Authors: Sophie McKenzie
I looked away, not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to betray Theo. ‘I told Mum earlier,’ I said. ‘He came with a friend to the school disco. He was visiting the same person today – we just . . . just bumped into each other.’
Dad stared at me. ‘I don’t want you to see him again,’ he said.
My mouth fell open. ‘Why?’
Dad looked down at his laptop. ‘Sorry, darling, I just think you’re too young.’ He sighed. ‘No discussion. Now, I’ve got some emails to send.’ He jerked his head towards the door, indicating I should leave.
Something was seriously wrong here. Dad was often preoccupied with work stuff, but he hardly ever got really cross or . . . or dismissive like he was being now. And he never got heavy about boys. Not like some girls’ dads. In fact, he was always encouraging me to go out and be more sociable. Like Rebecca had been.
I chewed on my lip. Dad definitely knew something about Theo’s father. And he was emailing this guy, Lewis, to tell him that Theo had been in touch. I had no idea why it all mattered so much, or why Dad was hiding what he knew. But I was certain of one thing. Dad was scared. Really scared. I’d heard it in his voice earlier. And now I could see it in his eyes.
‘I’m busy, Ro,’ Dad said.
I nodded and shut the office door. I stumbled back to my bedroom, my head spinning. My eyes fell on the scrap of paper that Theo had written his number on. I had to call him. Not right now. He probably wasn’t even home yet. But later, or tomorrow, I was going to call him and tell him exactly what I’d heard my dad say.
I lay on my side on the pale-pink duvet. Gradually my heart stopped pounding and I shifted from wondering what Dad knew and hadn’t told us, to thinking about Theo. About his face – about how strong he looked. And yet how vulnerable he must be, inside.
Maybe he’d want to meet up again, to discuss what I’d overheard. I bent my arm, snuggling down against the pillow.
Imagine if I looked like Rebecca – all slim and pretty and smiling. Maybe then Theo would want to kiss me.
This fluttery feeling fizzled up from my stomach, through my chest, into my throat.
I leaned forwards and pressed my lips against the soft, plump skin just below my wrist, imagining it was Theo’s mouth.
I got home just after nine-thirty that evening.
Mum was completely hysterical. In my face before I’d even shut the front door.
‘Where’ve you been?’ she shouted. ‘Do you realise that I’ve been out of my mind with worry? What is wrong with you?’
Across the corridor Roy’s door was slightly open. I hated the idea of him hearing her. Hearing me being shouted at. I moved through the door to our living area, Mum still raging beside me.
I slumped onto the sofa.
‘Roy says you are now on absolutely your last chance,’ she shrieked.
I looked up. ‘I thought last time was my last chance.’ A grin twitched at the corner of my mouth.
Big mistake.
Mum moved into tenth gear. ‘How
dare
you, Theodore. You think this is funny?’ she spat. ‘You are grounded. You are so grounded. For the rest of this year. For the rest of your life.’
‘Hey . . .’
‘No, Theodore. You have got to learn. I thought if I explained what was at stake, you would accept the need for protection. And instead you decide to disappear for hours.’ Her lips trembled and her voice suddenly cracked. ‘Don’t you realise how terrified I’ve been?’ she sobbed.
I stared down at the floor. For the first time, guilt flickered at the edges of my mind. I pushed it away. If Mum had been prepared to tell me more, I wouldn’t have had to run off like that. If she’d been frightened it was her own fault.
Mum sank down beside me. She suddenly seemed smaller. Like all the energy had drained out of her. She touched my arm.
‘Why did you do it?’ she said. ‘Why did you run off like that?’
The patch of carpet at my feet was threadbare. I scuffed at it with my toe. I knew I couldn’t tell her. She’d go even more ballistic if she thought I was trying to find out about Dad.
‘There was just something I had to do,’ I mumbled, not looking at her.
She shook her head at me. ‘What, Theodore? What did you have to do?’
I carried on staring at the worn patch of carpet. Why was it that Dad sent money for a posh school and a bodyguard, but not a big house or nice stuff? I ran my hand through my hair. There was just so much that didn’t make sense. I glanced at Mum’s face. Even if I asked her, she would refuse to tell me anything. Just like she had before.
‘I was meeting someone,’ I said. ‘I skipped school so as Roy wouldn’t be there. I hate him always watching what I do.’
