Authors: Dorothy Phaire
He removed the wrapping and plopped the frozen chicken in the bowl of water. Jerome looked around the kitchen as if trying to decide what to do next. “Let’s see now. I might have to refresh my memory on how to cook this bird. I know I can put it down in the bedroom,” he chuckled, “but I ain’t no Emeril in the kitchen.” Jerome shook his head when he thought about first, his ex-girlfriend, Leenae Lewis and now his former boss, Odessa Dillon who had unjustly fired him. Both women were crazy as hell as far as he was concerned. Neither one wanted to take ‘No’ for an answer, and now they hated him for rejecting them. Like it or not, they would have to accept it because more than anything he loved Brenda and his son. Nothing else mattered to him but doing right by his family.
He opened one of the cabinet doors and pulled down his grandmother’s worn-out cookbook from the top shelf. He sat down at the kitchen table and thumbed through the recipes. When he found the recipe for country fried chicken, he smiled and pointed to it. “Yeah, that’s it,” he said and marked the page with a piece of torn newspaper. “I can read so I should be able to follow these here simple directions.” He thought about how Brenda went out to work every morning and still managed to put things in order when she got home and whip up a decent meal in less than thirty minutes. He didn’t see why he wouldn’t be able to do that too when he had all day to accomplish the same tasks. “Let’s see now,” he said, rubbing his hands together, “I’ma need some Crisco, some flour, and some seasonings.” He retrieved all the ingredients that the recipe called for and set everything out on the counter for easy access once the chicken had thawed enough for him to work with.
He returned to the living room and picked up the toys and shoved everything in the hall closet. Next, he sorted and folded the clean clothes that had been spread out on the sofa, separating the piles of clothes into his, Brenda’s and the baby’s things. As he was just about to start vacuuming he heard the doorbell ring. “Damn. I’m in no mood for company right now,” he said, and headed towards the door to see who it was interrupting him from his housework. “That better not be no church people trying to get me saved.”
He looked through the peephole and saw his buddy from work, Alonzo Woods, standing on the porch. Alonzo had on one of his more flamboyant outfits, matching red slacks, shirt, shoes, and socks. Jerome swung open the door and reared back laughing. “Man, you look like Superfly in that ridiculous getup,” said Jerome, pointing and laughing as he waved Alonzo into the house. “Hurry up and get your ass in here, Fool before my neighbors see you.”
“You just jealous ‘cause you ain’t got this hookup,” grinned Alonzo, with his chest puffed out. “Man, even my drawers and T-shirt match. Check it out, Brother.”
“No thanks,” said Jerome, turning his head away just as Alonzo lowered his waistband to reveal a snitch of red underwear.
“Why ain’t you at work, Buddy?” Jerome asked. “They bump you to the night shift or something?”
“Nah, Man. The Barracuda suspended me for three days for a methods violation so I’m out here just chillin’. You know what I’m sayin’?”
“Damn, Man. Now, she’s starting in on you.”
“Nah, she been on my black ass from day one, Slick,” said Alonzo.
“Hey Man, you don’t wanna piss-off Barracuda. You know she’s horny as shit,” laughed Jerome. “Why don’t you just sleep with her? Ain’t that what you told me to do, Partner?”
“She don’t want none of my old meat, Jay,” said Alonzo, shaking his head. Alonzo paused for a moment and Jerome detected a brief look of exasperation on his friend’s face. “Why you think I’m here, Dawg? If I can get you to play nice with the lady, she’ll fix that drug report and hire you back, Brother. Won’t that be better than sittin’ around here all damn day doin’ nothin’?”
“Ugh! Alonzo, have you lost your damn mind? That woman’s got more hair on her legs than I do. Naw, Man,” said Jerome, waving his hand and shaking his head. “I have a beautiful wife and a baby boy. Why would I screw her fat-ass just to get my old job back?” Jerome gestured with open palms, questioningly.
“You should go on and tap that, Jay. She’s got a decent-looking face. You can’t deny that.” Alonzo momentarily stared down at his red polished shoes.
“Maybe so, Alonzo. But she might hurt me with them big ass titties of hers.”
They both laughed.
“Don’t worry I’ma get my job back at UDS and with back pay too,” said Jerome as he stretched out his arms confidently on top of the couch. “Once I prove she had no right firing me. In the meantime I got me a new job lined up as a night security guard. If everything checks out with my references, I could be starting as early as next Monday. So you see, Alonzo, I’m not desperate for Odessa’s crumbs. Besides, I like being at home during the day, cookin’, cleanin’ and fixing things around the house.”
