”

“I think I can afford to buy my own nephew a five dollar sandwich,” Allen laughed.

“Yeah, well, I have enough shit to deal with as it is, with some thinking I don’t really belong here. I can buy my own lunch, but thanks, Uncle Allen. Besides, I have an errand to run after lunch and I need my wallet,” Josh hedged.

“Hey, you deserve to be here just like anyone else. Nothing was handed to you. You work damn hard, make more money for this firm than any other senior exec, and to hell with what they think. Your father helped me build this firm and you have the same skill and knack for making money that he did…does.”

“I appreciate the words, but it won’t take long for me to grab my wallet from my office. I’ll meet you down there,” Josh said, avoiding his uncle’s eyes.

“Sure. I’ll meet you down there,” he agreed. Josh caught the flash of
something
in his eyes before he exited the elevator.

Wallet retrieved, Josh waited before he pressed the down button. When the second elevator slid open, he stepped inside and withdrew the badge from the pocket in his jacket.

“I wouldn’t have believed it had I not read it with my own two eyes,” Lee said around a mouthful of tunafish salad he was trying to swallow.

“Well…I’m not all that sure I believe it myself and I took the ad out!”

“But you’re going through with it,
si
?”

“You mean if someone actually guesses the right answer? Yeah, I think so,” Lilliana said and laughed. “But what’s the likelihood of that?”

“You mean of someone coming up with the right reply?”

Lilliana paused to take a sip her of green tea and answered after she swallowed. “I mean…who would guess?”

“Girl, you been away from Chi-town
way
too long! We got some serious freaks here too, just like Cali!”

“What? What do you mean, freaks here like in Cali?” she spit his words back to him.

“I don’t know—I guess I would say don’t be surprised if
somebody
guesses what B.S.A. stands for…or comes damn close. We’ve got some folks into the whole spanking thing, on the down low for real, chica,” he laughed.

“What do you mean? And why are they on the down low?”

Lee looked over the top of his slushy at her like she was crazy, and suddenly Lilliana felt just as crazy as she must look. “Lee! I’m serious! What is it?”

“Girl, I thought you were into the whole
tie me up, spank my ass and slap a collar on me while you’re at it
scene!” he said in a low voice.

“What?” she said and nearly choked on her tea.

Lee looked around as though he were making sure that no one was listening to them and leaned across the small table. “I just assumed from the ad that you were into spankings…maybe a little S&M too.”

“No, I’m not! Why would you think that?” Lilliana knew her voice was way too high and squeaky when several pairs of eyes turned in her direction in curiosity, but she ignored their looks and allowed her gaze to stay trained on Lee.

“Okay, for one, I thought you were into it because you took a frickin’ ad out asking for a man who knew how to spank your ass! And another…well who the hell takes an ad out asking a man to tap that ass if she didn’t want her ass tapped?”

“Tapped and hit are two different things! I don’t want some man hitting me! I just left one who did that to me! Why in hell would I willingly ask someone to hit me?”

“Hitting and spanking are two different things, chica! Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”

“What? You’ve done it? Let a man hit you?” Although the idea of allowing a man to willingly put his hands on her was abhorrent to Lilly, she found herself curious as to what Lee would say.

“Not
hit
me, Lilly…
spank
me. Two totally different things,” he told her with a smile. “Girl, no one’s ever introduced you to the sweetness of submission?” Lee laughed coyly and when she shook her head he looked around again, as though someone was trying to listen to their conversation. “Well, let me be the first to tell you. With the right person, it’s a feeling like no other.”

“Really?” Lilly asked in a hushed tone, completely forgetting to eat the spaghetti smothered in marinara sauce that she loved as Lee filled her in, with graphic details, on what he called the sweet side of submission.

“Honey, yes. A nice firm but soft hand, applying just the right amount of sting…chica, ummm…it’s off the chain.” He smiled what she thought was a very happy, reminiscing grin.

