Bittner, Rosanne (20 page)

Tess.
Tess. God, he'd sure like to make love to that woman. The thought of it brought
another release sooner than he would normally allow. He felt like an idiot
allowing such thoughts, knew how useless they were. He collapsed on top of
Jenny, holding her against himself. "Shit," he swore.

Jenny
grinned. "I believe you told me not to mention a certain name," she
answered. "So I won't. All I'll say is you just remember who to come to if
you need to talk about a woman. Ken is useless in that department, and you know
I'll understand anything you want to say."

He
rolled away from her. "There's nothing to talk about."

Jenny
closed her eyes and sighed. "I said
if
you need to talk. You just
remember that."

John
lay facing away from her, and the room hung silent for several minutes before
he spoke again. "I can't forget about her, Jenny. That's never happened to
me before."

She
moved against his back and ran a hand over his muscled arm. "Maybe you
should go talk to her—at least let her know you think about her, that you're concerned
about her."

"I
don't think so. I'm better off not seeing her again. It's easier that
way."

Jenny
realized she actually felt sorry for him. "If that's how you want it. I
can't make those decisions for you, honey. I can only make suggestions. She kissed
his back. "You going out on another assignment soon?"

"Tomorrow.
The captain thinks some men who robbed a bank in Las Cruces and then attacked a
train and killed the men guarding the mail car might be hiding out in the Hueco
Mountains. He wants us to try to find them before they get rested up and head
for Mexico. The Army is already on it, and you know how the Army hates to be
shown up by the Texas Rangers, so we've stayed out of it so far. I'm going in
on my own without Ken so as riot to draw much attention. If I happen to find
them, I'm supposed to let the Army take care of it."

"Sure
you will. By the time the Army gets there, there won't been enough left for
them to bother with."

John
stretched his arm over his head. "I'll try to be a good boy this time and
do it the right way. This is a pretty bad bunch, Holt Puckett and his gang.
They wreaked havoc all over Indian Territory, then northern Texas, then New
Mexico. Even
I
might not be mean enough for his bunch."

Jenny
laughed as she curled up against him. "John Hawkins always gets his man.
They'll shake in their boots when they find out who's after them."

"Yeah,
well, I won't be in any condition to get anybody if I don't get some
sleep."

Jenny
kissed at his chest. "Don't plan on sleeping too hard."

He
took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "She still at the boarding
house?"

Jenny
smiled. "Far as I know. People haven't been real kind to her. She's trying
to find work. I hoped maybe she'd come talk to me about things she needs to
talk about, but she hasn't. You going to see her before you leave
tomorrow?"

"I
don't know. Maybe."

"You
in love with her?"

There
was a long pause before he replied. "I don't know... maybe."

Tess
studied herself in the mirror. She had used some of her money to buy a new
wardrobe, two rather plain dresses and this one dress that was a little
fancier. It was blue, which her father and Abel had always told her was her
best color. She felt a stab of grief over both of them, but she figured over
the last six days she had cried so much there was no tears left. Finally alone,
she'd been able to vent her emotions with no one to see.

That
was done now. She had swallowed her pride enough to find a way to hang onto the
farm, and she would at least be away from town for a while, someplace where she
would not have to suffer the stares of others; but she feared Harriet Caldwell
would be no kinder than anyone else had been.

She
smoothed the draped apron-front skirt of her dress, thinking how in spite of
all her alterations the dress was still a little big on her. It was impossible
to find store-bought dresses that fit her right. She had purchased some
material she would use to make more clothes for herself once she got settled in
at the ranch. She turned in the mirror, studying the way this dress was
gathered in the back and topped with a silk bow. The fitted bodice accented her
tiny waist, and the elbow-length sleeves were trimmed with white ruffle. She
had asked the clerk at Cooper's store to please order for her a book of
patterns showing the latest styles that she could use to make more dresses for
herself.

She
put a lightweight black scarf around her shoulders, as she had done whenever
she had gone out in public, a sign of mourning. She picked up the one and only
hat she had purchased so far, a black straw bonnet with black netting she could
pull over her face. She pinned it into her hair, which she had piled into curls
at the crown of her head. She wanted to look her most respectable when she left
El Paso. She was not going to go slinking out of town in shame, nor was she
going to face Harriet Caldwell with anything but pride and an air of
respectability. Eventually people would understand she was the same honorable
woman she'd been before her abduction.

She
finished pinning the hat and picked up her purse and a large suitcase that held
all she owned in the world now. With one last glance she wondered what John
Hawkins would think if he saw her. The only time she had even come close to
looking this decent since his rescue was when Jenny brought her that one plain
dress to wear into town. Even then she had looked nothing like this, her hair
finally done up nicely, a little powder and color on her face. The only trouble
was, her face was peeling from getting sunburned during her ordeal, all the more
reason to wear the veil.

"And
what does it matter what John Hawkins might think?" she asked herself. She
started for the door when someone knocked. Thinking it must be Jim Caldwell,
she opened it to see John standing there. His presence startled her, especially
since she'd just been thinking about him. And she was somewhat taken by the
sight of him, cleaned up, his black hair shiny and clean and tied at the side
of his head so that it hung down in front over his shoulder. He wore clean
denim pants, a black shirt and vest, and had a six-gun strapped to his slim
hips. He held a black felt hat in his hand, which he held up.

