“Tell me I’m right, Patsy,” Ina Dean said.
“Hey, don’t get me to gossipin’ in the church. My niece can tell her lies any way she wants to spin them. But I’ll tell you one thing—that girl ain’t near as pretty as you, Cynthia. She’ll never clean up good enough for him to take to all those fancy things that he has to go to. Did you see her fingernails? They aren’t even polished, and those thick glasses make her look like she’s an old maid Sunday school teacher. He’ll never marry her, darlin’. It’s just a passing fancy that they are covering up by calling her an assistant. Assistant to whom, I wonder?” Patsy said.
Laura pressed her face against the crack between the stall door and the cool metal. She got a clear vision of a tall, somewhat thin woman that had to be Cynthia because the other two were too old to have gone to school with Colton. No matter which way Laura turned her head or how hard she flattened the side of her cheek, she could not see the other women.
“Well, it’s too late now, Cynthia. That rodeo is done over and you didn’t make it the eight seconds,” Ina Dean said.
“Whose side are you on anyway?” Cynthia sulked.
“I don’t take sides,” Ina Dean declared. “But if I was a bettin’ woman, which I ain’t, I’d bet you dollars to corn puddin’ that something fishy is goin’ on and I intend to get it out of his momma before the day is done.”
“Maudie ain’t his momma,” Cynthia said.
“She raised him from just a little boy. Only momma he’s known since his folks died in that car crash, and besides, she’s his granny,” Patsy said.
“Well, we ain’t gettin’ the dinner on the table in here. Y’all ready to go play nice? He says she came from out in west Texas, but with that blond hair and blue eyes I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t buy her from Russia or one of them foreign places. I haven’t heard her say a word. Just mark my words, I bet she’s got a foreign accent. And if she doesn’t work out, he’ll just send her back and buy another one.” Cynthia sighed.
“Guess we ain’t got a choice. But you mark
my
words, something ain’t right. There’d be a lot more fanfare if he was really involved with a woman. She’s just a play toy to him and he’ll be done with her soon enough. He’s got too much money to be getting involved with a plain woman, even if she does have big breasts,” Ina Dean said.
“But she was sittin’ with him, and Maudie looked like she was pleased as punch, and Roxie was smiling too. If Colton wasn’t involved with her they’d have different expressions, I just know it. If he sits by her at dinner, I swear there is something going on.” Cynthia sighed.
Laura waited until she was sure they were gone before she peeked out. She checked her reflection in the mirror before she pushed out into the hallway and headed toward the noise coming from the fellowship hall. It was either that or walk home and it was still raining. Besides, she had a big bone to pick with Andy. That’s what they were talking about the night before when they said they could set it in motion and it would all work out.
They’d planned for her to sit by Colton and to share a hymnbook with him. Did they finagle that snow cone trip too? She was so pissed, she had red dots in front of her eyes. Damn that Andy Joe!
She made it inside the fellowship hall just in time to see the tall brunette make her way through the circle of cowboys, bat her eyelashes, and kiss Colton on the cheek, letting her lips slide over to graze the corner of his mouth. “So tell us more about your assistant.”
“She’s not my assistant. She’s Andy Joe’s,” he said.
Cynthia winked. “Sure she is. If she was Andy Joe’s she would have been sharing a hymnbook with him, not you. I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me you were looking for an assistant. I could have filled that job very well for you.”
***
Colton looked over Cynthia’s shoulder and there was Laura not three feet away. From the look on her face, she was not a happy woman and in a sudden flash of understanding, it dawned on him what had happened that morning.
Damn that Andy Joe! He’d fire him, but he’d never find another financial advisor like him; besides, the whole bunch of them had to be in on the deal to pull it off so smooth right under his eyes. That’s why Granny and Roxie were both whispering the whole way to the church. Just when did they cook this little fiasco up anyway? And why?
The night before and because he’d gotten drugged was the reason. One question remained: Did Laura know about it and had she instigated the snow cone trip someway? No, she couldn’t have because he invited her, and her expression said that she’d just figured out their shenanigans too.
They were all in big trouble when he got home. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so pissed. If he hadn’t spent a whole day in bed after being drugged, he’d have realized that he was being set up. There wasn’t a thing to do at this point but let it play out. There was no way he was going to hurt Laura’s feelings by causing a big stink in the church fellowship hall, but there was also no way Andy and the rest of them were going to get away with the stunt.
