Blood of Dragons (28 page)

Raziel is quiet.  I can feel how heavy his emotions are at the moment.  “I also have love for you, Raziel.”  Kallen stiffens next to me and I feel Raziel’s confusion.  I have to make them both understand what I mean.  I’m not sure if I can.  I’m not sure if I truly understand it.  “I have a spot in my heart that knows that I was meant to be with you.  There is still a part of my soul that remembers that, that remembers her – the one you love and the one who loves you.  But I’m not her.  I’m not your Xandra.  She still lives, though.  I feel her inside of me and she will always love you.  She will also always be grateful to you that you gave up so much for me to be happy.  There will always be sorrow there as well for what could have been.  I wish that I could give that part of myself to you so you could cherish it the way I do.  I don’t want to forget what you did for me.  You gave me the gift of love.  Twice.  From that destiny and this one.  I will spend my life with Kallen knowing that you made it possible and I will be forever grateful.  Grateful that you cared so much that you wanted me to find his love in order to be truly happy.  Thank you.”

Kallen has visibly relaxed.  After a long moment, he says, “Raziel, I thank you as well.”  Raziel is surprised to hear him say that.  “I have spent this time being jealous of you and the hold you have on Xandra’s heart when what I should have been feeling is grateful.”

I have tears escaping my eyes and making a mad dash for the leafy ground.  Kallen wipes them away with his thumbs as he places his hands on my cheeks.  “It is okay that you love us both,” he says softly.  “I understand now.  And I would like nothing more than to consider Raziel our friend.”

Raziel is quiet inside of me.  But as the seconds go by, I feel his mood change.  I can’t call it lighter really, but it is different.  I push my mind back so his can come forward and he can speak his own words.  “I believe this is how it was meant to be.  I do not think I was supposed to give Xandra up entirely.  I was supposed to celebrate her new life and her new love.”  He uses our arms to give Kallen a quick guy hug and then steps back.  “Thank you for helping me see that.”

“You have seen the truth now, Raziel,” a voice says behind us.  A quick check tells me that nope, we’re not in the woods anymore. 

Chapter 35 – Raziel

Kallen and I turn.  Haniel has brought us out of time once again.  “This is what I was meant to discover?”

She nods.  Her beauty is breathtaking.  “You came to me seeking an answer for your grief when the answer was there all along.”

“I am afraid I am confused.  I have no recollection of that.”

Haniel smiles.  “Of course you do not.  I locked some of your knowledge away in order to let you find the truth in your heart.  To find your joy.”

Then she did not succeed.  “I have found some degree of peace but I have yet to find joy.”

“Peace is the first step in the journey to joy.”

I understand now why Xandra hates it when people are cryptic.  “Am I yet destined to find joy?”

Haniel walks forward and takes my hands in hers.  Looking down, I realize for the first time that I am no longer in Xandra’s body.  I am in my own.  “Joy has always been in your heart.  You were simply blinded by knowledge.”

“Is it a requirement for Angels to be cryptic?” Xandra asks.

Haniel laughs.  “The universe demands some lessons to be lived, not spoken.”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Xandra grumbles.  Kallen smiles and puts his hand on her shoulder.  He is more in awe of Haniel than Xandra is. 

A sudden light turns on in Xandra’s eyes.  “I think I know what you mean.  When Raziel’s brain did a huge data dump into my mind, I briefly felt what it was like to know everything.  Well, maybe not everything, but a lot.  I had a hard time seeing the good because I couldn’t stop looking at the bad.  Is that what Raziel was doing?”

Haniel tilts her head in acknowledgement of Xandra’s words.  “You have indeed interpreted my words correctly.”  The smile on Xandra’s face is as beautiful as Haniel’s.

Turning back to me, Haniel says, “You have acknowledged in your heart that the path you chose is the correct one.  It is now time for you to unlock your joy.  I warn you.  You will need to look past your role as an Archangel, Raziel.  You will need to open your heart to the possibilities that will lead you there.  You have chosen to bury those possibilities under your grief.  Let it go now.  Accept your fate as you have now accepted Xandra’s.  Your heart will guide you.”

Leaving me dumbstruck in confusion, Haniel turns to Xandra.  “Your destiny had two paths from the beginning.  It was a gift to Raziel to have one choice to make without knowing the outcome.”

