“No, thanks, Beverly,” he said. “I have a regular in London who cuts it, just didn’t have time before we left.” He turned and searched the faces in the other room. “Are Arthur and his family here?”
“Art and little Ian are here,” Carmondy said. “Mandy won’t be here until later. She’s on call at the hospital.”
“Rough night for it,” Eli said, “with the holidays and all.”
“Absolutely,” Beverly said. “The crazies do come out at this time of year. Would you like a drink, Eli?”
“That would be great.”
“There you are, son!” Mr. Tucker bellowed as he crept up behind Eli and wrapped his arms around him, lifting him clear off the floor. For a big man, he could move like a cat.
“Sean Patrick Tucker! Put him down this instant!” Beverly shouted.
“Sorry, dear. Sorry,” he apologized quickly and set a startled Eli back on his feet. Alec was suddenly there next to him. He hovered protectively as Eli regained his bearings and accepted his drink from Beverly.
“I found your man by the fire, boy,” Mr. Tucker said, slapping Alec painfully on the arm. “He’s a bit quiet, but a looker nonetheless.”
Eli choked on his vodka and laughed out loud. “Well, thank you, sir. I’m sure he appreciates that.” They were all smiling at one another, and then an awkward silence fell as the Tuckers took note of Alec’s closeness to Eli. They witnessed the handsome couple they made, each fit and handsome in his own way. Eli was about an inch shorter than Alec, and they were both built more like swimmers than ex-football players. Slight, not broad-shouldered like Mr. Tucker.
“I’m sorry, everyone,” Eli said, breaking the silence, “this is Alec Sumner. Alec, these are the Tuckers, although I’m not sure where Arthur is,” he added, looking around.
“I’m here, right here,” Arthur said entering the kitchen just as he heard his name. He was carrying his toddler, Ian. “Good to meet you, Alec. Welcome.”
“Thank you,” Alec said, shaking his hand. “And who’s this little man?”
“This is Ian. Say hi, son.” Arthur was encouraging, but Ian demurred and simply rested his head on his father’s shoulder. He fixed Alec with his large, dark brown eyes. They seemed to ask, “Who are you and what are you doing here?”
Alec smiled at the boy.
I don’t know, little man.
I don’t know.
“Sean, you’re swaying, dear,” Beverly said to her husband. “Perhaps you’d better find a seat.” She turned to Alec. “Let me show you where you two will be sleeping,” she said as she took him by the arm and hustled him out of the kitchen and down the hallway. He glanced back nervously at Eli who simply grinned and nodded. “What is it you do, my boy?” she asked as they vanished around the corner.
“I have to give this little one his bath before the wife shows up,” Arthur said. “Sis, you want me to take care of Leah?”
“I’d love you forever,” she said.
“Consider it done. Where is she?”
“I’m sure you’ll find her under the tree rattling packages.”
Arthur carried Ian out of the room. The baby smiled at Eli before he lost sight of them.
“Let’s sit, shall we?” Carmondy asked. She and Eli moved toward the kitchen table as Mr. Tucker grabbed another beer from the fridge and wandered back into the great room where he was greeted with cheers from the crowd.
“They’ll be singing soon,” Eli said with a smile.
“Good thing they all live in the neighborhood… no driving,” she said.
He toyed with his drink, slowly turning the glass on the table as he stared at the ice cubes. Carmondy watched him, trying to read him. “How are you really?” she asked.
He looked at her and sighed. “I’m fine.” His gaze traveled around the kitchen. “I mean, I’m glad to be here, glad to see you and everyone….” His voice trailed away.
“But?” she asked. He simply shook his head and finished his drink. “Alec seems nice,” she said.
“Oh, he’s brilliant!” Eli said with a smile, his eyes lighting up, but just as quickly, the light went out in them. They laughed uncomfortably.
“Not sure what to say to me, huh?”
“I loved Bennett,” he whispered. He looked at her, “You loved him.”
“Still do, buddy, and for what it’s worth, I believe you always will, but he’s your past and Alec’s your future.”
Eli didn’t say anything, but he felt like he was tearing in half. “Maybe it was too soon to come here with Alec,” Eli said with a sigh.
Carmondy reached across the table and took his hand. “I’m sure being here brings up a lot of feelings that are easier to avoid in London, but Eli, you can miss Bennett
and
love Alec. The two are not mutually exclusive.” He smiled gratefully at her.