‘But . . .?’ Mum frowned. ‘Meeting someone?’ Her eyes widened. ‘You don’t . . .? You mean a girl?’
I looked away, feeling my face growing hot.
Yes. But no. Not like you mean.
‘Oh, Theodore.’
Oh, man
.
I don’t think I’d ever felt more embarrassed in my life. And yet, as I sat there squirming, it dawned on me that pretending to like Rachel would give me the perfect cover for seeing her again, in case she found out more from her dad.
Mum sat down beside me and squeezed my hand. ‘So why didn’t you tell me?’ she said. ‘I don’t mind you meeting someone after school, so long as it’s not somewhere open, of course. You could have invited her back here.’
I stared at her. She was being almost understanding.
‘Mu-um,’ I said. ‘You can’t just ask girls you hardly know to come back to your house. It sounds weird.’
She turned away and pressed her lips together, like she was trying not to smile. ‘I see,’ she said. ‘I didn’t . . . Anyway. So how did you meet this girl? What’s her name?’
‘Rachel. She’s sort of a friend of Max’s,’ I lied.
Mum raised her eyebrows. ‘Really?’
I could see why she was surprised. Max doesn’t have many friends – of either sex. I nodded anyway.
‘I hadn’t realised you were . . . you know . . . you had . . .’ Mum tailed off.
How embarrassing was this?
I shrugged, then sighed. ‘Please don’t ground me, Mum. At least, not for too long. I promise I won’t run off again. I’ll apologise to Roy.’ I paused. Then I said it. ‘You see, I’d really like to see her . . . this girl, Rachel, again. Soon.’
Ugh. Yuck. Puke.
My whole face was on fire. I hoped it was worth it. That Mum would fall for my revolting lovesick jerk routine.
She did.
She tilted her head to one side. Then she leaned over and kissed my cheek.
Oh man, she was getting all soppy thinking I was getting all loved-up over some girl.
I resisted the impulse to wipe her kiss away.
‘I’m still furious with you,’ she said. ‘But I do appreciate how hard it must be for you – having Roy around all the time.’ She sat back on the sofa and stared at me. ‘You’re grounded for the rest of the week. And no friends here either. What you did was wrong. Skipping school. Not calling me. It was selfish and thoughtless.’
I nodded. A week wasn’t bad. In fact it was brilliant, considering how angry she’d been when I walked in.
Mum smiled. ‘So, what’s this Rachel like then?’
What was I supposed to do now?
As soon as I got to school the next day all the girls in my class had asked me about Theo. Even Jemima – though of course she made out he wasn’t worth bothering with.
But it didn’t work. Because everyone had seen him. Everyone had seen how fit he looked. I got a bit carried away, in fact. Hinting he was sort of into me. Hinting that he’d only pretended to have a message from my boyfriend because he wanted to ask me out himself. I mean, I didn’t come out with an actual lie. But I hinted. I definitely hinted.
I thought about calling him all day, trying to work out exactly what to say. I did it on the way home from school. My fingers were shaking as I dialled his number on my mobile.
But it wasn’t how I’d expected at all. First I got his mum, which was really embarrassing. And then Theo sounded really distant, like he didn’t want to talk to me at all.
I got all confused telling him what had happened with Dad. And my mobile kept cutting out, so he missed bits of what I was saying and I had to repeat myself.
And then it got worse. I couldn’t believe what he asked me to do. As soon as he’d suggested it he took it back and said he couldn’t expect me to do it. But I knew it was what he really wanted.
And I knew I was going to do it, even though part of me – a big part of me – knew it was wrong.
This was it. As soon as I put the phone down on Rachel, I knew. This was it.
I called Max straight away to set things up for Saturday week. That was the first weekend day we could all meet, when I wouldn’t be grounded any more and Rachel would have the chance to do what I’d asked her to do.
If she was really prepared to do it.
I couldn’t believe she would.
I mean, I hardly knew her.
But still. She’d said yes. She’d said she’d do it. If only she had the guts to carry it through.
I prayed that she did.
Saturday morning finally arrived. I wandered into the kitchen and told Mum I was going out to meet up with some friends from my class.
‘We’re going to go shopping and then maybe get an ice cream or something,’ I said, ultra-casually.
Mum pursed her lips and stared at me suspiciously. I knew what she was thinking.
