Blindness (32 page)

When I look up, I find Cody staring at me,
taking in my face—never my eyes, but all other parts of me. He
reaches up to wrap one of my curled locks around his fingers, and
he smirks as he does.

“I remember doing this, you know. That night
of my party? When I was drunk off my ass? I don’t remember a lot,
but I remember the way your hair felt in my fingers. I’ve wanted to
just reach out and touch it so many times,” he says, licking his
lips lightly while he watches my hair unravel from his hand and
fall along my bare breasts.

“I’m yours,” I say to him, meaning every bit
of those two small words, and the four I follow them up with. “I
love you, Cody.”

He pushes me back to the bed and follows me,
slowly lowering his body over mine. I’m shivering from my nerves,
but I tell him it’s because I’m cold, and he rubs his hands along
my arms and neck, into my hair, trying to warm me. He kisses his
way along my jaw until he stops again at my lips, speaking with
barely any breath at all. “In my drawer…condom,” he says, and I
reach to my left and slide his drawer open, feeling around until I
find it. I tear the package with my teeth and hand it to him.

I hold my breath as he slides it on, and my
head is swirling from the adrenaline coursing through me. My heart
is beating so loudly, I’m sure Cody can feel it. He brings his
forehead to mine again and kisses me lightly on the lips as he
slowly slides forward until I feel the tip of him enter me. I cry
out, and he stops, opening his eyes to look at me, to make sure I’m
okay.

“More—I need
all
of you,” I say,
gripping at his back with desperation. I’m so terrified that
something is going to end this—take Cody away from me right here
and now, before I know him intimately. And I can’t bear the
thought. I thrust my hips, forcing him to move into me more, and he
gasps when I do.

“Jesus, Charlie. It’s so much better than I
thought,” he says, rocking back out from me, only to enter me
again. Each time we meet, we both lose our breath, panting and
fighting for air while our bodies slide together. My eyes are
actually tearing from the pleasure, and I want to feel more of him,
to see him, watch him, and know if he’s feeling the same way I
am.

I wrap my legs around him completely, and
when he reaches for my thigh, I urge him onto his back so I can sit
up completely and continue our rhythm. His entire body is on fire,
his skin hot to the touch, and I lean forward as I move my hips
back and forth along the length of him so I can press my lips to
his neck. He grabs the sides of my face as I do and brings me to
look at him.

“I want to look at you, and I want you to see
me…what you do to me,” he says, his voice cracking and his
breathing heavy and ragged. “Your touch, Charlie, is
it
for
me. You’re the end of me—and the beginning. And I will fight for
you; I will always fight for you.”

I can’t help the small tear that falls from
my eye when he speaks, and he reaches up with his thumb to wipe it
away. I grab his hand as he does and kiss his fingers softly,
pushing his thumb in my mouth so I can suck on it lightly. My
entire body is on the verge, and I know the next time he pushes
into me will be the one to force me over the edge. And I’m begging
for it, whimpering with each tease, until he finally moves inside
of me with force, and I completely lose all control, collapsing
against his body with cries as I feel him throb inside of me.

“Oh my god, Charlie. It’s so good…you feel so
good,” he says, burying his face in my hair and holding my head to
his tightly.

Words escape me; instead, I cry out his name
and just breathe, hard and steady, until every nerve in my body
feels satisfied. We don’t move for several minutes and just lay
there together, still connected, and running our fingertips along
one another’s backs and arms. Cody’s the first to break when he
tilts my head up and brushes my damp hair to the side, kissing my
forehead between my eyes. “Let me shower with you…please?” he says,
making a puppy dog face, an adorable new one I’ve never seen him
make before. I nod
yes
, and he rolls to the side of the bed
and tells me to join him when I’m ready.

I wait for the water to heat up. I enter the
bathroom and slide open the small door to his shower. It’s a tight
space, so we have to hold one another under the water. Cody doesn’t
waste any time and starts kissing me the moment I touch him.
They’re different kisses—not the needy ones from moments ago. These
feel familiar and adoring.

“Stay. Stay tonight. I know…” he pauses,
swallowing hard, and looking up at the ceiling to let out a big
breath. “I know you still have
things
…unfinished things you
need to take care of. But I can’t be without you tonight. I want to
hold you, feel you, wake up at strange hours and have you here. So
just stay…just tonight. Please?”

