Bloodrose (29 page)

His nails scraped against the floor as he backed away.
Stop.

There was no way in hell I was stopping. I couldn’t remember a time when fury had shrieked through my veins like this. Without hesitation I lunged at him. We rolled across the floor, teeth snapping as we each struggled to gain an advantage. He almost had me pinned, but I squared a solid kick with my hind legs into his belly, which sent him careening across the room. Scrambling up, I chased him around the bed.

I do not need to be protected.
I threw my shout at him as I ran.
And if I choose to be alone, I will be.

That wasn’t what I meant.
He jumped away from my bite and onto the bed.
I just want you to be happy.

He bent down, grabbed the coverlet in his jaws, and leapt off the bed. A net of opaque cotton captured me.

Hey!
I struggled, blinded by the blankets that covered me.
Not fair.

We were evenly matched, neither of us giving ground nor gaining a lasting advantage. I had years of fighting as a wolf on my side, but Shay was less inhibited by his wolf instincts. He made choices in the fight that never would have occurred to me.

I was ready for him when he tackled me. I bucked up immediately, tossing, keeping him off balance. Frustration won out and I simply shredded the blanket rather than trying to find my way out of it.

Shay was snarling, circling behind me. I whirled around, bracing myself for his attack.

He pawed the ground, agitated.

Come on.
I threw the challenge at him as I growled. I was about to throw myself on him again when he shifted forms, holding his hands up.

“Wait, Cal. Not that this isn’t fun, but I’m not here to fight you. I was just trying to make a point.”

I snarled as I shifted forms. “A point about giving up?”

“I’m not giving up. I’m being realistic,” Shay said. “How likely is it that I’ll come out of this battle alive?”

“As likely as any of the rest of us,” I said. Though admittedly that wasn’t too likely either.

“No,” he said. “Not considering what I have to do.”

“What?” I said. “So you’re the hero, which automatically means you die in the end?”

“Probably. And that’s why I made Ren promise to take care of you,” he said. “Even Harry Potter died. Well, for a few minutes.”

I ignored his joke, baring my teeth at him. “Why would you bring Ren into this? You hate him.”

“I hate him because he’s your mate.... You two are the perfect match.” He broke his gaze from mine with a shrug. Suddenly he laughed, shaking his head. “If I thought things would turn out differently, I swear I’d fight him until we were both ripped to shreds. I’d fight for you forever, Calla. I don’t give a damn how much he loves you. But like I said, we talked and I can live with what we decided.”

“If you both are making decisions for me, why isn’t he here too?” I asked, still throwing knives at him with my eyes. “Now that you’ve become such good friends.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. It’s more of an understanding,” Shay said. “I think he feels a little bad for me.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. “Why?”

“After we all heard what I have to do to finish this, I think he’s pretty sure I’m dead too.”

“You mean facing Bosque?” I asked.

He nodded. “I have to kill the only relative I’ve ever known. Plus he’s an über-demon and all.”

“He’s not your blood kin. Not really,” I said. “You know that. And if this works, you’ll have your parents.”

“I guess.” He sighed.

I took his face in my hands, holding his gaze. “You’re not going to die.”

“You sound pretty sure.” He smiled, but his moss green eyes were sad—like he’d already lost me.

My hands dropped to my sides. “You’re not going to die, because I will always save you,” I said. “That’s what I do.”

“Not this time,” he said. “This is different. This is the end. I know it.”

I growled and then I slapped him.

“Hey!” His hand pressed to his cheek.

“You always say that when I slap you,” I said.

“I think it’s a problem that you know what I say when you slap me,” he said. “That’s not the kind of intimacy I’m looking for.”

“You’re not looking for intimacy at all!” My hands balled into fists so tight the blood drained from my knuckles. “You’re running away from it! You’re running away from me!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, rubbing his reddened skin. “I was just trying to be honest.”

“Honest about giving me up?!” I refused to cry, so I kept shouting. “Honest about not loving me?!”

I stumbled away from him, muscles quivering with rage and shame. I’d seen this coming. He wasn’t mine. Now that he was the Scion, his destiny was all that mattered. Didn’t he understand that I’d abandoned mine for his sake? Betrayal stung up and down my chest like the fury of a dozen wasps, making it hard to breathe.

“Calla.” He was behind me, turning me gently to face him.

“How dare you?!” I beat my fist against his chest. “How dare you try to push me away?!”

“I could never . . .”

“You just did.” My teeth were sharp and I was ready to attack him all over again.

He put his hands on my shoulders. “Just listen to me. I’m not trying to push you away. I’m trying to give you what you deserve. Ren loves you.”

“Stop saying that,” I snarled. I didn’t want to hear any more about Ren loving me. I wanted Shay to take away my growing fear that he didn’t want me . . . that maybe he’d never loved me.

“And you love him,” Shay said. I fell silent, surprised not only by his words but by the way he held my gaze. I watched pain flare in his eyes. “I didn’t want to face it, but it’s true. You love him, Calla.”

It took me a moment to catch my breath. I threaded my fingers through his, finally understanding what Shay was trying to do. He was giving me a choice. He was setting me free. “You’re right. I love him.”

He sighed, but I tightened my grip on his hand.

“But not the way I love you,” I said.

I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his, waiting until he responded to the kiss. He pulled me closer, the soft kiss building in heat and strength as it lingered between us.

“It doesn’t matter that Ren and I have a past,” I whispered against his mouth. “You’re my future. You’re the path I chose from the moment I saved you on the mountain.”

He didn’t speak, but rested his forehead against mine.

“You will make it through this fight, Shay,” I said. “You have to. I will not lose you.”

