Black Beans & Vice (31 page)

JAMES WAS JUST SHUTTING down his
computer when Fern floated into his office. At least that's how it appeared, since
she danced into the room on nimble feet,
completely hidden beneath a long, gauzy
skirt made of crinkled white cotton.

"Guess what, Professor?" she asked, her
eyes shimmering with excitement. "Some
guy from the Wellness Village just paid me for ten of my prints! He
emailed me over the weekend and asked me to bring them to work
today. Look!" She waved a fan of twenty-dollar bills in front of her.

"That's great," he answered, noting that Fern had begun to call
him "Professor"' in lieu of"Mr. Henry" in imitation of the Fitzgerald
brothers. James snapped his briefcase closed and wiped a fingerprint smear from the brass lock. "A guy, huh? I've seen very few men
around the Village. The workforce and clientele seem to be predominantly female."

"His name is Lennon, like the Beatles' singer," Fern went on.
"He was so complimentary about my photographs and wants to
give them to his girlfriend as a surprise birthday gift. Isn't that
sweet?"

James nodded. "I know his girlfriend a little. Her name is Skye
and I think she will absolutely love your work." He picked up his
briefcase and walked around the desk to where Fern stood, illuminating the doorway with happiness over her big sale. "I've chatted
with Lennon a time or two as well. A nice young man. He and Skye
are well suited."

I have to tell you something else!" Fern's smile grew even
wider. "Do you remember how I mentioned that I needed to give
another guy a gentle brush-off before I could get involved with
Scott?"

Wondering why Fern suddenly felt the need to discuss this
now, when he was clearly anxious to be on his way, James kept his
impatience in check. She didn't know that he needed to leave in
order to make it to the Wellness Village before his appointment
with Harmony and besides, it was difficult not to fall under the
spell of his winsome employee. However, just as Fern opened her
mouth to continue, her attention was caught by someone at the
circulation desk.

"Oh, there's Mrs. Honeycutt and her daughter. I promised to
tell them all about my favorite Newbery Medal winners. I'll let
Scott tell you the rest of my story." And with that, she skipped out
of his office.

Scott intercepted him in the lobby. "You can't go yet! I've been
dying to tell you this story all day, but I promised to wait for Fern's
shift to start. Now she's going to be too busy to act as my co-narrator. The Honeycutt girl might only be in the sixth grade, but
she reads five books a week. Mrs. Honeycutt wants books that are
sophisticated and deep, but without too many adult themes. Fern
told me she used to be the same kind of reader in middle school
and she typed up a whole list to show mother and daughter."

"We do aim to please here at the Shenandoah County Library,"
James said, proud of the excellent service Fern was providing.
Scott was gazing at Fern as though he'd never tire of looking at her.
"Scott, if you're going to weave me a tale, you'd better get started. I
need to be at the Wellness Village in fifteen minutes."

Scott rubbed his hands together, clearly eager to be able to
share a piece of significant news with his boss. "Before Fern was
hired, I told you how I really liked this person I met playing this
fantasy game on the computer, but had never met her in person.
So I tried to make that happen but our meetings kept getting postponed."
"

I remember," James waved him on.

"Right. Well, her gamer ID was CAPTRDMMT. Here. It's easier
to understand if I write it down." He scribbled the capital letters
on the back of a bookmark announcing Harlequin's new releases.
"What do you think this stands for? Just take a wild guess."

James loved word riddles of all kinds, so he was happy to
oblige. "Capture the moment?"

Scott's mouth fell open. "Whoa! You are totally correct! Guess
I'm not as sharp as you are, Professor, because I was so caught up in gamer mode that I figured it was an acronym for `Capture Dragons, Mages, Men, & Trolls. 'I assumed she was an evil sorceress."

"What happened? She turned out to be a fairy godmother instead?" James couldn't help teasing Scott a little. The young man
took his computer games a bit too seriously.

"Magical, yes! Evil, no. And she turned out to be a professional
photographer. Our photographer! Someone who captures the moment." He beamed. "This person, this cyber goddess, was Fern all
along! She and I have had this online connection for the past six
months! And then, she ends up working here. With me!"

