BlackMoon Beginnings (25 page)

“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” I say as I
try to catch my breath and return my heart to a normal rate.

“I wasn’t really being quiet. The door
slammed shut because of the wind. I thought you would have heard
that.”

“Well I didn’t.”

“Obviously.” I exhale loudly and walk down
the last couple of steps to grab my notebook that I had thrown into
the yard and return to my previous spot. “What are you drawing?” He
repeats.

“I don’t know exactly. Just doodling.” I look
down at the drawing. It is just a bunch of random swirls and
spirals, wrapping around each other in an intricate design. They
don’t form any obvious shapes. “How long have I been out here?”

“Two…Three hours now.”

“Seriously? It’s been that long?” It feels
like I have only been out here for a couple of minutes.

“Yeah, Emma said you needed some time by
yourself. She wouldn’t tell us anymore than that. Is something
wrong?” I am thankful that Emma didn’t say anything. I’ll have to
thank her later. “Colton seems upset.”

I look over at him to see if he is going to
say anything else. When he doesn’t, I take a deep breath and lean
my head on his shoulder. “Nothing is wrong specifically. Emma was
right, I just needed to relax and be alone for a little while. I’m
okay now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I stand up and grab my notebook and
pencil off of the ground, “Let’s go back inside.”

Things from that point on are a little
awkward. I talk to Colton in group settings, but avoid being around
him alone. No one seems to really know what is going on besides
Emma. We all train everyday and Conner, Natasha, Natalie, and
Madison come over every night. After a couple of days, things start
settling down. Natasha always finds a way to corner me and threaten
me about Colton, because apparently I am standing in her way or
something. She would mention all of the reasons why I’m not right
for him. Colton stopped trying to get me alone to talk. I start to
hang out with Liam more, while David and Emma are still in the
flirty friendship stage.

It is Saturday night and I am in the
entertainment room with Liam and Logan. They’re both watching a
movie. Leaning against the arm rest of the couch, my legs in Liam’s
lap, I’m doodling in my notebook when Colton comes in with a
giggling Natasha. I don’t look up at either of them. Liam looks
over at me, trying to decipher my reaction, but I keep my eyes
glued on my notebook, drawing and detailing leaves on my
flower.

“Colton, why are we in here? Let’s go
somewhere more private.” She is practically growling at him. I
grimace at the sound of her voice.

“I’d rather just watch a movie right now…if
that’s okay with everyone.” Liam and Logan nod, both turning to
look at me. I bite my lip before glancing over at Colton and giving
him a small smile. “That’s fine.”

Colton walks over to the seat at the end of
the couch. Because of how I am sitting, I can see him clearly.

Natasha walks over and stands in front of
him. He looks at the chair next to him, indicating that she should
sit there. With a huff, she sits down angrily and crosses her arms.
I bite my lip harder to try and hide the smile that threatens to
break out.

“What are you drawing, Ryanne?” Natasha
asks.

I glance up at her, but put my attention back
into my drawing. “Umm, I’m sketching a butterfly on a flower right
now. Drawing helps me clear my mind.”

“Oh. Cute.” She replies. Yeah, I can hear the
sarcasm in her voice. The mean girl inside me really wants to come
out, but I withhold from it. I imagine myself turning animalistic
and tackling her, like the cafeteria scene in Mean Girls. The look
of surprise and fear on her face is priceless.

Mentally picturing that, I can’t stifle my
giggle. All eyes in the room turn to me, causing me to laugh
harder. Covering my mouth, I quiet my laughter. I manage to spit
out an apology. “Sorry, just...thinking.”

“Ryanne, can I talk to you?” I look around
and see Emma peeking through the door, frowning.

“Yeah, one second.” Turning back around, I
close my notebook and push my pencil through the metal spiral on
the side.

“What’s that about?” asks Liam.

“I have no idea.” I get up and place my
notebook on my seat, “I’ll be right back.” Walking out in the
hallway, I find Emma pacing. “What’s wrong?” Grabbing my arm, she
drags me down the hallway, towards our room. Opening our door, she
looks down at me with huge eyes. What is going on? Gasping, I step
in the room.

