Blindness (4 page)

I’m more confused than ever as I follow
Trevor into a formal dining room that looks like it’s set for a
fancy Thanksgiving meal—the kind you see in old holiday movies. I
know Trevor can hear the arguing just a room or two away, but he’s
pretending not to. His mother comes in, sits down and puts her
napkin on her lap before she reaches for the decanter of wine to
fill her glass. Her face looks a little puffy, and I can tell she’s
probably been hitting the wine for a few hours.

Just when things were about to reach
unbearably awkward, the silence making it hard to breathe without
drawing attention, the dining door from the kitchen swings open,
and Trevor’s dad walks through. He seems startled at our presence
at first, and he stops at the door to make eye contact with me and
force a smile. He must know I’ve been listening to his
argument.

“Charlotte,” his smile is tight and forced.
He sits and places his napkin on his lap. “You look nice. Thank you
for joining us.”

“Thank you for having me. I really appreciate
it,” I say. My voice is small, and I’m just trying to fill the
emptiness that’s swallowing us all up. I am no match though as the
quiet starts up again as soon as my words are complete. I look at
Trevor, who’s looking down at his plate, and then to Shelly, who is
swirling her now half-empty glass. I’m about to ask if, perhaps,
they’d rather do
this
some other night, when the door swings
open, and I see him.

I know he recognizes me. We only hold our
gaze for two or three seconds, but it feels like hours as his eyes
reach through me and rattle my insides. I have this instant urge to
cry, which I haven’t done in years, and I choke from the surprise
of it. I reach for my water and sip on it, looking at the center of
the table just to give myself a break from the intensity of it all.
He’s standing—
standing?
Why would he be standing? I thought
he couldn’t? Or maybe he
could?

My mind is racing, and I’m being hammered
away with guilt, anger and the strangest sense of regret. Why is he
here? And why was he arguing with Trevor’s dad? Shelly pulls me
from my thoughts as she finally slurs out an explanation.

“Charlotte, this is Trevor’s brother, Cody,”
she says, gesturing to our newest guest. “Cody, this is your
brother’s girlfriend, Charlotte.”

I slowly tilt my face back to his direction
and stand, reaching for his hand. “Cody, nice to meet you.” I’m
terrified, and I don’t know why. Or maybe I do.

He just smirks at my hand, and finally
reaches for it, giving me a firm shake but sliding his hand from
mine slowly, too slowly, lingering the touch of his fingers. I’m
hot and faint, and all I can think about is how his hand felt in
mine. “Nice to meet you, too…
Charlotte?”
he asks, raising
one eyebrow and teasing me, but not in a friendly way. I just nod
yes
in response and take my seat again.

I try not to stare as he limps around the
table to stop at the seat directly across from me and next to
Shelly—his mother? I’m so confused. I know Trevor can feel the
tension rolling off of me, and I hope he thinks it’s only from my
confusion over the fact that I never knew he had a brother. Not
over the fact that I feel like I know Cody, I mean really
know
him. Or the fact that I’ve met him before, and that he
makes my stomach lurch, like an elevator dropping.

No one is offering any explanation, and I’m
left looking around the table as bowls begin passing and drinks are
being poured. No one is looking up—no one, except Cody. I try to
avoid him, but he’s right in front of me. I’m done the second he
hands a bowl of potatoes to me. On instinct, I reach up and grab
them, my fingers reaching too far and touching his again. My heart
is rapid, and I can’t breathe.

“So, you’re Trevor’s girl, huh?” he asks, his
voice far from the friendly one at tutoring. He sounds snarky and
accusatory, and it makes me feel instantly defensive.

“Yes, we’ve been dating for a year,” I
respond, short and curt. Just like I mean it to sound, though I
don’t know why. Being rational seems to be long out the window.

Trevor jumps in then, and I’m thankful at
first. “Cody isn’t around much,” he shrugs and then starts eating
again. I’m left puzzled. That’s it? No explanation? We all continue
to eat in silence, and I spend the next 20 minutes trying to avoid
Cody’s constant stare and the judgmental look on his face.

