Let us speak low, sir, if you please. Walls, you know, has ears. Now, sir, do you pledge me your solemn hoath, your bounden word as a man of honner, that my hidentity will remain forever hanonymous? Not the least 'int to a living creeter as I 'ave spoke to you? I must hinsist on your haffy-davy, sir, or it is no go at all! Not a word shall pass my lips hotherwise, nary so much as a syllable! Why, if 'twas to be known as I 'ad blowed – confided, like –'twould be my perfesshnl ruin, no less. Loyalty and trust, sir, is the sacred hemblems of our vo-cation, and 'im as breaks that trust, sir, disgraced 'e is, cast into houter darkness, and not a bloody 'ope of a sittywation thereafter. And I tell you, sir, not one word would I dye-vulge, hunder
torcher
, heven, if conscience did not compel me. That is the fact, sir; 'tis conscience alone as does it. The blunt would not tempt me, sir, not hif 'twas ten times the sum you hoffer – and very generous and 'ighly hacceptable, to be sure, but conscience is the thing.
It 'as cost me dear, believe me. I 'ave wrestled with my very soul, sir. But when I think of the trust as
she
broke, the betrayal of the 'usband she swore to love, honner, hobey, and all of that, I can keep silence no longer. Not that 'e was a whit better, but that's by the way. For 'tis a wife's sacred dooty, is it not, more'n an 'usband's? But 'er, what did she know of dooty, for all 'er fine hairs, and treated us in the servants' 'all like muck, she did, and 'ad no more dooty in 'er than a halley-cat! And with a nasty, low nigger and all!
You do give your word, sir, on your honner? Very good. You'll keep the same, I know, being a gentleman, a real hout-and-houter, as I seen soon's I set heyes on you, if you will forgive my a-saying so. We learn, sir, in the perfesshn, to tell Quality from common, do we not? I should say we do!
Well, then, in your ear …
it
–
is – true
… what you been told. Lady Manners was the paramour of the black pugilist Molineaux! There, now! 'E was not the first or honly, I can tell you, but the honly
black
man, you hunderstand, and 'ow she came to lower 'erself that far, well, sir, it fair leaves me speechless. Oh, there is many a fine lady of the
ton
as gives 'er wedded lord a pair of hantlers, as the saying is (and I could tell you, aha! but that is not in our bargain, so mum), but none I ever 'eard tell of as would stoop to de-grade 'erself with the likes of that … that sooty monster! It passes thinking of, sir. But Lady Bel, she did, more shame to 'er. It is gospel; I seen 'em at it, an 'orrible sight, and fair turned my stummick.
I blame Sir John, partly. Very loose, 'e was, a right rake, and let 'er go 'er own ways so long as she gave no cause for scandal. Why, she'd been hon and hoff with more gentlemen than I'd care to count, and all the Town knew when she took up with that Mad Buck Flash-man, but that was not hout of the way in Society in them days, I grieve to say. Sir John did not deign to let on, 'im being proper bred, and 'aving 'is own muslins to mind, but I say 'e did wrong, sir, wrong as could be, to turn a blind heye to the blackamoor – and hif, as some said, 'e did not twig, well, 'e hought to 'ave done.
It was this way, sir. Lady Bel, being young and topsides with all that was fast and fashionable, always 'ad a heye to the gladiators, and was seen at the mills a sight more often than was becoming, to my mind. Low ruffians is what they are, sir, and hought to 'ave been beneath the notice of 'er and hother young Quality females. Bad enough, you may say, when the pugs is white, but when I seen her at Margate, after Molineaux 'ad beat that Blake creeter, and was presented to 'er by Captain Flashman (as should 'ave known better, 'im being a hofficer), and 'ad the himpidence to kiss 'er 'and with them great lolloping lips, and the glowing look she give 'im – well, sir, I tell you I thought shame for 'er sex! To see 'er, that was so finickal and dainty, a-smiling on that black reeking savvidge, more like a hanimal than an 'uman 'e was … well, sir, you may picter my feelings.
I feared the worst, then. Did I not say to Mister Jessup, our butler: “She'll 'ave 'im, Mr Jessup, or I'm mistook.” “What, the black?” says he. “Never! A lady of 'er sensibilities – himpossible! Besides, she is a-lashing the laundry with Captain Flashman, is she not?” “Even
so,” says I, “you mark my words, Mr Jessup,” and I was proved right, sir.
