Authors: Claire Adams
My
self-pity party had gotten away from me, and before I knew it, I had cut up all
the vegetables. I was dazed and totally distracted and it was a good thing I
hadn’t cut off one of my fingers in the process. I gathered the bowls up and
brought them to my mother as she made omelets for the men.
“Here
you go,” I said as I started to head back to the kitchen.
“Stay.
I could use an extra hand this morning. It takes me forever to make each of the
omelets and the men can get to work quicker if you help me.”
Reluctantly,
I found another pan and started to make omelets with her as the men came
through the line. The ranch hands didn’t look all that excited to be up that
early and I couldn’t help but smile when I noticed the newest man running in at
the last moment before we stopped serving breakfast. He was out of breath and
looked totally disheveled as he stood in front of us.
“I
just don’t know how these guys all get up so early without an alarm,” he said
as he chose his toppings. “Is there some sort of trick?”
“I
don’t know,” I lied to the young man. “Maybe talk with George and see what he
has to say.”
George
was the new manager of the ranch hands. He had worked with us for about three
months and had known Garrett, as well as the two men who had died. George was a
quiet guy and not much to look at, but he was good enough at the job and the
men trusted him. Trust was a hard thing to earn with the men who worked for us
and it was the best indicator of if a new manager would do a good job. If the
men trusted him, he was likely to be very successful in working with them. If
they didn’t trust him, he was likely to decide to move on to a different job
rather quickly.
There
was a sadness that surrounded the ranch though, and nothing seemed to be
lifting it. When Garrett had been in charge, he was always upbeat and happy in
the mornings. His smile brightened the other guys up and his joking ways had
them in a great mood every day. But with Garrett gone, as well as Ralph and
Devin, the ranch was a solemn place. There hadn’t been laughter at our ranch in
two weeks and I wasn’t sure if it would ever return.
As
breakfast finished up, I decided to spend my morning with the horses. I hadn’t
been taking care of them much lately and thought it might brighten up my own
mood to clean up Bambi and maybe even see if my father wanted to take a ride
out to the river with me. I enjoyed riding and at the very least I knew that
was something I could do to make myself happy.
The
photos I had taken were beautiful and the real estate agent we hired thought
she would be able to sell the land for a much higher price than my father had
originally intended to sell it to his friend. Of course my father offered the
land to his friend at the new price, but he declined. It turned out he had only
been interested in it because my father was selling it so cheaply. Old man Joe
had intended to resell the land at its rightful price and keep the proceeds for
himself. Both my mother and I were furious over the details of what had gone on
with old man Joe, but my father didn’t seem to mind at all.
“Buckjoy
could use a little attention,” my father said as I walked into the barn. “He’s been
pretty anxious this morning and a little down.”
“I’m
sure he’d love it if you gave that to him,” I answered, although I knew he
meant that he wanted me to spend time with the horse.
“No,
I meant from you. I think he misses you.”
“Buckjoy
misses Garrett and he’s just going to have to get over it because Garrett isn’t
coming back. Plus, he’s a horse, Dad. How do you know he misses anyone?”
“He
misses you,” my father said as he pulled Buckjoy out of his stall and walked
him toward me. “Why don’t you take him out for a run? He needs to feel the air
through his mane.”
“Dad,
why don’t you take him out? I’m going to take care of Bambi today.”
I
knew what my father was trying to do. He thought that spending time with
Buckjoy would make me feel better. Well, he was wrong. The last thing in the
world that I wanted to do was spend time with Garrett’s horse. I would just let
my father take care of that horse from that point forward.
Just
looking at Buckjoy had my mind flooded with memories of Garrett. I saw Garrett’s
amazing smile and the way he had taken such good care of the horses that night
of the storm. There were so many things that I missed about Garrett and looking
at Buckjoy made them all come flooding back into my mind.
“All
right, but I think he likes you better than me,” my father said as he walked
out of the barn with Buckjoy behind him.
I
didn’t think Buckjoy liked me better than my father. The horse probably just
associated me with Garrett and was hopeful he would be back soon. But
eventually Buckjoy, as well as the rest of us, would just have to learn to live
our life without Garrett around. That was the reality of the world we lived in.