She crossed the rest of the space between them and asked, “Where’s Andy Joe?”
Cynthia stuck out a hand and looked down at Laura. “I’m Cynthia Talley. Colton and I went to school together and we’ve been friends forever.”
“Well, hello.” Laura put on her best Texas drawl. “I would have sworn with your beautiful height and eyes that you were from Sweden.”
Cynthia waved her hands in quick flustered motions and blushed scarlet. “Oh, no, but I thought you might be from Russia.”
“No, ma’am. I’m from west Texas. Andy is my cousin,” Laura said.
Ina Dean stepped in front of them and raised her arms. Colton bent down to hug the tiny, frail-looking woman. Her jet-black hair was slicked back into a tight little bun at the nape of her neck. She wore a navy blue dress buttoned all the way up to the white Peter Pan collar. The only frivolous adornment was her gold watch and it barely peeked out from the white cuffs of her long sleeves.
“I’m looking forward to the party out at the ranch in a couple of weeks. The whole community is getting fired up for the games. Me and Maudie is putting together a whole new set of rules this year. Is your assistant going to be there?”
“I’m sure Laura will be on hand. She works at the ranch, but like I told Cynthia, Laura is Andy Joe’s assistant, not mine,” he said.
“I help Andy in the office.” Laura hoped that her explanation cooled the hot rumors.
“Sure you do, honey.” She stepped back and narrowed her eyes at Laura, scrutinizing her from sandals to blond hair. “How long you been out on the ranch, anyway?”
“A little more than a week,” Laura said.
“Uh-huh.” Ina Dean nodded. “Well, I guess you pulled the wool over our eyes for a little while, Colton, but I’m old enough to see things in the right light and it wasn’t Andy that she was hugged up to in church services.”
“Ina Dean, we need you in here,” a lady singsonged from the kitchen.
“Holy shit!” Laura whispered under her breath.
“Little pissed, are you?” Colton asked.
“No, honey, I’m a whole lot pissed,” she said.
“Well, so am I. We’ll get through this lunch and then we’ll go home and pitch a fit. Deal?”
“You got it,” she said. “Now where is Andy Joe?”
“Whole bunch of them left us to the wolves. Andy said he got a phone call about taxes or some other folderol, and Rusty said that Roxie had a headache so he was taking the ladies home. He said for me to bring you after the lunch.”
“Uh-huh,” she used Ina Dean’s expression. “Who is that woman, anyway?”
“Which one?”
“The elderly one that just went to the kitchen.”
“The head she-coon of Ambrose.” Colton chuckled.
“Andy said that was Maudie’s title. He told me that when he hired me. You are the richest cowboy in north Texas. Roxie is the new member of the household. Maudie is the head she-coon of the whole county, and Rusty is the one who really knows what is going on with the ranch,” Laura said.
“Oh no, darlin’. You got to have been born in Ambrose and lived here your whole life to get the head she-coon title. Cynthia is probably next in line for it, but she can’t have the crown or the right to the benediction on Sunday morning until Ina Dean is dead,” Colton whispered. “But she does know how to organize a dinner. I have to give her that much.”
Laura looked at the two eight-foot tables full of food and the one off to one side filling up with desserts. “I haven’t been to one of these things in years. I’d forgotten how much food gets brought in.”
“Haven’t been to church in years or to a potluck?”
“Both. If I even eat a taste of everything on those tables I’ll have to run twice as far tonight.”
“You jog every night?”
“At least three times a week, but usually always on Saturday and Sunday. Do you?”
“No, I have a gym. When we get back home I’ll show you where it is located. After working outside all day, I’d rather exercise in air-conditioned comfort without mosquitoes or people to stop and ask me if I want a ride. You don’t have to leave the house to exercise, so eat all you want.”
“We’ll bow for a word of grace.” The preacher raised his voice above the noise. Instantly, conversation stopped, ice quit rattling its way into tea glasses, and even babies stopped crying. He gave thanks for the food, for the hands that prepared it, for the forgiveness in all their hearts toward their neighbors, and kept right on going for a good five minutes. Laura stopped listening after the forgiveness thing… she wasn’t going to forgive Andy Joe. He did not deserve it. No sir!