“Okay, Martha Stewart,” said Alonzo as he settled down on the couch beside Jerome, turning to face him. As Alonzo spoke, Jerome noticed that his buddy’s eyes flickered about nervously. “But just so you know, she told me to tell you she’ll give you a gravy run makin’ 50 K if you drop the case.”
“What kinda gravy run?” asked Jerome, folding his arms across his chest and giving Alonzo a skeptical look.
Alonzo played with a pack of unfiltered Marlboros and kept taking them out of his pocket and putting them back. “For starters, she said you can shift in the yard. All you gotta do is drive the truck from bay to bay. You don’t even have to load, unload or sort anything. Somebody else’ll do all that and you’ll be makin’ $50,000 a year,” Alonzo explained. “You know Jay, I been at UDS ten years and I’m still on call and don’t have my own route. Only the guys who been there 25 years get to shift in the yard for that kinda pay, Brother. So whaddya say, Man? Miss Dillon’s offering you what the seniors get.”
“Now she’s Miss Dillon? Humph,” said Jerome, wincing as he shook his head. “Beam me up Scotty—there’s no intelligent life here.” Jerome plopped his feet up on the coffee table. “You not hearin’ me Alonzo. Lemme put it to you this way … I ain’t
never
gonna have sex with
that
woman.”
“That’s cool Jay,” said Alonzo. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Hey, Man, you got a beer or somethin’ in this palace? I know better than to light up in this air-fresh house, but at least a Brother can get a drink, can’t he?”
“Nah, Man. I need to stay clear of alcohol. That’s a trigger for me. My sponsor’s coming by tonight at 8 to take me to my re-hab meeting. Want some lemonade or some orange juice?”
“You’re kiddin’ right?” said Alonzo, turning up his nose in disbelief. “Damn Jay, I see you really mean business this time.”
“That’s right. My wife took me back for the umpf-teenth time and I’m not gonna mess up again. I don’t want nothin' to do with Odessa Dillon or UDS. Not until they receive my EEO suit papers that I plan to file against her and the company. Then I’ll let my lawyer speak for me. I’ma ask my Uncle Ike to help me start the complaint next week as soon as he gets back from Las Vegas.”
Alonzo gave Jerome a surprised look but quickly composed himself. “Oh, so that’s where the old dude’s been hiding out,” said Alonzo. “On vacation, huh? So you goin’ all the way with this suit, huh Jay?”
“Damn straight. Odessa’s been getting’ away with this shit for too long. I heard last year she was playing footsie with Hector Gonzales but he finally got Big C to put him on another route to get away from her. Everybody’s scared of her, but I’m not.”
“Does your uncle know about all the troubles you been havin’ at work, Man?”
“Naw. I didn’t wanna worry him about it. He stuck his neck out to get me that gig. He still don’t know I been fired yet on that trumped up random drug test. Odessa’s gone too far this time. Uncle Ike’s been a supervisor at UDS for the last 8 years and he’s worked there for twenty. I know he can help me file my complaint and get it to the right people.”
“I dunno, Man,” said Alonzo, shaking his head as he stuffed his hand in his pants pocket and began fidgeting with his cars keys. “I can’t see how in the hell you gonna talk your way out of a positive random drug test. The evidence is pretty air tight against you, Man.”
“Man, that test was bogus!” yelled Jerome. “I swear I didn’t do no coke that day. I coulda ate a Poppy Seed muffin that morning for breakfast or maybe the test was off. I don’t know what the hell happened, but I didn’t do no damn drugs! At least not before I took that test.”
“I doubt that poppy seed story is gonna hold up in court,” laughed Alonzo.
“Go to hell, Man. I ain’t got time for your bullshit. I gotta get back to my cleanin’ before Brenda gets home.” Jerome shot up from the couch, hoping Alonzo would catch the hint and split, but Alonzo still sat there. Jerome walked over to the picture window and drew back the drapes so he could see outside.
“Not that I’m justifying Odessa’s behavior or anything,” said Alonzo, “but her life ain’t been easy. You know, her husband caught a bullet during a drive by shooting six years ago. She’s been a lonely widow ever since.”
“Good for him,” Jerome turned and sniped back. “They put him out of his misery of having to live with her.”
“You know you makin’ it hard for everybody in the yard, Jay,” said Alonzo with a frustrated sigh.
“That’s not my problem, Man.” Jerome stood in the middle of the living room. He rubbed his hand over his clean-shaven head.