Garrett was gone, in his place was a fancy-dressing, rich guy named Malcolm and
I didn’t think Buckjoy would have liked that guy any more than I would.
I
saddled up Bambi after giving her a good bath. It was still early enough in the
day that I could have gone out to the river, but decided against that. Instead,
we rode up north to the big barn that was at that end of the property. It was
there that I had hid out with the ranch hands after the murders had happened.
That was the only place I could go where I didn’t have a memory of Garrett
standing next to me, or at least I thought it was the only place I wouldn’t think
about Garrett.
Everything
I saw and did at the ranch seemed to be covered with a memory of something
funny Garrett had said to me. I was constantly inundated with memories of a
kiss we shared, a witty remark he said, or something else that had happened
between the two of us. It was so hard to be on the ranch and have to deal with
those memories.
Even
though Garrett hadn’t been to the barn up north, I sat there and still couldn’t
get him off my mind. That night replayed in my head and I remembered the
sadness on Garrett’s face as he stood over the two men who had been shot. I
would never forget that night as long as I lived. No matter who Garrett really
was, on that night I saw how much he hurt when those men were murdered, and I
could only imagine the guilt he felt because of their death. I closed my eyes
and his face came into full view for me; he was officially everywhere and I
hopped back on my horse to head into the main ranch again.
It
was going to take a lot of distraction for me to finally get over Garrett and
that meant I needed some sort of project on the ranch to keep me busy. I didn’t
care what it was; I just needed something to keep me busy. Somehow, I had to
forget about the man that I had loved.
Chapter 15
Malcolm
“It
is with great pleasure that I announce the return of our beloved CEO, Malcolm
Edwards,” my company VP said in front of a packed auditorium of our employees.
“This man has proven what dedication he has to our company and to you the
employees. He gave up his own freedom to keep us all safe and we will forever
remember that. Thank you, Malcolm, and welcome home.”
The
crowd cheered and stood up as I made my way from the side of the stage up to
the podium. I hadn’t wanted to make such a public appeal to my staff; if it had
been up to me I would have just sent out an email and called it a day. But
Casey insisted that everyone needed the positive energy of an event and I was
too exhausted to argue with him.
I
was still in total shock that Frank had been murdered and I wasn’t going to
have to testify. It was crazy how things had finally turned out and I had a
really hard time wrapping my brain around it all. If I could have stayed in bed
and watched movies for a month, it would have made me much happier than showing
up to work and giving a huge speech for all the employees. I hated public
speaking.
After
more than a year in hiding and preparing to testify against Frank Gordano, one
of his rivals had successfully murdered him in his jail cell. My information,
the case we had against him, none of it mattered any more. Even the remaining
people that were loyal to Frank were now on a hunt for his killer and didn’t
care one bit about me. It was over in the most un-climatic of ways and I
couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
Instead
of getting justice for what Frank had done, I was left with an uneasy feeling
and the disappointment of knowing I had given up a year of my life for nothing.
Well, not for nothing. Obviously, my life had been in danger during that year.
But it still felt like a lot of wasted time when there was no tried to go to
and no closure for everything I had gone through.
As
I addressed the crowd, I knew they weren’t there to listen to me whine about
where I had been or the things I had given up for them. They wanted to get back
to business as usual and that’s what I wanted for them too. The uncertainty of
my disappearance was over and everyone could just move forward with their jobs
and their lives now.
“Every
one of you is special to me. I know that it was a difficult year and the
uncertainty was very hard on you all. To get everyone back into the swing of
things I’m going to be giving out bonuses to all employees.” The crowd started
to go crazy. “These bonuses are because I care about you and your dreams. Use
them for something fun, something that will better your life, or make your
family more secure; but whatever you do, enjoy this offering as my gift to
you.”
I
could hardly hear myself talking as the crowd cheered and began chanting my
name. They were excited about the money bonuses, but there was more than just
excitement in the air: my employees were happy that I was home. The happiness
in the air was so welcoming and something I would certainly never forget.
