Blue Moon II ~ This is Reality (15 page)

Pierce knew that Hawk had some basic medical training. Hawk finished his exam and told him his vitals were fine and that a hospital trip wasn’t necessary. Hawk took one of the bottles of water, lifted Pierce’s head slightly and gave him a few sips. It was room temperature but it felt like he was drinking directly from the ice layers in the Artic. Pierce tried to gulp it but Hawk pulled back.

“Easy. Not too fast,” he whispered. Hawk continued to give him small sips of the water until he’d had a little over half the bottle. “In a couple hours I’m going to give you a protein shake and you’ll start to feel much better. Giving you too much at once could make you sick.”

Pierce looked up into Hawk’s eyes. They were radiant and for the first time, Pierce let himself get lost in the intoxicating orbs. Hawk rubbed his face with a cool cloth and his heart clenched at the gentle care this tough man was showing him. God he’d been so wrong about Hawk. All that precious time lost. All the man’s advances rebuffed because he didn’t think the military-trained man was capable of love.

“Thank you,” Pierce said shakily. He weakly reached for Hawk’s hand and he watched as Hawk placed a lingering kiss in his palm.

Hawk’s eyes turned more golden as he rubbed Pierce’s hand over his cheek and back to his mouth. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you in time. It’ll never happen again. Ever,” Hawk said into Pierce’s palm. He closed his eyes and then opened them and Pierce could see the truth of his promise.

“Not… your fault.” Pierce coughed on his words.

“Rest, baby. When you feel up to it and you have a little more energy, you can take a shower. I’ll be right downstairs. If you need anything, just press this button.” Pierce saw the small box Hawk pointed to on the nightstand. It only had one button on it. “I’ll hear the intercom, okay.”

Pierce shook his head yes. He didn’t remember if Hawk sat with him for a while longer because as soon as he closed his eyes, he finally went to sleep.

Chapter Sixteen

FOX

Goddamnit. Shit.
Fox fought to open his eyes. He could hear beeping sounds, doors opening and closing. Muffled voices bounced around in his head while he teetered in and out of darkness. He was on the edge of consciousness again and it felt like he had a hundred pound weight sitting on his chest. He wanted to open his eyes and take a look around but the pain was so intense. He didn’t think he’d felt this bad when he’d gotten shot in his shoulder seven years ago.

He didn’t know how long he’d been out of it, or what day it was. However, he did remember what happened. He was executing the mission with the Beastmasters when he went toe-to-toe with a twenty foot tall Russian. He’d realized he was being tracked, but by then it was too late. The man came out of nowhere and hit him, caught him off guard, and before he could shake off the confusion that the first punch caused, he’d been stabbed in the chest. He remembered chaos on the train and Mrs. Valenzo screaming like a mad woman. Damn. He hoped that someone got to her before that big bastard did.

Fox groaned as he shifted his weight and a searing hot jolt streaked through his chest and all the way to his toes. “Fuck,” he hissed.

“Hold on I’ll get the doctor,” a deep, sexy voice said beside him.

Oh god. Shot. He’s here. Has he been here the whole time?
Fox would’ve smiled if it didn’t hurt so much.

The door opened again, this time a soothing female voice was calling his name; asking him to open his eyes. He wanted to and yet he didn’t want to.
Shot
. Can you talk to me Agent Fox? Can you open your eyes? Fox heard the questions and tried to comply. He could feel the blood pressure cuff expanding on his arm as the doctor continued to throw questions at him. His cover was pulled back and he could feel the bandage being slowly lifted off his chest.

“That’s looking good, Agent Fox. Healing quite nicely. I’m Dr. Janison. Can you open your eyes?” She pulled up his eyelids and shined her small flashlight into them as she spoke. Fox had never felt so weak. He couldn’t stand his tough SEAL seeing him this way. If it had been Shot that got stabbed, he would’ve had his surgery and been back at headquarters by now.

Fox slowly willed his eyes to open. The light in the room was overly bright and he blinked persistently, trying to adjust to it. Then he heard a click and the lights dimmed. “There. That should make it a little easier,” Shot said, coming back to stand beside his bed. Fox looked at Shot, took in all his beauty and strength. God he loved him so much.

It was like someone doubled the weight on his chest as he remembered that he and Shot were not together. Never would be. Shot didn’t love him. He was probably here strictly in an official capacity. Just checking on him like any decent brother-in-arms would do.

Shot dropped his eyes to the floor briefly before returning Fox's gaze. He could tell Shot knew what he’d been thinking at that moment. Fox turned his attention back to his physician.

After informing him of the details of his surgery, she began asking him a series of questions: Did he remember what happened? How did he feel? His pain level? After she was finished, and she authorized the nurse to give him another dose of pain meds. He was ready for a lengthy nap.

Everyone cleared the room and Shot came back to stand next to his bed. Though his throat was still sore – probably from the tube he had down his esophagus during surgery – he had to ask Shot his questions. “How long have you been here?”

“I was here as soon as they put you in a room and allowed you to have visitors. Had some stuff to handle at headquarters, but Viper kept track of your progress in surgery.”

Shot looked like he was nervous, like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure he should.

“Do you remember anything after you were stabbed?”

“Yes,” Fox whispered. His eyes were still focused on the handsome man, regardless of the fuzzy feeling he had from the narcotics starting to course through his system. “You came for me. Got me off the train. I guess that was you just doing your duty.”

“That was not my fuckin’ duty and you know it.” Shot’s voice was stern, but his eyes told how he really felt. “My duty was to stay in position. But I didn’t. I’m a SEAL and I disobeyed orders to get to you.”

