Authors: Ana Layne
Ruston
One of these days I swear I’m going to invest in a cat or a dog. Any kind of animal would be nice. It would beat being home alone. Being alone just makes me grumpy, giving me the mentality that the world is out to get me and no one is my friend. That’s because no one really is my friend, because my one best friend is out with my cousin, thus sealing my alone status. Fuck, I really need a pet.
They’ve been gone about an hour or so and stir crazy isn’t even the word anymore. I’ve managed to clean what little mess I’ve made over the last few days and I’ve done laundry. That shit has been cleaned, dried, folded, and put away. I know I could have gone to the fights tonight to scope it out like Howard suggested, but I decided I didn’t want to be part of that tonight. Why be reminded that the one person who dragged me to the gym is the one person who is single-handedly taking everything that’s important to me?
The doorknob turns and I jolt out of my trance to see who is walking in. Of course it’s only going to be one person. I pull myself from the couch and slowly trudge toward the refrigerator. I need a beer to get through whatever pathetic story he’s going to feed me. I’m sure the night they had was magical, but it has nothing on the night I shared with her.
I take a swig of the beer in my hand and notice Austin walking in. I’m ready to speak to him, ready to get this shit over with, when I realize the door doesn’t shut right away. My stomach knots up tightly almost cutting off my ability to breathe. I can’t believe the nerve of both of them. Well, it’s not like he knows any better, but Tamilyn of all people should have known what being here would do to me. Yet, here she stands, practically making a mockery out of me. I just want to fucking disappear but my feet won’t move.
“Hey, man, I’m surprised you really did stay in.” Austin grins as he walks over toward the cabinet. He pulls out a pan and sets it on the stove. When he’s not looking, I glare at Tamilyn. I want her to feel as uncomfortable as I do right now.
“I told you I was staying home. What are you cooking?” My stomach growls, reminding me I haven’t eaten. My appetite has been scarce today.
Tamilyn shuffles her feet nervously. She no longer is making eye contact with me. Instead, she’s staring at the floor. What a fucked up night this is. “I told Tamilyn I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich. Do you want one?”
I want to be a total dick, but my stomach is winning this battle. “Sure, I’m starving.”
I watch as Tamilyn carefully sets her purse down on my kitchen table. Her hands are shaky as she releases the strap and her gaze darts in my direction. Her lip moves upward into a smile and as much as I want to smile back, I just can’t right now. This is beyond fucked up. Austin grabs the butter as well as the loaf of bread and cheese. He begins cooking like he’s some sort of fucking master chef and she just stands beside him and giggles the entire time. I didn’t know grilled cheese was considered some sort of delicacy. I hate that my mouth is watering and I hate it even more when he sets three plates down on the table and announces it’s ready. I hate watching her hang onto his every word and of course I hate it even more the way she acts like nothing happened between us last night.
I sit in the chair across from Tamilyn. I can’t handle sitting beside her right now. My self-control is lacking right now and I’m bound to do something idiotic like touch her fair skin. She takes the first bite, moaning as she begins to chew. Austin begins talking but truth be told, I’m not listening to a single word he’s saying. I just nod and go with the motions praying he doesn’t ask any questions. I finally take a bite of my grilled cheese and it’s delicious. I want to tell him how good it is but he’s already got a big head because of the attention Tamilyn is giving him.
“So, Tammy Lou, how did your shoot go today?” I ask, breaking this awkward silence.
She finishes chewing and then sets the rest of her sandwich down. “It was so good. The couple was perfect! Oh, and I took some photos at the fight this evening. I can’t wait to see how they come out.”
“Cool.” I really want to tell her how proud I am of her, but I say nothing else. It’s not worth it right now. I want to be able to talk to her alone, without Austin in the way.
Tamilyn stands to her feet once her sandwich is gone and begins to wash off her plate. Austin grabs my plate along with his and brings it to her. I’m relieved when he walks off to the bathroom. The perfect opportunity. She’s still standing at the sink when I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. I lean into her ear and whisper, “Tam, what are you doing?”
She turns abruptly, almost dropping the plate into the sink. “I’m washing up from dinner. What are you doing?”
