Blood Tears (54 page)

“
Yes,
ma’am.”

She slammed the door
behind her without another word. The Sarge came back to me, and it
was his turn to kneel in front of me, taking my hands.

“
Tessie, we’re both filthy and stink of smoke. Why don’t you
go have a shower?”

I shook my head. I
wanted him to think that I was apathetic, the thought of moving too
much to contemplate.

“
Please. For me.” I shook my head again. He sighed and stood.
“Will you be okay for ten minutes if I go have a
shower?”

I nodded numbly. With a
reluctant glance backwards he went to his bedroom and returned with
a stack of fresh clothes, entering the bathroom. When I heard the
shower running, I took my chance and let myself quietly out of his
house.

Before I did what I was
planning to do, I needed to psych myself up, so I ran to the pub. I
flew past a surprised Abe in the middle of patching up his
entrance, and headed straight to his lounge bar. I threw off the
cover of the piano that was sometimes used for live entertainment,
opened the lid, and sat down.

I played and I played
and I played. And the more I played, the angrier the music I played
became and the angrier I became, until I reached the point of
no-return that I needed to reach. When I stopped I spun to leave,
only to find both Abe and a still-damp and hastily dressed Sarge
standing in the doorway, both eyeing me with apprehension.

“
Tessie,” started the Sarge in a gentle voice.

“
I’m
going to kill them,” I told him calmly, checking my utility belt.
“I’m going to kill all of them. I’m going to shoot as many as I
can, and when my clip runs out, I’m going to slit the necks of the
rest of them. The babies, the children, the teenagers, and the
adults. I’m going to kill them all. Especially the adults. I’m
going to rid this town of Bycrafts once and for all.”

“
Tessie,” the Sarge said again, his voice taking on a more
warning tone. “Come with me.”

“
No.”

I took off in a sprint,
ramming my way between them, heading for the entrance. From what
the Super had said, I knew their houses were being guarded, but I
was a cop and they would let me pass. And if they wouldn’t, I would
shoot the cops too. I would shoot anyone who got in my way. And if
I ended up as a suicide-by-cop, it would be the perfect end to a
crappy life, as long as I took as many Bycrafts with me as
possible.

“
Shit,” said the Sarge, running after me and catching me by
the arm, stopping my progress.

“
Let
me go!” I yelled at him, shaking my arm and kicking out at
him.

He twisted my arm
behind my back in a painful way, managing to catch my other arm and
twisting it behind as well. He kicked at the back of my knees so
they buckled and I was forced down on the floor in a kneeling
position. He then pushed me down to the ground with his foot in my
back.

“
Abe,” he shouted over his shoulder. “Take her knife and belt
off her.”

“
No!
” I shouted, thrashing around underneath his foot.
He dropped down so that he knelt on my back, almost squashing
me.

With fumbling fingers,
Abe unfastened my knife and utility belts.

“
Place them over there, far away from her.”

The Sarge pulled out
some quick restraints and cuffed my hands behind my back.

“
What
are you doing?” I shouted at him. “Let me go.”

“
I’m
doing this for your own safety, Tessie. I’m sorry.” He turned his
head again. “Abe, can you carry the belts out to the patrol car and
put them on the front seat?”

Carrying them gingerly,
Abe did as requested. The Sarge hauled me to my feet and with a
gentle push, forced me to walk forward. He opened the back door of
the patrol car.

“
No,”
I said, struggling, in the process cutting the restraints into my
wrists. “You’re not putting me in there.”

“
Get
in, Tessie. Please.” He pushed down on my head and forced me on to
the back seat, slamming the door behind me.

I lay across the seat,
silent tears streaming down my cheeks.

“
Thanks, Abe,” the Sarge said in a grim voice, climbing into
the driver’s seat.

We drove off back to
his house. When he stopped, he came around and helped me out. I
thought he’d take me inside, make me have a shower, and feed me the
sleeping pills. I would have been happy to comply, all my anger
dissipated.

But instead, he led me
around to the back of his house to the garden shed he’d installed
over winter to house the station’s mower and his tools.

“
What
are you doing?” I asked, struggling again.

“
It’s
for your own good, Tessie. If the lockup was still standing, I’d
put you in one of the cells overnight.”

“
You’re
not
putting me in there.”

“
I
don’t have a choice. The Super ordered me to keep you out of sight
of the media, and that’s for your own protection. But I’m
exhausted, and I need to sleep. The second I go to sleep, you’re
going to run off again. I can’t risk that. I can’t chance you doing
something that’s going to put your life in danger.”

“
No.
Sarge, please don’t do this. I won’t run off. I
promise.”

“
Tessie, please don’t cry. It’s hard enough.”

He opened the door,
uncuffed me, and gave me a shove. He closed the door and I heard
him putting a padlock on it.

Infuriated, I kicked at
the door with every remnant of strength I had left. But because he
lived in Little Town, he’d bought a shed with a reinforced door,
impervious to vandalism and theft. That didn’t stop me from trying
for a long ten minutes. And when my legs started aching, I began to
ram the door with my shoulder, taking as big a run up in the
confined space as I could.

“
Tessie, stop it,” he said from the other side of the door.
“You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“
I
hate you,” I sobbed in frustration.

“
I
know you do now, but you’ll be glad that I did this later,” he
said, anguish in his voice.

“
I’m
going to hate you forever for this.”

Shattered and sore, I
searched around in the dark for somewhere to lie down. I found a
couple of hessian sacks to use as a mattress and a bag of potting
mix as a pillow, and I lay on my makeshift bed, crying.

“
Tessie, please don’t cry. God,” he said, kicking the door
himself. “This is so fucked up.”