This I will grant 'er, that she 'ad that much discretion, or cunning you might say, to 'old off until Sir John was gone down to Northamptonshire for the 'unting, and she could pursue 'er clandestine hamours hunremarked, by 'im leastways. By that time the black was all the crack, 'aving been matched to meet the Champion, and was feted and petted something sickening by all the sporting
ton
, and not them halone. Mr Carlisle, a professor gentleman, hemployed 'im as a model for teaching hanatomy, 'im being a specimen of the nigger breed, I dare say, and they 'ad 'im a-posing among them Greek statues of my Lord Helgin's and all – stark naked disgusting at a guinea a time for all the gentlemen to view, and would you believe it, sir, they exhibited 'im special to
ladies
also, and 'im in a britch-clout as would not 'ave made a pocket 'andkercher!
I never saw nothing so vile 'orrid, sir, not in all my days, as that beastly creeter, all shiny black and a-bulging, rolling 'is heyes and grinning, and the ladies letting on as they was comparing him to the statues – I knew what they was comparing, and it was not no lump of Greek marble, neither! I was that mortified I could not think where to look, and me misfortunate to be the honly man there hamong Lady Bel and 'er fine friends, all a-quizzing of 'im and whispering behind their muffs.
“Do you know, my dear Georgina,” says Lady Bel, “that for the first time I believe I understand Desdemona's partiality.”
“Oh, fie, Bel!” cries 'er friend. “Do you not recollect how the play ends?”
“I was thinking of the earlier acts,” says Lady Bel, sly-like, and at that they all burst out a-tittering, and vowed she was the wickedest thing. Desdemona was a lady wedded on a man of colour in a play, you see, Mister Jessup told me.
Lady Bel beckoned the hattendant that was there, and spoke with 'im sotter votchey, and tipped 'im a flimsy, and then – it is the shameful truth, sir, I tell no lie – he bade the black go in behind a screen, and Lady Bel and the Honnerable Georgina went round about it, and after a moment come out again, Lady Bel with 'er lazy smile like a tabby that 'as been at the cream, and t'other one blushing and in whoops. You never saw nothing so brazen, sir, the pair of 'em.
Need I tell you what followed, sir? I must on haccount o' conscience, though it makes my 'ead swim to think on it. 'Twould be a week after, my being hindisposed by some crab meat at supper, that I harose about one of the morning and caught young Halbert, the junior footman, and the boot-boy, on the backstairs in their night-shirts. I hasked what was the meaning of it, but dubbed close they was until I took a cane to the boy, and 'e sang loud enough then, that Lady Bel 'ad the Hafrican habovestairs in 'er chamber, and Halbert and 'im was habout to spy on 'em from 'er ladyship's boodwar, as they 'ad done many nights past.
“You lying tyke!” cries I. “'Ow dare you slander your mistress, you young 'ound, you? I'll not leave a hinch of skin on your breech for this!”
But my 'eart misgive me, sir, that true it was, and young Halbert swore to it, 'ow 'er ladyship's habigail – one of them French 'ussies, all paint and hinsolence – was used to leave the area door hunlatched of a night, and that coloured scoundrel was hupstairs by one and hout by six, reg'lar as clockwork, “and Lady Bel and the habigail both a-playing
ballum-rankum
for 'im, ain't it so, 'Erbert, we seen 'em ever so often, didn't we?” 'Im and that scamp 'Erbert was grinning and sniggering, sir, they thought it the primest gig, filthy little brocks.
Well, I was at a loss what to do, sir, as you may himagine, but not wishing to believe the worst without I 'ad seen for myself, I hordered the boy to bed and bade Halbert to conduct me, and went and hobserved through the crack of 'er ladyship's boodwar door. And I would cut out my tongue rather than say it, sir, but conscience compels – there was that monstrous blackamoor stallion a-setting naked on 'er ladyship's own bed, laughing and clapping 'is paws while Lady Bel and the habigail, with not a stitch between 'em, was a-dancing and a-flaunting of theirselves at 'im, and the candles all lit, and then the pair of 'em set about him, squealing like wild things, and carrying on for hever so long, and that 'orrid black fiend … no, sir, I can say no more, but they was at it, I can tell you, and never did I think to see Christian females so habandoned. The things they done, sir, and that
he
done, well, I was like to puke, and would 'ave tore myself away, but young Halbert was not to be budged, and 'im with the tail of 'is
shirt crammed in 'is chops to keep from laughing hout loud, 'e was that shameless.
So there it was, sir, as I 'ad seen with my own heyes, and naught for it but to hinform Mr Jessup, for with that Halbert and 'Erbert already in the know, 'ow was we to keep it from the hother servants, and then 'twould be the gossip of the 'ole world. Mr Jessup was that took aback, 'e needed a ball o' fire to set 'im right, and then said, very stern, it was 'is dooty to see for 'imself, such a scandal, 'e could not credit without 'e saw the same. So 'e did, the next night, and come down hafter an hour or more, and the sweat a-running off of 'is brow, sir, like water. 'E plumped down in 'is chair, all a-tremble, and sent Halbert straight to the cellar for a bottle of the old Nantes, to settle 'is self.