Shelly stands finally and begins clearing
plates. She seems oblivious. Cody is still looking at me, chewing
at his bottom lip, with a half-grin, like he’s holding something
back. I look over to Trevor, willing him to save me, but instead he
stands and heads into the kitchen after his mom, telling me he’ll
“Be right back,” without as much as a glance in my direction. Jim
follows after, leaving Cody and me alone.
Alone!

I’m wrestling with my napkin in my lap,
wondering how I can join the others without being rude, how I can
get out from under whatever spell Cody seems to have over me, when
he kicks me under the table. I look up with surprise, and he’s
smiling—barely. “You didn’t know about me, did you?” he asks. I
shake my head no, ashamed, not that any of this is my fault. He
laughs under his breath and scoots his chair back from the table so
he can lean forward and prop his elbows on the edge and rub his
temples with his fingers.

I’m mesmerized by the movements of his hands.
They’re so strong, rough, and nothing like Trevor’s—which are neat
and groomed. His thumb is wearing a thick, silver ring, and there
are small words tattooed on a few of the other fingers. I’m trying
to read them when I hear him take a deep breath; I instantly feel
my face burn. I’ve been caught. I shake my head, looking back at
the table.

“Shelly’s my mom. She married Jim after my
dad died. Trevor’s my stepbrother. There, now you’re all caught
up,” he says, standing and throwing his napkin on the table. He
heads to the opposite hall, leaving his family in the kitchen.

“If they ask, just tell them I went to the
garage…they won’t ask, though,” he says over his shoulder. Before
he rounds the corner, he pauses for a second and looks up, his eyes
catching mine one last time before he’s gone. They’re full of
something that seems far heavier than sadness, and I’m fighting
this foreign instinct to run to him, care for him, and find out
what he’s hiding.

I sit there for minutes trying to sort out
everything and wishing like hell I had another place to live. When
I realize no one is coming back to join me, I pick up my glass and
walk into the kitchen. Trevor is sitting atop the counter and
smiling, and Jim and Shelly are both doing the same. It’s like a
Twilight Zone
, as if the dinner I just endured had never
happened. As soon as they see me enter, everyone gets quiet and Jim
and Shelly leave the room. Trevor starts putting dishes into the
washer, so I pick a few up and carry them over to him.

For a few minutes, I think I may be okay with
pretending—maybe I can just unravel this mystery on my own, but it
doesn’t take long for my gut to tell me I can’t, and I slam a plate
down next to Trevor. “Okay, what the
hell
is going on,” I
say, leaning away from him so he can’t distract me. He just sighs,
shuts the water off, and leans on the opposite counter.

He twists his bottom lip at first, thinking.
“Cody and I…well, we don’t really get along. We’re
different,”
he stops, I think hoping that I’ll find that to
be enough of an explanation, but I urge him on. He rolls his eyes a
little and swings his feet as he lifts himself to sit back on the
counter.

“Okay, here’s the short version. Shelly’s my
stepmom. My real mom died when I was really little, so don’t feel
bad. I don’t remember her. I mean,
at all.
My dad married
Shelly about five years ago. Her husband died, and she was working
at my dad’s firm. She had a son, Cody. He thinks I’m an asshole.
And, well, he’s real a prick to my dad—sorry, don’t mean to be
crass. But he is,” Trevor stops after that, and waits. I try to fit
all of the pieces in with everything I already know. “I’m sorry I
didn’t tell you. I guess, I just waited so long to introduce you to
Cody, and like I said, he’s not really around much.”

He just stops there, and I feel like I’m
waiting on a ledge. His face is conflicted as he stares at me, his
hands looped in his pockets now, and his shoulders tense. I can
tell there’s more, probably
a lot
more, buried deep. I’m
willing to wait it out, so I match his silence and hold his eyes,
nodding forward, and raising my brows slightly to push him.

Trevor takes in another deep breath, and goes
back to work on the dishes, I think so he can avoid looking at me
as he continues. “Cody’s moving in above the garage,” he says,
obviously irritated. “There’s a carriage house up there. He’s a
loser, never has any money.”

I almost protest, knowing that he’s an
engineering major, but then I stop. I’ve already dug myself too
deep, pretending not to know Cody at all. After a few minutes of
silence, I decide to leave it at that, and will myself to be
satisfied with Trevor’s explanation. My encounter with Cody was
tense. But only because it was a surprise, and I don’t believe
he’ll make things uncomfortable for me here. In fact, I may be the
only person willing to acknowledge him—and that reality makes me
feel…well, it just makes me
feel
.

