Images started to filter back—Gabriel’s hands, Gabriel’s mouth—and I felt my face redden. I sat up, and immediately felt dizzy. Black spots danced in front of my eyes.
“What do you need?” he asked immediately.
The question was entirely innocent, but our recent activities made it seem very suggestive to me. I wondered vaguely if everyone felt this stupid and awkward after they made out for the first time.
“Umm, some water,” I said.
He got up and went into the kitchen, and more memories trickled back, and then I remembered the explosion. I shot to my feet, then swayed and grabbed the doorknob so I didn’t slide to the floor again.
Gabriel came back in with a glass of water and saw me hanging on to the wall for dear life. “Gods above and below. You are as white as chalk.”
He placed the glass on the table and rushed to my side, lifting me easily. He laid me on the couch and would have pulled away, but I grasped his hand and pressed it.
“You aren’t hurt?” I asked urgently. My eyes roamed all over him, looking for signs that his skin had been blasted off like Ramuell’s. But he looked as perfect as ever.
“I am unhurt,” he said, and to my surprise the tips of his ears turned pink.
I looked at him questioningly. “What happened? How come the starburst didn’t mince you up the way it did Ramuell?”
“I do not know why your power behaved that way, or why it harmed Ramuell and not myself,” he said. “I have never seen a manifestation like that before.”
“But something happened to you,” I guessed.
“Yes, well, I imagine it was due to the nature of our activities at the time,” he said, turning his face away.
I had never seen him less than perfectly composed, and that in itself was so distracting that it took me a minute to put two and two together.
“It felt
good
, didn’t it?” I guessed.
“Yes,” he said, barely opening his lips.
“How good?” I pressed.
“Very good,” he almost whispered. I was surprised to see a bit of red creep up his cheeks.
I gave out a bark of laughter. “So Ramuell gets roasted alive, I get a hangover, and you get a happy. There is something very unfair in this equation, and I’m pretty sure it’s unfair to me.”
Gabriel stiffened for a moment, and then some of the tension went out of him and he laughed. He kissed my forehead gently. “I think the issue to address is the source of this power. It seems to manifest itself at unexpected moments.”
“And, apparently, it has varied effects,” I said.
“Most important, it appears to exhaust you completely afterward, which is dangerous. If this power burst out of you while you were in combat with Ramuell or Antares, you would be left vulnerable to an attack.”
“Assuming that the power didn’t blast them off the face of the Earth,” I pointed out.
“I am not certain that we can count on that happening,” he said. “Obviously, your power affected me differently from Ramuell. The next time, it may do something else entirely.”
A sudden thought occurred to me. “Just tell me that Beezle slept through this.”
“I have not seen the gargoyle,” Gabriel said.
“Good,” I said. “Because I don’t want to hear any lectures right now.”
“Lectures?” His right eyebrow quirked up.
“Beezle thinks that it’s dangerous for me to . . . involve myself with you.” I watched his face carefully as I said this, and my heart sank when he turned grim.
“The gargoyle is correct,” he said. “It is very dangerous for you, which is why this must never happen again.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, and I cursed the plaintive note in my voice. Why did he make me feel this way?
“For us to be involved, as you put it, would threaten your life and mine. Lord Azazel would not thank me for putting his beloved daughter’s life in peril.”
“But you haven’t explained why,” I said. I wanted to cry out in frustration or to beg him not to say these things, and I thought that attraction was a terrible thing if it made you so vulnerable.
“Maddy, no matter how much I may want you,” he said steadily, “it cannot be.
We
cannot be.”
I turned my head away, embarrassed by my longing for him, by the way I had thrown myself at him.
“Don’t,” he said, putting his finger under my chin and turning my face back. “Do not turn from me in shame. The fault is not with you, but with me. I allowed myself to be overcome by my own jealousy.”
“Jealousy? Of what?” I asked.
“Of that puling human Bennett,” he said, and his vehemence startled me.
“Bennett? J.B.?” I asked incredulously.
“You do not see the way that he looks at you,” Gabriel said. “And you think he is attractive.”
“Well, yeah,” I said. “Because I’m not blind.”
The pouty expression on his face made me laugh. “Gabriel, there are many, many attractive men in the world, but not one of them holds a candle to you. You’re an angel, for Pete’s sake.”
“Half angel,” he said.
“Yeah, well, you seem to have gotten your looks from your mom. Ramuell got beat hard with the ugly stick. And besides, J.B. is a pain in my ass at the best of times and a total flaming jerk otherwise. It doesn’t matter how cute he is. I don’t think too much of his personality.”
“You did not think too much of my personality recently, either,” he said. “You were quite furious with me for entering your mind.”
I colored in embarrassment. “Well, yes. And I’m still annoyed about that, to tell you the truth. It was wrong of you.”
He nodded.
“But you saved my life a few times, so I’ve decided to forgive you. Besides, I’m sure that you were acting on my father’s orders.”
“Yes.”
“So he’s the one I need to yell at.” I sobered, remembering why we were having this conversation. “But I still don’t understand why you’re breaking up with me before we’ve even gone on a date.”
Gabriel exhaled heavily and pushed off the sofa, pacing the room like a restless lion. “The nephilim’s lives were preserved because the Grigori did not want to murder their own children, however monstrous. But neither did the Grigori want further generations of nephilim. So the nephilim were forbidden to reproduce, and since I am half nephilim, this edict also falls on me.”