"New
hat," he said. "I figured I'd let my horse drink out of the other one
too many times to keep putting it back on my head."

Tess
sensed he was a little nervous. Why? She stepped back, raising her veil.
"As you can see, I've had to buy a few new clothes myself."

"You
look nice." My God, you're beautiful! he wanted to say. "I'm getting
ready to head out on a new assignment. I just thought I ought to come and tell
you I'm glad you seem to be doing okay. I wanted you to know I didn't just ride
off and forget about you."

She
felt her cheeks getting warmer. "Well, I... I'm glad you took the time to
stop by. I needed to thank you once more for what you did. I'm leaving El Paso
for a while. I have found a way to work and hang onto my farm until I decide
what to do."

"Oh?
Where are you going?"

"I
will be living at the Caldwell ranch." She saw him bristle. "I don't
like the man one whit, as you well know. But he has promised to take care of my
farm in return for my doing some work for his wife at the house. I have little
choice at the present time. I'm hoping that after a time people will realize I
am no different than I ever was. Perhaps I'll be able to come back to town and
teach reading, something like that."

John
nodded, hating the thought of her having to put up with the very snobbish
Harriet Caldwell. The woman had insulted him in public a time or two, just as
Jim Caldwell seemed to enjoy doing. "Don't let Mrs. Caldwell break
you."

She
raised her chin with a hint of arrogance. "
No
one can break me,
John. I've been through the worst, and I came out just fine."

Let
me hold you, Tess.
"Looks
like it I'm glad you're all right."

"And
so, apparently, are you. I see the scabbing over your head wound is gone."

He
put a hand to the left side of his head. "There's a scar there, under all
the hair.

"And
did Jenny Simms help you wash it?" Why had she asked that! She had
actually allowed a ring of jealousy to the words. He looked surprised at the
question, and he smiled a little but also looked embarrassed.

"No.
I went to the public bathhouse."

She
closed her eyes in exasperation with herself. "I happened to notice your
horse tied in front of the saloon late yesterday. I... I would like you to
thank Jenny again for me. I think... I hope she understands why I haven't come
over to talk to her. I'm having enough trouble overcoming people's judgments
without—"

"Jenny
understands. When I left her this morning she told me to come over here and
tell you she thinks about you, too, and wishes the best for you."

When
I left her this morning.
So, he had spent the night with Jenny Simms.
"Well, thank you for coming over. I hope you don't have any problems on
your next assignment. I will pray for your safety."

He
nodded. "I'm not so sure any God exists who would care about me, but I
appreciate the gesture. I wish only the best for you, too. I just thought it
only right to come and see you once more."

He
put out his hand, and hesitantly Tess took it. He squeezed her hand gently, and
she felt the same warmth and true compassion she had that moment when he'd held
her in the wagon. She looked up at him. What was that in his dark eyes? He
truly cared! "Well, I'm... I'm glad you did. I was hoping you would."
She pulled her hand away, stunned by the comfort she'd taken in his touch.
"Mr. Caldwell will be pulling up at any moment to pick me up. I had better
go outside and wait for him." She turned to pick up her bag, but John
picked it up for her. She met his eyes again. What was this strange feeling he
gave her? And what was he trying to tell her with those eyes? "Thank
you," she said. She pulled down her veil and hurried out the door.

John
followed. "Damn," he muttered.
I
don't want to leave you,
Tess Carey.
He watched her walk, studied the slender figure he knew lay
beneath all the layers of material and under that silk bow. "Tess,"
he said when they reached the porch outside the door.

She
turned, obviously surprised by the way he had gently spoken her first name.
"Yes?"

Why
had he done that? Now what was he going to say? "Everything will work out
for you. You're a beautiful, educated, respectable lady. They'll all see that.
Good luck to you."

Why
did she suspect he wanted to say more? "And good luck to you. Please don't
keep taking such chances when you go after murderers and the like. You really
should be more careful, John."

The
only thing I have to be careful about are my feelings for you.
"I'll
try."

She
smiled. "You'll do no such thing. But thank you for telling me you
will."

John
laughed and set down her suitcase. He plunked the new hat on his head.
"Goodbye, Tess."

He
spoke the words with surprising gentleness. "Goodbye... John." She
watched him mount up, thinking how grand he looked on that golden horse. He
nodded to her and rode off, and for a brief moment she almost wished she were
riding with him. Her thoughts were interrupted when a wagon clattered up to the
front of the boarding house and Jim Caldwell jumped down to take her bag and
throw it in the back.

"You
ready, Tess?"

"I'm
ready." Why did she feel like crying again? She climbed onto the wagon
seat, and Caldwell snapped the reins to the two horses pulling the wagon. The
vehicle lurched forward. After a few minutes Tess looked back in the direction
in which John had ridden, surely headed for more danger. She could no longer
see him.

"I
would like you to bake some cookies. I am having some ladies and gentlemen here
for a meeting about hiring a teacher for the white children in the area, so I
would like you to prepare sufficient cookies and sandwiches."