It was peaceful then
for a while, and despite the uncomfortableness of my bed, I drifted
off into an exhausted sleep. The opening of the door roused me, and
though I briefly thought about rushing him to escape, I was too
tired to move.

As there was no light
in the shed, I couldn’t see his face.

“
I’ve
brought you some water and food. They’re just here by the door,” he
said gently. “Are you okay?”

I didn’t answer
him.

“
Tessie?”

I stayed silent.

“
Try
to have something to eat. Please.”

Eating was the last
thing on my mind, but I was extremely thirsty, so when he’d locked
up again and I thought he was safely gone, I crawled over to the
door, reaching out with one hand to find the bottle of water. I
gulped it down in three swallows. I felt around and my hand closed
over another bottle, which I took back with me to my ‘bed’.

As if my mind was being
kind to me for once, I didn’t spend hours thinking about what had
happened, but my sleep was restless, filled with chaotic, fiery
dreams causing me to toss and turn until the early rays of sunlight
filtered through the joins of the shed.

Not long after, the
door opened again and the Sarge’s bulk filled the door. I stood and
stretched out all my cricked muscles, glaring at him resentfully
the whole time.

“
I
had to pee in the corner like an animal,” I said to him
accusingly.

“
I’m
really sorry, Tessie. I didn’t want to do this to you,” he said
before cuffing me again, and guiding me up his back stairs to his
kitchen.

“
Can
you uncuff me, please?” I asked with sullen tiredness. “I’m not
going to do anything.”

“
Do
you promise that?”

“
Yes.” And I meant it. I was completed exhausted in every
possible way.

“
Why
don’t you go have a shower and change into some fresh clothes?” he
asked gently, uncuffing me.

I laughed. “I don’t
have any fresh clothes. I guess I’ll be wearing this dirty uniform
for the rest of my life. They’re the only clothes I own now.”

I started laughing at
that, and once I started I couldn’t stop, because it seemed so
terribly funny to me.

“
Tessie.”

I laughed so much that
tears rolled down my face, and then soon they were real tears.

“
Tessie, my girl,” he said, coming to me and cradling me
tightly, even though I was filthy and smelly.

It was exactly what I
needed. I buried my head in his shoulder.

“
They’ve won,” I mumbled tiredly. “They’ve finally beaten me.
I’ve fought them for years with my all, but they’ve managed to take
everything I love away from me. Everything.”

“
Not
everything,” he said, stroking my matted, smoky hair. “You still
have lots of people who care about you.”

I snorted with snotty
inelegance, and pushed him away. “I’ll be okay.” I couldn’t meet
his eyes, so looked down at my filth-begrimed boots. “I’m sorry
about what happened earlier. I guess something snapped inside
me.”

“
Perfectly understandable.” He considered me. “I’ll lend you
some clothes for now, but we’ll sort something out for
you.”

I gave him a teary
half-smile. “You really want me wearing your undies?”

He smiled. “Whatever
turns you on, kid.” He paused. “Have you checked to see if any of
your clothes are still here?”

“
No.”

I trailed after him as
he went into his spare bedroom, successfully finding a pair of
jeans, t-shirt, undies, and a much-coveted bra, the one clothing
item with which he couldn’t supply me.

Those clutched in my
hand, I happily showered, realising just how many physical wounds I
carried from all the stinging the hot water induced. But they were
nothing compared to the emotional wounds I’d sustained.

When I’d finished, I
came out to the most delicious smell of bacon and eggs cooking, my
tummy growling.

It felt wrong to enjoy
eating after what had happened to Dad and Adele, but my body
wouldn’t be denied its energy, and yesterday had been an intense
day.

When we’d finished, the
Sarge regarded me with an uncertain look on his face. “Tessie, I
have to show you something, but I’m not sure how you’ll react.”

“
What
is it?”

I followed him into his
office where he reawakened his computer. He pulled up the online
version of the
Wattling Bay Messenger
, the local paper. The
main story, an ‘exclusive’, was headed with a photo of the Sarge
holding me tightly, my face turned to the side facing the
photographer, full of grief, the Super visible off to the side. I
stared at it in shock.

“
Who
took that?” I became angrier. “Who the hell took that?”

“
The
Super’s trying to find out. It must have been a local, or a media
photographer who was hanging around the fire at your
house.”

“
That’s . . .” Words failed me. “Sensationalising my loss.
It’s unconscionable.”

“
It’s
distressing.”

“
I’m
going to write to the editor to complain.” I thought for a moment.
“In fact, I’m going to go into that editor’s office, and I’m going
to –” I caught his eye. “I’ll just write to them.”

“
Good
idea. It’s an appalling thing to do.”

I examined the photo
again. “I seem to spend half my life saying this lately, but thanks
for stopping me, Sarge. Thank you. I really appreciate it.” I
blinked quickly a few times, my eyes dampening. “And Dad would
thank you too. I know he would.”

He leaned over and
kissed my cheek, his lips warm. “Wouldn’t want to lose you,
otherwise my life would be very dull. But there is one thing you
can do to repay me.”

“
Sure.”

“
Please start calling me Finn. I’m quite bored of you calling
me Sarge all the time,” he smiled.

“
I’ll
try.”

“
What
did you call Des?”

“
Des.”

“
What
did you call Baz?”

“
Baz.”

“
What
do you call Finn?”

“
Sarge?”

He tweaked my nose.
“Wrong answer.”

“
Finn.”

“
I’ll
consider it a work in progress.”

Someone knocked on the
door and he went to answer while I read the article attached to the
photo.

The Sarge returned, his
face grim.

“
Jake
wants to see you. Will I tell him to piss off?”

I froze for a moment,
then straightened up in the chair. “No. Let him in.”

Chapter
38

I went out to wait for
him. When he walked down the hall, I flew at him, pounding him
everywhere with my fists.