I run my fingers through my hair and close my eyes. “Yeah. Totally fine.”
The only way I’m going to get over the passion I felt in Zach’s arms is to move on. Contact with each other will only scratch at the tiny opening of hurt I already feel. I need to end it.
Aubrey:
I’m on a date...
Before I can toss my phone back on the table, it buzzes again.
Riff:
Do you like him?
I sigh as I reply.
Aubrey:
Too early to tell at this point.
What’s with the twenty questions he’s throwing at me?
Riff:
I bet he can’t make you scream his name out like I can.
I shake my head.
Aubrey:
Friends don’t talk to each other like this...
Hopefully that reminds him of the little conversation we had at the bar.
Riff:
Fuck being friends, then. I want you.
I feel a blush creep into my cheeks. He’s knows exactly what to say in order to get to me. A forceful man that isn’t afraid to go after what he wants is my biggest weakness. I guess it’s why I’m always falling for the wrong type of man. Guys like that don’t think about consequences or futures, which is why relationships with them never work, no matter how much I want them to.
Aubrey:
I can’t...
Riff:
Can’t what?
Aubrey:
Be with you.
Before he has a chance to respond, I toss my phone into my purse. Isaac stares at me expectantly, but I merely shrug. There’s no way I’m going into the long sordid details of how my weekend fling wants more from me. Information about your sexual relationships getting out in the workplace is never a good scene. People are so judgmental and I don’t want to be known as the office slut because I enjoy having a little fun from time to time.
Isaac opens his mouth to speak, but before he does I cut him off because he’s so predictable I know exactly what he’s going to say. “Everything’s fine. It’s Lanie. She’s missing Noel.”
He raises his eyebrows. “So she and Noel Falcon are...”
I sigh. Sometimes I let my loose lips get me into trouble, but the cat’s out of the bag now. I might as well answer the best I can. “She knew Noel growing up. They were high school sweethearts. They’re actually pretty, sickeningly-sweet.”
“You don’t think that’s romantic? Reuniting with a first love can be powerful thing.”
I grin. “That’s actually one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard a man say.”
He twists his lips and fights back a smile. “I try.”
I lean my elbow on the table and rest my cheek in my hand. Maybe there is something that can work about a nice guy. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to have someone love you back just as much as you love them. I gaze into his clear blue eyes and wonder if I can be truly happy with a man like him. Would I miss the wild nights? He doesn’t look like he’s the type to spice things up too much in bed.
But is that the trade off? Love of a solid man equals the loss of amazing sex?
Isaac leans in a bit. “I like you, Aubrey, and want the chance to get to know you better. Would you go out on a real date with me sometime? No strings attached, just dinner.”
“Isn’t that against some sort of company policy?”
He shrugs. “I’m sure it is since I’m your direct boss, but we can keep things between us for a while and see how things go.”
He’s right. The fact that he’s my direct boss probably is a bad thing, but he doesn’t seem too concerned about it. If we start down this path and things don’t work I don’t know what that’ll mean for me, but I know that Isaac is a nice guy. He’d never try to start something if he wasn’t sure we’d work out. He’s too much of a planner to be spontaneous.
Dating him may be the change in my love life I need.
A
ubrey’s response that she can’t be with me cuts deep. I fire back am instant message asking her
why
, but she doesn’t answer. The urge to fling my phone across the bus fills every inch of me. Why didn’t I see this coming? I’m a rotten bastard that deserves this misery, and I want to kick my own ass for allowing myself to feel things for this girl—to want more with her. She’s genuine, and that’s what I want.
Big Bertha rolls down the road, taking us to the next city on our tour. I hate being trapped on here at a time like this. More than anything I want to hop on my bike and drive for a few hours to try to clear my head.
I hate that I’m so fucked up that no one can stand to be around me long term.
“Fuck you, bitch. I got you!” Trip yells at the television as he smashes buttons on the game controller.
I shake my head. “What’s with you guys and video games?”
Tyke shrugs, but never removes his eyes from the screen as he fights his brother. “I could ask you the same thing about the Oreos.”
