Blind Love (6 page)

Chapter Ten

Immediate Gratification

Gabe woke up feeling…perfect. To say last night’s sex was explosive would be an understatement. On the couch. Against the wall. In her bed. The things she made him feel. The things she did to him. His shaft lengthened at the memories.

He looked down at the woman whose head currently rested on his shoulder. Her eyes were closed and her lips were slightly parted. Warmth hit his skin every time she exhaled. She stirred things in him he had never felt before—a connection, a sense of fitting in. Gabe ran his fingers across her cheek and considered waking her. But, unsure of what her reaction would be, he decided against it.

The way he figured, it could go one of two ways. If he was lucky, the woman who had him screaming the Almighty’s name more times in a single night than he’d done his entire life would greet him. Or, if his luck was shit, she’d tell him it was all a mistake and kick his ass out the door. His bet was on the latter. For now, he would enjoy the calm before the storm. He pressed his lips against the top of her head, filling his lungs with the scent of her citrus shampoo. The whiff went straight to his cock, which began to thump against her thigh.

Fuck.

She shifted. Her arm stretched across his chest while her leg wrapped tight around his hips, pushing his erection flat onto his stomach. They both took a deep gulp of air. He resisted his body’s screams to flip her over and go for round four. Instead, he waited.

After patting his chest, Lauren’s eyes shot open. When her leg rubbed against his hard-on, he shuddered. Her head lifted off him seconds before the rest of her did as well. Goose bumps erupted across the side of his body where a cold chill had replaced her warmth. He let out the breath he was holding and braced himself. There was no doubt which Lauren he was getting. She turned onto her back and scooted to the other pillow on the far end of the mattress. Grabbing the covers, she covered herself with it and stared at the ceiling.

He turned to his side to face her. “Morning, precious.”

She cleared her throat and sat up. Her hands pulled and tugged on the blanket until it covered his favorite parts of her. “Good morning. I need to get dressed.”

Gabe tugged playfully at the fabric. “You don’t
need
to get dressed.”

“I
want
to get dressed.” When she tried to climb out of bed, he jerked on the covers, forcing her back.

“We should talk first.”

“I need to get my thoughts together
first
.”

His erection deflating, he sat up and rested his arms on his bent knees. “That’s what worries me.” When she hesitated, he added some polite begging. “Please, if you walk away now, we both know what you’ll say when you get back.”

“Do you think I’ll say something different if I stay?”

“Yes. Maybe.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know. But my gut tells me it’s the only chance I have.”

She dropped her head. “What do you want to say?”

His mouth went dry. What
did
he want to say? That he wanted more? Of her? Of this heat they obviously shared for each other, even if it was impossible for them to ever be anything more than temporary? For the first time he regretted the decisions he’d made all those years ago. Gabe shook away his impossible thoughts and focused on her. “What’s going on in your brain?”

She pinched the spot between her eyebrows and shook her head. “It’s what I need to figure out. Anyway, you asked me to hear you out. I’m listening…”

He wanted to pull her close and kiss the fear in her voice away. But it was obvious the last thing she wanted right now was his touch.

“I know you’re conflicted about this. The scared part of you is probably screaming inside there.” He ran his hand over her head. “Filling your brain with a thousand reasons why last night was wrong.”

Her body relaxed and she nodded. “Not only just wrong, but that it shouldn’t happen again.”

Understandable. The drill sergeant in his head was ordering him to retreat too. He hoped to talk both of them into this. “But there’s another voice in there. The one telling you the opposite. To stop fighting and admit we’re both lonely, consenting adults who need each other.”

She didn’t respond at first. Just sat on the edge of the bed, her partially bare back to him. “Immediate gratification isn’t healthy. It won’t solve any of my problems.”

His mind filled with the words he could never say. As much as he wanted to fix things and strip her pain away, he couldn’t. Moving closer, he ran his finger down the ridges of her spine. She leaned into his touch, encouraging him to continue. Although she was saying no, it was obvious a part of her wanted this as much as he did. “That’s not true,” he said against her neck. “It did solve some problems. You weren’t feeling good about yourself. You didn’t want to be alone and for a few hours, you let me in.”

