Black As Night (Quentin Black Mystery #2) (26 page)

He winced openly at that. I felt another plume of grief off him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice quieter. “What do you want me to call you? I’ll call you whatever you want.”

“Mr. Accommodating, aren’t you?” I said bitterly. “But you won’t fuck me?”

He looked at me, but didn’t answer.

“Why?” I said. “The merchandise is ‘spoiled’ now, is that it?”

He winced, averting his gaze. “Miri... Miriam.
Gaos.”
He exhaled again, rubbing his face with a hand. I felt pain plume off him. I felt him fighting with what to say, rejecting things even as they rose in his mind. That pain on him worsened and I bit my lip.

“I don’t want him to be the
only one
who’s done that to me,” I said, hammering the words. “I don’t want him to be the
only one
who’s felt those things in me. Why don’t you understand that?”

“I
do
understand that,” he said, turning. “Better than you think.”

“Well, you’re my friend at least. Or I thought you were. Why won’t you––”

“Because giving yourself to me isn’t going to fix that!” He fell silent at my stare, his mouth grim. He shook his head, clicking softly. “I know this won’t mean anything to you... but I know something about this. Trust me on it, Miriam. It won’t help.”

“Do tell,” I said coldly. “Enlighten me with your wisdom, Black.”

He met my gaze, his eyes bright. “Miri, it wasn’t your fault.”

A cold finger touched something in my gut. “I never fucking thought it was.”

“Bullshit. It’s all over your light. You hate how you reacted to him. You hate it. But it wasn’t your fault. You’re a
seer...”

“I’m hearing that a lot lately,” I said.

“But you still don’t understand what it means.” He exhaled, leaning his arms on his thighs, wiping his face with a hand. “You know, I thought this shit would stop, being in this dimension. I thought with no humans knowing what we were... how to use our race against us... we wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore.” His voice grew bitter. “Instead we just do it to one another.”

“How poignant,” I said, my voice even colder. “How deep and philosophical you are, Black. I’m moved. Truly.”

He looked up at me. “Miri, you need to hear me on this. You can’t help how your body reacts. Moreover, you’re seer. You’re seer and he broke your light...” He gestured at me, real anger touching his voice for the first time. “I can see it, Miri... I can see what he did. He made it so you couldn’t keep him out. However you reacted to him after he did that to you... it’s not your fault.
He
did that. It makes it more of a rape, not less of one.”

His jaw hardened, forcing him silent briefly, then his voice turned into a growl.
 

“He did it to convince himself it was okay to take from you... to convince himself you wanted it, that it was all right, what he did. He didn’t just rape your body. He raped your light. He put structures all over you Miri, marking you.” That anger in his voice grew closer to hatred. “Only a fucking
animal
would do that. And trust me when I tell you, I’m going to hunt that fucker down and kill him like the animal he is...”

I felt that pain in my chest worsen. It choked me briefly, rendering me silent.

I shook my head.

“No,” I said.

“I’ve had it done to me, Miri,” Black said, turning. “I know what it feels like. I know exactly what I’m talking about.” He took my hand, the gesture so gentle it startled me, even as the anger in his voice grew more intense. “Your light will grow back... it’s starting to heal already, I can see that, too. But until it does, you’re visible, Miri. You were really, really good about shielding your race before. I couldn’t see it at all until you used your abilities with me in San Francisco. Now I can see it plain as day, just by looking at you. Until you grow that shield back, you’re like a neon fucking light.”

He swallowed, gripping my hand tighter as he studied my face.

“It’ll come back, Miri,” he assured me. “It will. One month. Two at most. And I’ll get every single structure he put in you
out
of your light, no matter how long it takes. He didn’t break you permanently. He didn’t. But I’m going to make damned sure he never gets near you again...not for any reason. Even if that means ripping his heart out with my bare hand...”

“No, Black.” I met his gaze. “Stay away from Solonik. I mean it.”

Briefly, confusion touched his eyes, then more anger. “Why? Why the fuck should I stay away from him?”

“You know why,” I said, my voice warning. When he continued to stare at me, his eyes incredulous, I averted my gaze, clearing my throat. “Mr. Lucky sent him here to deal with you. If you escalate this, they’ll never leave us alone... either of us.”

Glancing over at his silence, I watched his face, seeing confusion flicker over his expression a second time. He studied my eyes back, and that time I could feel the skepticism on him.

I squeezed his hand where he held my fingers in his.

“He said he didn’t kill those kids,” I said. When I could tell he wasn’t listening to me, just studying my light, I gripped his hand tighter. “Solonik. He claims he only burned them after. Some bullshit about purging their souls by fire.”

Black clicked softly under his breath.

Then, he let the other thing drop.

“Do you believe him?” he said, staring at the carpet.

I bit my lip. I felt how badly I wanted to say no, but I found myself nodding.

“Yes,” I said, reluctant. I looked up. “Who does that leave as the murderer? Donald? Some mystery person?”

There was another silence, then Black shrugged.

“It could be Donald,” he said. “Truthfully, I have my doubts. I had a few of my people follow him, too.” He glanced over at me, the look in his eyes still cautious, despite the grim set of his mouth. “You were right. He definitely likes kids. Just not little boys.”

I grimaced, fighting another sharp spike of nausea that closed my eyes. “Could this
get
any worse?” I forced it back, then fought to think through my own reaction. “Most of the kids killed have been boys, haven’t they?”