My pulse is racing with panic from everything
Cody just said. Trevor—I haven’t thought about Trevor once since I
ran from the club into the rain-slicked city streets. I sent him
that text, and he could be looking for me, and he could burst in
here at any moment. But I look at Cody’s eyes, and they’re
beseeching me. And I want to stay, more than I’ve ever wanted to be
anywhere.

“I’ll stay. But tomorrow…I need to talk to
him,” I say, purposely not saying his name. I know if I do, I won’t
be able to go through with tonight—that I’ll spend the next hours
awake, and filled with worry. And I want to fulfill my dreams
tonight, here in Cody’s arms.

Cody shuts the water off and wraps my body in
a towel, kissing my head as he spins me around to face him.
“Tomorrow,” he says, smiling, and brushing his thumb over my cheek
and bottom lip, pulling my chin to him and bringing me into another
full kiss.

He gives me a soft shirt from one of his bike
tours to wear to bed, and I take in his smell as I pull it over my
body. I’m never giving it back, and I might wear it under
everything I own.

The room is dark when I leave the bathroom,
but I can see the bed. Cody’s holding his quilt up high for me to
crawl into him, and after I do, he reaches over me to turn on the
lamp. I smile when I see the small paper still taped to the shade,
the tiny holes making the celestial miracle on his ceiling. I can’t
help the smile that spans my face when I look up at his stars, and
I also can’t keep my eyes from falling closed. I’m no match for my
exhaustion, despite how badly I want to lay awake to take in every
ticking second of my night with Cody.

But as I fade, I look into his eyes once
more, and watch him stroke my hair and look at me with nothing but
love. I know he will spend the night doing exactly that, and
somehow I don’t want to take that away from him. I let him be the
one to capture it all, and I let my lids fall shut for a final
time, not cracking them once until morning.

Chapter
16: Abrupt and Sudden

There’s a dull pounding sound, somewhere in
the distance. I’m so comfortable, so happy—the last thing I want to
do is leave the coolness of these sheets against my face. Where am
I? Why are these sheets so soft? And that pounding…it’s so
loud.

“Oh my god, Cody!” I say, sitting up and
gathering his quilt around me.

Cody is on his feet in a flash, searching the
floor for his jeans. He finally finds an old pair of board shorts
and slides them on, hopping from his bedroom to the front door. He
comes back seconds later with Jessie trailing behind him, her hand
covering her eyes, but cracking between the fingers so she can look
right at us.

“Cover your bits, I don’t want to see any of
this shit,” she says, popping her gum loudly.

“Fuck, Jess, what are you doing here?” Cody
says, sitting at the edge of the bed, and rubbing the sleepiness
from his eyes.

“I’m saving this one’s ass, is what I’m
doing,” she says, pointing to me. I snug the blanket to my body a
little closer, realizing I’m completely naked underneath.

Jessie just rolls her eyes at me and then
sits down on Cody’s floor, leaning her back against his door.
“Trevor’s looking for you. And before you ask, yes, I covered for
you,” she says. I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

“Thank you, Jessie. So much,” I say, feeling
like I may now have minutes rather than the seconds I thought I had
before to get my facts in order.

“Yeah, yeah,” she says, followed by another
pop of her gum. “Here’s the deal. You spent the night at my house,
because you had a bad reaction to your drink. I left right after
you, told Trevor I was taking you home. He sent you a shitload of
texts, so your phone was in my car all night, and that’s why you
couldn’t text back. Got it?”

I nod
yes
and feel my throat start to
close up from the onset of what I’m pretty sure is an anxiety
attack.

“I’m going to go out there and watch some TV,
but you and I probably need to show up at your front door in the
next few minutes, before Trevor sees my car. Think you can handle
that?” she says, getting back to her feet and slipping through the
door to give us privacy.

Once the door is closed, I lie back down and
try to stop the room from spinning and closing in on me. “Charlie,
are you okay?” Cody says, sliding up beside me and sweeping my hair
from my sweaty forehead.