By now, both his hands were pressing into the muscles along the length of her backbone. She sniffled and shook her head. “I used you so I could feel better about myself. That was wrong and it can’t happen again. Ever. Sex isn’t only a physical release. There’s an emotional component.”

He raised his brows. Was it that easy for her to blow off their night together as insignificant? Swallowing down the hurt, he focused on her body’s reaction to his touch. “You were down and I was lonely. Last night, we used each other and you are wrong. There were emotions involved in what we did. Did you feel beautiful?”

“I did.” Her voice cracked.

He positioned his mouth a breath away from her cheek and ran his fingers up and down her arm. “Could you tell how every part of me adored and wanted every part of you?”

“It wasn’t real.”

He froze and considered what she said. The woman had no clue the effect she had over him, and for that matter, men in general. “It was real. Very real. You are beautiful and sexy and…”

She rested her head in her hands as if his words hurt. “Gabe, stop. Please. It wasn’t healthy.”

“Is the way you’ve been living healthy? Sometimes it gets lonely, doesn’t it? Just you and your dog?” He let his hands glide across her back, relishing the feel of her. “One day you will find the kind of man deserving of you and your love.” His throat tightened, because he knew he could never be that man but he forced the rest out. “But why do you have to stop living until he shows up?”

A couple sniffles later, she wiped her face with the covers and sat up. “I’m at a very low point right now. It’s making me not think straight. I’m stronger than this.”

“There’s no question how strong you are.” Gabe rested his fingers on her shoulders and pressed into the tight muscles. Again, she didn’t push him away. “But being strong doesn’t mean you have to be alone.”

“You gave me what I needed last night, but what I really need you can’t give. You’ve made it clear you don’t do long term.”

Her truth stabbed at him. As much as he wished he could disagree and plant a seed of hope in both of them, she was right. The reality of his life and fucked-up past slapped him in the gut. He swallowed away the sting and moved beside her on the bed, taking her hand. “No, I don’t,” he whispered, and pressed his lips against her skin. “But I
can
give you what you want. I can help you remember what it means to be adored and desirable.”

Lauren sucked in an unsteady breath. “For how long?”

He inched closer until their legs touched, and placed soft, lingering kisses along the side of her neck. She tilted her head and allowed him to continue. Her skin tasted of fruit and vanilla. His cock hardened as he nipped. “Totally up to you. Best case scenario, the end of the summer, or until you tell me to leave, whichever one comes first.”

He cupped her chin and turned her to face him. Lauren’s cheeks were pink, her eyes glossy from sadness. Gabe wiped away the remnants of tears while admiring her. “You are beautiful,” he whispered before pressing his lips against hers. She dropped her grip on the covers and matched his hunger with her own.

Her tongue moved with his while her hand stroked his face. There was something very addictive about her. He ached for her body, her approval. When their lips finally parted, she rested her head on his shoulder and pulled the sheet back up, covering her chest. The sensation of her bare skin against his had his shaft throbbing for contact.

“You probably think I’m all sorts of crazy by now,” Lauren said.

“Nope, I’m too busy sitting here trying to figure out how to get you to play with my stick shift.”

She pulled away and laughed. “What are you, like, fifteen?”

He wrapped an arm around her and drew her close. “Trust me, I wasn’t anything like this at fifteen.”

“No, I bet you weren’t. You had the weight of the world on your shoulders.” Lauren ran the back of her hand against his chest.

While kissing her forehead, he tried to stay focused on their conversation and ignore the heat building inside. “It’s not what I meant. And my life wasn’t
that
dramatic. But, no, I wasn’t a typical fifteen-year-old. You weren’t, either.”

“I still had a good amount of my vision at fifteen. So I could at least pretend to be normal.”

He played with her hair and tried to imagine what it must have been like for her. “When did you lose it all?”

“I haven’t. Yet.”

“Yet?”

Lauren nodded and weaved her fingers into the patch of dark curls on his chest, tugging on them as she spoke. “Everything looks like a fog of colors. But one day it’ll all turn black. It’s only a matter of time.”

Gabe held her a little tighter and kissed the top of her head. “Do they know why?”

