My phone started to ring as I made my way down Dempster Avenue. I answered using my Blue Tooth. “Hello.”
“Where in hell are you and where is Cass?”
“Libby, you’re on speaker.” She groaned. “Cass is with me. We went out to pick up a car. We’re on our way back now.”
“You stayed at my place without my permission, and you introduced yourself to Cass without me.”
“Cass figured out I’m your boyfriend. Although as your boyfriend he would like me to take up all kissing duties.”
“What?” she screamed.
I smiled into the rearview mirror, knowing that Cass was listening to every word. “Babe, everything is fine, Cass is cool with the whole thing.”
“Aidan, when you get here we are going to have words.”
“Okay, babe, see you in a few,” I clicked off, no sense getting her any more riled up while Cass was listening.
“Ut-oh, mom’s mad.” Cass’ concerned face replied in the rearview mirror.
“I’ll smooth it over with her.” When we pulled the truck into the driveway, the ten kids on the front lawn playing flag football froze and stared. Cass bounded out of the car without a backward glance.
Olivia had a red ski vest on, a black baseball cap with REF embroidered in matching crimson and a whistle between her teeth. She blew it and pointed at me as she assessed me. “Did you stay over with Aunt Libby? ‘Cause my dad would not like that.”
“Will Cass be fine with you guys for a little while?” I smiled. “I need to talk to Libby for a few.”
“I’m keeping my eye on you. I won’t be afraid to blow my whistle, if I catch you making an error.” She put the whistle in her mouth and started away, walking backwards.
“I promise.” I made a cross over my heart. “No errors, Ref.”
“If you think I’m gullible enough to fall for one of your shaky promises, think again. Aunt Libby told me all about you; about how far a guy will go to get what he wants, and how fast he’ll disappear, when he gets it.” She didn’t bother waiting for my response, but she blew the whistle, and watched the pile of kids come apart before her.
I found Libby fresh out of the shower with a towel tucked around her body, she leaned over the kitchen sink, watching the action below. When she threw her arms up into the air for a touchdown, she almost lost her towel. I cleared my throat and willed my tongue to stay in my mouth.
“Shit.” Libby jumped, but she managed to keep her towel around her torso. “Don’t you knock?” One hand was grasping her towel the other was on her hip. “Why’d you take off with Cass?”
“You’ve sworn twice. When you get to five, I get the towel.” I took a step toward her.
“Like hell you do.” She took a step back.
“Three.” I stared at her, from turban wrapped head to pink painted toes. “We had errands. Cass said you needed the sleep.”
She blushed and pulled the towel tighter.
I gazed down her body again. “You have a woman’s body now.”
“I’m bigger, I know. I had a kid, for Christ’s sake.”
“That was a compliment.” I took another step in her direction. “Your curves should be illegal.”
She veered toward her room. “I’m getting dressed.”
“I’ll hold your towel.”
“Go fu—,”
I grabbed her arm as she tried to clear me. “The F bomb counts for two from now on. If you use it now, I get the towel.”
She shrugged me off and slammed her bedroom door.
I peered out the kitchen window, locating Cass immediately. He was running the ball into the end zone.
Atta
boy
. When he got there, he did a silly jig, but instead of rejoicing, his teammates were all pointing in the opposite direction.
He slapped the heel of his hand against his forehead before collapsing into a pile of leaves. Everyone laughed.
When Libby didn’t reappear, I made my way back to the living room. Instead of browsing the titles of leather-bound books, I picked up one of Cass’ scrapbooks and settled in the sofa.
She wandered in fifteen minutes later. My eyes strayed from the photos and involuntarily followed her until she took a chair alongside the sofa. She was dressed casually in jeans, a sweater, and boots. A pair of rimless glasses perched on her face.
She tossed her damp hair over her shoulder. “I don’t appreciate you spending the night here. What did you tell Cass?”
“He assumed I was your boyfriend, and I thought it might be a good explanation for why I’d be around.”
“You’re not going to be around.”
“I’m going to get to know him, and you’re going to help me do it. You owe it to me.”
“I owe you squat. You knew I was having a baby. Did you think I would throw him away the way you threw me away?” Her hand rushed to her mouth, perhaps trying to catch the words.
“You think I threw you away? Did you ever think about how I was supposed to feel? You treated me like a one-night stand.”
