Blind Ambition (24 page)

“
Dan.
” Her breath came in short bursts as he thrust and withdrew, gathering and twisting the swirls of ecstasy that flowed through her into a single point within her chest.

She fought to get on top of the feelings that threatened to swamp her like a rogue wave, but he was one pace ahead of her and all she could do was hang on for the ride.

He kissed her hard and whispered in her ear, “I love you, Lys.”

She gasped and the pleasure broke over her like a sudden downpour, warm and slick over her tingling skin as he found his release alongside her.

“I love you too.”

Dan closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the cold shower wall, releasing Alexa’s leg as his breath slowly returned. She loved him. He could tell she hadn’t meant to say it by the way her body immediately stiffened—and not from pleasure—when she realized what she’d let slip.

Maybe it was a heat-of-the-moment declaration that didn’t mean anything, but he didn’t believe that. Not really. She’d been very careful not to use the “L word,” but he could see it shining in her gorgeous blue eyes, feel it in her eager kisses and the way she wouldn’t stop touching him. If only love were enough to change her mind.

Starting from the base of her neck, he kissed his way up to her lips, nipping at her until she opened for him and her body relaxed. Jesus Christ, he could do this all night. He wasn’t ready for another go, but it wouldn’t be long at this rate. Forcing himself to slide out and step away, he didn’t—couldn’t—say a word.

He removed the condom and was about to pitch it in the trash when he realized something was wrong. “
Shit
. It ripped.” His stomach gave a sick twist. The last thing he wanted was for her to get pregnant and feel obligated to him.

She frowned and gently squeezed his forearm. “It’s okay. I’m on Depo,” she said, referring to the birth control shot given every three months.

“Oh.” Despite his earlier thoughts, a small spike of disappointment lodged in his chest. How many times had he imagined them having a family?

“Hygiea recommends it.” She grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around herself, gripping the top with one hand and holding her waist with the other. “Ostensibly it’s to prevent pregnancy in case of ‘unsanctioned relations’ with coworkers, but I think they’re more concerned about rape.”

Shock coursed through him. “Jesus.” As a man—especially one with the skills to defend himself—he didn’t give that kind of danger much thought, but for a woman… Sadly, both locals and coworkers were probably a threat. “You risk too much for this job.”

“No more than you risk for yours.”

That’s different.
The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he held them back. “You’re right,” he admitted with a sigh, toweling off his rapidly cooling body. “Doesn’t mean I like it.” If things had worked out with Flore, then Alexa wouldn’t be poised to run into another disaster zone. God damn, he might never sleep again for worrying.

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes,” he said through clenched teeth, before stomping into the bedroom to find his skivvies. He suddenly didn’t want to be naked. “I think that’s well-worn territory.”

“That’s not what I meant.” She softened her voice and followed him. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

He donned a pair of boxers and faced her. “I don’t want to fight with you either. I want to throw you on that bed and fuck you all night long.” He stalked toward her, his voice rising. “I want to bury myself so far inside your luscious body that I forget this is all I’m ever going to get from you. So deep that you forget to leave me again.”

“Dan,” she whispered. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

He kept moving, crowding her against the bed. “I
love
you. And you love me, even if you didn’t mean to say it.” Her shoulders went rigid under his touch. “Why are you making this so goddamned hard on both of us?”

“I’m broken.” Her voice cracked. “That might never change.”

“Let me help you.” He dropped his head and gripped her fingers as he slid to his knees. Then he looked up at her in the anemic yellow lamplight. “Marry me, Lys. Just marry me.” Fucking hell, he was begging, but he couldn’t stop. “I’ll wait. Two months, two years, ten years, whatever it takes for you to work through this. Just say yes.” He pressed his forehead to her hands and cursed himself. “Don’t you get it? There’s no one else for me. There never will be.”

She yanked her hands free and placed them on his cheeks, lifting his chin so she could look him in the eyes. “Don’t say that.” Her voice was hot now, her blue eyes blazing. “It’s not true.”

