Blind Impulse (6 page)

The days after Roger recovered from his accident had been terribly hard on everyone.  Geoff brought the family to stay at Salkeld and Roger vented his an
ger and frustration.

Alyna had not escaped his wrath, but he seemed not to hound her as much as he did his brother and wife.  Alyna thought it was because she was still very young.  More often than not, Alyna, crying in the wake of Roger’s fury, crawled in
to his embrace, rather than run from him.  Instead of rejecting her, her uncle clung to her and cried as hard as she. 

Little Alyna began bringing things to Roger to
see
with his fingers.  It became a game with them.  Roger’s sense of touch was already ac
ute because of his profession. 

Another goldsmith resided in town but his work was not as fine as Roger’s.  Alyna requested the smith to repair a necklace and he bungled the job, leaving sharp burrs on the metal which cut her skin. 

Alyna then took the n
ecklace to Roger.  Who hauled himself out of bed for the first time and promptly filed off the burrs.  After that, Alyna and Roger learned to work together.

“
Alyna?”  Cecily said, disrupting the memory.  “Are you all right?”

“
Yes,” she replied.  “I just h
ad the strangest dream.”

“
It’s the sleeping draught.  Sometimes it plays tricks with your mind.”

“
This was no trick.”  She thought for a long moment.  Roger had relearned his trade.  Could Garin do the same?

It would be impossible.  Garin was a knight, not
an artisan, he could no longer fight in battle. 

But what about running a barony?

You know, Alyna, people can surprise you if you give them a chance.

Abruptly she understood what the dream meant.  “What time is it?”

“
Almost dawn.”

“
I must speak with the
baroness.”  She stood and began rummaging through her clothes to change.

“
Alyna, what are you talking about?”

“
I must speak with her before the betrothal is officially broken.”

“
Alyna, are you feeling all right?  You haven’t caught that terrible fever have
you?”

“
I am fine, Cecily,” Alyna snapped.  “Send a servant to the baroness.  I have to talk to her.”

Cecily gripped her shoulders, stopping her.  “Alyna, the betrothal will be finished by tomorrow.  We will stay until then.  You have plenty of time to tal
k to her.”

“
But don’t you see?  I don’t want the betrothal ended.” 

Cecily felt her forehead and Alyna jerked away.  “I am not sick.  I can still marry Garin.”

“
Are you daft?”

Alyna had not expected this from Cecily of all people.  “Nay,” she said sternly
.  “I have a perfect example right in front of me.”

Cecily’s mouth tightened.  “I know what you are thinking, Alyna.  My husband is blind but I was already married to him when it happened.  The church will not allow you to marry because Garin cannot provid
e for you.”

“
Just like Roger cannot provide for you?”

“
That is different.  Roger is an artisan not a knight or a baron.”

“
Garin is a courageous man, Cecily.  This battle will just be a little different from the ones he has fought in the past.”

“
I agree, Al
yna,” her father said from the door.

She jumped, startled.  “Father, I didn’t hear you.”

He grinned.  “That’s because you were busy arguing with Cecily.  Take it easy on her, will you?”

“
I’m sorry,” she replied, realizing she had been harsh.

“
Still you hav
e a good point about Garin.  If Roger could learn so can he.”

“
That’s why I want to talk to the baroness.”

Geoff nodded and studied her a moment.  “Are you sure, Alyna?  Right now, you can walk away without fault.  But if you pursue this, there will be no
going back.”

“
I am sure, father.  Garin is a good man.  I know he can defeat this.”

“
I agree, Alyna.  Let’s see what the baroness says.”

****

Garin opened his eyes to darkness.  His muddled brain finally started to function again, struggling to determine
reality from fevered hallucination and the nightmares of death continuing to plague him from the war.  Bitterness filled him.  Each time he awoke, he had some measure of hope he would be able to see again - even a tiny glimmer of light - but each time hop
e faded into the darkness which now cursed him.

His mother told him his sister had also fallen ill.  Naworth departed, running from the fever, and leaving her behind.  But Juliana recovered well, with no problems.  It now seemed Juliana would get her wish
to be heir of Kirkoswald.  Without his sight Garin had no hope for a future.