My shoulders tense. Oreos are special to me because of my sister, but that’s not something I share with anyone. The twins know all about my family and the trauma we went through, but that’s only because they knew me when it all happened. What I wouldn’t give to block out my past. It’s too fucking painful to think about. I don’t deserve to be alive, let alone have any happiness. Oreos and the happy memories of me and Hailey together tied to them are the only positives I allow myself.
When the game ends, Tyke gets up and grabs his notepad. “I’ve been working on some new lyrics. I want you guys to tell me what you think.”
“I’m down,” Trip says.
I close up the cookies and push them aside, eager to work on some music. After I grab my Gibson from the front of the bus, I sit down on the love seat glad to have something to occupy my mind.
“Okay, the beat goes a little something like this.” Tyke slaps the table in front of him to a steady beat. “And I’m thinking the bass sounds raunchy.”
He starts making low-pitched noises with his mouth while keeping time on the table. I close my eyes and allow the melody to fill me. It’s a dirty beat and my fingers glide over the threads as the vision of the cords I need to play flood my brain.
Like every other time we write a song, I strum the first notes that come to mind. We play it through for a couple minutes and Trip sits down and takes over the drum beat and we start again, only this time I open my mouth sign the lyrics on Tyke’s paper. The parts he still needs to write I improvise with a little humming.
“Through the rain cloud—there you were...hmmmm, hmmm, hmm,” I sing.
Trip nods his head. “Yeah, I like it.”
We run through it a few more times, each time getting it tuned finer. “It’s great, man. The bones are solid.”
Tykes grins. “Thanks, bro. You know how it is when I write. I never know until we start putting it together if it’s going to work or not.”
I roll my eyes—always the self-doubter. “I think you got something with this one.”
We wrap up our jam session and Lanie opens the door and makes her way down the hallway. Her hair is a little frizzy from sleep and she squints at the bright lights.
I glance over at the clock. Damn. It’s nearly four in the morning. She’s probably pissed we woke her up.
“Hey, if it isn’t sleeping beauty,” Trip teases. “Lonely back there in the love shack?”
A blush creeps up into her cheeks as we all laugh. She squeezes in next to me on the love seat and lowers her chin to avoid our stares.
Trip and Tyke gravitate back to the
Xbox
to resume the game they were playing.
Trip looks over at Lanie and smirks. “Lanie, since he isn’t here, you have to tell us what Noel was like when you guys dated before.”
“Yeah,” Tyke agrees, while adjusting the bandanna on his forehead. “We need dirt—the good stuff. Did he get the crap kicked out of him in school? We need ammo to torment him.”
She shrugs. “Sorry, guys. There’s isn’t much to tell. Noel’s pretty straight laced. He doesn’t have many secrets.”
“That
you
know of,” I chime in.
Her head snaps toward me. “What’s that supposed to mean? You keep alluding to some big thing Noel is keeping from me.”
I shrug. She really doesn’t have a fucking clue. Damn him. I knew it. “It means just that.”
“Noel doesn’t keep things from me. He doesn’t like secrets between us.”
“Well maybe you should—”
“Dude!” Trip cuts me off. “Now is not the time, man.”
“You don’t think she should know? I guarantee he hasn’t told her. Look at her face.” I point to Lanie. “She has no fucking clue what I’m talking about. I’m trying to look out for her. She’s a nice girl and I don’t want to see her get hurt.”
Trip rubs his forehead. “I know. I know. But, it’s not our place to tell her.”
Lanie waves her hand. “Guys, I’m right here. Tell me what the fuck is going on.”
I set my eyes on her. She really does look clueless, like she trusts him completely and it makes me feel pity for her. She has to know. I don’t give a fuck who gets mad, least of all Noel. I’ve had enough of his shit. “Lanie...Noel has a girlfriend.”
She furrows her brow. “What? No way! You guys are messing with me.”
Tyke frowns, and I shake my head.
“I—I don’t believe you. He wouldn’t...No.”
I toy with the hoop through my bottom lip. “It’s true, Lanie. I’m sorry.”
She clutches her chest. I can literally see her struggle for air to breathe. She gasps with her eyes wide and then turns pale.