When
I had first started my company, I couldn’t have imagined a moment like that
ever happening for me. I had one pilot and one plane that I had financed with
my local bank. My vision wasn’t to build a large corporation, only to have a
small business that would actually pay my bills.
Luck
played a big role in my successes over the years, but so did the hard work and
dedication that I had for my company. I had given the last ten years of my life
to my company and that was the only reason it was thriving like it was on that
day. I had worked so diligently to hire the best of the best and to build a
company that we could all be proud of and as I stood on that stage that was
exactly what I felt: pride.
These
people weren’t just random employees that worked for me. Many of them had been
hired by me direct and had worked with me for the last five to ten years. I
knew their families, I knew their passions, and I was proud to have them on my
side.
In
the last few years I had lost touch with what truly mattered and I hadn’t kept
in close contact with many of my employees. Instead of keeping that personal
feel that I loved when I started to build my business, I had started to worry
more about how much money I could make.
That
greed had almost been the death of me and it had caused the death of a man I
considered my friend. When I had returned home, I heard that Thomas Randal’s
family had filed a wrongful death lawsuit against me and it hurt me all the way
down to my core. He had been my friend as well as my coworker, and I did feel
responsible for his death. It was going to be really difficult to fight a
lawsuit when I thought they were exactly right to blame me.
When
I was finally able to leave the stage and make my way back to my office, it
felt good to have some peace and quiet. There were so many things about my life
that I wanted to do better now that I was back. My employees’ happiness had
been first on the list, but there was so much more to come.
My
job as head of the company wasn’t just about making money. I had to do a better
job of participating in the culture of my company and really making a
difference in the lives of people who worked for me. One of those people was my
assistant, Jennifer. She had sacrificed a lot while I was gone and I was eager
to share some news with her about a new position I was moving her to.
“Hey,
Jenn, could you come in here for a minute,” I said through the speaker that
went directly to my assistants desk.
Jennifer
had worked with Casey while I was gone and I had heard she was indispensable to
him. She knew my thoughts and actions better than I did, so once I was gone,
she was able to work closely with Casey and ensure that the company continued
to run smoothly, despite my long absence.
“What
can I do for you?” Jenn asked as she walked into my office.
Her
hair was pulled back into a bun and she had on a very classy-looking, blue
suit. She was the picture-perfect assistant and I was crazy for even thinking
about letting her go. But what I was about to do was for her good and not my
own. For once in my life, I was going to start doing things for other people
and not just for myself.
“Shut
the door and come sit down,” I said with a stern look on my face.
She
did as I asked and then sat nervously in the chair across from me. I got up and
went around to the other side of my desk so we could talk better. I had heard
some amazing things about what she had done while I was gone, she had acted
more like a chief financial officer than a secretary.
“What
are your ambitions here at Edwards Aviation?”
“Um,
what do you mean?” she asked nervously.
“I
mean, what do you hope to do here in the future? Do you have ambitions for
Casey’s job, my job? What is your dream?”
She
seemed extremely cautious as she looked at me and thought about what it was she
really wanted to do. Jennifer was young, probably only about twenty-two or
twenty-three. I knew she had a degree, but I wasn’t even sure what it was in.
She had to want something more from her employment than to be a secretary to me
all her life.
“Well,
I have liked working with the finance department and helping Mr. Zane while you
were gone. It was exciting, but I love my job and wouldn’t want to leave it. I
enjoy working for you, sir.”
“How
about this,” I started to say as I tried to keep a straight face. “We are growing
fast and will need some new leadership soon. I’d like you to work side by side
with Mr. Zane and learn the overall workings of the organization. Then in a few
months, we can visit again and see what you’re best at and maybe move you to a
new position.”
“Um,
sure. I could work with him on my breaks and lunchtime, maybe even after five
o’clock. That would be fine.”
“No,
you do not understand what I’m saying. I’m actually moving you into a different
position. For the time being, I’m not sure what it will be called, but your
full-time job is going to be learning how to run the company from the
perspective of each executive. Of course, this will be a very time consuming
position and very hard, so I’ve taken the liberty of giving you a raise.”
