“You don't even want to give it a try?” he asked,
quietly. “I'm not sure you really know
what
it is I want,
Teresa.”
Wow. How do I answer this and still retain some of
the positive ground we created this morning? “For the past fifteen
years, you have had this illusion of me in your mind. The truth is,
Bas, we don't really know each other. I know you as a young and
promiscuous young man. You may have had some type of epiphany
fifteen years ago, but I didn't.
“You want the fantasy of me you’ve built up in your
head. That's not me. There's no way I can compete with years and
years of whatever you've imagined in your mind. You know me as a
teenager, Bastian. Maybe you've heard stuff about me from Janey
over the last dozen years or so, but her stories still wouldn't
give you any real idea of what type of person I am today.”
Bas was quiet. He still held me close to his body,
which like him not slamming the car door earlier, was unexpected.
Experience suggested he would push me away and storm off. Maybe
there
had
been a few changes in him over the years.
“I propose a compromise,” he broke the uneasy
silence. “A truce, if you will. I don't think I'm the only one with
illusions in my head. I think you may be carrying a few
preconceived ideas of your own. You're right. We both have changed.
I'm not the stupid kid I was back then. You don't know me anymore
than I know you. I find you attractive, and God knows if you said
yes I'd have you on your back so fast you'd be dizzy. But, I
understand we need to know each other better if there is any hope
of our relationship lasting past our first week in bed.”
First week in bed? Like one continuous
feet-never-touch-the-floor-for-seven-days type of thing? Geez, I'd
spend the following week in bed waiting for my legs to work again.
Boy, wouldn't Ken razz me about that!
“Let's date,” he suggested. “Real dates for dinner,
movies, whatever. No sex, unless you beg me, of course. Let's get
to know each other. Even if you still decide a sexual relationship
is not what you want, some time together may help us learn to be
more at ease with each other.”
“You seem to be deliberately overlooking the comment
about not being interested in a man—any man—with a penis the size
of my forearm.”
Bas was laughing again. He tilted my face up for a
playful kiss. “And you seem to discount the fact I have some
experience with this. I believe, once you recognize I'm not a
club-wielding Neanderthal, pun intended,” he added for my benefit,
“you might relax enough to realize women smaller than you have been
in my bed and not only survived, but came back for more.” I
received another playful kiss and a nibble of my lower lip. “Let me
take you out to dinner tonight.”
“I think it would be nice to spend some time
together, but I can't tonight, Bas. I am having dinner with
David.”
There are times when I need Red to explain the
nuances of body language, and there are times when body language is
obvious. Even to a blind woman. Resting in Bastian's arms, his
response to learning I have a date with another man ranks really
high up in the “obvious” column.
“Someone is moving pretty fast,” he growled. Was he
talking about me, or David? Deciding silence was the better choice,
I waited passively for his next comment. He didn't exactly push me
away, but there was definitely a little more room between us than
there had been a few seconds prior. “You only met him this morning
and you already have a date?”
“I like David. He's your friend, so surely you must
think he has good qualities too; don't try to convince me he's a
douche. Didn't you and I agree dating was a way to get to know
someone better to see if there is potential for more? We had a nice
time at breakfast and when we dropped him off at the hotel he...
ahh, asked me to have dinner with him.” My brain hiccupped on the
thought of that world-class kiss he laid on me at the curb.
“You're planning to sleep with him.” Bas asserted.
Since I was still partially in the circle of his arms, I moved
forward with him as he reached for something on the coffee table.
“That's why you got the lube? Hoping to get lucky?” At the insult,
I stiffened in his arms, although I was tempted to pull away and
call him a bastard.
Oh snap! I simply wasn't trying hard enough over the
last twelve years if I hadn't thought of Bas-turd. Damn! Now, since
we are probably going to be nice to each other, I won't be able to
use it. Then again, this
is
Bastian. I'll have to assume
he'll give me an opportunity.
“Not that it is any of your damn business, but Bas,
did you see a box of condoms on the counter? No, you didn't. All
you see is a box of Astro-Glide, and surely a man with your breadth
of experience knows I don't need to be with a man to use it.” Oh
crap, tell me I didn't say that out loud? I groaned and did a head
tilt which took full advantage of my new haircut. “I have no idea
if it was worse to say what I just did, or if I should have
remained quiet and let you be mad.”
“Oh woman, you have successfully diverted my
attention and derailed my train of thought.” I could hear his
smile; he pulled me back closer against his chest… and other parts.
“I am already building a whole list of images to add to my 'stuff I
want to do with a naked Teresa' list.” He nuzzled my hair. “It is a
long list. I don't think I'll be fully satisfied until we've tried
everything at least twice. We could be naked for years if you keep
making comments like that.”
“Or we could
never
be naked together at all,
Bas. This whole idea of us hanging out with each other is to see if
there is potential for a closer relationship. The fact is, you and
I are starting out as acquaintances, not friends. We have a lot of
shared memories, but those memories are from different
perspectives, and as we have discussed, not entirely similar.
“You make comments about your long list, but I'm
still at the point of creating list headings and drawing columns. I
am not fully immune to the sex appeal and charm of you, Bastian,
but I am not ready to fall into bed and see where it goes. For all
my life you have been Janey's over-sexed brother. Not a potential
lover.” My exasperation was growing, “How can we possibly date when
we have such wildly different expectations of where this will go?
You already have us in bed. I am trying to move to a place where I
don't feel as though I need to hide from you.”
Bas set me to the side and stood up. “Yeah, Teresa,
I'm on a way different page. It kills me your last mental picture
is of me having sex with another woman. It’s even worse to know, if
I'd kept my dick in my pants for ten minutes longer, I would have
been standing in the kitchen with a glass of milk in my hand and
looked up to see a muss-haired, sleepy-eyed girl in the doorway.