“Yeah, I’m just…scared, I think,” I say, not
using the right word, but the only one that comes to mind. Cody
turns from me, and I know he’s blaming himself, so I move into him
and grab his chin with my hand, pulling him to me. “Don’t think for
a single minute that I have any regrets. I am so happy…right here,
right now. I’m just worried about hurting Trevor.”

Cody’s eyes close, and I feel his lungs
collapse with the air that escapes him. He rubs his hand over his
face some more and turns to me again, running his fingertips down
the length of my face, neck, shoulder, and body. “I love you,
Charlie. No matter what, I just want you to know that,” he says the
words almost like they’re a goodbye, and it crushes me.

“I love you too, and that’s the only thing
that matters,” I say, trying to reassure him. I kiss him then and
roll on top of him, my hair cascading around us, shielding us—like
we have our own hiding place. Then Jessie’s pounding breaks us and
pulls us back to reality.

“Tic-toc, Charlie,” she says.

“I’m getting dressed,” I yell back.

“I’m gonna jump in the shower. You head over
with Jessie. I’ll just plan on seeing you later. Maybe at the
shop?” he says.

I smile at the thought of us making plans,
and I’m instantly missing him even though I haven’t left.

I dress while he’s in the shower, pulling on
my damp clothing to go along with Jessie’s lie. When she sees me,
she pulls her face into a frown, and I feel sick. She didn’t want
me to hurt Cody, to pull him into this, and now I’ve gone and made
things so complicated.

“I messed up, Jessie. I’m so sorry, but I
won’t hurt him,” I say, hoping she’ll forgive me.

“What, that?” she says, pointing to Cody’s
bedroom. “Hell, I’m all for
that
. I was just bummed, because
I really liked your outfit. But that blouse is burn-worthy now, I’m
afraid.”

Smiling, I reach for her hand and she pulls
me in for a hug and then sniffs my shoulder. “Yeah, you smell like
you’ve been sick all night in these things. Good move,” she winks.
“Okay, well, let’s get you back where you belong…until you
don’t?”

I know what she means by her question, and I
reassure her with my nod. “Right, that’s happening really soon,” I
say.

We skip across the driveway, and to the
backdoor, a more natural place for me to come in, and when I do, I
see Jim sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. He smiles when
I enter, but goes right back to reading some magazine he has spread
open. It looks like
Sports Illustrated.

“You sure you feel okay now?” Jessie says,
playing it up for Jim’s benefit.

“Yeah, I think I’ll just eat a little
something. Thanks for bringing me home,” I say, smiling at the side
of my mouth when I see her back out the door. I barely make eye
contact with Jim as I pass through the kitchen, hoping I can just
slip upstairs and shower before I run into Trevor.

“Morning, Jim,” I say, trying to keep a
natural feeling in the air.

“Yes, good morning,” he says, still not
looking up from his magazine. I wait a second to see if he has more
to say, but then continue to the door, until he pauses me
again.

“Say, Charlotte? You got a sec?” he says, his
magazine now folded closed in his lap. He’s looking at me from the
top of his glasses, and the steam emanating from the cup of coffee
in front of him feels like it’s trying to give me a sign.

“Sure, what can I do for you, Jim?” I say,
feeling like I’m one of his employees. I laugh internally,
realizing that that’s how I’ve always felt around him.

“Well, it’s about my son. You see…Trevor is
really the only thing in my life that I haven’t…
messed up,”
he pauses, waiting for me to react, but I have no idea what to say,
so I just smile. “I’m sure you’ve heard things about me, some
lies…some, sadly, the truth. But I just wanted you to know that
when it comes to my son, Charlotte, I’m pretty
on top of
things.”

My heart is racing so fast that I think it
might come out my throat, and I want to vomit from my nerves. I
squeeze my hands into fists in front of me, behind the counter so
Jim can’t see, and I plaster my smile on my face. “Of course, Jim.
Trevor is a good man, and I know you love your son,” I say, not
lying, but also leaving out everything else I’d like to add.

“Good, good,” he says, picking up his coffee
and opening his magazine again along the counter. “I’m glad we both
feel the same way. I just wouldn’t want anything to happen, to mess
anything up. This
deal
he’s brokered, with Cody? You follow
me, right?”