Authors: Michelle Love
Blake
I had to go to three stores to find this coconut flour Rachelle needs. I blink as I pull into the driveway and find Rachelle’s borrowed car gone. My heart stops and I rush inside.
Her fucking clothes are all gone!
I look around for anything, a letter or a little note telling me why she left me again. I find nothing and find my knees weak and nearly fall onto the sofa.
With a heavy heart I pull my phone out of my pocket and call Kip. “Hey, mate,” he says as he answers my call.
“Hey, Kip. Um, Rachelle left me again. I’m not going to try to contact her. I have no idea of why she left. We didn’t fight or anything. I just would really like it if you could let me know when she arrives back home safely. That’s all.”
“Sure,” he says. “I’m really sorry, mate.”
“Thanks. Bye, Kip.”
I end the call and go out to get the groceries I bought and now will go to waste as I have no idea of how to use them. I walk with the arm load of bags to Josh’s house and ring the doorbell.
He answers the door. “Hi, Blake. What can I do ya for?”
“I wanted to see if you want these groceries.”
His eyebrows arch up high. “Why’s that?”
“She left me again. I went to get these things she sent me out for and she left. I don’t know how to use any of this stuff. You may as well have them.”
He steps back. “Bring them in and let’s talk.”
I walk inside not wanting to talk. I just want to go to bed and sleep and hopefully I’ll wake up to find this has all been some horrible nightmare.
Rachelle
I’ve been back home two weeks and find myself feeling so empty. Blake hasn’t tried to contact me, not even once. He must hate me and I should be happy about that, but I’m not. I’m miserable.
Instead of heading home after my last class, I’m heading over to cry on Peyton’s shoulder. My mother keeps calling me and talking to me about how I have so much of my father in me and how alike the two of us are.
It’s literally making me sick!
I pull into the driveway and Peyton opens the door and lets Pax walk on his little legs to me. I pick him up and he kisses my cheek and hugs me. I hug his tiny body and nearly cry.
Peyton takes him out of my arms as I get to her and she pulls me into her arms where I promptly fall apart. “I’m a mess without him,” I say as I cry.
“I know you are, sweetie,” she says as she leads me inside.
Loud sobs I make and try hard to stifle them as Kip approaches us and I see him through waves of tears. “How’s our girl?” he asks as Peyton hands Pax to him.
“Not well, but I’m about to get to the bottom of it,” Peyton tells him as she pulls me down the long hallway to the bedroom I always stay in when I come here.
She stops by the kitchen and grabs a tub of chocolate ice cream and two spoons then we go into the room and we climb up on the bed and sit shoulder to shoulder.
Peyton dips a spoon into the chocolaty miracle food and hands it to me. “Eat,” she commands in a soothing tone. “You’ve easily lost ten pounds, girl.”
Somehow I choke down the spoonful and find it spurs me on to eat more. “I haven’t eaten more than a few crackers since I left him.” I sob again. “Why did I do that, Peyton?”
She shakes her head. “You told me your mother, and you have been talking. Now dry up the crying so you can fill me in on all the details and maybe I can help you figure out why you made such a drastic and bad decision.”
Peyton hands me a tissue from the bedside table and I blow my nose, she hands me another and I wipe my eyes. I swallow back the sobs and try to get determined to stop crying so she can help me.
“Okay, I think I’m okay for now,” I say as I shake my head and take another bite of ice cream. “It was going great. No, more than great. Oh, Peyton, the way he makes me feel is out of this world.”
“So why run?” she asks as she scoops out another chocolate mound.
With a deep breath, I say, “Well, it all started when I found out who my real father is. He’s a homeless man whose really crazy and lives under an overpass in my hometown.”
Peyton’s spoon halts in midair and she looks at me. “You have to be shitting me!”
I shake my head and gulp down another bite. “I wish! I went to see him.”
Her hand juts up, and she stops me. “Wait! You went to see a crazy man under a bridge. Why on Earth would you do such a thing and please tell me you took someone with you when you did that!”
“No, Mom! God! You sound like Max and Lexi and Blake!” I shake my head and take another bite. “You know what would go great with this?”
“What?” she asks with a frown.
“Some red wine!” I smile and her frown deepens.
“Well, I can get
you
some.” She gets up and starts to walk away.
“You won’t be joining me?” I ask in surprise because Peyton is a lover of the grape.
She turns back and has a little grin on her face. “I didn’t want to tell you our news and ruin your tragic moment.”
I jump up and grab her by her narrow shoulders that I have to tiptoe to reach. “Tell me what news?”
“Kip and I are expecting again!”
“You little, no good,” I say then hug her. “You two must’ve been trying, you sneak!”
“It seems that magic night when you and Blake were over here and Pax was with the in-laws worked for me and Kip. I’m under a month pregnant, but we found a test that told us we were.”
I jump up and down and we hug and I pull her back to sit on the bed. “No wine then,” I say. “I could never drink without you. Congratulations!” I pick up a spoonful of ice cream and hand it to her then take mine and fill it then we click them together like a couple of glasses.
Her smile spreads clear across her face and she says, “Thanks. We’re super happy about it.”
“Do you want a girl this time?” I ask.
“You know we just want a healthy baby. Whatever we get, we’ll be good with.” Her genuine smile tells me that she’s telling the truth.
“That’s good. I wish you all the best, Peyt.”
“So, please continue with your story about going to see your homeless dad. And just know I think you’re crazy for going to see him all alone.” She sits back and we resume our positions, leaning our shoulders against the others and munching out on the ice cream.
The bedroom door opens and Kip peeks in. “I heard the screaming. Did she tell you our good news?”
“She did,” I say. “Congrats, Daddy!” I jump off the bed and hug him.
He hugs me back. “We’re pretty happy.”