She shrugged. “Bad genetics.”

“Well, it hasn’t stopped you from reaching your goals.”

“Of course it has. I’m alone. Divorced.”

“I’m not a Ph.D. psychologist or anything, but I think there might be a lot of other people out there who aren’t blind that are alone too.”

She pushed away from him and raised her brows. “I never told you what my degree was.”

He let out a sheepish laugh. “No, I did some Internet stalking.”

Her brows rose. “Find anything interesting?”

He rested his hand on the inside of her thigh. “I found a couple of interesting things, actually.”

Lauren gasped and widened her legs.

“Can I show you what I found?” He trailed his fingers higher toward her core.

“Gabe.” Her voice came out husky. He felt her thighs clench. His mouth watered as he neared his goal.

Jack barked from the other side of the bedroom door, followed by loud scratches on the wood. Gabe paused. Lauren slammed her legs shut. Seconds later, she jumped out of bed and far away from him. “We can’t do this. You need to leave.”

“Lauren…”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This. Can’t. Happen. Go home, Gabe,” she said. He watched helplessly as her beautiful bare ass disappeared into the bathroom. The door slammed and locked shut.

Stunned, his ego trampled on, Gabe tried to figure out what just happened. But the damn dog’s incessant barks were making it hard to think.

Another door below slammed shut.

“Get your ass up, woman! I am not your freakin’ alarm clock!” Sunny screamed from downstairs.

Damn.

He shook his head at how quickly a potentially great opportunity for explosive sex had turned to shit. To top it all off, his clothes were on the living room floor below. Gabe took a deep breath, covered his deflated part with a pillow and made his way into hostile territory.

The beast of a dog shut up the instant the door opened. It wagged its tail in satisfaction and followed him downstairs.

“You are twenty-ni…” Sunny stopped shouting when she saw him approach. The annoyed look on her face changed to one of amusement. “Oh, well hello.”

“Good morning.” Gabe’s face heated. He unsuccessfully ignored her while picking his clothes off the floor.

“This brings a whole new meaning to the term being neighborly, doesn’t it?” She smirked and followed him around the room. Shaking his head, he escaped to the bottom floor bathroom.

Unfortunately, Sunny didn’t get the hint and continued talking through the door. “You know, she was never like this with Mrs. Rourke.”

Gabe zipped up his jeans and pulled the shirt over his head.

Now he needed to go out there and find his cellphone and keys.

“Oh wait, the old lady stripped for her too. Hmm, why do her neighbors keep popping up naked?” she asked while he picked up the last of his possessions and made his way to the back door. “Coffee?”

“No thanks. I need to head out. Have a good day.”

“Gabe.”

He stopped and looked at the blonde.

She squinted her eyes and pointed a spoon at him. “You hurt her and I’ll kick your ass.”

He chuckled at her threat. “You don’t need to worry about that.” Gabe shut the screen door behind him. The reality of the situation was his pitiful ass had gotten hurt.

Chapter Eleven

Confessions

When the backdoor slammed shut, Lauren cringed from inside her locked bathroom. Gabe didn’t deserve to be sent away like that especially when she was the one who propositioned him in the first place. Pressing the heel of her hand into her forehead, she unsuccessfully tried to push the shame away.

It had been a long time since she had experienced this kind of connection with a man. Yes, the physical heat between them was bone-melting intense, but it was their emotional chemistry that scared her. She was drawn to him. Enjoyed talking to him and hearing about his life. For someone who wanted only a physical relationship, he spent a lot of time sharing his past. Probably more than he intended. The man was confused, and she needed to keep her own confused ass away.

She shook her head and dressed. His “no” in the backyard should have been enough. But she hadn’t wanted to be alone and pushed him into sex. And, the morning after, kicked him out, just like he warned. Her stomach churned with acid. In so many ways, she’d screwed things up.

It was time to head downstairs and face Sunny. The washing machine hummed and the smell of roasted chicory filled her lungs as she made her way to the kitchen. Fridays were errand days for them, but her lovely PA had started the tasks earlier than normal this morning.

“Coffee.” Sunny handed her a steel travel mug instead of the usual ceramic cup.