Xandra’s brow squeezes into a frown.  “That was a pretty harsh choice you gave him.  Be happy or be miserable.”

Haniel shakes her head slightly.  “Sometimes when given a choice, the road less travelled needs time to produce its rewards.”

“I’m sorry Haniel.  You’re making my brain hurt.”  I see Kallen’s hand tighten slightly on Xandra’s shoulder but he needn’t worry.  Haniel is amused by Xandra’s comment.

“Another side effect I am afraid.”  Stepping forward, Haniel grasps one of Xandra’s hands and one of mine.  “Care for each other as friends.  This is how it is meant to be.”

Xandra nods her head.  “We will.”

“Yes, we will,” I say and a weight lifts from my heart.  In its place is the answer Haniel meant for me to see all along.

With a last smile for the three of us, the Seraph of Joy takes her leave.  We are once again thrust into time.  Though not to the same place.

Chapter 36 – Xandra

We are suddenly back in the forest of the Goblins.  I stumble but Kallen catches me.  Staring down at me, his face breaks into a grin.  “It is only you now.”

I feel around in my mind for any indication that Raziel is still there somewhere.  He’s not.  It’s my turn to grin.  “Yes, it is.”

His lips are on mine instantly.  I would like nothing more than to push him down on the forest floor and make love to him until we’re both incapable of moving anymore.  At least I am until I get a big whiff of Goblin.  I break the kiss to find a Goblin in the tree behind Kallen. 

“You need to go back there,” the Goblin says lifting his arm and pointing in the direction of the camp. 

Eew.  Goblin sweat.  I thought their excrement stank.  Turns out their little underarms give their excrement a run for its money.  I step back from Kallen just to get out of smelling range.  It doesn’t take him long to follow.  I think he is too happy to really care about the smell, though.

Taking my hand, Kallen leads us the short distance back to the Goblin camp.  A circular discussion is underway between Isla, Garren, Tabitha and Mortain.  It is going round and round from ‘we can help’ to ‘this is why we can’t help’ to ‘this is how we can’ again.  No new information is being added.

An idea jumps into my head but I need more information before I can go forward with it.  Breaking into the conversation, I ask, “Why are Goblins tasty to Dragons?”

Everyone stops talking and looks at me.  Garren speaks first.  “That is like asking why steaks are good to Fairies.”

I shrug.  “Yeah, it is.  I can tell you why I like steak.  It’s tender, juicy, and flavorful, and it has a lot of vitamins and minerals our bodies need.  But I can get the same satisfaction from any number of foods.  Why are Goblins the only thing that Dragons like to eat?”

Garren is getting that condescending look that supernatural beings tend to get with me.  I’m with Tabitha.  The guy’s a jerk.  “It is not that Goblins are the only thing that they
like
to eat.  They are the only thing that they are able to digest.”

“Okay,” I say trying hard not to react to his condescension.  After all, I just met him.  He’s been dealing with Raziel up until now, not me.  “Have they ever
tried
to eat anything else?”

Garren shakes his head and speaks to me like I’m two.  “Do you really think the Dragons have been around for this many millennia and they have never tried to eat other foods?”

Isla puts a hand on Garren’s shoulder and says in warning, “You are risking a great deal speaking to her in this manner.”

Garren turns his head to look at her.  “I am trying to make her understand how stupid she sounds.”

Isla shakes her head and steps back.  “I warned you.”

“I…” is all Garren says because I take his voice away and push him back to a tree like I did the Goblin earlier.  His struggling isn’t doing him any good either.

Turning to Mortain, I ask, “What have the Dragons tried to eat?”

Mortain looks thoughtful for a moment.  His brow scrunches up and almost hides his eyes while he thinks.  “I recall stories from my pappy about Dragons trying various fruits and vegetables but that is not enough to sustain them.”

“What about animals?”

Mortain’s nostrils start flaring.  “Are you saying we are no better than animals?”

I roll my eyes.  “If I was saying that you are not better than animals I would have used those words.  I asked what animals have the Dragons tried to eat?”

“There are no animals here,” Mortain says.  “They all became extinct long ago.”

“When Dragons still visited the Cowan realm they fed on livestock,” Tabitha says.  She sees where I’m going with this.

“What is livestock?” Mortain asks.

“It’s different types of animals that we eat.”