He laughed quietly and kissed me. “I’ll do my best. I’d hate to disappoint my alpha.”

“And I can’t afford to lose my alpha,” I said.

His smile remained, but light flared in his eyes. “You mean me?”

“You know I do. You’ve always known who you are to me—to the pack. Even before I did. You were a lone wolf. Then you found us.”

“I didn’t know who I was or where I belonged until I met you,” he said, leaning down to brush his lips across my cheek.

“So, alpha . . .” I took his hand. “You ready to go get the bad guys?”

“If you insist,” he said, placing one last gentle kiss on my lips. He paused just before we reached the door. “Calla, I’m sorry . . . I just wanted—”

“I know what you wanted, Shay,” I said, lifting his fingers to my mouth and gently kissing them. “And that’s why I love you.”

WE LEFT THE ROOM.
Shay shifted into wolf form in the hallway, as did I. Searchers passing by occasionally exchanged hushed murmurs or gave us startled looks. But the most common reactions were nods of respect or knowing smiles.

Shay wagged his tail.
Nice to be part of the team.

Still a little odd.
I nipped his shoulder.
But yeah. It’s nice.

I watched Shay’s ears flicking back and forth, his eyes alert as we moved. He’d adjusted to his wolf self so naturally. Sometimes I felt like he truly had been a lone wolf when I’d met him—he just hadn’t found his wolf half yet. As much as his “talk” with Ren made me want to bite both of them hard, their negotiations over my status were so classically alpha male behavior it was almost funny. Almost.

We trotted down the hall toward Haldis Tactical, our toenails clicking on marble. Anika was sitting at the large round table with Bryn, Mason, Ansel, and Tess. Mason chomped on the largest sandwich I’d ever seen.

Catching sight of us, he pulled it close to his chest. “You didn’t come to the kitchen. I’m not sharing.”

I shifted forms and laughed. “I don’t think I could eat right now.”

“Good.” He grinned, still baring his fangs. “I’m starved and this sandwich is my own masterpiece.”

Ansel coughed.

“With Ansel’s assistance, of course.” Mason nodded at my brother.

“You sitting in on this?” I asked him.

“He’s going,” Mason said around a mouthful of sandwich.

I glared at the Arrow. “What’s this?”

Tess jumped in before Anika could answer. “He’s staying with me, Calla.”

“I’m helping the Elixirs clear casualties,” Ansel said. I winced at the accusatory look he shot me. “The Weavers will be bringing wounded off the field as fast as they can. They need helpers who won’t be in the battle.”

“That’s great, An,” I said. He dropped his eyes as his anger gave way to humiliation.

Great, Calla. Nice move.
I wished I hadn’t hurt his feelings, but the truth was, I didn’t want Ansel anywhere near this fight. Without his wolf he’d be much too vulnerable. And it wasn’t only that I was worried he couldn’t fight as a human. With everything Ansel had been through—and how I knew he was still feeling—I worried he’d purposely try to get himself killed.

Anika pushed a chair out and I sat down beside her. Bryn, in the next chair over, leaned in to hug me.

“Glad I’m not missing all the heroics this round,” she whispered. “You okay?”

“Surviving,” I said.

She squeezed my shoulders. “That’s what we do best.”

I gripped her fingers, giving her as much of a smile as I could manage.

“Everybody’s already here?” Connor came into the room with Adne at his side. “Does that mean we’re late?”

They were both flushed, but had done a pretty good job of making themselves presentable . . . or at least appearing only slightly rumpled after a “nap.” Mason snickered anyway. Connor rubbed the back of his neck uneasily, but a mischievous smile hovered on Adne’s lips.

“You’re actually right on time,” Anika said, gesturing for them to sit. I thought I heard the hint of laughter in her voice, though her expression remained solemn.

“Glad to hear it.” Ren smiled as he entered the room. His hair was damp. I guessed he had decided to make a trip to the baths.

He was about to take a seat beside me when he stopped. His nose wrinkled. He stared at me and then at Shay, who was watching him from the other side of the table, arms folded across his chest.

A growl rumbled out of Ren’s throat. “What the hell . . .”

I stood up. “Ren, don’t. Not now.”

“Why is your scent all over her?” He ignored me, glaring at Shay. “You two were together? What were you doing? I thought we had an agreement.”

“So did I,” Shay said. “But someone convinced me that it was stupid and I was very, very wrong.”

Ren leaned on the table, snarling. “It’s time for me to teach you a lesson that’s long overdue.”

Shay didn’t move, but he smiled. “You’re welcome to try.”

“Stop!” I shoved Ren as hard as I could, sending him several steps back from the table.

“Stay out of this, Lily!” He only glanced at me for a second before returning his outraged stare to Shay.

“The hell I will!” I put myself between him and Shay, forcing Ren to look at me. “Is this the kind of love you want from me? Love that’s chosen for me instead of being my own?”

He stopped growling. “Calla . . .”

“I know that’s all you’ve ever been taught to do,” I said. “But that is not how I want to live. Do you understand?”

“So . . . it’s him, then.” He dropped his gaze.

“Stop talking about him,” I said. “This is about me. My life. My choice. And if you really stopped to think about it, you wouldn’t want me any other way. If you have a problem with that, I’ll kick your ass. Right here. Right now.”

He looked at me then. “You’re something else, Lily.”

“Don’t forget it,” I said, relieved that he’d begun to smile.

Connor coughed. “So, uh . . . about the end of the world.”

Ren laughed, heading for the table. When he passed me, he bent his head, voice low. “This isn’t over.”

I didn’t answer. But for me it was over. I knew what I felt, who I wanted, but sharing that with Ren had to wait until after the fight.