“You a damn fool Jay,” said Alonzo, staring down at his feet, but still not moving to leave. “If it was me, I’d go for the easy money and keep my damn mouth shut. Just sit back and reap the benefits. Nobody would be the wiser.”
“Look Alonzo, when I wouldn’t accept her advances, I kept getting railroaded for methods, lateness, absenteeism, failure to follow directions. You name it, any little bullshit violation she could pin on me. But I kept on turning her down. Do you know one day she even …” Jerome hesitated. He was almost trembling with rage. He couldn’t bring himself to relate what had happened that day she actually followed him into the men’s room. He was using the urinal and didn’t see her come in. He felt someone’s presence behind him, but he just naturally figured it was another dude. When he turned around and zipped up his pants, there she stood—grinning at him seductively. In complete shock, all he managed to say was, “What the fuck!” She tried to play it off and said she was just in there checking behind the new cleaning crew. He hadn’t said another word. He just stormed past her, right out the door.
That incident was another thing he planned to put in his sexual harassment and unjustified firing complaint. But he couldn’t tell Alonzo about that scene in the men’s room. Besides, it was obvious this fool was going back and telling her everything. He’d tell Alonzo just what he wanted to get back to her. That way she’d know he wasn’t one of those other chumps she’d been dealing with. He planned to get paid big. Just being relocated to some other supervisor was not enough. Her little gravy run offer to work exclusively in the yard for $50,000 a year was not enough either. Before it was over, he’d have enough to buy Brenda her own house.
Jerome turned to face Alonzo. “Naw, never mind. Anyway, next thing I know, I fail a random drug test and get fired. Doesn’t that sound just a little bit suspicious to you?” asked Jerome, staring Alonzo in the face. “That’s why I intend to put in a complaint to HR against her. Otherwise, this shit ain’t never gonna end.”
“Jay. Do you know how many fools have tried to go to HR before you got there?” said Alonzo. “Those assholes down in HR don’t do shit. Man, nothin’ ever comes out of those complaints.” He waved his hand absently in the air.
“Yeah, I found that out too after talkin’ to some of those guys. That’s why I’ma school Uncle Ike on what’s been happening to me as soon as he gets back from Vegas. And, I won’t stop at United Delivery Services’s HR department,” Jerome explained, “I think I got a good shot at winning a sexual harassment case with EEO.”
“Are you crazy, Man? You don’t wanna bring the damn federal government into this. Nobody at UDS is gonna testify against the Barracuda. You’ll be all alone.”
Jerome slumped down in a nearby chair. “Well, I talked to Hector before he left to report to his new supervisor. He said he wished he had taken his situation further. But he’s got eight mouths to feed and can’t risk losing his job and being outta work while an EEO arbitrator looks into his complaint.”
“And you
can
risk that?” asked Alonzo.
Jerome answered with passion in his voice, “That woman needs to be stopped and somebody has to have the guts to stand up to her. Odessa Dillon may be the boss and well, okay her face ain’t half bad to look at, but I ain’t nobody’s stud.”
Alonzo shifted in his seat and screwed up his face before he spoke, as if deciding what tactic he should try next. “You know Jay, word on the street is, you owe a couple of bad dudes some dough.” That got Jerome’s attention, so Alonzo proceeded on, “I’m sure Miss Dillon would give you the bread straight up if you started being nice to her. The way I see it, your narrow ass belongs to either those lowlifes you usta hang with or Big Mama. And, your homies don’t like dudes.”
“Listen Man,” said Jerome, pointing a finger at Alonzo, “You need to get this through your big empty head. I don’t need Odessa or her money. My Uncle Ike’s gonna help me straighten everything out. I don’t know who you been talkin’ to out in the streets, but I’m cool with those dudes. Ain’t nobody after me, understand?”
“Aw’ight, I gotcha Baby,” said Alonzo with a half grin, “Don’t be mad at me, Slick. I’m just one begger trying to help another Brother get a crust of bread.”
“I ain’t mad at you Alonzo. I’m just keeping it real.”
“I may as well split then,” said Alonzo as he got up and headed for the door, “I’m getting nowhere fast trying to talk some sense into you, Jay.”
“Okay. Later, Man. Stay outta trouble,” said Jerome and slapped the palm of Alonzo’s outstretched hand.
“You the one, Baby. I’ma head on over to the Eclipse on Bladensburg Road so I can brush up on my Bop and hand-dance. Say Man, why don’t you come on out to the club with me this Friday night? They gonna have Trouble Funk, EU, and Chuck Brown as a special guest.”