Lauren raised her brows. “You either have lost faith in my ability to not break dishes or we’re in a hurry.”

“Your best friend has a flight to catch later today.”

Lauren put the cup on the counter and stared at the foggy blue figure standing beside her. “Where are you going?”

“Barbados. With Scott. He’ll be there for a couple weeks on work and asked me to come along and spend some time with him.” The excitement in her voice made Lauren forget her own shameful evening.

She hugged her friend. “Your first real trip together? This is a big deal.”

“Yeah, I know.” Sunny laughed and returned the hug. “Mmm, Gabe smells good on you.”

The short-lived amnesia over, Lauren released her nosey friend and grabbed the coffee. “You didn’t need to come today.”

“True, but I wanted to check on you and if I hadn’t shown up, how would I have known you had hot sex last night?” Sunny lifted the mug to Lauren’s mouth. “Now drink your medicine so I can ask you all about it.”

Lauren took a sip of the hot, creamy concoction. “I’ll never tell.”

“Of course you will. You described Craig’s crooked penis.”

She coughed at the memory of one of her exes. “You got me drunk.” After popping open the lid, she sniffed her coffee. Alcohol didn’t sound like such a bad idea at the moment.

Sunny patted her back. “Sorry, babe. It’s only java, nothing more. The last thing I need is a drunk, blind woman walking up and down Whole Foods. Now come on, chop chop. We have a lot to do in a short amount of time.”

“Go home and pack, Sun. I’ll call Triny and see if she’s available.”

Her friend laughed. “Are you kidding? And let the cleaning lady hear the juicy details before I do? Hustle your butt to the car and chug the coffee, woman. I’m getting impatient.”

Lauren filled Jack’s food bowl while he licked her face. When he whined, she held him close and pressed her cheek into his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t spend any time with you, fella. If you had played with me last night, all of this could have been avoided.”

“Talking kinky to the dog?” Sunny asked from the front door.

Instead of responding, Lauren let him kiss her goodbye one last time and headed for the car.

After a few minutes on the road, Sunny grabbed the mug in Lauren’s hand and shook it. “Okay, you’ve swallowed half of it. Your fine-assed boyfriend barely said goodbye before he left this morning. What happened?”

Lauren winced at the thought of the things Sunny must have said to Gabe. “He’s not my boyfriend and I have nothing to say.” Sinking lower in her seat, she took another gulp of her medication. She wanted to confess. It was Sunny’s honest and usually right opinions on the matter that worried her.

“If you won’t talk, I’ll sing,” Sunny said in a high-pitched Mary Poppins voice. “I’m thinking Queen’s ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ is in order. Or should I do Bon Jovi’s ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’? Any preferences?”

Lauren leaned her head against the leather seat and sighed. “Neither. I already know I messed up. No need to remind me.”

“You shoved another one away, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” she whispered and fiddled with the cup.

“Then fix it.”

Funny how easy she made it seem. “Can’t. It was the right thing to do.”

Sunny parked the car and took the empty mug from Lauren’s hand. “I got a view of his naked ass. It was definitely not the right thing to do.”

“I took advantage of him.”

“Of course you did, and he obviously didn’t complain. But the real question is, why did you?”

She couldn’t hide; it was time to confess her sins. “I talked to Ben at the park yesterday.”

“Fuck. That’s the reason you called me last night.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, I should have…”

Lauren cut her off. “What? Stopped having sex with Scott to run over and talk to me about my pitiful life?”

She could hear the smile in Sunny’s face. “Good point. Really good sex, by the way.”

“Thanks for the information.”

“Whatever. You got the good stuff last night too.”

Lauren didn’t respond. She was trying really hard to not remember just how good the sex had been.

“What did your dumbass ex have to say?”

Lauren shrugged. “How are you? It’s great to see you. You look great. Can we go somewhere and talk?”

Sunny slammed her hand on the steering wheel. “I knew it! I told you. What did you say?”

Her eyes watered. She filled her lungs with air. “I was doing great. That being around him was overwhelming and I needed some time to get used to it first.”

She squeezed Lauren’s arm. “Oh, Cat. I’m sorry.”