Alyna, what of her?  His dream to marry her vanished like melting snow.  Had they told her what happened?  He could not separate reality from hallucination.  During his fever he h
ad thought Alyna came to him, sitting at his side and comforting him.  But she had probably left to escape the fever just as Naworth had done.  The betrothal would be broken and she would be engaged to another, while Garin slunk off to the church to hide h
is shame.

He closed his eyes trying to control the anger and frustration within him.  That would only serve to give him a pounding headache.  When he was fevered his head and neck hurt so much he could scarcely bear to have his head on the pillow.  Each st
rand of hair on his scalp ached.  He had no idea a person could endure such pain and live.

But now his true pain was imagining Alyna in the arms of another man, warming his bed, and bearing his children.  She should be Garin’s, no one else should touch her
or love her.  During his time in the Holy Land, the memory of Alyna’s laughter had warmed him at night.  Her letters became his secret treasures and his imagination a door to escape the awful carnage around him. 

He was a knight and fighting was his duty
.  But that knowledge did not comfort him when he watched his friends die on an enemy blade or their lives ebb away with infection.  Yet he knew he could endure it as long as Alyna awaited him.  Her sweetness was such a counter to the horrors he witnessed
daily.  He had fought and survived for her. 

Why, God?  Why have you cursed me so?  I have served you well, fighting for your church, fighting for my king.  Why would you give me so much only to steal it all
away?

Garin tried to push the thoughts away but
couldn’t.  His heart raged against God and what he could never have.  His hands clenched into fists. 
Alyna, where are you?  Have they told you yet?  Have they broken your heart too?

Chapter Three

“
Good morning, Alyna,”
the baroness said as Alyna entered her private chambers.  Eleanor sat on a chair, wearing a gown of gold silk, holding a mirror while a maid styled her hair.  “Are you feeling better this morning?”

“
Yes, your excellency,” Alyna replied and bobbed a quick c
urtsey.

“
Ah, child, sit and make yourself comfortable.  I dislike so much formality.  In fact, call me Eleanor in private.”

“
Thank you...Eleanor.  I must apologize for my outburst yesterday.”

“
Worry not.  You did very well with Garin and I thank you.  It w
ill be difficult for him when he realizes the betrothal must be broken.”  She hesitated, her expressive green eyes sad.  “I know my son.  When he returned home, I realized immediately he eagerly anticipated this marriage.”

Alyna blushed.  “That is which I
wish to speak with you about.”  She took a deep breath and rushed on before she lost her nerve.  “I don’t want to break the betrothal.”

Eleanor slowly lowered the mirror, staring at her astounded.  Even the maid stopped her work.  Alyna twisted the rings o
n her fingers nervously.

“
Are you serious?”

“
I am, Eleanor.  I know this is strange but you have seen my uncle, you know blindness can be defeated.  I can teach Garin what Roger learned.”

“
But Garin is not an artisan.”

“
Nay.  I do not mean that.  Other thi
ngs.  He can still live a full life and he can still be baron.”

“
You are certain you still want to marry him?”

Alyna nodded, biting her lip, she did not dare trust her voice.

Eleanor’s eyes narrowed.  “Glory, I don’t believe it, you are in love with him, a
ren’t you?”

Alyna blushed furiously.  “I wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to speak of love, lady.  I do care a great deal for him.”

“
But you barely know him.”

“
I know him better than you think.  While he was away...in the Holy Land...he wrote to me.”

Eleanor
dropped the mirror, fortunately it was polished metal rather than glass.  It clattered sharply on the floor.  “He what?”

Alyna pulled the letters from a small pouch she carried and showed them to Eleanor.

The baroness was not so rude as to actually read t
hem.  She merely glanced at the script and the seal, her eyebrows arching at the number - twenty four in all.  She handed
them back to Alyna.

“
This is amazing.  His father and I always thought Garin worried little about marriage.  His knightly duties and a
dventure were much more to his taste than a quiet family life.  But I see we were wrong.  He has been working on a relationship all along.”

Alyna’s lips quirked upward.  “He can be quite the romantic when it pleases him.”