It was true, but she obviously didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want more guilt on her conscience. He was such an asshole to lay that on her. And he was embarrassing himself. Surely Mick hadn’t been this much of a fool when proposing to Jenna. Mr. Slick would laugh if he could see Dan now. Or more likely, shake his head in disappointment.

Yeah, buddy. See what I’ve been reduced to?
Alexa had carved out his heart, obliterated him from the inside like a fucking hand grenade.

And he’d thought it couldn’t be worse than last time.

He pulled her hands from his face and nodded, backing away. He should say something, anything, but what was the point? She knew exactly how he felt, exactly what he wanted from her, and she couldn’t give it.

There was nothing left to say. He was done torturing himself over a woman he could never have.

“Dan.” She moved toward him with her hand out, but he shifted out of reach and turned his back on her.

He donned a clean shirt and set the alarm on his phone before hooking up the charger. “Which side do you want?”

Her mouth opened and she blinked, then looked at the bed. “Uh…” She trained her eyes on the floor. “I don’t care.”

“I’ll take the left.” He plugged in his phone, lifted the covers, and lay down with his back to the center of the bed. The mattress was big enough for them to spread out and still never touch. Perfect.

She didn’t move, didn’t make a sound for a full minute. “This isn’t what I wanted,” she said, her voice brittle as an autumn leaf.

“Me either, sweetheart.” Not even close.

ALEXA DIDN’T EXPECT READING HER email on Thursday morning to upend her world.

She was using Dan’s phone to check her messages in case the woman who ran her foundation had reported in while Alexa was on the run. And in fact, there were three notes from Lisa over the last few days, but it was the fourth one, sent at nine o’clock Eastern Caribbean time, that turned her world upside down.

“He has Flore,” Alexa said, sitting down hard on the bed as she reread the missive.

Dan came to the bathroom doorway with a towel in his hand and looked at her directly for the first time since last night. “What?”

“Frederick has Flore. He’s asking for two million.”

He smacked the doorjamb with his palm. “Sonofabitch. Jeannot didn’t get the ransom from your dad, but he knew you’d pay to free Flore.”

After rubbing his face with the towel, Dan tossed it aside and started pacing as he spoke. “Before we left St. Lucia, I asked Jason to look into Helene and Raymond. The timing of that whole show with Armeaux at the hospital, the couple magically appearing right after we rescued the children, didn’t sit well with me. But last I heard he hadn’t tracked them down.”

She stood. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to worry you if it turned out to be nothing.” He stopped and faced her, dragging a hand through his hair. “You were already hurting enough.”

Dan had been suspicious too, but unlike her, he’d taken action. “Oh, my God.” She covered her face. “That whole scenario was off, but I let my focus slide. I was so wrapped up in my own feelings, in dealing with the loss. I should have been following up on Armeaux’s story and making sure Flore was safe.” The insidious guilt crept like a vine into her soul. “If anything happens to her…”

“Stop it.” Dan’s anger hit her like a slap.

She jerked her head back.

“You are not perfect,” he said. “You will
never
be perfect. There is no way on earth you can possibly anticipate everything that will go wrong, or see through every deception. No one can.”

He stood and laced his fingers behind his head with an agitated sigh. “You think I don’t wish I’d done more to help Flore? I obviously thought something didn’t jive. I should have followed the car, or found some way to prevent that couple from taking her away until we could dig deeper into Armeaux.” He growled and dropped his arms. “Hell, Lys, we could play this blame game all day long, flagellating ourselves and second-guessing every action, but it won’t solve anything. That only leads to madness. You have to figure out how to kill this never-ending loop of guilt.”

She nodded slowly, letting his words sink deep into her bones. “You’re right.” Giving in to guilt and self-pity was selfish and pointless. And it wouldn’t help them save Flore.

He raised an eyebrow at her capitulation.

“I need to go back to St. Isidore.”

“I figured.”

“Frederick wants to meet tomorrow morning. Will you come with me?” she asked.

He hesitated and her heart sank. She wanted him by her side for this, but he had no reason to agree. Especially not after last night.

“Not for free,” she said. “I can hire you and your team again.”

“Jesus, you think you’d have to pay me to go?”