“I do not have one night stands, you arrogant ass.” She threw an embroidered pillow at me, hitting me in the head before stalking off to the kitchen window to check on Cass.
I followed right behind her and watched the kids, who’d raked up huge piles of leaves again and were taking turns jumping from a giant oak into the cushion of its leaves.
Libby was white knuckling the edge of the sink. “How the hell did you expect me to feel, when I woke up in the boinking room? Like the love of your life?”
That room, and all references to it, had caused me more heart-ache than pleasure. Back then, Libby told my roommates that a room set aside for sex was disgusting and that grown men should not be maneuvering their sex based on the occupancy of a bedroom that was available on a first-come, first-served basis. They all looked at her, shocked and intrigued when she asked why they hadn’t had the foresight to put in a drive-through window.
“I went looking for you as soon as I got in town that night.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I didn’t think you’d come home with me when you’d turned me down so often before.”
Libby dropped her head down over the sink, her tears spilling into the drain. “I’d turned everyone down before that.”
“What?”
She swiped her tears away. “Figure it out, genius.”
“Libby, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?” Her face was awash with physical exhaustion and emotional drain. I gathered her to me, surprised with the yearning sweeping through me. I hadn’t expected it. I anticipated lust because that was an emotion she could easily pull from me. But this tenderness made me want to shoulder her pain. If she wouldn’t let me I’d have to take a hard look at myself, and that pain would be agony. I’d made her bleed like this once before.
I have woken up cold and sweaty with the memory of the monumental mistake of the night we spent together. Not that I took her home, even when I knew I’d gotten her pregnant, I didn’t really regret it. What I lamented was not speaking the words she needed, not telling her that night that I didn’t think I could ever get enough of her. The truths, oaths and promises only amounted to wishful thinking now.
I pulled her deeper into my embrace. She came grudgingly.
Cass barreled into the kitchen, leaves trailing in his wake. “Mister Pole-ow-ski said he’d take us to brunch,” he was smiling until he saw his mother’s face. “I told you, she cries a lot. You got to make her feel better Mister Pole-ow-ski.”
I rested my cheek in her hair, breathing in her fresh, hypnotic scent before wrapping my arms around her. She shivered.
Cass came over and wrapped his arms around us before saying, “I think you need to kiss her, Mister Pole-ow-ski.”
I had no problem obliging Cass, but when I saw the terror in her eyes, I softly rubbed my roughened jaw along her tender one. My touch begged forgiveness.
With one hand on Cass’ head and my other arm enfolding the three of us, I knew that somehow fate had transported me to the exact spot where I was supposed to be.
“Ahem!” A paper horn blew the serenity out of my head.
12
CROSS EXAMINATION
The question of a wise man is half the answer. Solomon Ibn Gabirol
Elizabeth
When I thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse in the three ring circus my life was becoming, and with Aidan’s jaw perfectly aligned with mine, and Cass wrapping us into his embrace, I glanced up to find my mother marching through the kitchen doorway with a full face of clown makeup and a blistering red clown nose. One hand was full of balloons; the other brought a paper bazooka to her lips which she blew at us.
I jumped away from Aidan.
Jeanne’s silly spiral pink wig was slightly askew; her Bo Peep cast-off dress enhanced her perfect figure, and she was brandishing purple floppy clodhoppers. She wore purple harlequin stockings, green glitter on her face, and a chartreuse jester’s hat. I knew she wasn’t bluffing when my checking account had been debited two thousand bucks for BoBo’s Clown College.
Aidan’s eyes widened, when he saw her. “Did I mention good clowns are hard to come by?”
Cass threw his arms open wide and ran to his grandmother. “Grandma, Grandma! I didn't know you were coming to visit. We’re going to brunch. You want to come?”
“I don’t know your grandma, but I'm Hildy, the Hillbilly Clown.” She smiled exposing her darkened front teeth and enfolded Cass into her arms. What had I done to deserve this? It was one thing to be embarrassed by one’s parent, but it was a whole other side show to be mortified in front of your nemesis.
I glanced at Aidan, who smiled from ear to ear, as he extended his hand. “I’m pleased to make your acquaintance, Hildy. I’m Aidan Palowski.”