Eleanor fought a smile.  “So could
his father.  When Garin returned from the crusades I thought him a changed man.  But now I wonder how much of that change was brought about by you.”  She shooed the maid away and stood, pacing the room, her brow creased in thought.  “So you think you can
teach Garin?”

“
I do, Eleanor.  He can still be baron.”

“
But what of his service required to the king?  If it comes to battle Garin won’t be able to fight.”

“
I was worried about that too, but my father explained
how shield-money can be sent.  He also
told me another baron, Westmorland, used to send stipendiary knights, or two mounted serjants in place of one knight if the king called upon him.  Garin could do that as well.”

“
Aye,” Eleanor said, warming to the idea.  “Westmorland was so fat he could not
sit a horse to save his life.”

“
If Kirkoswald should come to battle then between my father and Simon, the defense will be in good hands.  Garin would only have to make decisions like any other battle commander.  And we both know he is quite capable of tha
t.”

Eleanor faced her, her eyes sparking.  “I like this idea Alyna, but one thing concerns me.  Are you willing to be married, to spend the rest of your days with a blind man?”

Alyna lifted her chin.  “Yes, Eleanor.  Garin is too vibrant, too full of life
to be hidden in a church or wandering alleys as a vagabond.”

“
What if he rages against his state and against you?”

“
My uncle went through the same thing.  He hated God and everyone for what happened but he moved past it.  Garin is a knight.  I don’t think
he will let this defeat him in the end.”

“
That is true.  What of your father?  Will he still approve of the marriage?”

“
He is the one who encouraged me to speak with you.”

“
Good.  I like this idea, Alyna.  God knows I do not wish to see my son lose everyth
ing.  I will support your desire but it will be up to you to convince the priest.”

Alyna grinned broadly.  “I don’t think that will be a problem.”

****

Eleanor returned to her chair after Alyna left and her maid,
Lyssa
, finished her hair.

“
So what do you
think,
Lyssa
?”  Eleanor asked, knowing the maid bit her tongue in an effort to keep from speaking.

“
I like that girl.  She does not knock down easily.”

Eleanor smiled.  “I think, if anyone can help Garin it will be Alyna.  I had no idea she was so fond of
him.”

“
Aye and methinks Garin is smitten with her.  It will be a good match.”

“
I hope so.  You realize Juliana is going to be furious when she realizes she’s not going to inherit.”

Lyssa
snorted.  “Pardon my saying, lady, but that child is rotten.  Lady N
aworth was too easy on her fostering.”

“
I agree,” Eleanor said quickly.  Never had she seen such a change for the worse in a child.  If Juliana was full heir to Kirkoswald then Naworth would change his mind.  Eleanor wondered at the twist of irony.  Julian
a recovered fully from the fever and now could possibly have Kirkoswald but she didn’t deserve it.  Garin might lose everything he deserved.

“
Still,”
Lyssa
said softly.  “Lady Alyna will see that things turn out right.  I sense her father’s greatest gift t
o her was not only that beautiful hair but the heart of a knight.”

Eleanor turned and looked at
Lyssa
, her brows arching.  “Your insight amazes me sometimes.  That’s exactly the gift he gave her.  Now I am so glad Harold didn’t listen to me when I objected
to Garin’s betrothal to Alyna.  I thought he should have a woman of equal station.”

Lyssa
chuckled.  “Lady, that’s one thing the baron knew best, the hearts and minds of the men who served him.  He saw in Sir Salkeld an ally and knew his daughter would be
cut from the same mold.”

Eleanor settled back and let
Lyssa
put the last touches on her hair, feeling better about the whole arrangement all the time.  Perhaps there was hope.

****

Garin fought down his dizziness as two knights carried him into the grea
t hall.  One was Simon, but the other was a big man Garin did not recognize, nor did the man speak.  Garin would not humiliate himself by asking something he would have known if he could see.

The servants had dressed him in a fine tunic and braccas, Celtic
style leather leggings, at his mother’s orders.  Garin was still too weak to bat them away.  He wore his best boots and the trappings of his station.  He could not understand why they bothered.  He had a hunch this was a formal meeting with the priest to
break the betrothal.