James was stunned by the coincidence. Forgetting about his
time constraints, he leaned against the circulation desk and stared
at Scott. "Fern was the woman you kept trying to meet face-toface?"

"Yessir!" He whispered exuberantly. "She got cold feet the first
time. The second time I canceled because Jane asked Francis and
me to swing by the courthouse and watch you sign some seriously
important paperwork." He looked around wildly, as though the
closest library patrons might be listening in on their conversation.
"But then, last night, when Francis went over to Willow's place
and I tagged along because..." He blushed.

"Because you like Fern," James finished for him.

Scott pushed on his glasses and grinned again. "Yes, she's awesome! But anyway, I saw a screensaver shot from the game on her
computer and as soon as I asked her about it and she started talking about her character, I knew! There, right in front of me, was
my own beautiful druid priestess. A fantasy made flesh! How cool
it that?"

James smiled and clapped Scott on the back. "It is very cool.
Am Ito assume that you two are dating now?"

"That would be correct." Scott's eyes grew dreamy. "As of ten
thirteen Sunday night. That's the exact moment when I kissed my
Druid slash photographer slash librarian. I've had a crush on her
online for over six months and then I thought I had a new crush
on the girl who walked through that door two weeks ago." He
pointed toward the lobby. "I had no idea I had fallen for the same
girl twice over."

"Scott, that is the best story I've heard in a long time. Congratulations, son." He pumped the younger man's hand affectionately
and then darted outside into the afternoon sunshine.

Weightier knots of air, hinting at summer's impending humidity, had snuffed out the spring breeze. Still, as James drove through
town, he detected an atmosphere of anticipation. From the teenagers driving by with arms hanging out of car windows and radios pumping out bass-heavy hip hop music to the appearance of
sun-loving petunias in the sidewalk planters on Main Street, the
seasons were gearing up for a change.

To the teens, summer meant freedom but to James, the imminent shift created a feeling of urgency. He put aside thoughts of
Scott's newfound happiness and the details of his own imminent
vows and concentrated on a plan to coax information from the
Wellness Village's business owners. However, by the time he stood
in front of the Village's map, he realized it would be impossible to
canvass each and every cottage and still make it to his appointment on time.

"What's with the glum look?" Lindy asked, appearing on the
sidewalk beside him.

James was thrilled to see her. He needed help. "What are you
doing here?"

"Did you really think Lucy was going to sit around twiddling
her thumbs while you traipsed in and out of all these Health
Houses?" Lindy rolled her eyes. "She's given each of us an assignment. I'm in charge of investigating The Soothing Touch. I even
booked a hot stone massage so I'll have plenty of time to grill the
masseuse. Lord, I hope she's some kind of miracle worker. My
back is so tight you could bounce a quarter off it!"

"Alma's still giving you grief?"

Lindy sighed. "No, not really. She spends most of her time with
Luigi. It's Luis I'm worried about right now. I've hardly seen him
these past few days. I'm really worried that he's viewing me with
his mama's eyes-that I'm just not measuring up."

"Don't think that way, Lindy. Isn't this a crazy time of year for
those in the educational field? Grading final papers and projects,
having those last-minute conferences, and seeing who's going to
have to go to summer school while you're lazing about on a beach
somewhere?" James gave his friend a sideways glance, hoping his
words would prod her out of her depression.

Her dark eyes flashed. "You know I teach over the summer!
We don't get paid enough to spend twelve weeks working on our
tans!" She swatted him on the arm. "A-ha! You're just messing with
me. And yes, the teachers are super busy, but what can be taking up
so much of Luis' time?"

"The Star ran an article about a county-wide plan to prevent
the spread of the latest flu strain in our schools. It sounded like all
the area principals have been attending scores of meetings in order
to figure out a way to implement the new system come autumn." James knew he was grasping, but he proceeded anyway. "I bet half
his life is comprised of those kind of bureaucratic headaches. Miserable."

"Hey, our faculty meetings aren't exactly Mardi Gras," Lindy
scoffed, but her mood had brightened significantly. "Here come
the rest of our troops."

James swiveled to see Bennett and Gillian making their way
over from the parking lot.

