Bittersweet (19 page)

 

 

The smoke cleared. Venus was gone. The remains of her Armageddon surrounded us. Fire trucks, ambulances and police cars lined the dark road, their flashing lights illuminating the trees.

I watched the ambulance drive away with Davin strapped to a gurney inside. Only when the crimson taillights had disappeared into the distance could I look away.

“He'll be all right” Adrius reassured me.

“That's what they'd said. But for how long? The spell suppressing her magic worked. We might never get another chance like this again. She'll be on her guard if she doesn't just kill us all first.”

I searched Adrius' face. He looked different. “What did she do to you?”

He shrugged, indifferent, but there was something in the tense set of his jaw that indicated otherwise.

“Nothing that had any lasting effect.” He handed Zanthiel a key. “Take Lorelei back to my house. I'm going after Venus.”

I didn't have the strength to object, and he'd disappeared into the forest before I could find it.

My head buzzed, and every thought was fuzzy around the edge. “I need to get out of here.” My words slurred a little. In the aftermath of chaos, the three drinks I'd had at the bonfire were having an effect.

Zanthiel sighed. “Let's go.” He snatched the keys out of my pocket. “I will be driving,” he said firmly, leaving no room for argument. Not that I planned to.

We walked to my car without speaking. He opened the car door and I climbed in. I squinted at him as he got in behind the wheel. His silver eyes reflected the moonlight.

“Do you even have a license?” I said, leaning my head back. Exhaustion filled every cell of my aching body, and my eyes drifted shut.

He ignored me and we drove the distance in silence.

We pulled up to a darkened house. Adrius' house.

Zanthiel parked my car in front of the double garage and climbed out. He opened my door for me before I had time to unbuckle my seatbelt. “Get out of the car, Lorelei.”

I glared in defiance. “Don't tell me what to do. I don't need your help. I'm fine.”

Folding his arms, his eyes cut into me. “I need to get you into the house and I will carry you if I have to,” he warned.

“I'm not going in the house until you leave,” I said stubbornly.

“I'll leave when you're inside the house.”

I frowned at him and didn't budge.

He gave me a patient look and his lips curved slightly. Then he lifted me out of the seat, hauled me over his shoulder and marched me into the foyer.

“You should probably keep your distance from the sweets table,” he said, righting me on my feet.

“You can leave anytime now,” I shot back.

“Indeed? Because you seem to need a babysitter.”

“I'm not a child, so stop treating me like one.”

“I will stop treating you like one when you stop acting like one,” he countered evenly.

“And we're back to this again.” I rolled my eyes. Bad idea. The room started doing that spinny thing again.

“Now come on. I'm getting you into bed,” he said. An amused look crossed his face as he watched my expression.

“You wish,” I huffed indignantly but then teetered a little. I reached for the wall to steady myself, but my hand met with his instead.

“I have you,” he said.

Without further protest, I let him lead me up the mahogany staircase to Adrius' room.

He effortlessly kept me upright, though my head spins had finally slowed. I sat down on the bed and Zanthiel sat next to me.

Seeing Adrius at the bonfire with Venus… it did something to me. Awakened a crazy jealousy that I knew was totally uncalled for, but couldn't shake. He didn't love her. Not anymore. Neither of them did. Both Zanthiel and Adrius claimed they were over her. Decades ago. But… she still had Adrius under her control, and I couldn't stand to watch it a moment longer. The one drink Brianne had given me had turned into three very quickly.

Now Adrius was off with her, and I was here. With Zanthiel. Would it be equally upsetting for Adrius to find me here alone in his room with his former friend? Or would he know without a shadow of a doubt it meant nothing? That no other could possibly come between us? Of course he would. I was the only one insecure. This whole thing had been my idea, I had no right to be upset because it had worked.

On Zanthiel's insistence, I made my way to the bathroom and changed into one of Adrius' T-shirts.

He wasn't leaving until my head hit the pillow, so the sooner I complied the sooner he left me alone. Besides, I wasn't entirely certain he wouldn't change my clothes himself if I refused.

After splashing cold water in my face, I padded back to the room, feeling more embarrassed than tipsy.

He surveyed me from head to toe with a satisfied nod. The blankets had been turned down and he patted the bed. “Now be a good girl and climb in,” he said in that patronizing tone that made me want to smack him. Instead I wandered past him to the window.