Our room is trashed. Clothes are thrown
everywhere, our dresser drawers are broken, pieces lying all over
the room. Cosmetics and make up are wrecked and spilled on the
floor. Magazine pages are ripped and thrown around. The glass on
the only picture of my mom and me is shattered and the picture is
crumpled on my bed.

I walk across the room and pick up the broken
frame from the ground. With tears in my eyes, I unwrinkle the
photo. Creases mar our smiling faces. I bite my lip to keep the
tears at bay. There has to be an explanation.

Something red catches my eye in the bathroom.
I carefully walk over to the bathroom, avoiding pieces of wood on
the floor. On the mirror, written in red lipstick are the words:
GET OUT OF MY WAY. HE’S MINE.

“Natasha.” I whisper as I turn towards Emma
again. “Natasha did this.”

“Are you serious?” she asks incredulously. “I
know she doesn’t like you, but was all this really necessary?”

I storm past Emma and run back into the
entertainment room.

Natasha is staring at the door, smiling at
me. “Did you get my message?”

“Are you freaking kidding me?” Emma runs into
the room and slams into my back, knocking me into the couch.
Steadying myself, I glare at Natasha. “You ruined the only picture
I had of my mother.”

All the guys are looking between the three of
us, confused. Natasha gets up from the couch and walks over to me.
“And now you’ll listen to my warning.”

“I was never standing in your way! When will
you get that through your thick skull? We’ve barely even talked
lately. I’m not trying to take him from you.” My voice rises to a
yell the closer she gets to me. Stopping just inches in front of
me, I tilt my head back and glare up at her. Natasha is a lot
taller than me, but it doesn’t faze me.

“You don’t even have to try!” She pushes me
backwards, causing me to fall to the ground. “You’ve got all these
guys wrapped around your tiny little finger.” I feel the energy in
me bubbling to the surface. Getting up, I push a small piece
towards her, sending her flying into the wall.

“Ryanne!” Colton and Liam both simultaneously
say. Natasha slumps to the ground, before narrowing her eyes at me.
She gets up and stalks towards me. When she is standing in front of
me, she smiles wickedly and places her hand on her hips.

Suddenly, I can’t breathe. There is no oxygen
going into my lungs so I slump to the ground, grabbing at my
throat. It feels like ice is shooting through my veins, making me
immobile. Blood vessels start to pop throughout my body and black
spots fill my vision. I’m on the verge of passing out, when Logan
yells, “Natasha, stop! She can’t breathe!”

In the background, I hear someone scream
followed by a loud thud. Air rushes into my lungs and my body
collapses in relief. While coughing, I try to stand back up.
Halfway there, someone’s arms wrap around my waist and they pull me
the rest of the way up. I turn to see Liam holding me. Logan places
his hands gently around my throat and starts working his magic.
David runs into the room and grabs Emma, who is fighting with
Natasha. Wrapping an arm around her torso, he pulls her backwards
separating the two of them. She struggles in his arms, before
finally calming down. Natasha pushes herself off the ground when no
one comes to help her stand up.

“What the heck is going on?” yells David.

“Go look at our room.” Emma says, never
taking her eyes from Natasha. David motions for Logan to go check
it out. Logan leaves and when I am finally able to breathe normally
again, Liam releases me.

Logan rushes back into the room, “Their room
is trashed. Everything is messed up. There is a message written in
what looks like lipstick on the mirror that says ‘Get out of my
way. He’s mine.’ I’m assuming that is referring to you Colton.”

Colton turns to Natasha, his expression
inexplicable. “Did you do that?”

“Yeah,
she
,” She glares at me, “needed
to know that—”

“You should go.” Colton says.

She stares at him, eyes wide. “Are you
serious?”

“Yes, please go.” The room is silent. When
she doesn’t move, he speaks louder. “Now.” She stomps her foot on
the ground like a toddler would when upset and rushes out of the
room, pushing me out of the way in the process. Liam reaches out to
steady me again.

A couple seconds later, I step away from him
and quietly leave the room as well, walking back to our bedroom to
clean up. Colton kicked her out, yes, but that doesn’t really mean
anything. I can’t let myself go there. I can’t let myself read into
anything. It means nothing.