But she would like an explanation as to why he’d want everyone in Ambrose to think that she was the rich cowboy’s new lady love. Of all the women in the world, it was evident that he wouldn’t want to throw in his lot with a nerdy woman who wore thick glasses. And God knew, it would take a whole lot more than a billion dollars to make her even think about a relationship at this time of her life. She was barely getting her own affairs in order. She sure didn’t have time for a boyfriend.
“Amen! Now Colton and our visitor can start the line,” Preacher Roger said.
Laura felt a hundred eyes on her as she and Colton filled their divided Styrofoam trays. Would there be talk later that she didn’t eat Ina Dean’s casserole and took a double helping of someone else’s chicken and dressing? There was no way she could eat some of everything on the table, so she bypassed the corn casserole and the tuna salad but when she got to the end, her tray still needed sideboards. Maybe she’d made enough women happy that they wouldn’t show up at the Circle 6 with a big wood cross to hang her on.
Cynthia was the hostess at the drink table and it was a very good thing she wasn’t a poker player because she couldn’t hide what she was thinking. She looked down at Laura’s plate and her expression said,
That
woman
eats
like
a
horse. No wonder she’s so fat.
Her face softened when she touched Colton on the arm and said, “I’m glad to see that you both have a good healthy appetite today. Sweet tea or lemonade?”
“Tea, thank you,” Colton said.
“The same.” Laura smiled.
“Laura, I do hope you are happy here in Ambrose,” Cynthia purred.
Laura managed a smile, but she didn’t feel it in her heart. “Thank you so much. You’ve got more trees and less mesquite than we do, but Texas is Texas. We all speak the same language. This actually reminds me of northeast Arkansas where I lived when I was a little girl,” Laura said.
She could feel dozens of eyes on her as she carried her plate to the nearest table. Colton set his plate and tea glass down and pulled out a chair for her. Two jar candles burned brightly in the middle of the long table. A plastic fork, knife, and spoon had been wrapped up in an oversized white paper napkin that marked each place.
“Where is Maudie?” Ina Dean sat down across from them.
“Roxie had a headache so she took her home. She’s got allergies and she was playing with the cats yesterday,” Colton said.
“I hope that’s all she’s got. Her momma was a rounder and blood will have its way,” Ina Dean said.
Laura filled her mouth so that she couldn’t say a word back to Ina Dean. She’d been that girl when she was a teenager. The one who had a momma with a reputation, a momma who’d died in her late twenties because she’d lived too hard, drank too much, and couldn’t fight off lung cancer.
“I’m sure it’s just a headache. Granny keeps a real tight rein on her,” Colton said.
“Well, I hope so. Her momma was a handful and couldn’t nobody tame her down. Roxie is lucky to have Maudie.”
Laura had been lucky to have Aunt Dotty too, but she sure didn’t take the place of a mother. Janet came closer to filling that spot and that’s why she owed Janet all the help she could give her when she made mistakes.
“This is really good potato salad. Did you make it?” Colton asked.
“Yes, I did. I figured you’d recognize it. Old family recipe that I don’t share with nobody,” Ina Dean said seriously.
Patsy sat down on one side of her and Cynthia on the other. Pretty soon they were in a heated discussion about how much mustard to put in potato salad. Laura thought they’d forgotten all about her until she caught Cynthia giving her sidelong looks across the table. She wanted to stand up between those two scented candles and announce to the whole congregation that her boobs were real, they were not bought, and Colton hadn’t spent a dime on them.
Preacher Roger sat down beside Cynthia and she beamed, batted her lashes, and flirted blatantly with him. Laura watched the whole process with a smile on her face. Evidently, if the woman couldn’t be rich, then by damn she’d be holy. Or maybe she was trying to make Colton jealous. After all, he hadn’t made an announcement about being engaged to the ugly duckling in the glasses, and all was fair in love and war, especially when there was a billion dollars at stake.
“I hear there’s a big party at the ranch in a few weeks,” the preacher said.
“Oh, yes, there is, and we’re playing games,” Cynthia answered.
“You should make a point to come this year, Roger. We’d love to have you. Miss Roxie is in charge of the game pairing and Ina Dean and Granny take care of the rules. I hear there are some changes this year,” Colton said.