Rain trickled down the pane, distorting the view of the distant trees. The forest was a place I longed to return to. Before all of this it was a place people feared. But I'd never been afraid—the forest called to me. It held secrets, mysteries… answers. Only now did I understand why. Although my
real life
had been utterly upended, I still found comfort in the bleak, rain-streaked view of my mystic forest. Despite its many perils.

Zanthiel eyed me warily, taking in my sullen mood swing. “Your friend will be fine, so what causes your sadness? You are the drinking party-girl now. Although clearly a lightweight.”

I pulled away from the window and worked up the nerve to face him. I felt like an idiot. He was right, none of that was me. I wasn't the party-girl type, so why was I acting like one? A dull ache throbbed in my temples and I was two spins shy of emptying my stomach content.

“What is this really about?” He refused to let go of my gaze now that he had it.

I exhaled a long heavy sigh as my shoulders sank. After everything we'd been through, I was still afraid. Not of death or dying or even the dark fate awaiting me, but of being alone.

“I can't lose him,” I murmured.

Zanthiel's expression shifted, softening a little even as his voice darkened. “I know. You won't.”

There was something to the look in his eyes, a fierceness that had little to do with a desire to save Adrius and more to do with not wanting to see me hurt.

I smiled, a faint and weak token of my immense appreciation for what he was yet again willing to do… all for the sake of my wellbeing.

Zanthiel narrowed his eyes. “Do not think this means I hate him any less.”

I shook my head. “No, of course not.” I cut my smile.

“That will never change, so if it's a cozy reunion you're hoping for, then you are in for more heartache,” he said, “But I will do what I can. For your sake.”

I stepped toward him and in an unprecedented act preceded by an unprecedented flood of emotions, I threw my arms around him and squeezed tightly. He stiffened at first, but then slowly his arms circled me and he pulled me closer. When he inhaled, I released him.

The look on his angular face blended confusion and vulnerability. It threw me off guard. These types of moments were a first for us. We had more of a chemically volatile, mutually irritating relationship. A physical attraction I couldn't ignore, but because there was no substance behind it, I brushed it aside easily. This was different. There was an exchange that happened in that embrace, and it set my nerves on edge. Warning bells sounded in my head, and I backed up instinctively as fight or flight self-preservation kicked in.

Zanthiel returned to his normal cool stance as he watched my reaction to his reaction. He looked smugly satisfied by the effect he'd had on me. It was too late to take back the hug, and regret, I'd learned, was a pointless emotion.

I cleared my throat. “Thanks, Zanthiel,” I said with as much impersonal distance as I could summon, given how close we were to one another.

“What was that for?” he asked, keeping his tone and gaze even. He took a small step toward me.

I shrugged quickly. “I told you. It was just a thank you. Don't read anything more into it,” I warned.

He flashed another fully loaded grin and in self-defense I looked away. I was neither emotionally equipped nor sober enough to withstand the charms of a Shadow fey.

“I mean it, Zanthiel, I'm grateful you care enough about me to help Adrius.”

His dazzling smile faded as I knew it would. Any mention of Adrius was sure to have that effect. He receded, giving me a curt not. But then he turned and rushed to me, catching one of my wrists in his hand.

“What are you doing?” I stared wide-eyed. My wrist tingled under his hold and he clamped down tighter.

“I will help you hold on to your prince, Lorelei. But just this once I want to hear you say that if things were different, and I was the one who needed saving… that you'd be willing to ask his help to save me as well.”

I sucked in a gasp of air, not realizing I'd been holding my breath for some time. My head spun from the lack of oxygen in the room and his close proximity. His words permeated me unexpectedly. The thought of something happening to him… my angel of music… it wasn't an event I could bring myself to contemplate. Not even hypothetically. There was no question in my mind of what I'd do. I pressed my free hand against his chest. He inhaled sharply.

“Zanthiel,” I said quietly. “You've saved my life… more than once. I would never let you die either. I couldn't bear it.” I choked on the words. “I've already lost so much… so many people I love. I couldn't bear…”

“Shhh.” He pressed a cool finger to my lips briefly before pulling his hand away. “I know.” He spoke in a voice thick with emotion. “I'm not going anywhere, your highness. I will always be just a thought away.”