* * *
At 1:39
Christmas morning, Alec lay beside Eli, unable to sleep. He mulled over the previous few hours with the Tuckers and what had turned out to be several neighboring families. They were quickly embraced and hustled in out of the cold. The two of them were stripped of their bags, coats, and hats. A hot toddy was shoved into Alec’s hands, and he was ushered into the great room and deposited by the fire.
After that it was all a bit of a blur. There were so many smiling faces coming at him that he didn’t know where to look first or who to talk to next. He was somewhat overwhelmed and Eli had vanished. Then Alec spotted him over the heads of his cheerful, little, intoxicated group. He was in the kitchen talking intently with Mrs. Tucker and Carmondy, who would periodically glance his way.
Mrs. Tucker kept talking to and smiling and touching and hugging Eli. Alec watched her run her fingers through his hair with a good-natured look of disapproval. Then she rubbed the faint whiskers on his face and smiled at him. Then she was crying and embracing him again. Carmondy was happy, as well, but she was more subdued, especially when she glanced Alec’s way. He was soon dragged into the kitchen by a very drunk Mr. Tucker, who shockingly picked up Eli, but quickly put him down again at Mrs. Tucker’s urging.
Alec glanced at his sleeping lover as he stifled an impending chuckle at the memory. There had been a few awkward introductions before he was hastily ushered away by Mrs. Tucker. All in all, it had been an interesting encounter.
Tired of staring at the ceiling, he decided to get up but had to first extricate himself from Eli. He clung to him nearly every night, periodically squeezing him tightly in his sleep. It was like he was afraid Alec would slip away from him and he’d wake up alone.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Alec was about to do. He gently lifted Eli’s arm that rested across his chest and held it aloft as he slid out from under it and off the bed. Then he slowly laid it to rest where he’d been lying.
He watched Eli for any movement, but the most he did was mumble in his sleep. Alec quickly and quietly pulled on his robe, stepped into his slippers, grabbed his glasses, and left the room. They were bunking in the downstairs guest room because Eli couldn’t manage the stairs very easily.
Alec moved silently down the hall toward the great room. He could hear the refrigerator humming, the kitchen clock ticking, and the wind blowing outside. There was no other sound; no one else was moving about upstairs or down.
While their room was toasty enough to sleep without shirts, the dark hallway had a chill to it. He turned the corner into the great room and was met with the Tuckers’ magnificent tree. The fire had gone out, so it was the only source of light and cast a magical, twinkling glow throughout the room.
Unlike the front yard, it boasted multi-colored lights; some blinking, some not. There were silvery icicles and ornaments from Christmases past, probably some even crafted by the Tucker children. He could easily imagine finding a small wood, hand-painted train engine with the name Bennett painted on it. Alec took a step forward but froze as the hardwood floor beneath him creaked.
“Who is it?” a singsong voice asked out of the darkness at his right.
“M-me,” he said uncertainly. There was a soft, feminine chuckle. “S-sorry, it’s- I mean, it’s Alec.”
Carmondy sat up on the sofa and looked at him. She grinned and sipped her drink. Apparently she had been snoozing there or simply staring at the tree. “Come on in. Join the party.” Alec followed her instructions and walked deeper into the room. “Drink?” she asked.
“No, thank you.” He was staring at the tree again, lost in its beauty and warmth. It was a real tree and with the angel on top, it just brushed the high ceiling. The scent coming from it was heavenly and filled the room. He felt like he could stare at it forever.
Carmondy watched him for a few moments. “Couldn’t sleep?”
He looked at her and smiled. “No, sorry to say.” He sat on the arm of the sofa. “I can’t seem to shut off my mind. How about you?”
“I’ve got a bike to put together for Leah, my friend.”
“Want some help?”
“I’d love some,” she eagerly accepted. “First, let me fill this up again.” She dragged herself off the sofa and went to the bar in the corner to refresh her drink. Alec wandered over to the fireplace and began to examine the collection of pictures on the mantel. There was a beautiful one of Carmondy and Leah—no husband in the picture. There was an older one of the entire family, including Bennett and Eli.