"I never thought I'd see the day," Bennett grumbled. "I gotta
go talk to some twisty pretzel yoga lady. Pretend to be all kinds
of interested in bending my body in ways an animal made of two
hundred and six bones is not meant to bend."

Gillian was unfazed by Bennett's sour mood. "I have the honor
of speaking to the acupuncturist. I'd love to explore the idea of setting up services for some of my Yuppie Puppy clients."

Seeing that James and Lindy looked perplexed, she elaborated.
"Acupuncture can be a wonderful alternative to traditional medicine. Instead of taking drugs to relieve joint pain, a person can
turn to acupuncture for relief. Avoiding prescription medicine can
also mean avoiding harmful side effects." She took a quick breath
and then continued. "There are a select number of progressive veterinarians who believe that animals can also be treated using holistic methods."

"So a dog with an arthritic hip is gonna sit still while some fool
human sticks a hot needle in his side?" Bennett shook his head in
disbelief. "I'd like to see that!"

The friends laughed and decided to move ahead with their
search. James now only had to interview the natural healer, Roslyn Rhodes, before asking Skye and Harmony if they happened to own a defibrillator. Of course he felt it was ridiculous to even
go through the motions of questioning any of the even-tempered
ladies. It wasn't as though they exhibited the slightest inclination
toward violence or villainy, but he had to be thorough.

Roslyn was in the middle of a consultation when he dropped
by her office. James noted that she had no assistant but simply
hung a plaque on her door entreating visitors to make themselves
comfortable and that most consultations lasted between fifteen
and thirty minutes.

Hoping she'd be finished before his own appointment with
Harmony, James sat down to wait. After ten minutes of trying to
concentrate on a magazine entirely about herb gardens, James
grew restless. He decided to take a risk and peek behind some of
Roslyn's closed doors.

The first place he checked was the bathroom where he and Eliot had found Ned Woodman's body. He hadn't really taken a close
look at the room at the time, but his secondary inspection revealed
nothing. The room had two stalls, two sinks, a garbage pail, and a
paper towel dispenser.

James darted a glance at Roslyn's closed door and then tried
the handle of the door next to the bathroom. The handle refused
to budge up or down. The door was locked.

There was one more door at the far end of the hall on the same
side as Roslyn's office, so James treaded as lightly as he could on
the carpet and was gratified that the handle moved easily in his
hand. After hitting the light switch, he looked into a large, walk-in
supply closet filled with dozens of boxes, glass jars, and tiny vials containing herbs and holistic medicine. He had time to read
label names like Licorice Root, Milk Thistle, Bilberry, Grape Seed Extract, Fenugreek, and Thunder God Vine before he heard movement from inside Roslyn's office.

Shutting the door, James sprinted back to the waiting room
and picked up a random magazine. He then felt a stab of panic.
Had he remembered to turn off the lights? However, he quickly relaxed again, recalling how, on the day they'd met, Roslyn had confessed to being chronically absentminded.

"Thank you. I have as much energy as a teenager these days,"
a woman said with a laugh as she and Roslyn walked toward the
waiting room. "After twenty-two years of marriage things can get
mighty dull in the bed-" she stopped short upon seeing James.
"Oh!" Her cheeks flamed red and she shouldered her purse and
hurried toward the exit. "See you soon!" She called back over her
shoulder and left.

"Enjoy!" Roslyn shouted cheerfully and then smiled at James.
"How nice to see you. How is your son doing?"

"Fine, thanks," James answered. "Eliot's adjusted to vegetarianism with relative ease. As a matter of fact, the whole family has
been following his lead. I still eat meat, but I usually have it for
lunch when he's not around."

Roslyn nodded. "It took me awhile to lose those cravings too,
but I wanted to commit to veganism for a lifetime, so I knew I had
to be absolutely sure about my decision. At first, I gave in to a few
cravings, but eventually, I got over the taste of meat and have felt
much healthier and happier ever since."

"Eliot's conversion to vegetarianism prompted me to seek you
out." James indicated the framed posters showing the human digestive, circulatory, and nervous systems. "Now that the three of
us are eating natural foods, I'm aware of how good they make us feel. So when Eliot started getting a little cold, probably because
we wore him out at the Apple Blossom Festival, I wanted to find a
natural remedy for him. Any suggestions?"