The monk, Brother Martin, presided over the small chapel within the curtain wall of Kirkoswald, but he did not have the rank to perform a wedding.  Father Thomas, had arrived from
Croglin
Rectory, and was the one who should have marrie
d Garin and Alyna.  Except now, he would deny the betrothal. 

Alyna had probably departed for Salkeld Hall after putting her wishes in writing.  No woman would be expected to marry a blind man.

Father Thomas would also denounce Garin’s inheritance and mak
e a formal request to the king to endow it to his sister.  The little vainglory now had her wish.  She could marry that pompous ass
,
Peter Naworth.

The knights sat him in his chair.  Garin propped his elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands,
praying the world would stop its infernal spinning.

“
Garin,” a soft voice whispered and a gentle hand touched his shoulder.  “Are you all right?”

He bolted upright in his chair.  “Alyna?”

He heard her soft chuckle.  “Who else would it be?”

Garin reached f
or her hand, disbelief washing over him.  Perhaps his
hallucinations had been real.  She gripped his hand tightly and he suddenly remembered her at his bedside speaking softly
, begging him to fight for his life
.
“It was you,” he whispered
. 

He
sudden tears burn
ed
in his eyes.  At least she had the courage to break the betrothal in person.  Garin could not fault her.  This was not something she wanted to do, he knew in his heart.  He only hoped her future husband would be kind to her and giv
e her the respect she deserved.

Alyna’s free hand stroked the hair away from his temple.  A bitter thrill ran through him.  He would never feel her
gentle
touch after this day.

“
Let us call the meeting to order,” Father Thomas said.  No doubt Brother Marti
n stood with him with parchment and quill.

Alyna sat beside Garin.  He was surprised when she continued to hold his hand in her lap.  Was she trying to make this easier for him?  He appreciated her efforts but nothing could make the destruction of his future easy.

“
Let the recor
d show,” Father Thomas continued.  “That this meeting is to discuss the breaking of the betrothal of Garin Swein and Alyna Salkeld.  Those in attendance are her excellency Eleanor Swein, Sir Geoff Salkeld, Lady Juliana Swein, Sir Simon Renwick, Lord Roger
Salkeld and Lady Cecily Salkeld, and of course the aforementioned couple.  Lady Alyna, I understand it is your wish to break the betrothal due to Lord Garin’s unexpected blindness.”

“
Nay,” Alyna said.

Garin’s heart lurched.  If he could have stared at her
in utter astonishment, he would have.

Father Thomas cleared his throat.  Garin knew him well.  He was a kindly old man if a bit frail.  No doubt he stared at Alyna in shock too.

“
My lady, forgive me, but you still wish to marry the lord?”

“
I do.”  Her stro
ng voice did not carry a hint of doubt.  Her fingers tightened on his. 

Had she lost her mind?  What was going on?

“
Lady,” Thomas said.  “I realize you are an honorable woman and a betrothal is looked upon with as much strength
as a marriage by the church.  But you will not be expected to take a man as a husband who has been rendered infirm by an act of God.”

The bile rose in Garin’s throat.

“
Father Thomas,” Alyna said, her dulcet voice edged with steel.  “You have just spoken t
he exact reason why I do not wish to break the betrothal.  In the marriage vows does it not say to love and honor in sickness and in health?”

“
Aye
, lady, but you are not married yet.”

“
But we echoed those vows at our betrothal
and
as you just stated, a b
etrothal is just as binding as a marriage in the eyes of the church.”  She took a breath and plunged on.  “At this meeting you see my uncle Roger and his wife Cecily.  As you have no doubt noticed my uncle is blind.  His wife did not forsake him after his
accident.  I will not forsake my betrothed.”

The priest sighed softly.  “But lady, you will take as your husband a man who cannot provide for you.”

“
How do you know that?”  Alyna’s voice grew stronger with anger, her grip tight
on Garin’s hand.  “Roger can
provide just fine for his family.  His trade as an artisan thrives.”

Garin spirits lifted slightly.  “’Tis true,” he said, speaking for the first time.  “Alyna, do you have the chalice Roger made for me?”