I
reached onto my desk and handed Jennifer an envelope that had her new salary
information on it. My face was stuck in a permanent scowl as I tried
desperately to hold back my excitement for this new opportunity I was giving
Jenn.
“No,
this is too much …” Jenn started to say as she looked in the envelope. “I can’t
take this.”
“Oh,
you can and you will. You worked tirelessly while I was gone and you did it on
a secretary’s salary. You deserve this and I’m back dating the salary to last
year so you will get that on you next check. I want you to stay. We need a
strong, smart woman like you in our leadership.”
“Mr.
Edwards, I don’t know what to say,” Jenn cried as she got up and hugged me.
“Say
yes,” I smiled back at her.
“Yes,
yes, yes,” she screamed.
“Now
go see Casey and he’ll get you all set up with your new office.”
It
felt good to be doing good things around my company and for the next few months
that was all that I occupied my time with. I let Casey and Jennifer take on the
day to day running of the company and I made it my mission to set up our
internal programs that would help employees and built my company into something
I could be proud of.
I
had hoped all the good deeds I was doing would fill the emptiness that I had
been feeling since getting back from Montana. But even four months later, I
couldn’t stop thinking about Sarah. I had picked up the phone on several
occasions to call her, but then decided against it. After four months, she was
surely over me. I had lied to her, slept with her, and then left without
notice; there just was no coming back from something like that.
Even
if I wasn’t going to have Sarah, I did still miss the great scenery and
relaxation that I had in Montana, and one afternoon I decided to take a look at
property there. Perhaps buying a vacation home in the state would give me a
hideaway that I could rejuvenate myself from.
I
had vacation homes all around the world, but none of them ever felt relaxing
for me when I got there. They were in big cities or on beaches, but I had never
truly felt as relaxed as I had been while at the ranch. The idea of owning my
own ranch wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. I certainly couldn’t run a
place like the Millers had, but I did like the idea of building a cabin far
away from everything else and maybe even getting myself a horse.
Buckjoy
had come to trust me and I enjoyed taking care of him. He was wild and by the
time I had left, he was tame and a great horse to ride. He was loyal to me and
I felt bad that I wasn’t there to take care of him. I had to hope that he would
let Sarah care for him and treat her just as well as he had treated me.
My
search for a cabin started simple enough, just a general look at cabins for
sale in the state. The more I looked though, the more I realized that the entire
state wasn’t as beautiful as the Miller ranch had been. For fun, I looked up
the property north of the river just to see if it was still for sale. Maybe
they had found a buyer, or maybe not; I wasn’t sure what I had hoped to find.
But when the photo of the river with the mountain in the background popped up,
I couldn’t help but laugh.
I
remembered that moment so vividly as I had jumped into the water to prevent
Sarah from falling in. The rush of cold water had engulfed me and the shock to
my system had me wide awake until late in the evening. I also remembered
Sarah’s hands as she had forced me to take my jeans off and the excitement I
felt from just looking at her.
She
was amazingly beautiful, smart and one of the most incredible women I had ever
met. There wasn’t a day that had gone by where I hadn’t thought about Sarah’s
amazing smile and what it would have been like to marry a woman like her.
When
I was with Sarah, I felt like the world was so much smaller and my chances of
happiness so much larger. At the very least, I had learned what it was to be in
love and it was going to be really damn hard to move on with life knowing what
I had once had.
The
Miller’s property was listed for four million dollars, which was a little
disappointing since Sarah had said she had hoped to at least get five million
for it. I was sad to see that the property hadn’t sold yet; that meant that the
Millers were still struggling financially and I hated knowing that. They were
good people and I took it upon myself to forward the land information to a
couple of developers I knew, just to see if they might be interested in land up
in that neck of the woods.
Overall,
I was happy to be back home. I really couldn’t complain at all, my life was
just like it had been before. But it was just as empty as it had been before as
well. I went to work and came home without the excitement of someone who I
cared about and that was hard to move forward from. The more I tried to get
back into my old life, the more I felt like my old life didn’t fit me anymore.