“As you should be,” I say and pat him on the back then go back to sit with Peyton.
Peyton looks at Kip. “Where’s Paxxie Poo?”
“Napping,” he says then turns to leave.
Peyton looks at me. “Can he stay?”
I nod. “You wanna come talk some sense into me?” I ask him.
He nods and runs back and hops on the bed, stealing Peyton’s spoon and taking a scoop of ice cream. “Fill me in.”
Peyton laughs and says, “Okay, Shelly knows who her father is. He’s a homeless, crazy man who lives under a bridge in her hometown of Round Rock and she went, all by herself to see him.”
Kip frowns and I hold up my hand to stop him before he tells me how crazy that was. “I know I was dumb for doing that. Believe me I know that now.”
“Okay,” he says. “Proceed please.”
“All righty then,” I say and lean back against a mountain of pillows. “So, I went to see him and he knew who I was. He started out reasonably sane, but when I left he threw a bottle of orange juice I gave him at the truck I was driving and I heard him yelling my mother’s name and a barrage of cuss words.”
They both just sit and shake their heads at me. Then Kip says, “See what happens when you deal with crazy people?”
“Yeah, I know,” I nod in agreement. “So, anyway, after hanging and talking with Max and Lexi for a few days, they talked me into going to see Blake and apologizing for leaving him like I did.”
“I suppose he took it well, since you two stayed together at his place for a few days,” Peyton says.
“Yeah, he took it well, and we made up and it was like Heaven. The way he touches me and how he makes me feel so special. His kisses woke me each morning, and they were the last things I felt each night.” I close my eyes and can recall the sensation and my skin burns with the memory.
Kip taps my leg, making me open my eyes. “If it was so special, why’d ya leave, pet?”
“A phone call from my mother brought me back to my awful reality. I’m a person who’s on the edge of crazy and loving him is exactly what would send me over the edge, like it did my father, she told me,” I tell them.
Kip and Peyton exchange a look then Peyton looks at me and says, “Why in the world would you put so much stock into what that woman says?”
“She knows,” I say with a huff. “She knew him and how her leaving drove him to lunacy. She sees that in me.”
Kip rolls his eyes. “From what you’ve told us about your relationship with her, she barely knows ya, sweetheart. Why would ya believe her? She’s only ever hurt ya.”
“I know that. I do, but I can’t hurt Blake like that if she’s right about me.” I hang my head and play with the blanket’s edge.
Peyton’s soft hand touches my chin. “Rachelle, she doesn’t know you. We do and you’re nowhere near the crazy she thinks you could be. You’re not even really self-destructive. You’re just afraid and confused sometimes, but you aren’t crazy.”
“You really think I don’t have those tendencies?”
They both shake their heads and I feel really stupid. Peyton pulls me into her and hugs me. “You should take some time, I suppose. But leaving Blake was a mistake. Do you think you could make him understand everything?”
As I pull back I catch Kip looking at her with a frown. “Why are you frowning, Kip?” I ask.
He looks away then back at me. “Alright. It’ll do no good to pull my punches with ya. You’ve hurt the man so badly it may be too late for you two.”
Though I know what he’s said is true, it still hurts like he’s punched me in the stomach. Peyton hits him in the arm and shrieks, “Kip! Damn!”
“Well, I’m sorry,” he shouts back. “It’s true though. You don’t want her hopes all up, do you?”
“Have you talked to him?” I ask.
He nods and pats my leg. “I have and he was not himself, but he was certain he could take no more. He loves you, but he can’t take anymore.”
My heart fills with something so much worse than sorrow. “So, I’ve ruined it forever then.”
Peyton wraps her arm around my shoulders. “Come on. There are other fish in the sea as they say.”
“I’m not really a lover of fish.” I take a pillow and hug it tight. “I’m better off alone.”
“No you’re not, sweetheart,” Kip says. “But take some time. Heal your wounds and stop thinking all the time that you may go crazy someday. You’re far from it. Well, you’re kinda quick to make drastic decisions, but that’s not really crazy. And ya look gift horses in the mouth a lot. Again, not crazy, just not smart.”
Peyton punches him in the arm again. “Kip! Since when did you get so bad at helping a girl out?”
“I’ll let you two talk,” he says as he gets up and leaves us. “Just don’t go givin’ her any false hopes, love.”
“I won’t,” Peyton says as she waves him off. “And order a pizza for us. Stuffed crust and every meat available on it. I’m dying for one.”
“The cravings, already, love?” he asks her as he opens the door.
“Something fierce,” she answers as she rubs her belly.
He gives her a smile then leaves and I’m left thinking I will never have this. I will never have a husband and child on the way. I will never have anything but a life of solitude and loneliness. All because of my mother filling my head with fears.
Kip
After calling in the pizza order, I find a safe place to call Blake from. I can’t have the women overhearing me. He answers on the first ring. “Hey, Kip. Is everything okay? Is Rachelle alright?”
“She is, mate. She’s here, and we talked to her. It was her mum who had her running this time. The old bat told her she would go crazy like her looney father if she allowed herself to love you,” I tell him.
“That bitch!” he says. “I should call Rachelle.”
“No!” I shout. “Don’t do that. I told her she hurt you too much this time. I told her the chance she had with you was over.”
“What?” he yells. “What if that backfires? Oh, hell, Kip!”
“Listen, mate,” I say as I pace and fear he might be right. “You should’ve seen her face. It was fallen, and she was looking into her head for once. Thinking about what she’d done and how it was not reversible. That’s fantastic!”
“I don’t think so, Kip,” he says, sounding down trodden. “What if she moves on?”
“That’s exactly what I think she needs to do. Go out with another bloke and see how much better you are than any other man.”
His silence is deafening, and he finally says. “Do you really think that’ll work?”