Once in the room, I start assessing all the
damage. Ugh, where to start first? There is so much to do. Bending
over, I start gathering up all the clothing, trying to avoid the
broken pieces of glass and wood haphazardly scattered on the floor.
I begin separating Emma’s clothes from mine and sorting them into
piles. Soon, everyone else comes into the room and starts helping.
The guys clean up the glass and wood, while Emma and I work on the
clothing and cosmetics.

While wiping up the spilled shampoo from the
bathroom floor, I turn to Emma and whisper, “So, now I don’t just
have to worry about Dravin and Adam, I have to worry about crazy
ex-girlfriends too? I’m sorry some of your stuff got
destroyed.”

Throwing the towels in the basket, we walk
back into the room, to see what else needs cleaned.

“Hey. Don’t apologize to me. I thoroughly
enjoyed tackling that skinny girl. She’s been a complete jerk to
you the past couple of days.”

“What do you mean she’s been a complete jerk
to you?” asks Colton.

“Nothing.” I walk over to the folded
photograph of my mom.

Emma looks at me and shakes her head,
“Natasha has taken every free moment to make Ryanne feel like crap.
Telling her that she’s not good enough for anyone; that she’ll end
up getting everyone she loves killed. That she’s not worth all the
trouble and we’ll all abandon her like her family.”

“Emma, please stop. I don’t need to hear it
all again.” I can feel the tears coming. Rain starts hitting the
windows. Holding the photo, I walk out of the room and slide down
the wall in the hallway as the tears begin to fall, mimicking the
rain outside. I need to let everything out. No one follows me.

“Why didn’t you say anything? I didn’t know
anything was going on.”

“Because she asked me not to. She didn’t want
to upset you, you big goof! She thought you were happy with that
girl
and wanted you to be happy even if she wasn’t.”

“I was never interested in Natasha.”

“Yeah, it sure looked that way,” she
sarcastically retorts.

“Ryanne’s the one that stopped talking to me.
I tried talking to her, but she wouldn’t listen,” says Colton; his
voice rising almost to the point of yelling.

“Because she’s convinced that no one would
want her and that she’s not good enough for anyone. She said that
if there were other girls here, you would never be interested in
her, which you kind of solidified that argument in her mind with
Natasha.”

I suddenly feel claustrophobic. I don’t want
to hear how the rest of the argument will play out. Feeling like
the walls are caving in on me, I push myself up and walk towards
the backyard, leaving the photo on the floor. I need some fresh
air.

“Ryanne, are you okay?” Claire calls out as I
pass through the kitchen.

Wiping the tears from my face, I reply,
“Yeah, I just need some air.”

Closing the back door, I sit on the bottom
stone step, breathing deeply. It’s no longer raining as hard. Right
now, it’s just a simple mist falling. Emma didn’t have to reveal
all of that to everyone. If they didn’t already think that I was
weak, they definitely do now. I’m insecure; I’m not a hopeless
cause. I should keep everything to myself from now on, because I
can’t hurt myself like others can.

I miss how things were before I got
kidnapped, before everything started to change. When I woke up and
trained for fun. When I knew that I was supposed to somehow help
bring an end to a war, but I wasn’t really a part of it. Back when
I didn’t worry about being kidnapped when I fell asleep; when I
didn’t worry about everyone around me getting hurt. Now, I am the
girl that always needs protecting. I want to be strong and
confident, but I always put myself in a situation where I am proved
to be the opposite.

I look up at the sky. Its vast openness is
all I can see. Out of the billions of people in the world, why was
I chosen for this? I’m not a leader. I’m a follower. It’s a lot
easier to listen to what someone is saying than to be the one
actually speaking. Leading takes guts—something I don’t have. I’m
going to get swallowed up in this war and probably not make it out
alive. I’ve already had a couple close calls. When the fighting
gets rough…well, the fighting will
be
rough. I’ve not been
trained for years like everyone else has. I just started. I’m not
prepared for anything major yet and probably never will be.

Gazing up at the stars still, I realize how
small and insignificant I actually am. Similar to a star, I am just
a piece in the larger constellation—a simple pawn in a bigger game
of chess. Nothing too special, just a way to set things in
motion.