Hildy kept Cass in place with one hand as the balloons floated to the ceiling; with the other she shook Aidan’s hand.
She took in Aidan with a discerning eye. “Nice to finally meet you.” She patted Cass’ head. “How are you feeling today?”
“I ain’t felt sick in three whole days. Mom made Dr. Seuss fix my medicine, so it don't make me sick no more.”
“He’s good that way. It makes me one happy clown.” She smiled bending toward him. “Where are all your friends today?”
“Miss Suzy called them in for hot chocolate.”
“Why don’t we go down and see them? I think I might have some magic tricks up my sleeves.” She pushed Cass toward the door and waggled her drawn-on eyebrows at me. “Why don’t you meet us down there in about fifteen minutes? Then I’ll get my spiral perm out of your hair.” I wondered if she had a vanishing act, and if she could use Aidan as an assistant.
“We were going to brunch.”
“I’m here to visit a friend in the city. I just popped by to see how Cass was doing. I had no plans to stay, since I hadn't been invited.”
As if that had ever stopped her before. “Jeanne, you don’t need a party invitation.” And who pays a visit to someone dressed as a clown? And who was her friend in the city?
“Well, it’s always nice to get them, anyway.” She pulled on a lime green parka with a hot pink fur-lined collar. She might be fanatical, but she was fastidious about color coordination.
“They found a donor for Cass.”
She shot Aidan a look. “I knew they would.” Her clown shoes flopped against the metal stairs in a descending thump, thump.
Aidan’s amused grin boasted his signature dimple. “That explains the eccentrics. How old is your mom? She's pretty hot.”
“Jeanne is quirky, eccentric is too refined a word to describe her.” I crossed my arms over my middle. “She’s crazy, for God’s sake.”
“She wanted to make Cass feel better. Besides, if you look that good when you’re her age, insanity won’t matter.”
“Jeanne isn’t figuratively crazy, but certifiable.” I glared through him. “She’s been in and out of mental hospitals since she was thirteen.” I grabbed bowls and cups off the table taking them to the sink, with Aidan traipsing behind.
“She seems stable.”
I glared at him with squinting eyes.
“All right, except for the clown getup.”
“Drugs will stabilize the looniest among us.”
“Is it genetic?”
I fumbled with a bowl. “It doesn’t manifest itself until late adolescence.”
“You’re not concerned about it?”
“No, I never even thought of it until you just asked.”
“So this is why you were so secretive in college about your home life.” He asked, pilfering through drawers for a dishrag.
“Does it really matter?”
“Being a lawyer do you find it difficult answering other people’s questions? I’m trying to get to know you, so I can help you both.” He pulled the washed bowl from my hand and dried it. “Let’s go to lunch. I’m starving.”
“Fine!” I’d been out-maneuvered by a jock. If I didn’t cooperate, there’d be a scene, and I didn’t want to upset Cass.
We found Cass on the Rodgers’ back patio sipping hot cocoa with a rowdy bunch. Max and Suzy stepped out through the sliding door, carrying a tray laden with sandwiches, and Max had two bags of chips in his broad arms. I had the distinct impression he was going to crush them when he took in Aidan. Max snarled a smile that made the Grinch look friendly. “Did you make it home at all? Your car was here when I made coffee this morning, but when I came out for the paper it was gone.”
“Cass and I had a pick-up.” Aidan tilted his head in the direction of the Hummer, as he helped Suzy with the tray.
Jeanne’s car was gone, but it would have looked trivial against the hulking mass of green metal. Strange behavior even for my mother, she was usually clingy.
“Where are you headed for lunch?” Suzy asked.
I looked up for Aidan’s suggestion, but he and Max had started toward the new vehicle.
“Did Jeanne run off with Huckleberry the Hillbilly clown?”
“She did some tricks for the kids, flirted with Max, before the normal disappearing act, once she caught sight of me.”
“As long as Max isn’t one of her tricks, we’re all safe.”
“She thinks flirting with Max evens the score between us.” Suzy laughed. “It doesn’t bother me.”
“It isn’t your fault that you’re a better mother to me than she ever was.”
“And it isn’t her fault, either. She’s mentally ill. You’re her daughter, and she wants to be the one you turn to.”
“That’s about as likely as Hildy the Hillbilly clown becoming the CEO of Ringling Brothers.”