“By goles! I seen a deal in sixty year, and thought to know as much as befits a Christian, but that man o' colour is like nothing in nature!” says 'e. “God 'elp Tom Cribb!”
“God 'elp 'er ladyship, you mean!” cries I.
“John Doe,” says 'e, “she needs no more 'elp than Potiphar's wife! Jezebel was a babby to 'er, a hinnocent! She's run mad, pleasuring mad she is! It's that,” says 'e, “or the nigger's bewitched 'er!”
“Must we give our notice to the steward?” says I. “We are perfesshnl men of reppitation. Can we abide in this 'ouse as she 'as turned into an 'eathen bagnio? We must think of our good names, Mr Jessup!”
That gave 'im to consider, sir, right enough. “Eight and thirty years 'ave I served Sir John, and 'is father afore him. Where would I find another sittywation, at my time, tell me that? No, John, we must not be 'asty. Why, what would be said, what scandal might not harise, if the likes of you and me, perfesshnl men as you say, was to 'op the wag sudden-like? Besides,” says 'e, mighty solemn, “'tis not our place to judge our betters, whatsoever their conduck. That Lady Bel,” says 'e, taking a long pull of the Nantes, and shaking 'is old grey noddle, “beats anything in the Bible, I do believe, or them wicked Roman hempresses of yore. As for the black fellow, I would not 'ave credited such. It is the tropic sun as does it, I reckon.”
Well, sir, what was we to do, 'cept our hutmost to prevent such scandalous goings-on coming to the ear of the vulgar public? “We can stop the gabs of young Halbert and the boy 'Erbert, at all events,”
says Mr Jessup, 'tho 'ow 'e was to do that was beyond me, but 'e 'it on a prime notion. A long 'ead on 'im, 'ad old Jessup. He summoned 'em, stern as a judge, and told 'em that heven to
talk
of the 'orrors they 'ad witnessed would make 'em parties to unnatteral vice, which was a capital hoffence. I don't know as Halbert, who was a dodgy 'un, believed 'im, but 'Erbert fell a-blubbering, and both swore to keep their mummers shut.
But hothers knew, sir. The black, you see, was in training for 'is match with the Champion, and 'is people must 'ave twigged to 'is hassignations with my lady, for twice of a morning, nigh on six, the time when the habigail was used to let the nigger out at the area door, there was a man a-waiting, a lean likely villain in a round shap and black coat. Mr Jessup, who was a follower of the Fancy, swore it was Paddington Jones, the bruiser as 'ad charge of Molineaux – and if you ax me how Mr Jessup come to be at the back
winder
at that time o' day, sir, I cannot say, but I 'as my suspicions 'e was doing more spying than sleeping, and at 'is hage, too. Howsomever, Molineaux and the man Jones fell a-bickering in the very street; I 'eard 'em myself the second time, such habuse and filthy words as would 'ave scorched your ears, sir, afore they goes off together.
Now you may wonder at it, sir, but all the time she 'ad been degrading of 'erself with the black by night, Lady Bel 'ad been spry as a starling by day, driving hout with Captain Flashman and 'er friends, receiving and paying of 'er calls, seen about Town and the smart shops and the theatre and Halmack's, all quite the thing. I hattended on 'er as dooty demanded, and I fair marvelled at the brass fore'ead of 'er, I did. I should tell you, sir, she was the most delicate and refined creeter to look upon, hever so fair and fresh-like, with the sweetest manner and them wide blue peepers, butter wouldn't 'ave melted, and such a taste in dress as ravished the
ton
haltogether. 'Twas a privilege to wait hupon 'er, and made me right proud – until that hugly blackamoor, I never could hesteem 'er the same after, I could not. I would see 'er a-languishing on the Captain's harm, laughing with 'er fine friends, hinnocent as day, and think to myself, woe hunto you, my lady, your sins will find you hout one o' these days, or I'm parson's pig. And so they did, sir.
How Captain Flashman got wind of 'er goings-on, I know not.
P'raps by way of Paddington Jones or some hother of the black's people. Nor I wouldn't put it past that French habigail, a sly malishus trollop with more hairs and graces than 'er mistress, and the wickedest tongue. Anyways, sir, came a daybreak when I was in the kitchen at my morning wet, and Mr Jessup come in a huge fluster with his wig like an 'en's nest, and fair dragged me to the back winder, and who should we see but the Captain 'is very self, jumping down from 'is curricle, and the prads steaming like boiled flounders. Still 'alf-dark it was, but we could see as the Captain 'ad black rage writ all over 'im, pacing up and down in a passion and thrashing 'is whip on 'is boot.