I reach around Trevor and hug him tightly and
instantly notice him relax. He shuts the water off and turns around
to pull me in close, kissing me, and tugging my hair loose. Trevor
loves my hair, and he wraps his hands deep into the gold strands
while he kisses me more. He lifts me, then turns me around so I’m
sitting on the counter facing him. I keep kissing him, but I’m
fighting myself because I’m aware that his parents could burst in
at any moment. I let myself enjoy the moment until he works his
hand up my thigh and slides his thumb under the side of my
underwear.

“Whoa, not quite ready for exhibition time in
front of your parents, if that’s okay,” I laugh and slide from the
counter, but still tight against him. He just laughs lightly and
lifts my chin to kiss me softly.

“Okay, no exhibition…yet,” he smiles, but it
quickly turns into a flat line, and just as quickly a frown.

“What’s wrong?” I’m thrown by his quick mood
change.

He takes in a sharp breath through his nose
and closes his eyes as he runs his hand down his face. “We have to
talk,” he says, and I’m completely rattled.
Talk?
Isn’t that
what we’ve been doing?

“Ooooookay?” I say, letting him know exactly
how unsure I’ve become by my now-guarded body language.

He doesn’t let his hands leave me as he
slides them down my arms and grabs my curling fingers. “I heard
from Judge Sumner’s office. I got the call tonight, when I left to
come in here. That’s what me and my parents were talking about when
you came in,” he says, and immediately, I know.

Trevor is leaving. For Washington.

I knew this might happen. While he’s talking,
I’m already sorting how I can work things out with my firm and my
internship, transfer to someone with a base in Washington in the
spring. It won’t be easy, but I can pull it off. I’m half-hearing
him when I realize he says Monday.
Monday?

“What? You mean, this semester?” I shove him
away a little, now frustrated and finally understanding what he’s
been saying.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you,” he
says, reaching for me again. I’m a little standoffish, but I let
him hold my hands, even if I’m guarded about it. “They really want
me, and they’re willing to move my apprenticeship ahead. Charlotte,
it’s a HUGE opportunity. I can’t say no.”

I know he can’t. He has to take this. But
bloody hell, I’m living in his parents’ house! What am I going to
do? I can’t stop my thoughts from verbalizing, and I speak. “Where
am I going to live?” I blurt out.

Trevor just smiles softly and pulls me into a
hug. “My parents totally want you to stay. Besides, I’ll come home
every few weeks. This way we can see each other a lot. Really, it’s
not a problem. We already talked about it. My parents
love
you, you know?”

His parents love me? I figured they liked me
well enough. And that was before the comments I overheard from Jim.
I don’t know that they
love
me. I’m so confused about
everything, but I know I’m not going to come to any solutions
tonight. I’ll give it a try—I have to. I really have no choice. I
comfort myself, albeit barely, knowing that I can start looking for
alternatives next week if I need to. I have a little money left
from my inheritance, and I can always move back to the dorms. I
swallow hard, nod, and smile up at Trevor, who slides his hand
around my neck so he can pull me close for another kiss before he
turns back to the unfinished dishes.

“You leave Monday?” I say, the sadness of it
all setting in. I feel like I’m mourning, and I
hate
mourning.

“I do. I know, it’s fast,” he says, not
turning around. “But I’ll be back two weeks after that, and then a
few weeks later. I promise, it’ll all work out.”

“Okay,” I say, closing my eyes and willing
the nerves to rest.

“That’s my girl,” he smiles over his
shoulder. “You get to meet them all at dinner Sunday. The Sumners?
Less pressure, no interviewing,” Trevor winks and gets back to
work. I leave him there and head to our room, which suddenly feels
an entire world away.

Bigger. Colder. Emptier.

Chapter 3: Second Impressions

Dinner with the Sumners was last week, and
Trevor’s been gone for five days now. My head was buzzing just
hearing all of the work that was expected of him. I know he can
handle it, I just wish I were there for him to come home to at
night. He’s been calling me every morning on his way into the city
and texting me a few times during the day. He doesn’t get home
until late, sometimes ten or eleven, so our conversations are hit
or miss.