Authors: Jordan Silver
I’d read more than just the news reports on him and his motorcycle crew, and some of them had claimed that he was all but tempting the law to lock him away and throw away the key. I didn’t want that at all. And as much as he’d taken her word over the years, I never doubted for a second that if he ever knew the truth he’d go after her.
His eyes were staring back at me in the dark and I held my breath in waiting. Will he roll over and go to sleep? Or will he dig? I didn’t have long to wonder when he sat up and turned on the light. I wasn’t sure I was ready for this. All I wanted was to be away from my home for good, never to return if I could help it. If he gave me that I would forgive him for every time he’d not listened to me.
I sighed as if tired and closed my eyes, feigning sleep. I remembered to slow my breathing like I did when asleep. My heart was about to give me away though because it was beating so fast and so hard I was pretty sure he could hear it from the other bed. I was tempted to open my eyes to see, but I could almost feel his stare.
He hit the light and I breathed that much easier again and felt my muscles relax and my heart calm a little. Better be more careful in the future don’t want to give him any reason at all to have any doubts about taking me home with him.
The thought made my tummy cramp and I was back to feeling lost and alone. I wanted so much to enjoy this time with him, this new experience. But the fear of what came next was almost too much.
What if I mess up really bad this time and he leaves for good this time? What if I do something that makes him think I wasn’t worth the trouble? That’s one of the things aunt Dee had always drilled into my head. How I should be careful, and not whine to him about every little thing.
At the time I believed her judgment that he’d wash his hands of me if I were to do that. He didn’t really owe me anything after all, and she was my blood. He could easily just forget the promise he’d made to a stupid nobody little kid like myself who he didn’t even know.
Could she be right? it was hard to tell because he’d always treated me like I mattered. But he’d been gone for so long this last time I wasn’t sure that there wasn’t some truth to what she’d said. So maybe yeah, maybe I have to be more careful. I was back to being scared again, the sweet feelings that the memories evoked gone again.
***
Creed
What the fuck noise was that she’d made in her sleep? Sounded like she was severely hurt. She said she was fine but I still kept my eyes on her. That’s how I knew that she’d conned me the first time, she’d never been asleep.
Now I’m a pro at this shit, I did it for a fucking living. It’s one of the ways you survive in the thick of shit. So why would a young girl without a care in the world need to learn how to regulate her breathing to fool anyone that she was out?
The answer had me jackknifing in the bed and hitting the light next to my bed. “Sit up, I know you’re not sleeping.” I hated that fucking wary look she gave me like she was expecting me to hit her or some other foul shit. I studied her bent head for the longest while as I tried to put my thoughts in order.
This wasn’t the easiest fucking thing to discuss for me so I know it was shit for her. But if the fuckery was gonna be fucking with her all night so she can’t sleep, it was best I get the shit over with now. “I want to know about Sal, everything.” My gut twisted and I clenched my fists in preparation for what came next.
Oh yeah he’s fucked. The look that just came into my babygirl’s eyes, said it all. She started to tear up and look distressed, but there was no turning back. “Tell me.” For the first time in her life she shook her head no at me. I didn’t like it, didn’t know I’d have such a strong reaction to it either.
“What?” I tried keeping the sting out of the one word but I did a piss poor job of it. She almost jumped out of her skin but I wasn’t about to apologize. It was best she know now that that shit was a big fucking no-no. “I asked you a question, I expect an answer, don’t ever tell me no again.” Are you trying to help her or scare the fuck out of her asshole?
Funny, I’ve helped my fair share of young girls and some not so young in the years since I’d been stateside. Heard the word no in different variations more than once. I don’t recall ever having this kind of reaction to it. I literally wanted to force the issue, wanted to make her tell me what I wanted to know.
If she could draw that shit out of me for something as little as this, who knows what life was going to be like. I’d probably tan her ass for looking at me sideways. And why the fuck did that shit make my dick hard?
“But you’ll blame me and you’ll leave…” Her voice brought me back from the brink.