I stared at him. “So, you can’t have babies. Does that mean that we can’t be together? Hello, birth control?”
Gabriel’s mouth twisted. “Human methods of preventing conception would be unable to stop you from getting pregnant. We are supernatural beings. There has never been a case where an angelic being has not impregnated his human partner. I have every reason to believe that if I made love to you, you would conceive my child. And for that sin, we would both be brought before Lucifer and punished.”
“By ‘punished,’ you mean killed?”
Gabriel nodded.
I stared at him. “So, you’re saying you’ve basically been condemned to a loveless existence because you can’t reproduce, and if you do, you and your lover and your child will be slaughtered?”
He nodded again.
I pushed myself up to my elbows and felt another wave of dizziness. I was furious, but I felt too tired and sick to move any farther. “You’re being punished for all eternity because your mother was raped by a nephilim? That’s ridiculous. That’s cruel.”
“That is Lord Lucifer,” Gabriel said. “His word is law, and his law is binding. These are the terms of my existence. Should I attempt to appeal them, I am certain he would remind me that I could have been struck down while still an infant.”
I wanted to go on, to argue some more, to find a way for us to make it work. It was beyond unfair that I had finally found someone to be with and he had a sword of Damocles hanging over him that would come down the second we knocked boots.
But there were, as always, more important things to worry about. I decided to revert to professional mode and worry about my tangled feelings later.
“Gabriel, I had wanted to go to the Hall of Records today. And now that J.B. has seen Antares, he’s more likely to cooperate.”
Gabriel looked a little surprised at my sudden shift in topic but seemed to realize it was best not to spend any more time talking about the whole forbidden-lust thing.
I continued. “I was planning on going there so that I could look for other people like my mother and Patrick—people whose records don’t show their choice after death. I thought it could help me find Ramuell.”
“And it still may,” Gabriel said thoughtfully. “Ramuell’s victims may help us define his purpose here if there is a pattern to his choices. It also may help us identify his puppeteer. Whoever loosed this creature did so for their own foul purpose.”
There was something not quite right here. I frowned. “One thing I don’t get about this puppet master theory, though—if my father sent you here to protect me because only you can contain Ramuell long enough for him to be re-bound, then how could a puppet master control the nephilim? I mean, you said it took all the magic of the fallen to bind the nephilim before, right?”
“Yes,” Gabriel said, and a crease appeared between his brows.
“So who, besides you, could possibly have the power to contain it in between rampages?” I asked.
“There could be more than one master,” Gabriel said. “It would make sense. Only the combined magic of many powerful creatures could contain even one nephilim.”
“Unless you are a descendant of one,” I said, and I felt a little tickle in the back of my brain.
Gabriel looked at me with the same dawning comprehension in his eyes. “You think Ramuell has another child.”
“It makes more sense than a confederacy of the fallen, doesn’t it? I mean, how would that many masters hide what they were doing from Lucifer?” I asked.
“I think you are underestimating the number of enemies Lucifer has,” Gabriel said with a half smile.
“But are there that many enemies who share the same purpose?” I persisted.
“Another child of the nephilim,” Gabriel mused. “How could one be unknown to us? My birth was so unusual, so unwanted by above and below, that I was sentenced to death virtually at the moment of conception. How could Ramuell’s other offspring be hidden?”
“I don’t know,” I said, feeling suddenly tired. It seemed that every answer I found brought new questions. “There is something else ...”
“And what is that?”
It was hard to say this without sounding like a child. Every time someone mentioned my father, I felt confused. On the one hand, to be the object of his apparent adoration was a heady thing for a fatherless little girl. On the other hand, I was angry at his desertion of myself and my mother, and even angrier that he still didn’t see fit to be present when my life was obviously in danger.
“I want to see my father. Can you take me to him?”
Gabriel looked shocked. “Madeline, you cannot simply appear in Azazel’s court. There are protocols to follow.”
“Am I his daughter, or aren’t I?” I said angrily. I had been attacked by demons and nephilim, been overwhelmed by visions and new powers and assorted revelations, and the being responsible for the whole mess was two states away. I wanted to look him in the eye, to at least see the man who had conceived me and left me with a giant target on my back.
“You are his daughter, yes, but ...” Gabriel looked more uncertain than I had ever seen him. “You cannot demand to see him. He is a lord, and if you do not follow the correct protocol, you could endanger my life and your own.”
I felt a little tremble at the thought that Gabriel might be hurt. I didn’t want to subject him to any more harm than he had already obviously suffered at Azazel’s hands, but at the same time I didn’t want to back off. I wasn’t going to wait for Azazel to decide he felt like being a father. By the time that happened, I might be carved into tiny, bite-sized pieces by Ramuell.
“Then tell me the protocol. I want to see him.”
“But . . .”
“Make it happen, Gabriel,” I said. I was uncomfortably aware of the fact that I had just given him an order, and that he must follow it. I was Lord Azazel’s daughter, and he was a thrall. The gap between us loomed up, dark and sudden, and I realized that even without his unfortunate bloodline it would be nearly impossible for us be together.
His body stiffened. He hadn’t missed the command in my voice, either.
“As you wish, my lady,” he said, and I shivered at the coldness in his voice.
He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and went into the kitchen. I heard the murmur of his voice, too low for me to make out the words.
I went to the front window and looked out. The black field of night was turning blue, and some early risers were already out walking their dogs. It was another day, the fourth since I had stood at this window and waved good-bye to Patrick for the last time.