“It has to be with the right man. You’ve got to trust him, trust that he won’t hurt you,” he told her thoughtfully as he continued to eat. “Have some candles burning, some Hennessy, maybe a little Luther or Usher playing in the background, and a big beautiful naked man, hard and ready to lay it on you!” he laughed.

The handsome blond guy she’d seen on the elevator instantly sprang to Lilliana’s mind. She had no problem imagining how good he’d look, butt naked and standing tall, hard, and ready to give her what she needed.

“Tell me more and don’t leave out a thing,” she demanded, fascinated, wondering how it could possibly feel good to be totally at the mercy of a man’s hands during lovemaking, and enjoy it.

“Anything I can do for you, Mr. Longmire?” Josh nearly jumped out of his skin when the supervisor tapped him on the shoulder and asked the question.

He turned and barely kept the smile on his face when his eyes came into direct contact with Ms. Hillman. He struggled to keep a straight face as he stared at the floor supervisor’s obvious mustache.

“No ma’am, I was, um, just looking for someone.” Josh had no idea why he stammered, but there was something about the older woman that made him feel all of twelve years old with his hand caught in the proverbial cookie jar.

“Tell me who it is. I’m sure I can help you. Everyone has gone to lunch but I can show you to the cubicle of the person you’re searching for. Is there something I can help you out with?” She smiled, showing all twenty-eight of her slightly protruding teeth.

“Thanks, Ms. Hillman. It’s really not a problem—well, if you could show me where Lilliana Michaels’s cubicle is, I can take it from there.”

“Is there a problem? Did she do something?” There was a look of anticipatory glee on the woman’s face that Josh didn’t find particularly attractive.

“No, actually she dropped something and I simply want to return it to her.”

“Oh, well she’s out to lunch with that
friend
of hers, Lee Gutierrez. Her cubicle is down that aisle, second to last one on the right,” she said, pointing. “But I can return it, sir. No problem.”

“Thanks, but I’ll do it.” Josh was relieved when her phone rang and the woman left to answer. He quickly walked down the aisle as she went inside her office and closed the door to answer the call.

When he located Lilliana’s desk he smiled, noting the scattering of framed self-affirmations on her desk. She was obviously into the positive-thinking craze. He placed her name tag on her desk and was turning to leave when he noticed a crumpled piece of paper lying on the floor, slightly underneath the corner of her desk. As he bent down to retrieve the paper, it occurred to him that the woman sure had a habit of dropping things.

When he was about to place the paper on her desk, he glimpsed three words on it that got his attention, big-time. Damn. What in the world? Feeling like a snoop, he opened the crumpled-up paper and quickly scanned the contents.

She’d written in a flowing script at the bottom of the page the words
Big Spankable Ass
, and Josh almost choked. Oh my God. This was way too good. Damn.

She’d written the answer at the bottom of the slip of paper, but the ad itself didn’t have the answer. The ad had been placed in the
Reader
, Chicago’s free popular weekly periodical. He looked at the date and realized that either she’d just put it in today, or it had appeared in a previous week, as the
Reader
only came out on Thursday and today was Thursday. He took note of the e-mail address, folded the ad, and placed it on her desk.

He looked around to see if anyone saw him and left the office. If the administrative assistant wanted her pretty brown tush spanked, well, Josh was just the man to do it. He laughed outright in a purely male chuckle as he made haste back to his office and his computer.

T
he walk home after she’d exited the bus was only two blocks and Lilly felt safe in the upper-end neighborhood walking in the light dusk of early evening. She counted herself blessed that she’d secured the cottage that she lived in and knew that she owed Melinda a serious debt of gratitude for finding the affordable little house for her.

As Lilliana walked the small distance she had time to think back on her very…enlightening…conversation with Lee and laughed.

When Lilliana had placed the ad, she hadn’t given it as much thought as she obviously should have. What in the world had Simone been thinking when she told them all to ask a man to figure out the acronym for Big Spankable Ass in an ad? Hmmm. Maybe Simone was doing some freaky shit herself on the down low, Lilliana thought.

