Blood Moon (19 page)

“Well, that’s true,” she concedes. “I’m going to run downstairs and see if Beth has any medicine, or some chicken broth. As soon as you feel like getting up, you should lie down and get some rest.”

Except, for the remainder of the night and into the early morning, I gag and retch anything that’s in my belly—chicken noodle soup, Sprite, Coke, crackers, and stomach acid. Nothing will stay down long enough for my body to absorb the nutrients. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried; this is a little out of the norm for me. I can’t even recall my last visit to a doctor.

By midday, Mom and Beth frantically check for signs of a fever every five minutes, though they swear I don’t have one. I curl up in my bed and catch up on some much-needed sleep. After all, I’m going to need it if Ben’s coming over tonight. I won’t be able to think straight as long as I’m unwell.

When I wake, it’s late afternoon, and I’m feeling a little better, but not fully recuperated. Maybe it was a stomach bug. Maybe I ate the wrong bowl of beef stew that Beth prepared last night. Above all else, there’s one simple question nagging my conscience. One question that will change everything, if it proves to be correct. Georgina had told us things would be different—some for the best, some for the worst. I don’t know how to classify this, if it’s true. So I take a nice, hot shower, get dressed, and plod downstairs.

“I’m going to get some fresh air,” I tell my relatives. “Be back in a bit.”

They seem flustered, and a little bit surprised, but they don’t argue.

I sincerely hope all of the shops are the same as before. There’s a mini market in town, where I need to pick up a few items. On my way, though, I
need
to see if Livia’s is still standing, if it ever existed at all. And maybe, just maybe, Jana works there. First things first, though.

As I round the corner and walk down Main Street, I notice a few of the boutiques and shops are exactly how I remember them. Sure, there are different window displays, or the signs are a total one-eighty from what they previously were, but the majority of Hartford still exists, and that makes my stomach feel like it’s rising into my throat. My emotions swell, leaving me a bit teary-eyed, because there might be hope after all.

I stop by the mini market two blocks down from Livia’s. I know exactly what to buy, and I cross my fingers they have it. After searching up and down the aisles in the small store, I come across the item I need. Hesitating due to embarrassment, I realize nobody here knows who I am. So, why worry? I pick up the little box, grab some potato chips and candy bars, and pay for my things at the checkout.

Now that that’s over and done with, I stroll down the sidewalk, all the way to Livia’s. I almost squeal when I see the sign is the same. Stepping up to the display window, I peer inside. I’ll be damned. Behind the counter is Jana, though she doesn’t seem like the perky Jana I once knew. This Jana is tired, maybe a little bit sad; I see hurt behind her eyes, and the way she handles customers like they’re a chore rather than a commodity.

Oh, this is going to be just lovely.

With a long, drawn-out sigh, I lift my chin and open the door. The bell overhead chimes, signaling my arrival, and I instantly think of Fiona and her fabric store. I miss her. I wish we could’ve said goodbye, but with the way everything played out, there was no chance in hell she’d speak to Ben or me after seeing us transform into werewolves. Discarding my thoughts, I set out to do what I came here for: make the world seem right again.

“Hi, welcome to Livia’s,” Jana states, with no interest. It’s as if she’s said those words a thousand times today, and she wishes to never speak them again. She sounds like a damn robot. Definitely not the Jana Rendall I know—well,
knew
.

“Hey, are you guys hiring?” I question.

Without glancing at me, she reaches under the counter and pulls out a stack of applications. “Take your pick,” she says, waving her hand over the lot. “Fill one out and bring it back when you want, but there’s no guarantee you’ll be hired.”

Wooow. Undoubtedly, this is not my old friend. She won’t even look at me. “Actually, I think I’ll fill it out now, since I’m already here.” I remember the first time I set foot in Livia’s. Jana was the one who urged me to fill out an application right then and there. I was the one who didn’t care anything about applying for a job. Funny how, in this life, the roles are reversed.

Jana motions toward a pen holder on the counter. “Have at it.” She steps down from behind the cash register and meanders to the back room, where it’s employees only.

