Blood Before Sunrise (41 page)

“You were gone, Darian. I told you how it was for me, but you didn’t listen. It was like part of my soul had gone dark. After you left here, I could still feel you. You wouldn’t answer your phone, the PNT was looking for you, and I knew you were running. But at least I knew you were alive. Your wish made me damned near powerless. I couldn’t come for you even when I sensed you were in trouble. But then—” He paused, and his voice seemed to catch somewhere between his chest and his mouth. “You just disappeared. The light went off.
Nothing
. It was as if you’d never existed.”

My throat closed up; I felt as though I were suffocating. There wasn’t enough air in the world to fill my lungs. “I did what I thought was best for you. I would have died if anything had happened to you and you were already in danger—”

“You don’t get it, Darian.” He locked his gaze with mine, and I bit back a sob. “I knew you weren’t dead. After all, we’re bound. My life force is tied to yours. But at least with death there’s some sort of finality! There’s nothing worse than
not
knowing. And I had no idea where you’d gone, what had happened to you. Once…” He brushed a tear from my cheek with his thumb. “Once I could’ve sworn I felt you reaching out for me. Right
here.” He pounded a fist against his chest over his heart. “And it felt so real. But there wasn’t a goddamned thing I could do about it! I couldn’t go to you. I couldn’t
help
you. No, I knew you weren’t dead, but I mourned you just the same.”

I couldn’t hold back the flood any longer. His calm voice, the way his gaze bored right through me, the pain in every syllable he spoke; it was just too much. My entire body seemed to compress against the emotion I was trying not to let bust out of me like a broken dam. “I love you.”

“But you don’t trust me. You don’t consider me your equal. You don’t think I’m strong enough to protect you.”

“No!” Was that my voice that had erupted into a high, keening cry? “Tyler, no.”

“I wish it weren’t true.” He dragged his hand through his still-damp hair, and my knees threatened to give out beneath me. “I wish to hell that weren’t true. But this will happen again. And again. You draw danger like a magnet, Darian. No matter how much I want to be your protector, you’ll continue to push me away.”

I shook my head. The words wouldn’t come. I couldn’t get my mouth to work properly.

“I think you need some time—”

“No!”
The word exploded from my lips. “Damn it, Tyler, don’t do this! Get mad, yell at me, throw something! Set the fucking bed on fire and take a baseball bat to every lamp in the house. But
do not
say what you’re about to say.”

“I’m sorry, love.” He laid his lips to my forehead and stayed that way for a few moments before pulling away. “I think you need to decide what you really want. I won’t tag along after you anymore. I won’t sit at home and wait while you risk your life.”

“But the bond…” It was my ace in the hole. He couldn’t leave me. He’d bound himself to me.

“Is intact,” he said. “I told you, only you have the power to break it. I will protect you with my dying
breath. If you need me, you know what to do.” He turned away, left me leaning against the doorjamb for support, and returned to his suitcase. He didn’t take the time to fold his clothes, instead shoving them in the case before stuffing the lid down and zipping it closed.

I was frantic to keep him where he was. He couldn’t leave me. He couldn’t. “Ty, please don’t go. Please, Ty. Don’t—God, please—don’t leave me.”

“I won’t be gone long,” he said, throwing my own words back in my face. I wished like hell I’d never written that damned note, that I could turn back time and undo it all. “I tried too hard.” He grabbed the suitcase and crossed the room toward me. “I tried to force you before you were ready. Maybe without me here, you’ll find the closure you need to let me in. I hope that when I come back, you’ll be ready to trust me, to believe in me.”

“You don’t have to leave for that to happen, Tyler.” My world was crumbling around me, and there was nothing I could do about it. “Stay. Please.”

“I love you,” he said as he leaned in to kiss me one last time. “Good-bye, Darian.”

His lips on mine caused a ripple of energy to flow over my body, and the room swam in a dizzy blur. I closed my eyes to steady my careening world, and when I opened them again, he was gone.