She reached her small home, opened the door and walked inside. Once in, Lilliana let out a deep breath, kicked off her shoes, and tossed her bag on the chintz-covered sofa that she’d carefully reupholstered and glanced around.

The cottage wasn’t large, but it was perfect for her. The living area was large and airy and opened up into a sizable bedroom. She’d separated the two rooms with large bamboo screens that she’d found at a flea market, and set side by side. She loved the ambiance she’d created throughout with her other unique finds.

She and her girls, Simone and Melinda, had spent a weekend sanding and refinishing her tables and whatnot stands, despite the occasional good-natured grumbles, usually from Simone, about messing up manicures and causing calluses. They’d helped her to make the cottage feel like home. The only things not donated or bought used were her mattress and her laptop.

With a happy sigh, she padded barefoot to the kitchen to search for something to eat. She opened the refrigerator and took out the pan of enchiladas she’d made two nights ago and popped them into the microwave and set the timer.

As she waited for them to heat, she checked her voicemail and laughed as Simone’s voice came on, complaining about one of her employees, whose behind she was about to kick to the curb if she came in
one
more time smelling like weed and fried chicken.

The microwave dinged and she took out her dinner and blew on it as she walked though to her bedroom, where she had her laptop connected to the Internet sitting on the small desk in the corner of the room.

She sat down, placed the plate of food near the keyboard and logged on, then reached out to pick up the remote control to her small stereo system and hit the play button. The crooning, NuSoul sound of India. Aire came wafting out of the speakers.

Lilliana bounced her butt in her seat and sang off-key along with the singer as she listened to the music and waited. She wished she could afford to get the high speed connection the cable company offered, but she’d have to wait until her money wasn’t so funny before she could afford to do that.

“Let’s see what’s going on in the world,” she mumbled out loud as her home page filled the screen.

She read the headlines until she noticed the small envelope icon in the corner that notified her that she had e-mail. She clicked on it and saw a handful of e-mails that had come in response to the ad and felt nervous excitement pool in her gut. She’d created a second e-mail name, solely for the ad, that would redirect to her main e-mail address.

She clicked on the first e-mail from mrbiggs@biggiesworld. com. What the…?

Lilliana was almost scared to see what Mr. Biggs’ answer would be. Any man that had to
tell
you he was Mr. Biggs, she’d lay odds he wasn’t all that big in the places he wanted you to think he was.

By the time Lilliana read the last line she was laughing so hard she almost fell out of her chair. “Oh no, the hell he didn’t! Oh my God. Black
Smelly
Ass and I’m ripe for him?” But hell, it wasn’t any worse than what she, Melinda and Simone had come up with! Lord have mercy.

Okay, one down, two more to go. She opened the next e-mail. This one sounded halfway normal. At least he had a nice screen name, she thought—until she opened up the e-mail and got seriously confused reading the message.

Hello, Ma’am. My name is Clarence John, but my friends call me C.J. I’m hoping that you and I can become friends!

“Ooh, isn’t that nice?” Lilliana carefully bit into her enchilada and continued to read.

The minute I read your ad in the personal, I knew I had to answer! I, too, am a Boy Scout of America and was
thrilled
when I saw this ad!

What the…

Now, I’m not sure what you want me to do, but ma’am, I’m up for the challenge. The Scout’s motto is to be prepared at all times for all things! I’ve been a member of the Scouts for over thirty years and I’ve lived this motto for just as long!

“Okaaay…”

I’ve got some nice new rope and know just how to use it! My last one got really frayed with my ex-girlfriend. If only she’d just sat still! Anyway, recently, as a senior scout leader, I’ve learned a variety of new knots that I’d love to try on you guaranteed that you wouldn’t be able to escape from! I also have some really good, secure hand and mouth restraints, ball gag, the works, that I’d love to put on you!

