Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office : A Memoir (41 page)

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Yeah, sure. Who leaves the country for a whole month? He probably got some cheesy reality show gig.

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You’d be surprised at the amount of lease law a gal can learn when researching loopholes in eviction proceedings.

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Dear God, I can only hope the ring bearer stayed out of our way.

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Yes, I was the only person dancing.

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$40×26 times a year = Merry Christmas!

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Canada can keep Bryan Adams.

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I think it’s obvious at this point that I haven’t learned a damn thing.

Table of Contents

Author’s Note

Prologue

Part One: Icarus

1. Flying Too Close to the Sun

2. The What Street Journal?

3. Crash and Burn

4. Shaken, Not Stirred

5. The Lobby for a Hobby

6. Who Says Romance Is Dead?

Part Two: Pandora

7. Opening the Box

8. Temporary Insanity

9. Cannibal Birds

10. Randolph Street Starbucks

11. Evict This , Motherf*cker

12. Jennsylvania

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

Table of Contents

Author’s Note

Prologue

Part One: Icarus

1. Flying Too Close to the Sun

2. The What Street Journal?

3. Crash and Burn

4. Shaken, Not Stirred

5. The Lobby for a Hobby

6. Who Says Romance Is Dead?

Part Two: Pandora

7. Opening the Box

8. Temporary Insanity

9. Cannibal Birds

10. Randolph Street Starbucks

11. Evict This , Motherf*cker

12. Jennsylvania

Epilogue

Acknowledgments