I don’t hesitate to answer each question on the application. By the time I’m finished, she still hasn’t returned to the front. I guess she’s avoiding socializing with customers. Whatever. I shrug off her behavior and decide I’ll deal with all of this later. Right now, I have bigger issues to worry about—like, Ben, for instance. He’ll be eating dinner with us in less than an hour, and although I’m excited to see him, I’m absolutely terrified he won’t remember me at all.

Chapter Fifteen

That final hour is the longest of my life. In my new room, I unload the goodies I bought and rip open the potato-chip bag first. Because I haven’t eaten much in the last twenty-four hours, I can almost feel my stomach reaching upward with greedy fingers as the food moves down my esophagus. I have no clue what Beth is preparing for dinner, but I might resemble a hungry bear while eating.

After finishing the junk food, I fix my hair and makeup, brush my teeth, and head downstairs. Ben and his family will be arriving any minute now, and I don’t want to look frumpy when I greet them. Mom and Beth, however, question whether or not I should actually be out of bed. My eyes roll more than once as they chatter about how I still look out of sorts.

“Guys, seriously, I’m fine,” I argue. “If I wasn’t, I’d be under the covers, curled up in the fetal position, like I was last night.”

Beth pats me on the shoulder and says, “All right, dear. But if you decide dinner is a bit too much, don’t hesitate to excuse yourself. Nobody will blame you.”

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling queasy. This time around, I think nerves are to blame rather than my overnight illness. Okay, maybe it’s a little bit of both. After all, junk food can only satisfy my appetite for so long.

Randy and Dad ascend the stairs from the basement, their shoes clomping against the wooden planks. Just in time, too; the doorbell performs the typical
ding-dong
, notifying us that the Conway family is here. We stand near the entryway to the kitchen, so they can file in without feeling cramped, I suppose. Frantically, I search for Ben, my hands wringing the bottom of my shirt in anticipation. He’s the last one to step inside. Our eyes no sooner meet than he looks away, uninterested. I don’t register in his mind at all. In his world, I’m just the new girl.

Well, that was most definitely not the reaction I imagined. In fact, it might be worse. What did I expect, though? I mean, there’s a part of me that wants everything to be as it once was, to fall into place effortlessly. Because of this, the towering expectations I had are now crushed. The Ben I knew before? Gone. Everything is just . . .
gone
.

Maybe Beth was right. Maybe I should cancel dinner. I don’t think it’s possible for me to sit across the table from Ben, watching him eat, knowing he doesn’t remember anything from our old life. He doesn’t remember
us
, the memories we made together, and that’s what hurts the most.

“Candra, dear, this is Benjamin,” Beth says, making the proper introductions. Except, I can’t look at him. I can’t even open my stupid mouth to say hello. Really, what’s the point? What if he and I aren’t destined to be together in this lifetime? What if I try to chase after him like Cupid struck me with his bow, only to find out he loves another, or he’s not interested in me at all?

It’s in this precise moment I realize something: I can’t do this. My willpower has been placed in a wood chipper, my heart minced in a meat grinder, and the remnants tossed into a blender. I have nothing left.

“Candra?” Beth tries to smile, but she and the rest of the people in the room watch me with concerned eyes. “Are you okay? Do you need to lie down?”

I don’t want to rest. What I need is fresh air, and my old life back. “I . . . I need a minute.” I turn around and stride toward the sliding-glass doors leading to the patio. On my way out, I hear Ben ask, “Is she always like this?”

I make it to a vacant area of the forest before I collapse, the tears unstoppable. “I miss you,” I whisper. “I miss you so much.” The truth is: I miss all of the people from my previous life. Every last one of them. If I had a second chance, if I knew then what I know now, I would’ve never allowed Georgina to open that portal. I would’ve stayed in Colchester and finished my life with Ben by my side. We would’ve had each other, and that’s what mattered most.

To my surprise, a soft voice echoes from behind me. “Are you all right? You seemed kind of upset back there.”

I don’t move. It’s Ben, but not
my
Ben. “No,” I eventually reply, which is true.

“Do you maybe . . . I don’t know . . . want to take a walk, or something? I don’t think lying on the ground will accomplish anything.”

“Not really,” I mumble.

He sighs overdramatically. “Get your ass up, Princess.”

My eyes widen in disbelief; that’s something the
old
Ben would say. I roll over and stare up at him, but the expression on his face is tough to decipher, void of any emotion. “What did you just say?”