“Wondering why he brought you here like this. You’re driving me crazy.”
“Ruston, I know what I told you this morning. I know I said I didn’t want things to end up awkward, and I want you to know our secret is safe with me but…” Fuck, I hate the word
but
. It never means anything good. A lump forms in my throat as I wait for her to finish. “I like him. I want to give it a try. That means last night can’t happen again.”
My face goes pale. All the blood seems to rush out of my body and I feel as though I may faint. This cannot be fucking happening. “What the hell, Tam? What changed your mind? This morning you were pretty adamant. You said you loved me.”
“I do love you, Ruston, but we both know the only reason last night happened is because we were drunk and you’re jealous someone is showing me attention. I want to try things with Austin, okay? Can you respect that?”
“Can you stop ripping my heart out? Answer that. I hope you know he isn’t the settling down kind, so I’m not sure what you’re looking for,” I spit out.
“Don’t be like this, please. This is why I wish last night hadn’t happened. You’re going to treat me differently now.” She hangs her head.
“No, Tammy Lou, I didn’t start treating you differently until you started it.” I push my finger into her chest. Tears well in my eyes but I won’t let them fall in front of her. She doesn’t deserve to see the pain I’m going through.
She’s ready to respond. Her mouth is open, her hands ready to flail about, but Austin breaks the moment. “You guys want to watch a movie or something?”
Tamilyn waits to hear what I might say. Much to her dismay, I make up the excuse of having to be up early, when the reality is after what she just told me I can’t fucking sit out here and be near them. I just want to lie in my bed.
Austin
“What’s with him?” I ask as Ruston shuts his bedroom door. I figured he’d want to sit out here with us and watch whatever junk is on TV tonight. I can’t complain, though. I’m a little excited to get to spend time alone with Tamilyn.
“I don’t know. He’s acting weird.” She sighs. I know they’re best friends and probably tell each other way more than they lead me to believe, so deep down, I think she knows something she isn’t telling me.
“Yeah, his loss.” I sit on the couch and pat the empty spot beside me.
She saunters over and sits cross-legged next to me. I want to wrap my arm around her but I keep it slow. I
am
trying to be respectful of my cousin in his own house. I’m not a complete dick.
“You were right,” she tells me. “You do make a mean grilled cheese.”
“I’m glad you liked it.” I lean forward to kiss her forehead.
I’m drawn to her in a way I can’t explain. I reach for the remote and turn the TV on just to have some noise in the room. There’s nothing on, but that’s okay. She leans closer to me and I wrap my arm around her. “Thank you for tonight.”
“Well, you’re welcome. It was nothing special but I’m just glad I got to spend a little time with you.”
“When do you get to fight?” she asks. That’s a good question, because I’m wondering the same thing.
“I don’t know. I’m going to ask tomorrow, though. I can’t wait to get out there. It’s going to be different to finally fight legally, but I’m game.”
“Let me know when you do because I’ll definitely take some pictures.” She yawns.
“Speaking of, did you leave your camera in the car?”
“Yeah, I tucked it below the seat so it’s safe.”
“I want to see the pictures when you go through them, if you don’t mind.”
“Definitely. Maybe tomorrow you can come by after practice or something.” She mentions it so innocently. Who am I to tell her no? I’d be a fucking fool.
“Yeah, sounds good. You’ll just have to let me know when you’re ready for company.”
“Duh.” She laughs.
“Did you just say
duh
?” I ask incredulously. That’s one word I haven’t heard in a long time.
“I sure did.” She smirks.
I lean over bringing my hands to her sides. She laughs as I tickle her. It’s so mesmerizing the way her hair swings back. She’s begging me to stop but I keep tickling. I’m laughing alongside her and I remember we should probably keep it down so we don’t upset Ruston. I pull my hands away and lean forward. She’s still trying to catch her breath from laughing so hard when I press my lips against hers. She gasps for a moment, almost like she can’t believe I just kissed her but she kisses me back. Her lips are soft against mine. My dick throbs inside my jeans but I block that out.