“What the fuck?” Is that what she thinks of me? That if she tells me what happened to her that I’d somehow blame her leave her?
Aren’t you the one who left her with them for the past two and a half years, what the fuck do you expect her to think? Fuck, now I’d sworn in front of her, something I never do.
That was a hard fucking blow though, but no more than I deserved. She refused to look at me after that and it was all I could do not to go to her. I wouldn’t risk that shit, not with her being so vulnerable, shit might get out of hand. Instead I asked her to look at me again.
“I’m sorry I gave you the impression that you mean so little to me. I know in the past I listened to others, but that’s only because I didn’t know, I thought…it doesn’t matter what I thought, all that matters is right now.
I need to know what happened from the time I took you there when you were twelve until last night when I took you out of there. Don’t leave anything out, even if you think I might become upset.”
“But you know all of it, aunt Dee said. She always said she told you stuff and you always agreed with her.” I’m gonna fuck that female up no fucking joke. I had to struggle really hard not to show her any of what was in me because she wouldn’t be scared anymore; she’d be fucking terrified.
“I don’t expect you to believe me, no scratch that, I do expect you to believe me. I’ve never lied to you, I might’ve been a blind fool, but I never have and never will be anything but honest with you.” I was trying hard as fuck not to cuss in front of her. For some reason I’ve never been able to, she’s too fucking pure for that shit, but it was touch and go dealing with this fuckery.
She finally got down to telling me all that had been going on in her life since the first day I took her to her aunt, with the one little overnight bag I’d found her back then, with the new clothes I’d bought her after throwing away the rags she’d owned.
It was because of those rags that I’d given her aunt a very large clothing allowance for her every year, especially for school clothes. Because I remembered how it was being the poor kid in school and the shit the other kids put me through, I didn’t want any of that for her.
Hearing her tell how her aunt would go to the Salvation Army and get her the leftovers made my eyes burn. Hearing about how the games and shit I’d bought her had been sold to buy shit for Sal made me commit murder in my mind a thousand times.
Instead of the privileged childhood I’d paid out the ass for, she’d had quite the opposite. While I’d been patting myself on the back thinking of the great job I was doing providing for her, she was being neglected and abused.
I let her words wash over me, tasting the bitter regret in my lungs as I called myself ten kinds of fool.
I could blame the aunt but in the end it was all on me. It hurt like fuck to know that I’d had a hand in that shit, all I could do was promise myself that from here on out, her life was going to be as close to perfect as I can get it. She seemed to sense my turmoil and her voice trailed off. “Finish it.”
She shared some more of her aunt’s fucked up maternal skills which were nonexistent, and then she came to this latest fuckery. As I sat there and listened to how he started coming into her room and standing over her in the dark, before it graduated to him touching her ankles up to her thighs, which caused her to live in terror, it was all I could do not to jump from the bed and go do him now.
I was afraid I was going to break one more silent promise to her before the dawn. I listened with a growing rage just being held in check as she described his fucking perversion the sick twisted walking dead fuck.
She was such an innocent still, that she had no idea what she was describing when she told me about the strange breathing and the wetness on her tummy after he’d lifted her sleep top and she’d laid there in stark fear pretending sleep.
That had been two nights ago, the fucker had been escalating. I’d gotten there in the knick of time. I broke out in a cold sweat when I thought of what could’ve happened had I not gotten that call when I did.
When she started shaking hard enough that I could hear it from where I sat, I knew that I had to go to her. There was no more danger of me fucking her tonight. Her little story of near rape had squelched that shit for the time being.
I had a hard-on for something else now. It had been a long time since I’d capped an asshole. Whether on foreign or domestic soil, I have no problem pulling the trigger. This one was gonna take some careful planning though.
I laid on the bed next to her and pulled her down into my arms, holding her close until she got over the shakes. When I felt her relax a little I was able to breathe easy again.
“You’re okay babygirl, you’re going to always be okay from now on. I’m sorry that happened to you, sorry I wasn’t there to protect you, that’s on me not you. Look at me.” I lifted her chin with my finger so that I could look into her face.