Fuck. I’m not prepared for this big of a freak out.
Tyke drops to his knees in front of her and places of his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe, Lanie. You’re white as snow.”
There’s a long pause as she processes the information and for a second I feel guilty for telling her, but know deep down it’s the right thing. Hopefully, this pain will be like a band-aid. One quick rip and done.
She raises her head and questions, “How long?”
“How long what, Lanie?” Tyke asks.
“The girl. Has he been with her long?” Tyke looks to Trip then to me for an answer. He hates being wrapped up in drama of any kind. Guess it’s up to me to field this one.
I roll my lips into a line, and this is harder to do than I thought. “Not long—only a few months.”
“This whole time—why would he do this?”
“Because Noel Falcon is a selfish prick,” I say. “He doesn’t give a shit about anybody but himself.”
She scrubs her fingers down her face. “Oh, god. I can’t believe this.”
I touch her shoulder gingerly. “I’m sorry, Lanie. He’s a shit.”
Her face twists and it’s obvious she’s fighting back tears. Her legs wobble as she pushes herself up from the seat.
“Lanie? Are you all right?” Tyke asks.
“I’m fine,” she says before heading towards bedroom door, slamming it behind her.
As soon as she’s gone Trip turns around and glares at me. “Jesus! What the fuck was that?”
I rub my forehead. I knew he’d be all over my ass. “Don’t start. It had to be done, man.”
“But I told you, nothing good would come of doing that.”
My eyebrows crinkle. “Her knowing is good. Noel needs to take some responsibility for his actions. Someone needed to force his hand.”
“And that had to be you? Don’t you know how much shit this is going to stir up? We’re already struggling to keep this band together as is. Do you want to fuck this all up on purpose for us?”
I shake my head. “No! I just...”
I stop myself from yelling out that Noel’s a selfish prick and I’m done with that fucking asshole.
I sigh. “Look, I’ll go talk to her, okay.”
Trip glances at his brother and then back to me. “You better fix this, man. This band is my fucking life.”
I shove up from the love seat and head towards the back of the bus. I knock softly on the door. I feel like a complete ass for saying anything now, but she needed to hear the truth.
When she doesn’t answer, I open the door slowly. The mattress is bare and the sheets lay in a massive heap in the corner of the small room. She’s a fucking tornado when she’s pissed.
Her tear streaked face stares up at me, and I can see how torn up she is. Her shoulders sag as she pats the spot beside her on the bed.
I give her the best smile I can muster, but I know it’s sad “You okay?”
She shakes her head, “Yes.”
“That’s not very convincing.”
She sighs and her voice quivers. “I know, but what choice do I have?”
I tilt my head. “You have all the power here, Lanie. Noel screwed you over like he did to me. That’s who he is. But you have the power to do what’s best for you and get the hell away from him. I would if I could, but I’m kind of stuck here.”
She snorts. “I know the feeling.”
“Ah, yes, the job—I almost forgot about that. Well, I guess you and I are both screwed by him.”
She turns toward me, clearly trying to figure me out. “You mean you’d leave this band if you could?”
I nod. She has no clue how much I wish I could be free of Noel and his bullshit. “In a heartbeat. I can hardly look at the guy without wanting to kick his ass. But, this band is my life. It’s all I’ve ever known. I can’t walk away, no matter how much I want to.”
“I’ve noticed there’s some tension between you two.”
I laugh, but it has a bitter edge to it. “Yeah, well, when your best friend fucks your woman, you’ll have that.”
Her eyes widen. “Noel...”
“Yes,” I answer her unspoken question. “His girlfriend is my ex, Sophie.”
Lanie throws her hand over her mouth and darts out of the bedroom. The paper-thin walls in the bathroom don’t muffle sound at all. I hear every heave as she loses all the contents of her stomach.
When Noel gets back, I’ll have a fight on my hands—spilling this secret will not go over well.
N
oel throws open the curtain to my bunk and lunges inside. “You fucking told her?”
“You can’t have them both,” I yell back the moment he grabs handfuls of my shirt. I knew this moment was coming as soon as I told her. “I won’t let you do that to Sophie.”