What friends?
I hadn’t gone out much all term and I never had people back to the house any more.
‘It’s Clara,’ I said, saying the first name that came to me. ‘And a few others. We’re looking for stuff for the school disco.’
I had, of course, no intention of going to the school disco. Though, if I was honest, I’d spent quite a lot of the last week imagining being there with Theo.
Mum nodded. ‘Have a good time, then,’ she said. ‘And sweetie, don’t buy anything cropped. It’s not a flattering look on you. Top or bottom.’
‘Right.’ Normally that kind of remark would have really upset me, especially as we were standing in front of a picture of Rebecca looking stunning in these cut-off trousers Mum always referred to as clamdiggers. But today I was only half listening to her. Most of my mind was focused on what I had to do next.
I checked the time as I walked through the hall. Ten-thirty a.m. Dad was still at squash. He never got home before eleven. And I planned to be out of here long before that.
I could feel myself speeding up as I climbed the stairs. I just wanted to get this over with now. My mouth felt dry as I darted along the landing and into my room. Backpack. Make-up and hairbrush. Purse.
I had everything I needed.
Everything except the main thing.
I crept to the top of the stairs. I could hear Mum clattering about in the kitchen. I gritted my teeth and marched into Dad’s office. His laptop was in its normal place beside the desk. I grabbed it and shoved it into my backpack. My hands were sweating as I zipped the bag up and swung it over my back. I sped downstairs, crept across the parquet floor and opened the front door.
Almost out.
‘Sweetie.’
I spun round, my heart thumping.
Mum was staring at me curiously from the kitchen door. ‘What on earth have you got that big rucksack on for?’ she frowned.
‘ Er . . . school books,’ I said, blushing. ‘Stuff I borrowed off Clara. I have to give them back. She needs them for homework this weekend.’
Mum fluffed up her hair. ‘Okay,’ she said, turning to look at herself in the mirror opposite. ‘I just wanted to say you should avoid buying anything yellow. Not a good colour for you. Go for blue or green. Bring out what colour there is in your eyes.’
Yeah, right, Mum. We both know my eyes are the colour of sludge.
‘Fine,’ I said, stepping outside. ‘Bye.’
I shut the door and raced off up the road to the train station.
As I got closer to the North London address Theo had given me, I got more nervous. Up until now I’d only been worried about getting Dad’s laptop out of the house. Now I started thinking seriously about what would happen when I arrived at the place we were meeting. It belonged to some friend of Theo’s called Max.
A zillion anxious thoughts flooded my head.
What was Max going to be like? How was he going to hack into Dad’s emails? I mean, Dad had a password I didn’t know.
Anyway, suppose Dad had deleted the email after he’d sent it? Worse. What if I was wrong and the email was nothing to do with Theo? Or what if Dad had changed his mind and there was no email?
I’ll feel so stupid if they can’t find anything on the computer.
Then again, suppose Max
did
manage to find something? What if all Dad’s files got destroyed or corrupted? How would I ever explain that?
By the time I reached the tube station closest to Max’s house I’d been travelling for nearly two hours and felt all ugly and dirty as well as scared. I’d put on this pale-green top and was sure I was sweating into it horribly under the arms. I’d caught sight of myself in a shop window walking up from the tube station and, as usual, my hair looked awful – all lank and shapeless round my face.
I stood in a doorway and put on a little make-up. It didn’t help. Now I just looked like an ugly girl with black-ringed eyes and overly glossy lips.
I found the right road and trudged down it. I rubbed some of the lip gloss off with my finger. Dad’s laptop was pulling on my shoulders now and my back was aching.
I took a few deep breaths. At least I was going to see Theo. Even if he wouldn’t go for me in a million years, I’d get to talk to him again. And it wasn’t like there’d be loads of people there. Only this Max, who was probably just some geeky boy with spots.
I checked the address Theo had given me. I was here. A small, brick terraced house with a front garden full of weeds and peeling paintwork on the door. A thickset man was squinting at me from one of the windows, his arms folded. Who was that? Max’s dad, maybe?
I rang the doorbell, fear surging through my stomach. The sound of dogs barking came from inside the house. Then the door swung inwards and two enormous, brown-haired mongrels poked their heads through the gap. Theo was bent over between them, struggling to pull the dogs back by their stiff leather collars.