He was gone before the last word reached my ears.

Alone in the darkened room of an empty house, I laid in bed wide awake, staring into the void. I felt something while I was folded in Zanthiel's arms and the cold penetrated my clothing. I'd always thought it was this town, and its wet damp climate responsible for my constant chill. Zanthiel's embrace led me to a realization… something I didn't want to admit to myself. I wasn't cold because of the Drearyton Cove's horrible weather, or even because of Zanthiel's chilled embrace. Cold was already in me. I was part Unseelie fey, the blood of the Winter Court and the magic of the ice witch flowed through my veins. I wasn't cold because I was in it. I was of it. And my core body temperature was dropping.

 

 

A cheery tune rang as my phone lit up on the night table. It vibrated in a lazy circle as I reached for it. Mom wasn't back yet, so it could have been her calling to check in. I glanced at the clock. Three in the morning? I frowned. Good news never arrived at this time. My stomached dipped as I answered.

“Hello?” I whispered the word, so as not to disturb Adrius still asleep next to me.

The line cracked and popped. Horrible reception. Strange, considering my mother was only an hour away. I'm not sure if I heard every word the person on the other end was saying, but a wave of dread ripped through me. I felt separate from everything happening, separated from myself. The unrecognizable voice on the phone, even my dimly lit room seemed like it was not really here… surreal. “Fire?” I heard myself say. “The Lemon Balm?”

The voice continued.

“There's something else…”
The voice sounded hollow, grave, and void of life.
“It's Neil McFarlane. He inhaled a lot of smoke, and they couldn't reach him in time. He... I'm sorry, but he's dead.”

****

Slumped in the passenger seat of Adrius' car, we whipped down the wet streets. I chewed my thumbnail until there was no nail left to chew. Pulling into the parking lot, I heard the vague sound of screeching brakes… the cutting engine. They all seemed so far away. I was lost, falling blindly through foggy abyss in my mind. The parking lot should be empty. It was the middle of the night. Instead it was crowded. Fire trucks, more than we had here in town. Police. Ambulance. Coroner. My mother's jeep. People everywhere. The quiet apathetic townsfolk had pulled themselves from their beds to gawk. Someone patted my arm. Mumbled something. An apology maybe. Why? This wasn't their fault. I stared in disbelief at the smoking remains of my grandmother's café. Then the view was cut off, as I was surrounded by officers I'd never met before. One flashed a badge. They weren't from here. I gulped in a breath, and blew it out slowly.

There were questions. Endless questions. They wanted to know where I was, what I was doing, who I'd been with. They didn't believe I had nothing to do with the fire in the woods. The fire in the café. The phone call that brought Neil here in the middle of the night.

They'd spoken to Abby's mother. And Abby. There were photos of me, standing next to the blaze.

I had no back up. No alibi. And I'd been the last one at the scene.

Gran's café.... a crime scene. “Arson,” they'd said.

Neil received the phone call that brought him to the Lemon Balm at 3 a.m. The explosion came shortly after. A phone call they insisted had come from me. I searched around my bag for my phone. Gone. I had it earlier. When? The hours blurred, one into the other.

Who had prepared the tea Neil drank? The one that left him paralyzed but conscious while his body burned to ash?

More questions. I began to shake.

“Answer us,” they demanded. Only I couldn't. Not because I didn't want to. Because there were no words left inside me. There was nothing. I was empty. Hollow.

Then Adrius was at my side, and the trembling slowed. I could breathe again, short shallow breaths. It was a start. The world slowly began to whir back to life, and I could form words and speak them. Put them together in short sentences that were semi coherent. I had to tell them where I was. “I wasn't at Abby's. I was with Adrius.”

My mother's face fell. The hurt and shock I saw surpassed every level of disappointment I'd ever witnessed in those blue eyes. I'd never seen her look at me with such resentment, such accusation, as though my spending the night with him was somehow the cause of the fire. As though I was to blame... for everything. An admission of guilt for all sins committed. Why had I called for him? What did I say? My mother quietly demanded to know how I could do this to her. How could I lie to her face? “She could be guilty,” someone whispered. “She obviously lies.” Adrius insisted they let me rest for a moment. They took his name. “Arson.” “Accomplice?” Sirens wailed. I wanted to also, but I was too numb. Frozen inside. State police and investigators would be called in. The fire had taken a life. Neil's life. The anesthetizing chills returned. And despite my mother's white hot anger and Adrius' warm embrace, I trembled uncontrollably.