Black nodded slowly. “All of them.”

Something else hit me, some sliver of awareness in my mind. I looked up at Black.

“It’s a seer,” I said. “A seer is doing it.”

Black frowned. “You’re sure?”

Hesitating as I went over the feeling again, I nodded. “Yes,” I said. “Solonik thought so anyway.”

“But you still think it’s not Solonik.”

I shook my head. “No. It’s not Solonik.”

“Do you know why they’re doing it? Killing those kids?”

Slowly, I shook my head again. “No.”

Silence fell between us once more.

I sighed, combing my fingers through my hair. I didn’t let go of his hand to do it, but used my cut one, being careful with the bandage. Finally, I looked up at Black.
 

When I did, I caught him staring at me.

“You’re not protecting him,” he said, still studying my eyes. “So what is it, doc? Why are you trying to steer me away from him?”

I felt my jaw harden to stone. “You think I’m protecting Solonik?”

“I’m saying you
aren’t
protecting Solonik,” he said mildly, tugging on my hand. “So who are you protecting, Miri? Me?”

I shook my head, but not really in a no.

Biting my lip, I didn’t look at him when I next spoke.

“So what exactly is it that you do here? In Thailand?” I said. “With the kids who get picked up by traffickers?” Feeling a reaction on him, along with a sharper guilt, I looked at him, squeezing his hand in mine. “I’m not blaming you, Black. But Solonik mentioned it. He said he was sent here to ‘educate’ you. And you’ve said before that those child killings seem to be aimed at you. What is it you do here exactly? Did something change? Why are all of these seers coming after you now?”

He gave me a humorless smile, raising an eyebrow. “Are you asking me if I was lying to you about that before, doc?” he said drily.

“You know damned well I’m not asking you that,” I said, annoyed. “I’m asking if something’s changed. Why are they doing this now? What’s different?”

Black didn’t answer.

I could feel the answer on him though, sitting so close.

Black knew exactly what had changed. It was me.

I was what had changed.

The harder mask I’d seen in his face abruptly dropped. He sighed, combing his fingers through his own hair. Like me, he used his free hand without letting go of mine. He gripped my fingers tighter then, pulling my wrist into his lap.

“Gods, Miri,” he said, his voice soft. “I know I might not be acting it, but I’m so fucking happy to see you.” Swallowing, he stroked the palm of my hand, tracing his fingers around the nicks and cuts, looking down. “I thought I was going to lose my mind. I called in every favor I was ever owed, anything I could think of. Most of my fucking staff is here. I was running out of people to dangle off buildings––”

“Black,” I said, my voice warning.

He looked at me. “I already told them. I told them I’d stop, okay?”

“Who?” I said. “Who did you tell? Solonik?”

He shook his head. “I never met Solonik.” His jaw hardened. “If I’d felt your light on another seer like that, I would have broken his fucking neck.”

There was a silence. Clenching his jaw again, he shook his head. Then he seemed to force whatever it was back. His voice came out calm.

“I told Lucky if he gave you back, I would stop,” he said, focusing back on my hand in his lap. “I said I would never interfere with their business again. Lucky agreed... but then the next day he offered me Pete in trade instead... I’m now thinking because Solonik went dark when he figured out what you were.”

“He told Lucky I was dead. That he killed me on accident.”

Black nodded, his eyes glass. Clenching his jaw again, he shook his head, his eyes unseeing. “I was supposed to meet with Anders again tomorrow morning.”

He stroked my palm, giving me a strained smile. “But it’s done, Miri. I’ve already agreed. As long as they never go near you again, I’ll leave them alone.”

I shook my head, even as that colder pain returned to my chest.

“No,” I said.

“It’s done,” he said, his voice final. “I’m going to try and get Lawless’s grandson back, assuming he’s still alive. I suspect Lucky will let that happen under the circumstances, as long as I adhere to the rest of our deal. Solonik lied to him, so Lucky’s not going to be happy about that.” Stroking my fingers, he shrugged. “I’ll try to get Lucky to give me Solonik, too...but I doubt he’ll agree to that, no matter how pissed off he is at him.” His voice grew colder, even as he continued to caress my hand. “Seers are too rare in this dimension. Trained seers especially. Lucky won’t want to give him up.”

He raised my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles, almost without seeming to notice he did it. He went back to stroking my fingers, then my lower arm.

“Don’t go after him, Black,” I said, my voice warning. “He’ll be expecting it. More than that...he’ll use it as an excuse.” I searched for comprehension on his face. “He wants you dead. Do you understand? He told me that. More than once. In his deluded mind, loyalty to you was the only thing standing between marital bliss for me and him.”

He looked at me directly, his gold eyes hard. “I get that, Miriam. I really do. But this is more complicated than that, and you know it.” When I looked away, about to argue, he gripped my hand tighter, forcing my eyes back to his. “Don’t pretend you don’t understand. I know you do. Solonik can’t be allowed to live now that he knows what you are. Even if I didn’t have other reasons to want that fucker dead... he can’t leave this country alive. He can’t.”

I shook my head, my lips pressed together in a hard line.

After a longer silence, he exhaled, kissing my hand again.

“Either way, we’re going back... together. As soon as fucking possible,” he said.

He looked at me as if to get my agreement.

That time, I wouldn’t meet his gaze.

Eleven