I don’t know how I got back to my apartment. I was worse than a fucking zombie, more brainless than the walking dead without even hunger to motivate my shuffling steps. I got out of the elevator and stared at my surroundings as if I’d never seen the place before. Someone had come in and turned up the heat. At least, I thought someone had. The vents were blowing warm air, stirring my hair and drying my wide, unblinking eyes.

I’d been back in Seattle for only a few hours. But somehow it felt like years. As if I’d been watching from a distance, the scene with Tyler played over and over in my mind, and I searched for the right word, the perfect phrase I
hadn’t
said, that might have convinced him to
stay. God, I’d fucked up. Pushed him too far. Expected too much and at the same time, not enough. I loved him the way I’d been taught to love—through control and manipulation. I’d failed him—miserably. I didn’t know how to share my life with someone. Tyler deserved someone so much better than I. And though I knew he should have gone out and found that better someone, I prayed to whatever gods that listened that he wouldn’t.

“I love you
.”

He’d said those words to me.

“Good-bye, Darian
.”

Right before he left me.

What was I going to do without him? He’d been a constant presence in my life for so long. I took for granted the knowledge that he’d always be there for me, no matter what. I took three shuffling steps toward my kitchen when a long black scabbard caught my eye. Sitting atop my dining room table were a note, a stack of mail, and—my katana.

My chest loosened a little when I looked at the sword I thought I’d lost back in Spokane when Faolán had taken control of me. I loved that goddamned piece of metal, and seeing it there on my dining room table brought a fresh wave of tears to my eyes. I picked up the note, staring at the words that seemed nothing more than incoherent scribbles until my eyes finally made sense of them all and recognized Raif’s swirling script.

You left this in Spokane. It was my pleasure to retrieve it for you. Checked your mail while you were gone as well. This is not the dark hour you think it is, Darian. Have Faith.

—R

I caressed the scabbard, thinking of the shining blade encased within it as I crumpled Raif’s note and threw it somewhere toward my kitchen. He’d known Tyler was leaving. Shit, he’d more than likely talked to him before flying to England to meet me. I felt so lost. Directionless.
Immobile. I didn’t know if I could even function without Tyler. I didn’t want to be alone. My hand brushed over the stack of mail Raif had left, the shiny surface of a postcard waking me from my stupor. I picked it up, the modern-day depiction of San Francisco covered with bright red curling letters of the city’s name. I tried to take a deep breath, my pulse racing out of control as I turned the card over to find a cheerful message from an anonymous sender, though the handwriting was unmistakable:
Wish You Were Here
.

Jesus Christ.
Lorik
. He should have been long dead, but there was no way in hell that postcard was from anyone other than the Armenian gangster’s son Azriel had helped to hide decades ago. A renewed sense of fear peppered my skin like flecks of ice, and I shivered. “Azriel,” I whispered, “what the hell have you gotten me into this time?”

Turning the postcard over in my hand, I looked for some clue as to what this was all about. I couldn’t explain the dark foreboding that cast its shadow on me as I stood staring at the simple laminated cardstock, but I knew trouble was headed my way.

“I will protect you with my dying breath. If you need me, you know what to do
.” Tyler’s affirmation reverberated in my mind, heart, and soul. I hoped that sentiment held true, no matter where in the world he’d gone, because I had no doubt I was going to need Tyler’s protection in the very near future.

“Come back to me, Ty.” I said, loud enough for the sound of my voice to bounce off the brick walls of my studio. “Soon.”

Read on for a look at the next novel in the Shaede Assassin series,

Crave the Darkness

Available from Signet Eclipse in March 2013.

S
hadow.

That’s how I started out; all I was again. A casting of mottled dark. The real me, the me that knew happiness and light left with him.

“Darian, pay attention.” Raif nudged me with his elbow, and I brought my eyes up to meet the faces staring back at me.

“Can you repeat the question?”

The seven members of the Pacific Northwest Territories judicial council exchanged frustrated glances. A murmur spread from one end of the long table to the other and the speaker—a Fae with dark eyes and shining blue-black hair—shuffled through her notes before addressing me.