She breaks the kiss and brings her fingers to her lips. “Whoa,” is all she says. I’m not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. I’d hope it’s good. I don’t want to ask in case I’m dead wrong.
The rest of the night, we sit on the couch laughing and talking. We kiss a few more times and each kiss gets better than the one before. I don’t want to take her home but I know if I don’t soon, one of us is going to fall asleep and then I’ll never hear the end of that from Ruston. Whatever’s crawled up his ass can stay there. I don’t want any part of it.
Tamilyn
Every part of me hoped Ruston wasn’t going to be home last night but seeing him there awoke so many feelings, and I had to remember what I’d told myself. I do want to give Austin a chance, and breaking that news to Ruston was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I could see the hurt in his eyes. I know I ripped his heart out and I feel terrible. No matter what he says, I feel terrible. He can’t possibly think what I did was easy. He’s my best friend and I knew deep down things were never going to be the same no matter how hard I hoped they would be. I knew I’d fucked up with him when he went to his room and shut the door. Once Austin brought me home, I wanted to call or text Ruston and make him talk to me but I knew that would be pointless. Ruston wasn’t going to answer the phone and talk to me. I’d be lucky if he ever spoke to me again.
I sigh loudly, causing the young girl in front of me to jump. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spook you. I was just thinking to myself. Are you ready?” I ask her.
She grins and begins explaining her vision for her senior photos. Looking at her, I can envision everything and I can’t wait to see how this will end up. I’m excited to get through this shoot. Tonight, I’m going through the photos from the engagement shoot from the other day and then the ones from the fight.
We’re standing in a field surrounded by wildflowers and Brinlee sits amongst them. “Pick one and hold it in your hand,” I instruct her.
She twirls it around her finger before keeping still. I don’t say a word as I begin candidly shooting. I’m catching great shots and she doesn’t even notice it. That’s what I love about my job, capturing the beauty within. Beauty you can’t force. It’s just there, and Brinlee has plenty of it. When she realizes I’ve been snapping pictures, her face turns crimson. We spend another thirty minutes or more out there and I’m satisfied with our progress.
As she drives away from the dirt road, I sit inside my car organizing my photography equipment. I’m guessing Austin is still at the gym. I haven’t heard from him yet so I decide to go home and begin sifting through the last few shoots. I begin driving when my phone starts ringing. I forget all the issues I have been dealing with when I see my mom calling. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from my parents, but I know they needed that vacation.
“Hey, Mom!” I answer excitedly through the Bluetooth setup in my car.
“Hey, Tam, we’re finally home. How’s everything been?” she asks, her voice laced with concern. I’m their only child so it’s only natural they worry about me.
“Everything has been fine,” I tell her. I don’t really want to elaborate over the phone.
“I’m cooking tonight, so you and Ruston should come by.”
Cue the lump in my throat. I wasn’t ready to have his name brought up just yet. I am nowhere near ready to attempt to explain any of what’s happened over the past few days to my mom.
“I’ll see if he’s busy,” I lie. “But I’ll be there for sure.”
“We’ll see you then.”
I end the call and hit my hand against the steering wheel. Things are so fucked up right now and I have no clue how to fix them. I’m just ready to get home. Instead of looking over all the photos, I think I’ll take a nap until it’s time to go eat dinner. That is, if I can even fall asleep. My heart is heavy from all this turmoil.
***
My alarm rings loudly on my phone, pulling me away from the nap I needed so badly. I thought I’d have trouble falling asleep but the minute I closed my eyes, I was passed out. As soon as I turn off the alarm and sit up, my phone begins vibrating again. I hope it’s Ruston so I can apologize, but instead it’s Austin. I notice this is not the first message but instead it’s the seventh. Holy shit, I slept through all the notifications. The messages start off with a simple:
Hey
Then reverts to:
I’m worried, are you okay?
I really need to text him back and let him know I’m fine.
I’m so sorry! I fell asleep when I got home.
It’s okay, I was just beginning to get worried. I didn’t know if you got lost in the fields today.
I laugh at his lame attempt at a joke before I reply.
Nope, I know my way around :)
Want to grab dinner tonight?
