Blurred Lines (20 page)

I felt sick, and it took everything I possessed not to throw up on the bed. I watched in horror and despair as Reid continued to kiss Stella. Somewhere in my mind I knew what he was doing, but I was too unraveled by seeing them together that reasoning with myself wasn’t possible.

Stella moaned, and I cupped my hand over my mouth to quiet the sob threatening to tear me in half.

It was excruciating.

Painful.

Unbearable.

Seeing them together brought back a tempest of emotions I thought I’d buried, and I was having a hard time keeping it together. The sight of Stella’s hands on him, in his hair, her mouth locked on his was an image I wouldn’t soon forget, and even though Reid was pretending, I couldn’t get past the way his mouth moved over hers.

I felt a flutter in my belly, and that made it even harder to quell the need to cry hysterically, and beg them to stop. I couldn’t take much more.

I diverted my eyes long enough to search for my phone, but deflated when I realized I’d left it in the kitchen. It was all in Reid’s hands now.

I watched through blurry, tear-filled eyes as Reid pulled Stella flush against his body – a body that I’d always thought of as
mine
– and moved his hands up her body.

I hated it.

Every. Fucking. Second. Of. It.

And then in a flash everything changed.

Reid’s hand moved along Stella’s arm, and quickly moved to disarm her, snatching the firearm from her grasp, and shoving her backwards. She cried out, and hit the floor, and Reid lifted the firearm in her direction.

I inhaled sharply.

“That’s enough,” said Reid. “We’re done here, Stella.”

The bitch was brave, because she slowly rose to her feet, her smile manic.

“You won’t shoot me,” she said defiantly.

“Jade.” I jumped at the hardness in Reid’s voice. “You okay, baby?”

Stella sneered.

“Yeah,” I replied. My body trembled.

“And Daniela? She okay too?”

I clutched my stomach. “Yes.”

Before I could blink, Stella screamed and threw herself at Reid, and I watched as he struggled with her, the firearm between them.

Then it happened.

A gunshot went off and I was the one screaming.

“Reid! NO!”

They both stopped, and fell to the floor. I scrambled from the bed, and ran to where they’d landed. Stella was lying across Reid’s chest, and I saw the blood starting to stain the white uniform she had on. I stood immobile.

Time stopped.

My heart stopped.

Everything.

Just.

Stopped.

Reid grunted and my eyes flew to him as he slowly pushed Stella off his chest. I waited with bated breath to see if she would move, but she didn’t. Reid jumped up, his hands bloody, and looked down at himself searching for a bullet wound. When he didn’t find it, he spun in my direction, and caught me before I collapsed.

Stella remained unmoving, her blood seeping into our carpet, but all I could think about was Reid.

I looked up at him, and burst into a fresh round of sobs.

“Ssshhh,” he cooed, pressing kisses on my head. “It’s okay. I’m fine, baby. I’m not hurt.”

Just then we heard footsteps storming down the hallway, and in the next breath our room was filled with cops, followed by Reid’s father, and Dane. They took in the scene, and rushed to our sides as the cops went to Stella’s lifeless body. Reid continued to rock me, sooth me, and although I was so immensely grateful that he wasn’t hurt, I was having a hard time shaking the image of him kissing Stella. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him yet, so when I felt two strong hands wrap around my arms, I was relieved to see it was Dane.

He bent down, slid his arms under my legs and around my back, and lifted me. I didn’t object. I didn’t have the strength to. So I tucked my head into his neck, and cried as he walked me out of the bedroom.

To my surprise, Dane took me to the living room, and gently placed me on the sofa. He noticed my shiver, despite the hot temperature in the house, and wrapped a quilt around my shoulders. He left me for a few brief seconds, and then came back with a glass of water, and a wet dishtowel.

He crouched in front of me. “You okay?” He asked quietly. He lifted the dishtowel, and started wiping my face.

I shook my head. How could I be okay? I watched the love of my life, the father of my child, make out with his psycho ex, and now her body was lying in our bedroom. I didn’t miss the order in which those thoughts occurred. I should have been more upset about the dead body, but if I was honest with myself, I was more fixated on the image of Reid kissing Stella before the shit hit the fan.

It was messed up, I knew that, but I couldn’t change how I felt.

“We’ll have an EMT check you out,” said Dane. He rose to his feet, and I grabbed his wrist before he walked away.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

He nodded once, and then left just as an EMT walked in through our front door. Dane pointed at me, and then disappeared down the hallway.