“None of this was your fault do you hear me? Nod your head so I know you hear me.” I waited for her to acquiesce before going on. “Tell me you believe me.” Her little voice assured me that she did. “I believe you.” I pulled her into my chest and tried to show her with that one touch just how fucking special she was.
It was almost surreal to be here with her like this finally. I inhaled her scent thinking she was safe enough, what with the conversation being what it is.
Big fucking mistake. My dick perked right the fuck back up at the first whiff. She was cuddle soft and sweet, a very dangerous combination right now. I was like a fucking deer in headlights.
I couldn’t very well jump out the bed and run, but I couldn’t let her feel my need either, not after the story she’d just told. She’d probably think I was the worse kind of asshole.
I tried breathing exercises, counting fucking sheep, everything I could think of to take down the swelling in my too tight jeans, but nothing worked.
I wanted her and I wanted her now. It was only years of discipline that kept me from turning her to her back and sliding in between her thighs. She had no idea the whole time of the war that was going on within me as she rested against my chest.
I let my mind drift, anywhere but here and now. I mulled over what I had to do next to make up for the complete fucking mess I’d made of things.
The one good thing was that she still seemed pretty well rounded and sweet as fuck even after all that she’d endured. I was going to do everything in my power to erase the ugliness from her memory, but there was no way I was ever gonna forget.
I didn’t let my mind dwell on what she’d told me, I couldn’t lose my shit in front of her. I never wanted her to fear me and I know me in a rage was sure to do that.
I kept my lower body well away from her even as I held her in my arms, because contrary to what I’d thought when I came over here, her nearness alone was enough to leave me hard as fuck.
I didn’t ask her anything more, just held her until she calmed down and dropped off. I didn’t want to move, she felt so right there in my arms, just like I knew she would. I kissed her hair, I figured I could give myself at least that much, and she sighed and snuggled closer.
Creed
I listened to the rhythm of her breathing until it evened out in sleep. A quick look at my watch told me that it was already close to three in the morning. She had to be tired so that should give me a solid five to do what I had to do.
It had taken me longer to get here because she was on the back of my ride, but if I make the trip solo it would take me half the time. Back and forth, in and out, this shit could not wait.
I made doubly sure that she was out, left a message just in case she woke up before I got back, secured the door and headed out. No one was getting past that door I made sure of that shit.
I hadn’t planned on doing this now, had thought I’d put some more distance between us, get the whole story shit like that. But what she’d shared with me tonight was more than enough.
My crew will pitch a fit when they find out I’d done something on my own, they’ve become over protective old women lately. Like they think success had broken my teeth and turned me into a fat cat with no more spine.
Then again that can’t be true, they know I still fuck shit up, but they like to think they’re protecting me. My fucking entourage!
I should probably call Law as backup, but somehow that wouldn’t be the same. I needed to do this on my own, needed the satisfaction of seeing their fear, and being the one to exact vengeance for what they’d done to me and mine.
I could hear her little voice and see her body tremble as she relived the horror of that disgusting fuck standing over her pulling his fucking plug. I’ma give that fat fuck something to pull on. A fucking stub!
***
I ate up the distance between us, making it in half the time. The streets tend to be empty at fuck this shit o’clock in the morning; people got shit to do when the sun comes up.
It was just me the open road and my thoughts. I had to talk myself out of killing them both once I got there, but I couldn’t see doing that shit while she was in a hotel room all vulnerable and shit. I couldn’t take the chance of backlash; nothing was going to come between me, and her.
When I do them there won’t be a fucking whiff of my scent anywhere near. With that shit finally set firmly in my head I was able to think clearly again. I might not be able to end the disgusting fuck, but I was gonna make him sorry he’d ever even had the fucking thought to touch her, the fuck.
I killed the lights and the engine a little ways down from the house and walked in. The lights were out but he hadn’t gone anywhere, the pieces of his ride had been picked up and laid up against the garage.
I made sure to keep to the shadows just in case some enterprising night owl was lurking about as I headed for the backdoor.