I was having an out-of-body experience. It was odd to feel so disconnected from the reality surrounding me, but I wanted to stay that way. Because I knew that eventually I would slam back into myself and things would pick up where they left off. Neil would still be dead. The café, gone. I would still be the one they were looking to for answers while they pointed in blame.

My mother took me home. She told Adrius to stay away.

Sirens faded.

People dispersed.

Quiet returned.

Hours passed.

I walked back to the place my final nightmare had occurred. The place where Venus had taken the last piece of my heart. The ruffled edge of my white nightgown dragged through the mud. The thin strap slipped from my shoulder. I let it fall, as the soft rain fell and soaked through the thin fabric.

I stepped over shards of broken glass. Only then did I notice I didn't have shoes. Barefoot, I walked across debris. The pain couldn't reach me. The front of the café had been decimated, crippled beyond repair. Like my soul.

The walls of the Lemon Balm Cafe weren't buttery yellow anymore. They were black. Charred with peeling paint like flaking skin. Molten metal and twisted melted upholstery remained where booths and tables used to be. I can't believe, looking at it now that this was where I first saw Adrius. The look that stole my breath away. The air, once fragrant with the aroma of hearty food and sumptuous desserts now burned my lungs with the stench of ash and smoke. This is where everything started. Where I fell in love. Where I first felt the subtle pull of destiny. Where I was fated to lose my heart forever.

Now it was gone. All of it. Nothing remained but the smoky ruins of what once was.

Adrius found me there. My mother had called him and asked for his help. I was sitting on the ground, with my knees tucked under my chin. He lifted me into his arms, and carried me to his car. I twisted the blackened edges of my nightgown around my fingers, as he drove silently back to his house in the forest.

It was close to dawn when he put me to bed.

I slept then, but it was not restful. Dark haunting nightmares choked me until I resurfaced in the harsh morning light. The sunlight streaming through his window was too bright. It was insensitive for it to shine so brightly during such a dark time.

I heard my cell phone ring. Once. Four times. A dozen. I rolled over and tugged the sheets up over my head.

When I'd left the café my last time there, the thought that I'd never step foot inside it again would never have entered my mind. It should have. I blamed myself for that. I should have anticipated the level of evil I was dealing with. The lengths she was willing to go for what she wanted. How could good triumph against so much evil? I would never be willing to risk so much. So many innocent lives to be rid of her. I was numb for a long time. And then. I wasn't. A slow burn replaced the cold. A searing hatred that grew strong every second. My tears boiled dry. Rage pushed my sadness aside and took over, coloring my mind with one singular thought. Revenge. She would pay for what she'd done. I wanted justice. I wanted payback. I wanted her gone. And for a moment I saw a glimpse of the way she saw the world. Because in that moment I would have stopped at nothing to get what I wanted. It left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I swallowed it, preferring it to the sweetness of false hope.

“You're awake.” Adrius came into the room with a silver tray. He set it next to the bed, studying me with concerned eyes.

I glanced at the tray… steaming tea, toasted bagel, herbed cream cheese.

He sat on the edge of the bed next to me. “I called your mother,” he said quietly. “I assured her you were safe here. She sounded relieved, but she thinks you should talk to someone, other than me.”

I didn't respond.

He took the mug of tea and handed it to me, gently wrapping my fingers around the cup. “Drink. You'll feel better.”

I did as I was told. After two sips I set the cup down and slumped back against the pillows. My eyes drifted shut to block out the light.

By
talk to someone
, my mother meant Greenbalm. She thought therapy might pull me from this black hole abyss I was falling into. Thankfully he was still nowhere to be found. Not that I wished him any harm, but another stint on a psychiatrist's couch, pretending he wasn't an exiled elven royal and I wasn't the incurable mess that I was would push me over the edge, not pull me back from it.

No.

There was only one way to be free of my spiral into darkness.

One way for this nightmare to end.

Venus had to die.