She leaned away from the dark look on Dan’s face. “I just don’t want to take advantage of you. It’s not like I have any markers to call in.” Her voice turned thin and high. “And I know money is important to you.”

“Money is important to anyone who’s ever gone without it. That’s not something I expect you to understand.”

His dig cut to the bone. “You’re right. But I’d give it all up if I could have Despina back. Or my mother. Or have a father who cared for me more than his company,” she said, her voice rising as all of her pain and frustration spilled over. “From the outside, I had everything you could wish for—and I know I was lucky to have a very fine roof over my head and nice clothes and cars and a college education—but you can suffer in a big house or a small one, so if you had any happy childhood moments in your grandmother’s home, you’re far richer than I’ll ever be.”

Her own outburst shocked her, but she couldn’t read Dan’s expression. At all. “We’ve both had our trials,” she said, bringing her voice down a notch. “I’m not trying to compete. But don’t slap me with the snobby-rich-girl label just because you’ve been burned before.” She was guessing here, but there had to be something in his past that made him so self-conscious about his financial status.

He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck before letting out a sigh. “You’re right. It’s just… I still sometimes find it hard to believe that your reasons for turning me down have nothing to do with the money gap between us. In my head it makes a lot more sense than your other reasons.” He scowled. “You’re not the only one with demons.”

“I’m sorry.” She put her palms against her forehead and closed her eyes to ward off a looming headache. “The last thing I want to do is fight again. I need your help, Dan.”

When she opened her eyes, he still stood before her, and she drank in the sight of him, so solid and strong, lit by the early morning sun streaming in through the open shades.

“If you pay Frederick’s ransom, he’s going to keep doing this to people,” he said.

“I don’t support terrorist tactics, but I won’t risk Flore’s life when I have the money.”

“Do you have proof that she’s still alive?” he asked with a grimace.

She scrolled down the screen on his phone and found the picture, her stomach turning sour as she looked at the photo of her beloved girl. Flore sat proud, unsmiling, her chin up, delicate hands holding a newspaper with today’s date and headlines. “Here.” Alexa shoved the phone at Dan.

He scowled and his gaze turned hard. Handing the phone back, he said, “Tell me what you need.”
 

She released the breath she’d been holding. Despite everything that had happened between them, despite how much she had hurt him, he was still here, still in her corner, ready to do whatever it took to get Flore back. He was the one person in the world she could always rely on.

“My biggest fear,” she said, “is that Frederick won’t honor the deal. I need to make sure we get out of there alive.” Here was where it got…complicated. “And, if possible, I’d like to take him down.”

Dan’s head jerked back. “What do you mean by that?”

“I’m not asking you to kill him,” she clarified quickly. Though wouldn’t life be easier if the monster were truly gone? “But if you captured him and turned him over to the authorities, St. Isidore would be a safer place. I’d know that he was done tormenting me and the people I care about.”

Dan pursed his lips and looked toward the window. “What if he’s not at the meet?”

She opened her mouth, but hesitated. “He said…” Wow, was she really that gullible? “You’re right. If he’s smart, he’ll send someone else.” She wouldn’t even contemplate Flore’s not being there.

“One way or another, we’ll get her.”

“Thank you for supporting me, even after everything…” She ached to touch him—to crawl into his embrace—but she no longer felt welcome in his arms. In a few short days, she’d come to count on his presence in her life and she finally understood how deeply it would cut to lose him. Now wasn’t the time to rethink her choices, but… “I do love you.”

His eyes widened.

“But even if we can get Flore back…”

“I get it.” He waved his hand in an uncharacteristically impatient gesture. “Let’s focus on saving that little girl.”

Dan stared at the love of his life, her fiery blonde hair loose around her face. He couldn’t tell if she was offering hope or making it clear that he wasn’t in her future.

He was so emotionally battered he didn’t have the energy to figure it out. She had a lot of therapy ahead of her, and at the end of it—when she finally realized that she deserved love—he might not even be the man she wanted.

And he’d already decided he was done letting her twist him up inside. After this mission he was moving on for good.