I made quick work of picking the lock and eased my way in, heading straight for their room. It registered that I’d never really paid much attention to the place before, but at least I knew the layout.
It was easy enough to see his lump under the covers in the moonlight. I made my way to his side of the bed and just stood over him, letting the hate fester. The pig was snoring loud enough to wake the neighbors so I was pretty sure if he stopped she’d notice.
Fine! I moved over to her and wrapped my hand around her neck and one over her mouth. She startled awake but I was prepared. “You got off easy.” I put her to sleep and went back around to him.
“Wake up asshole.” I punched him in the face to get his attention. He jumped up screaming about his face and I pulled him around by his ponytail.
“You jacked off on her you sick fuck?” I reached down between his legs and found his dick through his pajamas. You ever heard a hog squeal when it’s being stuck with a knife? That’s the sound he made when I twisted his shit until it was left hanging. He blacked out from the pain but I wasn’t done yet.
I went to work on his ass, not enough to kill, but enough that he’d remember me everyday for the rest of his life. I stopped short of cutting his dick off and stuffing it in her fucking mouth, which was my first choice. It was enough to know that he wouldn’t be getting any use out of the shit ever again in this lifetime.
When I was done with him I went over to her next. It wasn’t my style to lay hands on a female, but I stood over her prone form for the longest three minutes of my life thinking of ways to make her pay.
I recalled every word Jessie had said to me in that dark room earlier. All the times this bitch had put her down or belittled her. She may not have put it together yet; she was too innocent by far so her mind didn’t work that way. Me on the other hand, I knew exactly what was going on with this bitch.
I headed downstairs to the kitchen and straight to the butcher block before retracing my steps. Up in their room I picked her head up off the pillow and jacked into her hair with the knife in my hand. When I was done she barely had enough fuzz on her head to escape being bald.
Next I went through the house looking for anything that could be of use to babygirl, like mementos of her mom or some shit. There was nothing of her anywhere downstairs. How had I missed that shit before? Always too focused on her back then I guess.
Upstairs her room was a stark four walls. Looked like something you’d find in a convent. Nothing of the things I’d worked hard to provide her with was here. It made me pissed the fuck all over and it was only because she needed me that I didn’t give free reign to the anger that coursed through my veins.
I was tempted to light the shit after I packed up what little she’d left behind. I left all the second hand shit the bitch had bought and headed out. They may or may not call the cops but I wasn’t too worried. If he did, then he’d have to explain why I’d rung his dick off at the root.
I was sure I would be seeing him again, the crew he ran with was known for their retaliations, not that I give a fuck; I relish the chance to end his ass, but on my terms and not with her caught in the middle.
I gave the place one last look, bemoaning the fact that I couldn’t end it all right here and now, but their day will come. I’ll see to it.
***
I made good time getting back to her and found her still asleep all curled up like an innocent. I’d never seen her like this before, and I took the time to really study her without interruption.
Her face was soft in sleep, her dark tendrils framing her beauty in the stark waning moonlight that came through the window. “So gorgeous babygirl.” I whispered the words in the dark as I sucked her in.
My heart literally moved in my chest at her incomparable beauty. Could this really be all mine? Could I really have lucked out after a lifetime of nothing?
When I look back on my fucked up beginnings I don’t see this, how could I? Born in less than stellar surroundings, to a woman that could barely take care of herself because of the ounce a day habit that she had to sell her body to afford. And most likely to one of the men she’d sold herself to, I never stood a chance.
I was shifted from foster home to foster home where I had to learn survival skills even before I could walk. By the age of five I knew how to fight off predators, how to hide at night when the sun went down.
As soon as I could I hit the streets, but even then I always wanted better. Couldn’t see it, but wanted it nonetheless. When I was sixteen it was an old bum who lived under the same bridge I had chosen to call my home for the summer who had taken an interest in my wellbeing.
He was an old army vet who still had connections, or so he said. I didn’t believe shit the old man said. Why would anyone with so-called connections be living under a bridge?