The EMT checked me over, made sure the baby was okay, but I was absent the entire time. My mind was stuck on ‘replay’, and as hard as I tried to expel everything from my head, I just couldn’t.

When the EMT was satisfied that I didn’t need to go to the hospital, he joined the rest of his team. They brought the gurney out – when had they brought it in? – And my eyes followed as they wheeled Stella’s body out of the house. Reid came into the living room, his eyes wild, and his movements frantic, but when he tried to wrap his arms around me I pulled away.

“Don’t touch me,” I whispered, eyeing the dried blood on his chest. My throat started closing again but I shook the feeling away, and diverted my gaze.

“Jade?”

I heard the hurt in Reid’s voice because I felt it too. I was being grossly unfair, but before I could talk to him, I needed a few minutes to myself. I was wrong for pushing him away after what we’d just been through and yet I couldn’t stand the thought of him touching me after his mouth and his hands had been on
her.

“Reid.”

We both looked up and Reid’s father was standing next to a detective. Reid sighed, and after giving me one last pleading look, he turned and started talking to the detective.

All the sounds, the talking, the people drifted away, and I found myself standing, and heading towards the nursery. Luckily Reid didn’t follow me, so I shut the door behind me, and curled into the rocking chair.

I STARTLED AWAKE when the door to the nursery opened. Reid stuck his head in, and I noticed that he was freshly showered.

I looked up, and found his sad, hesitant eyes regarding me carefully. His face, illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window, was harrowed. Like me, he must’ve been exhausted. It was already three a.m., and our house had now just fallen silent. We were alone again, and I’d never felt further apart from him than I did at that moment.

“The cops just left,” he told me. He opened the door wider, and walked in, dressed in a clean pair of boxer briefs, and a white t-shirt. “I told them we’d stop by the station in the morning so that you could give your statement.”

I turned back towards the window. “Okay.”

I heard his feet on the soft carpet, and felt him kneel in front of me. He braced his hands on my knees, and whispered, “Talk to me, Jade. I’m going out of my mind over here. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lied. I was being horrible, and unreasonable, and the guilt warred with everything else that was tearing me apart on the inside.

“Don’t be angry with me,” pleaded Reid. I finally turned my eyes towards him, and what I saw cracked my armor. How could I be angry with this man when he’d done everything necessary to make sure our baby and I got away unharmed? He’d put himself a risk to save us, to save
me,
and here I was feeling sorry for myself because he kissed his now-dead ex.

All to keep me safe.

All to keep our
daughter
safe.

God, I was a bitch.

He didn’t deserve it.

Especially not from me.

Reid’s tears fell, and mine followed.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice scratchy. “I just...”

“I know, baby, I know.” Reid stood up, and lifted me so that he could sit down. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and breathed in his clean scent. “I was doing what I had to do to protect you,” he said. He swallowed, and felt it against my cheek.

“If anything had happened to you,” he started, shaking his head. “God, I was terrified. I know it must have been hard to see that, but it was all to keep you safe, even if it meant losing my own life.”

“I wouldn’t have made it without you,” I said, tightening my hold. “Don’t ever do that again! You hear me?” I pulled back, and fixed him with narrowed, yet puffy eyes. “I could have lost you, Reid. Our daughter could have been without a father!”

Reid moved his hand in slow circles on my back, no doubt to get me to calm down. His other hand rested on my stomach.

“I would walk through fire for you and our little girl if it meant you two were safe.” He pressed his forehead to mine, and I inhaled a shuddery breath. “I love you that much.”

“And I love you too much to lose you,” I sniffled, “So please, no more Maverick antics, okay?”

Reid smiled sadly, and I felt us both still. “You sure you want me around for the next sixty years?”

“No,” I shook my head, looking up at him from beneath my lashes, “I want you around until the Earth stops moving, and the Sun fizzles out. I want you around until the Moon falls from the sky, and until the Sea’s dry up. There is no me without you, Reid,” I paused. “I’m sorry for pulling away from you. I was wrong.”

Reid’s head lifted, and he brought a hand up to brush my hair from my face. “It couldn’t have been easy to see that, but you know it meant nothing. I would do it all over again if it meant you got away.”

I allowed the comfort of his words to wrap around me, and embed themselves on my skin, my heart, my soul. Neither of us had been hurt, but I knew we’d have a lot to deal with once the reality of all finally took hold. Until then, I was content to sit with Reid, in our own little bubble, and remind myself that we were okay, our daughter was okay, and that Stella would never be able to hurt us again.