Alec glanced across the room at her as she poured her drink. He saw a resemblance to Bennett. She had his coloring, sandy blond hair, less wavy than his, but the same green eyes and smile. He had to admit, he had not seen her smile very much tonight. He turned back to the photos.
“This must be strange for you, Alec,” she said as she approached him.
“It is,” he admitted, “but I wanted….” The words still wouldn’t come. She sipped her drink, watching him as he fingered the family photo that included Eli.
He looks happy standing there.
A shiver ran through him, and he turned to her suddenly. “How about a fire?” he asked.
“Mmm, good idea,” she said around the ice cube in her mouth. They both quickly knelt in front of the fireplace. He reached into the supply bucket for a new quick-catch log and a lighter while she removed the spark screen. Working as a team they had a fire going in five minutes flat. Once it was good and strong, he tossed on a wood log, and they sat back to watch it, their faces bathed in the glow and welcome warmth.
“I wanted to see what you were like,” Alec began. “Your family. His family,” he said glancing up at Bennett’s photo. He sighed as his eyes settled back on the dancing flames, and he went on. “Bennett meant so much to the people in my life now. I thought if I understood him, where he came from, that somehow I could learn to measure up.”
Carmondy shook her head vigorously. “Oh, you can’t possibly measure up. No way,” she said as she finished off her drink.
Alec grinned at her honesty. “I suspected as much.”
“No, Alec, seriously. Listen. Eli loved my brother and vice versa, but he’s gone. Eli loves you and only you,” she assured him. He didn’t say anything, but his silence shouted his doubts. “Look, I understand you may not want to take relationship advice from the divorced lady,” she said with a laugh, and Alec smiled at her. “What are you, thirty? Thirty-two?” she asked. “Surely, you’ve been in love before.”
“Yes.”
“Has Eli erased your memories of them, of how they touched and affected your life?” she asked. He reluctantly shook his head. “They shaped the man you are just as Eli’s life with Bennett shaped him. Those who came before made the two of you ready for each other.”
“You didn’t seem too eager for me to be here last night,” he said, and Carmondy blushed.
She looked into the fire again. It was easier than looking at his handsome face; she couldn’t see his eyes behind the flames reflected in his glasses.“Fair enough,” she said with a smile. “It was mom’s idea to invite you; what can I say? It’s Christmas and I miss my brother. Hell, I miss my husband. I miss how Christmas used to be.” She sighed, got to her feet, and headed for the bar again but stopped herself. “I wanted all of us to live happily ever after, but my brother was murdered because he loved a man.” She paused, reading the concern on Alec’s face, and then lowered her angry voice. “And
that
man, a good man, watched it happen and is permanently crippled! I wanted my daughter to grow up like I did, but my husband cheated, I kicked his ass out, and got a divorce.”
“Are you regretting that?”
“I am now. I’m drunk and it’s Christmas!” They both laughed, easing the tension. “Look, Alec, I know how Eli sees this family, and I fear he may have built us up to you, but we’re far from perfect.”
“I’ll need a list, I’m afraid,” he said teasingly, and she laughed again.
“When Bennett came out to my parents, they lost it! He was sixteen or so, and there was shouting and crying and pleading and doors slamming. It was a real mess. But, you know, when you love someone, you find your way around or through difficulty.” She sat her empty glass on the coffee table and joined him on the floor again. “After some time, a few boyfriends, much research, and support groups, my parents slowly began to remember how much they loved him and how much they wanted him to be happy.”
“I didn’t have that.”
“I know, I know. Neither did Eli, and that’s why I think he believes the Tuckers simply sprang to life one day as we are now.”
“So you don’t resent me for being here?” he asked.
“No. I resent that my brother is not.” She reached out and smacked him upside the head. “You’re funny. I like you. Now help me put this thing together, but be quiet about it.”
The fire died down and the room grew chilly over the three hours it took them to assemble the shiny red bike. They worked mostly under the light from the lamp on the sofa table. After it was done—training wheels and all—Carmondy was about to turn off the lamp and head back to bed, but Alec stopped her.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“Oh, jeez, almost forgot,” she said. As he looked on, she reached into the pocket of her robe, removed a small, folded, white card, and placed it on the table beside a tiny red plate of sugar cookies. She felt him watching her. “It’s a note from Santa, thanking Leah for the cookies and milk,” she said softly. “She and I baked these after you and Eli crashed for the night.”