“Let me see if I can get this straight. You refuse to answer to the charges brought against you. Which are—” she shuffled her papers once again—“the kidnapping of a high-priority PNT prisoner, as well as…”

I love you.

Tyler had said those words to me.

“…aiding and abetting a treasonous…”

Good-bye, Darian.

Right before he’d walked out the door.

Raif elbowed me again, and I snapped to attention.

“…in addition to evading PNT authorities and violating section 15-372.1 of chain of command standard operating procedure. Does that just about cover it?”

My gaze drifted to the Fae woman, her face coming back into focus. They might as well throw me in jail right
here and now. I wouldn’t deny my guilt, and I sure as hell wouldn’t explain myself. Silence hung heavy in the room, and Raif cleared his throat. Apparently, it was my turn to speak.

“You forgot breaking and entering, conspiracy, and all-around willful disobedience.
That
about covers it.”

Raif pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, closing his eyes as he released a heavy sigh. When he finally had his temper under control enough to look at me, he slowly shook his head and mouthed the word:
Seriously?

Yeah, well, it wasn’t like I was going to throw myself on the floor and beg for the council’s mercy. Besides, I’d lost everything in this world I gave a damn about. At this point, I had nothing left to lose. The seven PNT council members brought their heads together, throwing furtive glances my way while they discussed my fate. This was my third hearing in as many months, and I hadn’t given them any more information today than I had at my first arraignment. What had happened after I’d kidnapped Delilah, the Oracle who’d plotted against Raif and the entire Shaede Nation, and left the PNT’s Washington Headquarters with her partner in crime, Faolán—known to the PNT as simply Fallon—was no one’s business but my own.

“You do realize that by keeping this secret, you may very well face imprisonment or worse.” Raif’s worried tone didn’t change my mind. And though I knew he was grateful for my secrecy, he didn’t want to see me punished, either.

“Doesn’t matter.” I couldn’t even muster an ounce of concern in my own voice. I leaned in to Raif so only he heard me. “They can threaten me all they want. It’s taken centuries for legends of
O Anel
and the hourglass to fade from memory. I’m not going to endanger Brakae or the natural order by reminding anyone of things best left forgotten.”

I didn’t give two shits about the PNT’s discipline. According to Moira, as a Guardian of the doorway to the
faery realm, also known as
O Anel
, I was above the laws of man and Fae alike. Besides, nothing they could dish out would punish me more than I’d already punished myself. I’d hurt the only person in this world I gave a shit about, and destroyed us both in the process.

Tyler
.

God, it hurt just to think his name. I broke his heart by leaving without a word of where I was going or when I’d be back. I betrayed our love by wishing for him to stay put in Seattle, unable to leave the city, while I traipsed around on my adventure to find Raif’s daughter. And in the end, my reward was exactly what I deserved: time away from him and the space I needed to decide what I really wanted.

I already knew what I wanted.

I wanted Tyler.

But he wasn’t here with me, was he? Apparently, he didn’t think an appropriate length of time had passed for me to get my shit together. I’d tried wishing for him. In fact, I’d wished for him three or four times a day that first month, but he never showed. Jinn magic is full of rules, regulations, and limitations. One of those being that I could only wish for things I really, truly needed. And somehow, the powers that be had determined my want of Tyler wasn’t good enough.

“Will the accused stand?” So polite, as if she was asking if I’d stay for dinner or something. You’d never have guessed the council was about to bring down the hammer.

I scooted my chair back and shoved my bound hands against the table for leverage. The iron cuffs swirled with silver light, charmed to negate my ability to wreak any havoc, if the whim struck. Whenever an accused stood before the council, they were bound with the cuffs. In my case, they prevented me from leaving my corporeal form and weakened me to the point that I couldn’t break the bonds. Lucky for the council, I’d given up a long time ago. I had no intentions of wreaking havoc of any kind. Not now, or in the future. The fight had pretty much drained right out of me.

“Since you refuse to speak on your own behalf, and considering we have sworn statements from many eyewitnesses, this council has no choice but to—”