That could have been the moment when you saw me as more than merely
Bastian, Janey's horndog brother.
“I'm pissed you're having dinner with David,” he told
me frankly. “In one day, he lands a date. I've tried for twelve
fucking years just to get you to stand still and look at me.”
Bastian started walking around the living room, and
beyond; it wasn't until I heard the tap of a glass bowl on the
counter I realized he was putting away the items he'd used in our
guessing game. He returned to the couch and grabbed both of my
wrists. With a seemingly effortless tug, he pulled me to my feet,
bringing me to where I was almost touching the front of his body.
For all the impatience I could feel, in the stiffness of his
posture, Bas' hands were gentle as he finger combed my hair.
“I put everything away, and there's a fresh mug of
coffee on the table in front of you. I'm sure Red can point you to
it.” There was a smile in his voice when he added, “The bottle of
lube is on the nightstand by your bed. I threw away the box for
you.”
His hands bracketed my jaw. “I would like to spend
the afternoon with you tomorrow. Maybe you, Red, and I can take a
picnic to Riverfront; listen to the water and talk for a while. I'd
like to know what you've been up to for the last decade. I want to
talk about what I've been doing, and give you a chance to decide if
there is something between us to build on.”
I nodded, “I'd like a chance to know you better, but
no expectations beyond an open mind and my promise not to avoid
you. I'll ask Ken to put a lunch together for us when he comes in
today.”
The clock on the mantle started to announce the noon
hour in deep thrums. Was it only twelve o'clock?
Bas' lips were tender as he gave me a quick, but
hungry, kiss. He pulled away and looked into my face for a moment
before he stroked a thumb over my right eye. I felt him lean toward
me, then five soft kisses landed along the scar, from brow to
cheek.
His hands on my shoulders pressed me back onto the
couch, and he playfully waved my coffee mug enticingly below my
nose until my hands came up, reflexively, to grab it. “I'll pick
you up at one o'clock tomorrow,” he stated.
Somewhere between three sharp raps on the front door
and the solid “thump” of that same door closing behind him, I fell
a little bit in love with Sebastian Declan. Who woulda thunk
it?
“
Hey Baby, wanna fool around?”
Red asked,
dropping a tennis ball in my lap. With those five words, my dog
returned the smile to my face. He was quoting Ken from the other
day. We really did need to start paying more attention to what we
said around him.
“Would you like to go to the park instead? Shadle
Park is close to Janey's house. We can take a bus there, and you
can watch the kids on the playground.”
It had only taken five minutes into our walk at
Riverfront Park for me to discover children fascinated Red, and
vice versa. While some kids were intimidated by the large, black
German shepherd puppy, the majority of them were crawling over him
within minutes. Red told me kids smelled interesting, and he liked
their high little voices and grubby hands. Red enjoyed the
opportunity to be a non-working dog, playing chase and barking to
make the children laugh.
It only took a few minutes to get ready, and Ken
walked in while I was grabbing a light jacket off the pegs by the
door. I asked him if he could put together something for Bas, Red
and me to take to Riverfront the next day. Also, I mentioned I was
going to dinner with David (which I'm sure Janey had already told
him—probably in vivid detail) and I asked if he could pick an
outfit for me. He suggested black slacks and a red silk blouse,
which I thought would be fine; he'd put out all the stuff to go
with it. It was strange to know he'd be pawing through my bras and
panties. Oh well, it’s not like he hadn't been dressing me for the
last few months anyway, right?
I gave myself a mental high-five for having
remembered to put the lube in the proper drawer; one less thing to
get razzed about. Although, upon reflection, Janey'd probably told
him about that too. Sigh.
Ken thought it would take a couple of hours to get
the laundry done, so he would probably still be here when we got
back from our outing. Ha! Better him than me. I always hated
washing and folding clothes.
Ken handed me a backpack with a thin blanket, my
fold-up cane, a couple bottles of water, and a portable dish. I
hadn't known Ken anticipated I would need something like this when
I was on impromptu outings. Expanding a great idea, I suggested we
add a bag of dog treats and some waste bags. Yes, Red was smart,
but he was still a puppy and I would not be a good owner if I
weren't prepared for his needs.
The walk to the park took less than ten minutes from
where the bus dropped us off by Shadle High School. Since he was in
his harness, Red was working, but we brought a long retractable
leash so he could do some exploring once we arrived at the
playground.
It was summertime, and I was happy there were
children enjoying the swings and various climbing apparatuses so my
dog could have kids to play with. Red gave me a heads up there was
another leashed dog near the street. But, it was traveling along
the edge of the grass, away from us.
When Red had gotten us to the first of the park
pathways, I clipped on his leash and pulled out my cane. This let
him wander with a little freedom. He let me know which way to go
since I couldn't rely on the direction of his lead, which at the
moment, led straight to a bush Red felt a need to mark as his.
Possessive much?
Red chose a spot in an open area of grass and I
spread out the blanket. My kid magnet was soon covered in squirming
little bodies as the children migrated from the play area to the
“cute puppy” who barked and lunged playfully to entertain them. I
had to assure a few moms, and even a dad, that yes, the dog was
nice and it was okay for their child to pet him. I appreciated the
parents asking.
One little girl squealed in delight when Red singled
her out and covered her in “doggy kisses,” which really meant he
was enjoying the flavor of the lunch meat which covered her sticky
little fingers. Eww, sometimes dogs were gross. He picked out a
couple of other children to lavish extra attention on, based on an
interesting taste or smell. At one point, I counted up to five
different kids playing with him, but it could have been more.