As I sit up slowly, Ben extends a hand. I slide mine into his, and he yanks me upward in one swift motion. He glances over his shoulder, then stares at me, eyes shining. I barely have time to register what he might be thinking before he slams his lips against mine. As he slides one arm around my waist, he squeezes me against him, our bodies flush. Languorous warmth heats my skin, spreading from my head to my neck to my fingertips, and down my legs to my feet and toes. I fully surrender—mind, body, and spirit.
This
is what I wanted: my glorious, maddening, beautiful Ben.

He pulls away so quickly, it takes me a moment to register our mouths aren’t joined any longer.

“Candra,” he murmurs against my forehead, “I thought I might’ve lost you forever.” He hugs me tightly, planting warm, delicate kisses all over my face. “The past three weeks have been the longest of my life.”

I smack his chest. “Why didn’t you say something? The way you looked at me . . .” I shake my head, fresh tears welling in my eyes.

He tips my head back using one finger. “Like I could pretend we know each other. How awkward would that be for everyone back there?” He gestures toward the house. “Worse, how would we have explained it?”

I make a half-assed attempt at chuckling, but instead, it sounds like I’m snorting through a mucus infestation. “Beth already thinks I’m nuts, because I was asking about people who live around here, including Jana and Blake’s families, and yours. You should’ve seen the look she gave me.”

“Ethan’s not in this world,” Ben says, his voice overflowing with sorrow. He barely utters the words as he glances away. I can’t imagine the pain he must feel over the loss of his brother.

Hugging him firmly, I say, “I heard, and I’m so, so sorry.”

“Ah, it’s okay. It’s not like we can change the past anymore, right?” He tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“We’re not werewolves anymore, either,” I say, then explain the conversation I had with my parents and relatives.

Ben just shakes his head and replies, “I guess Georgina was true to her word and reversed the spell on our ancestors.”

“I guess so. Good for her, then.” I watch Ben stare off toward the forest beyond us, and I know what he’s thinking, even without the ability to read his mind: he misses the freedom. “We’ll get through this,” I tell him.

Grasping my chin with his fingertips, he brings my lips to his for a brief kiss. “Of course we will; we have each other.”

The back door opens and closes. “We better get back. I’m sure they’re coming to check on us.”

“Remember,” Ben says, “pretend like we’ve never met before now.”

“Well, in that case . . .” I wiggle out of his embrace and extend my hand. “Nice to meet you, Benjamin Conway. My name is Candra Lowell.”

Being the dork that he is, Ben bends over at the waist, bringing my hand to his lips. “At your service, milady.”

I can’t help but laugh.

“Candra, is everything all right?” Beth’s voice reverberates through the forest.

“We’re fine!” I shout, jerking my hand out of Ben’s grasp. “We’ll be there in a minute!”

She comes into view through the trees, her arms folded at her chest. “Okay, I just wanted to let you know dinner’s ready, if you plan on eating.”

I respond, “I do.”

This seems to pacify Beth, because she smiles and turns on her heel, strolling toward the house. As soon as she slides the back door closed, Ben and I make our way out of the forest. My stomach is in knots once again—a conglomeration of fear and nervousness. This time, however, it’s not that I’m fearful of what the future holds, or that I’m nervous things won’t turn out the way they did in the past; it’s that I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, or the next day, or the one after that. It’s that nothing is as it was, and we can never get those moments back.

But we can make new memories in this lifetime, with old friends and old family members. At least Ben and I have each other. Even after all we’ve been through, he’s still my Ben.

I lightly clutch his arm so he stops next to me. “I have something I need to tell you.”

He smirks. “Let me guess . . . you’re dying to kiss me again.”

Flustered, I reply, “Well . . . um . . . no, that’s not exactly what I had in mind.”

One of Ben’s eyebrows rises questioningly. “Then, what is it?”

Taking a deep breath, I attempt to minimize the storm raging in my stomach by packing my emotions into a tight corner, where they’ll stay. I squeeze my eyes shut, then open them. Looking up at Ben, I see the concern behind his, though they currently attempt to display some humor. I have no choice but to get this over with, and I want to do it as quickly as possible.