A tear slid down Lauren’s cheek. “He said he’d respect my wishes and wait. He sounded sad. Lonely. It was hard to hear him like that. You know? I wanted to fix it for him.” More tears streamed down her face as the pain from the day before filled her. “But he isn’t mine to fix anymore.” Her voice cracked at the admission. “So, instead I told him he needed to stop patrolling my neighborhood.”

Sunny sniffled and pulled her into an embrace. “You’re going to be okay.”

“I thought I was,” Lauren said. “But being around Ben made everything come back. The hurt, the sadness. I had a hard time keeping it together. Gabe could tell and so he brought over dinner.”

“So sexy-ass man took advantage of the situation and talked you into sex?”

“His name is Gabe. He is a person with feelings, not a body part.” Lauren pulled away from the hug. She blew her nose with the Kleenex Sunny gave her before continuing. “And I took advantage of him. I groped him. I am so messed up. God, I need more coffee.” She wiped her face with the tissue.

Sunny laughed. “There’s another mug for you in the cup holder. And
why
does checking out his package make you messed up?”

“I used him because of the whole seeing-Ben thing and made everything worse.”

“Did it really?”

“Yeah, it did. He was being neighborly and I took advantage of him. This is an all-time low for me.”

Sunny plucked tissue lint off Lauren’s face, pinching her skin in the process.

“Ow.”

“Took advantage? I’m calling bullshit. He’s been wanting in your pants since he came by yesterday morning. Don’t deny it.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not that kind of person.”

“You were last night and from the way things were thrown all across the house, I’m pretty sure you enjoyed it. Maybe you need to become a little more of
that kind of person
.”

Lauren shook her head, but Sunny continued. “Since the divorce, you’ve dated these over-educated assholes. Every other thing out of their mouths was about how important their job and their time was. All of them were judgy and bored the hell out of both of us. When’s the last time you’ve been with a man who has stripped you naked like sexy-ass…sorry, Gabe did and made you feel something besides safe?”

She thought about their night together. It was the best sex she’d had in a very long time. Afterward, when he held her close, it felt right. But he was temporary and therefore dangerous. “Safe is a good thing,” she mumbled.

“So is being happy. And you haven’t been happy in forever.”

She considered all the men she pushed away in the past few years. Each of them would have loved her and been good to her. “Because I’m stupid.”

“Agreed. You are, but it’s not the reason. The kind of man you’re attracted to and the kind you’ve been dating are very different.”

“So I prefer uneducated men like Ben and probably Gabe?”

“No, you prefer ones who don’t pretend to be things they’re not.”

“Ben did. He pretended to be loyal and he wasn’t. I don’t ever want to go through something like that again. The kind of men I’ve been dating wouldn’t have done those things.”

“And how’s that working for you?”

She cringed. “Gabe’s not the guy, either. Like I said, he’s not long-term material.”

Sunny started to laugh. “Ahem. Remember
The Bodyguard
? You know in the end when Kevin Costner watches Whitney Houston walk away to the plane and knows he’ll never see her again? It’s the same look I saw on country boy’s face when he left this morning. Now the man’s had a taste of you, he’s not going anywhere and when he comes knocking at your door tonight, you better let him in.”

Excited energy was building inside her. She shoved down the surge. All of this was confusing and what did it all matter in the end, anyway?

He was not safe.

“Come on, we have shopping to do.” Lauren climbed out of the car and shut the door, ending their conversation. She smiled when her friend screamed her disapproval.

“Car coming at three o’clock,” Sunny said as they walked across the parking lot together.

“I know you’re trying to help, but I’m confused and talking about it is only making it worse. So can you trust me to make the right decision, please?” Lauren asked as she listened for the car to pass.

“Sure.” Sunny grabbed her arm and tugged them forward. “When you groped his penis, did your fingertips meet on the other side?” she whispered.

Her face flushed. “Shut up.”

“Don’t worry, no one’s around. I’m looking. You can share. I think he might be one who would require more than a single hand to encircle.”

“Not answering.”

“Hopefully not crooked like good old lawyer Craig’s. You didn’t have to shift to get it in, did you?”

Lauren laughed and hugged her. “I love you.”

“Any time, sweetheart.”