I can’t. My mom and dad are back in town from their vacation and I’m going there. Rain check?
Of course. Have a good time.
I will! I’ll talk to you later.
I toss the phone on my bed and hurry to get ready. I’m fine wearing these clothes but I just want to freshen up a little bit. Two minutes later, I grab my phone and my purse, then lock the door. Soon, I’m in my car and on my way to see my two favorite people in the world.
I pull into the driveway and smile when I see their car sitting there. I walk in without knocking and head straight for the kitchen. Mom is putting the finishing touches on a pot of potato salad and I look around for Dad. Mom wraps her arms around me and I hug her tightly.
“Where’s Dad?”
“He’s outside grilling some chicken and steaks. Where’s Ruston?” Mom looks around just in case he slipped past her or something.
“Um, he’s not here. It’s just me.”
“Is everything all right?” She eyes me. What is it with a mother being able to know what’s wrong without any sort of indication of a problem?
“It’s good, Mom.”
“Tamilyn Grace. You’re lying to me.” She sets the spoon on the plate beside the stove and places her hand on her hip. I cringe at my full name. It’s almost as bad as Ruston calling me Tammy Lou.
“Mom, not now, please,” I beg her.
“You know you can tell me anything, Tamilyn. Maybe I can help you through whatever it is.”
I know she means well. She always does, and I always tell her everything, but something about this situation just seems so damn complicated. I start off telling her about Austin moving to town, and how jealous Ruston got. I cringe when I tell her how Ruston and I drunkenly had sex and we admitted our feelings for each other. I explain how I broke Ruston’s heart when I told him I honestly wanted to give Austin a chance, and how I haven’t heard from him before I shut up and wait for whatever motherly advice she’s about to throw at me.
“Sit down, Tamilyn.” She points to the kitchen chairs. She sits beside me and pulls my hand into hers. “I think everyone has been waiting for you two to finally get together. You made a mistake, and I know you think everything is ruined, but just give it a little time. True friends don’t just give up on each other no matter what happens. I know seeing you with his cousin must be tough. You haven’t slept with him too, have you?”
“No, mom, I’m not a slut,” I inform her.
“I never said you were. I was just asking. But what I’m saying is, do what makes you happy. If you want to give Austin a chance, do it. It won’t hurt anything. Oh, and I forgot to tell you, but Paula, Mark, and Ruston are coming over for dinner. I hope this doesn’t make anything awkward.”
“Mom,” I whine. “Did you not hear anything I just said? He hates me and we’re going to have to sit in the same room tonight.”
“Maybe you should try talking to him this evening. It can’t hurt anything.”
I hope she’s right. I really do. “How long until they get here?”
Mom glances at the clock and replies, “Within the hour.”
“I’m going to go tell Dad hi. At least you warned me.”
“Everything will be okay, Tamilyn.”
I smile, hoping she’s right, as I walk out the back door. The smell of the grill takes over my senses and my stomach begins growling. “Hey, Dad. Next time, you really need to bring me along. I won’t get in the way.”
He sets the spatula down and turns to face me. “Hey, baby girl. We definitely missed you. It’s good to be home. Thanks for cutting the grass, by the way.”
“You’re welcome, Dad. I had some help from Ruston.”
“How’s the photography coming?” he asks. Dad has backed my choice of career from day one.
My face lights up as I begin talking excitedly about everything. I tell him about the couple, and the fights, before telling him about today’s shoot.
“Fights? Well, you are becoming pretty popular aren’t you?”
“It was a friend’s idea to take the photos. I’m glad I did. I think I got some pretty awesome shots.” I have no clue why I didn’t just say Austin, but that would be like reopening the wound all over again.
“You’ll have to show them to me when you print them.”
“Oh, for sure, Dad.” I grin. I watch as he opens the grill to flip the steaks and the chicken. I love little moments like this. I love being able to forget for one split second that I’m about to be made severely uncomfortable. I’m praying that Ruston and I can act normal in front of everyone. I don’t want anyone other than my mom to know what the hell is really going on.
Oh fuck, I just got the worst feeling in my stomach.
I’m praying the McGregors aren’t bringing Austin Moran.