No I just thought he was a lonely old man full of tales. Since he was no threat to me because at that age I was already well on my way to my six-four height, I listened to his tales, thinking nothing of them.
Until one day he brought someone to see me. An old buddy of his who promised to get me into some program or the other if I would enlist when the time came. All I had to do was stay in school and keep out of trouble.
Since the only trouble I ever found was when someone fucked with me that was easy. Even though I was skeptical as fuck at first, I’d gone for it and never looked back.
I did go back once looking for the old man, but neither the recruiter nor I had ever been able to find him again. I’d gone through basic training like I was born for it, surpassing everyone’s expectations. Then again that wasn’t so hard to do, there weren’t that met for the kid who came from the streets.
I’d taken all the pent up rage and shit that I had believed myself long over and honed it into a particular skill. One that may not have gained me much in the way of a career stateside, but there were still plenty who would be willing to pay me top dollar to do what I do. I’d just have to sell my soul first.
Until she came along, I had no real direction. I had enough sense to know I never wanted to be on the streets again so I learned everything I could while I was on their dime and looked ahead. I socked away my pay like a miser, getting by on the bare essentials.
I was never going to be Gates, but I won’t starve. After her, things changed. In the beginning it was because of the little kid I now found myself responsible for. Then later it became something else.
Now she’s the woman I’m going to marry. The one I want my forever after with. Everything was about her now. My sweet little babygirl!
I reached out my hand and touched her hair, trailing my fingers down her cheek as soft as a butterfly’s wings so as not to wake her.
Beyond the hardening of my cock was the irregular beating of my heart; that more than anything told me that I was well and truly gone. It was as if the last two, almost three years hadn’t been, as if time stood still and we were back there under the stars with her gazing up at me with lust reflected in her eyes.
I’d been scared then, but now, now I wanted that and more. I wanted, no needed, to be the man she turned to for everything. I wanted to erase all the hell she’d been through and fill her only with the good.
I wanted her every thought to be of me, to know that no matter what had come before, that she could depend on me. It might take some time, but if it’s the last thing I do, I’d make her want me as much as I now wanted her.
She made a soft sound in her sleep and I eased my fingers away from her skin, not wanting to disturb her rest. Would she wake in terror thinking she was back there at his hands again? The thought had me folding my fists and wishing I’d done more. She looked so fucking perfect lying there, like the most perfect thing ever created.
What the fuck was I doing? Could I really give her everything I’d always wanted for her? Or was I being a selfish prick? That’s one of those questions I keep asking myself. Especially when it’s late at night and I have nothing to keep my mind occupied. Always it reverts back to her, and always, after I’ve convinced myself that I was the only one for her, the questions would start.
I hate my fucking conscience sometimes; shit’s always trying to fuck with my program. But this was my Jessie, my babygirl. When I look at her I know that not even I am good enough for her, she’s so fucking perfect.
Yeah and if you don’t take her someone else will. Like fuck! As usual it only took that reminder to get me back on track. With one last look of longing and a lingering kiss to her brow I turned and walked to the other side of the room.
I stripped down and climbed into bed feeling ten pounds lighter now that she was safe with me. Tomorrow I’ll figure out what to do about my lifestyle and all the other bullshit I was gonna have to change to accommodate her.
No hardship, there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for her. I fell off into sleep feeling better than I had in years if ever. Just a few more days and I’ll never sleep without her next to me again.
I felt a weight hit my bed some time after I fell out and didn’t have to open my eyes to know it was her. I didn’t ask her any questions, didn’t dwell on what demons had driven her to my bed. I was just immensely grateful that she trusted me enough to come to me.
I turned and wrapped my arms around her as she snuggled in close. I didn’t sense any fear in her and sent up a silent thank you that I hadn’t fucked up too badly.
“You okay babygirl?” I held her as close as I could, like I was trying to blend our two bodies together. “I am now.” There was a lot of meaning in those three words, and I smiled in the dark before falling asleep with her held tight in my arms. Right where she belonged.