“Why’d you do it? I’m nothing to you. You broke orders for your fuck buddy. Because that’s all I am, remember?” Fox was trying to stay calm, but the more he thought of their last visit, the more upset he became. Even while they prepared for the mission, Shot didn’t have anything to say to him that wasn’t work related.

“Jason. Don’t do this now.”

“Then when goddamnit! Because you don’t talk to me anymore. You basically told me I’m not fuckin’ good enough for you. You dismissed me like I wasn’t shit. But, that’s my mistake for thinking I could be something to you… mean something. Every time we fucked you couldn’t wait to leave my bed. Hell. Maybe you have something better elsewhere.”

“Careful,” Shot growled and the fierce look in his lover’s eyes made Fox clamp his mouth shut. Shot squeezed the railing of his bed and he heard the metal groan under the pressure.

“Get out. You don’t need to waste your time here any longer. I’m fine. You can report back that I will make a full recovery, but I will not be participating in Backhander’s task force anymore.”

“Don’t quit because of me,” Shot said with little feeling.

“Get the fuck out, you heartless bastard.”

Shot

Shot didn’t think he’d ever feel pain like he felt right now. He turned back right before he opened Fox’s hospital door to take one last look at that gorgeous face, knowing there was a strong possibility he wouldn’t see it again. But Fox had turned away, refusing to watch him go. The man in that bed was his match in every way, but Shot was afraid. Very few things had scared him in his life. But Fox professing his love and wanting to have a relationship with him was as scary as it got. Shot let the door close softly as he fought the pull in his heart to go back, to not run, to explain his fears to Fox. But he wouldn’t do that.

Shot walked slowly past the nurses' station, giving the ladies a slight nod as they admired him. He wasn’t interested. Not even a little bit. He was out the doors of the hospital, moving through the parking lot, when he heard his phone ringing in his pocket. He looked at the screen and rolled his eyes in annoyance. He was not in the mood, but just in case the call was important, he decided to answer it. He hit the speakerphone, and didn’t even get the chance to say hello, before the deep timbre started in on him.

“You’re an idiot. Get back in there.”

“Hawk. Not now, okay? I’m not interested in what you saw. Leave it alone. It’s none of your business.”

“We’re a team, man. Don’t be bull-headed. Just go back.”

Shot had to admit he was curious about what Hawk saw. This is what he did. He’d have visions, premonitions involving any one of them sometimes. At first it was disturbing how he knew what they were going to do before they even did it. Hawk was telling him to go back, so maybe he didn’t see what Shot feared would happen if he stayed. Against his mood and judgment, he asked Hawk what he’d seen.

“I saw his face, looking torn and hurt… a different kind of hurt that wasn’t physical pain caused by the wound in his chest. What you just did pierced him through his heart. Then I saw you. Looking defeated.”

“He didn’t defeat me.”

“I didn’t say
he
did. The disease is defeating you. Don’t let it. You’re stronger than it is. You won’t hurt him.”

Shot climbed into his truck and slammed the door. He didn’t start the engine. Instead he let his head fall back against the headrest while he listened to his brother.

“You can’t be sure I won’t hurt him, Hawk. The dreams are too fuckin’ real.” Shot hit the steering wheel. Angry that he had to go through this. Angry that what he desperately wanted he couldn’t have. “Did you have a vision of me and him, old and gray, sitting in dual rocking chairs? Because if not, you don’t know what could happen.”

“No. I didn’t see old and gray. I did see all of us, together. Happy. Finally able to live the lives we’ve always wanted. To live the lives we fought goddamn wars for, Shot. Enjoying our lives. Void of missions and war.”

Shot tried to breathe through what Hawk was saying.

“He was there with you, Isadore. Happy,” Hawk whispered into his ear.

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want me now. He put me out.”

“Because you were probably being a dick.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. The man had just looked death in the eye. I’m sure the last thing he wanted was to wake up to you still claiming he didn’t mean more to you than just another fuck. Both of you just had a major reality check.”

Shot couldn’t deny that truth.

“I have to go back and check on Pierce now,” Hawk said, his voice still low.

“How is he?” Shot asked.

“He’s fine. He’s where he belongs. In my bed.”

Shot snorted. “You’re crazy for the little genius, huh?”

“Beyond crazy.” Hawk chuckled. “Look I’m gonna let you go, so you can do the right thing. Fox was almost taken out. Imagine how you’d have felt if he didn’t pull through the surgery. Knowing that you wasted precious time with him, for misplaced fear that
you’d
hurt him. There’s a ton of shit out here that can go wrong, Shot. Don’t miss out on what you deserve because of a bunch of fuckin’ what-ifs, brother.”

“I hear you,” was all Shot could say. He was thinking too hard. Could this really work?

“One more thing,” Hawk added.

“Yeah.”

“Take the meds. It’ll help, man. Trust me. I know.” Hawk hung up.

Shot sat in his truck for three and half hours before he got back out and took determined steps through hospital’s now dark parking lot. He made it to the elevator and pushed the button for the eleventh floor. Shot’s heart was beating wildly in his chest. He was going to take the leap.

He counted backwards from ten, cursing at the knowledge that he may have already blown it. He moved quickly past the nurse’s desk, a couple of them giving him knowing smiles.

He didn’t bother to knock on Fox’s door, he barged in and saw that Fox’d been sleeping but the noise he made coming through the door had Fox turning and looking directly at him. His face was unreadable and Shot had a sudden attack of nervousness. He needed to hurry up and say what he had to say.