“Oh no the hell you won’t, you damn freak.” Lilliana deleted the message so fast she almost hurt herself. “I don’t know if I should laugh or call the damn cops on his strange behind!” When she saw that there was one more message she almost deleted it without looking at it. “Oh, well, it’ll be good for a laugh anyway…or a good long cry.”

This one had a normal e-mail address so that was one point in his favor. She reluctantly opened the e-mail, almost afraid to read what this one had to say.

Hello, Miss. I’m not quite sure how to start this. In fact I have to admit that I feel a little silly.

Lilliana chewed her food thoughtfully, swallowed and continued reading.

To be honest, I wouldn’t have ever come across this ad had it not been by pure chance. But since I’m a man who believes in chance and destiny and star-crossed lovers…

Lilliana laughed out loud at that part.

That was the part that you were supposed to laugh at, ha ha.

She laughed again.

I knew I had to answer the ad. I’m a normal guy. At least my mother says I am. I’m six foot, two and a half inches. (I claim the half inch because I have three older brothers who beat the crap out of me growing up and the half inch gave me the edge a few times.) I have a pretty good job doing what I like to do, make money.

Hmmm, nothing wrong with that!

I like to read, like to collect miniatures…oh hell. I probably shouldn’t have written that. Now you probably think I’m gay, huh? Strike that. I collect fifties sitcom memorabilia…Damn! That was the wrong answer too, I can
feel
you laughing!

Lilliana was laughing so hard, her side hurt.

I work out and go to all sporting events, particularly world wrestling matches, like to go boating and fishing, among other manly pursuits—how about that? Is that better?

“Loads!” Lilliana said out loud and laughed when she read the next line.

Yeah, I thought so too! As I was saying…I found your ad purely by accident and was intrigued. I would love to meet you. But according to your ad, I have to figure out what BSA stands for, right?

Heck, even if he guessed wrong, at this point Lilliana was willing to overlook that part, this one sounded like a winner. She was left with her mouth wide open as she finished reading the e-mail.

At first I thought…hmmm? What could it be? Bright Shiny Apples? Then I thought that didn’t make any sense! Okay how about Big Sweet Apples? No? What about Bodacious Succulent Apples? Oh hell. Why did I try and figure this out on an empty stomach? Well, let me go out on a limb here…Big Spankable Ass? If any of the answers are correct call me. My phone number is 555-0860. But even if I’m wrong, call me. Please:)

~Josh

Oh my. He’d answered right. Lilliana had been so busy cracking up at his apple answers that she was totally left speechless when she read the right answer. How in the world did he guess? Her lunchtime conversation with Lee surfaced in her mind and she remembered him saying how many folks were into spankings in Chicago! Was this Josh one of them? How else would he have come up with big spankable ass?

She logged off the ’net but not before she’d jotted down his phone number. She quickly went to her side table, picked up the cordless phone, and punched in his phone number, not wanting to give herself time to think and chicken out. Yes, he’d find out her number if he had caller ID, but nothing else, no address or anything like that. She couldn’t be found in the reverse directory. As the phone rang, the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach increased to the point that she felt physically sick and was tempted to hang the phone up and forget the whole thing until she heard a deep voice answer.

“Hello, this is Josh. I’m not in at the moment. Leave a message. Thanks!”

She almost laughed out loud in relief. Okay, so it wasn’t meant to be. No way was she going to leave a message. She hung up the phone. The sick feeling in her stomach receded as she lay back against the pillows on her bed.

She turned and curled around the soft body pillow and looked out the large window in her bedroom. What in the world had convinced her to take out that ad in the first place? Loneliness and stupidity were an ugly combination.

She stared out the window, at the pretty lit-up garden in the backyard of the mansion that the cottage belonged to. A lone tear escaped and fell down her cheek. Lilliana smiled a small half-smile and closed her eyes and eventually fell asleep.