“Can we sleep in the guest room?” I asked Reid.

“I think we need a new house,” he mused. It would have been easy to pack up and leave again. But this was our home, and Stella’s fateful end would hang over us for long as we allowed it to. Or, we could lay that to rest, for good this time, and build new memories that broke the darkness with blinding light. I didn’t want to give Stella more power, even when she was dead.

“No.” I kissed Reid’s neck. “I like this house. We can just have the carpet replaced. She won’t haunt us Reid, and I won’t allow her ghost or the memory of tonight to take any more from us. What happened was a terrible accident, but we’re still here, and I’m ready to
live
this life with you.”

Without saying anything, Reid stood, keeping me cradled in his arms, baby belly and all, and walked to the guest bedroom. He pulled back the covers, and I crawled in next to him, my back to his front. He circled my waist with his arm, and tugged me close, giving me that sense of serenity that had eluded us earlier. My eyes closed, and I drifted off, dreaming about what the future held after our nightmare had finally ended.

I crouched down and placed the single white rose on the grass in front of the headstone. It had been a little over a month since Stella’s death, and the first time since the funeral that I’d been here. The cemetery was quiet, but it was to be expected on an early Saturday morning. I inhaled the warm air, and straightened, feeling surprisingly calm and at ease.

Some people might have questioned why I came, but Jade understood, and so did I. I never blamed myself for what happened, but I do wish I’d seen the signs when Stella and I were dating. Maybe it would have saved her life or gotten her the help she needed to get better. Those were things I’d dealt with when Jade and I decided to go for counseling after what had happened with Stella, and I was finally able to let go of the sense of responsibility I’d felt for how it all ended.

The past few weeks had been better, and Jade and I were finally in a place where we could live again, without the shadow of Stella’s death hanging over us. We put all our energy into our future, and the plans we wanted to make, but if I’d learned one thing at all it was that the present was what mattered.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you,” I said quietly, my voice getting lost amongst the rustling leaves above me. “But I hope you’re at peace.”

I turned around, and started walking to my car, smiling when I saw Jade was leaning against the passenger side door. At thirty-seven weeks pregnant she was glowing, but also quite uncomfortable. I’d opted to leave her at home, especially because Dr. Burke had been even more cautious with Jade after the ordeal with Stella, but I gave in when he pouted those full lips at me and brought her along, even if it was just to get her out of the house.

I looked at her, totally in awe of the woman she was. She was so incredibly strong, and the only way we’d gotten through the past month was because we leaned on each other. Our families and friends were there for us too, but when it was just Jade, and me, that’s when we relied on each other the most.

She was my lighthouse when the seas got rough, and my shelter when the storms threatened to break everything apart. There was no one else who called to my soul the way she did, and no one who could drive me batshit crazy like her either. She was it, and I was one lucky son of bitch because she felt the same way about me.

“You ready?” Jade pushed away from the door, and I stood as close to her as I could. I loved holding her this way, our baby resting peacefully in her belly between us.

“Yeah,” I smiled. “Think you can handle doing some grocery shopping though? I can always take you home first.”

Jade snorted, and lifted a brow. “I’ve been stuck in that house for almost a month Reid. I need to get out, before my mother, and Kennedy drives me insane with their damn coddling. I’ll be fine. I don’t think Princess will be popping out today.”

I chuckled as I swung the passenger door open. Between Jade’s mother, my mother, and Kennedy, Jade had been fussed over quiet extensively, and she hated not being to do something simple like get coffee – decaf of course - for herself. No one would allow it, even though Dr. Burke was happy to have her walking around now and then. She expected Jade to go into labor soon after the night Stella showed up, but our little Princess proved to be as resilient as her mother, and decided to wait a little longer.

“You never know,” I said, helping Jade into the car. “If she’s anything like you she’ll decide when she’s ready, whether we’re prepared or not.”

I shut the door before Jade could reply, and ran around to the driver’s side. I hopped in, turned the ignition on, and took the winding road that led us out the cemetery.

Jade was quiet, and nibbling her lip the way she often did when she was lost in thought. I squeezed her thigh, and her gaze jerked in my direction. “What you thinking about over there?” I asked, a lazy grin on my face.

“Is Dane going to propose to Kennedy?” she blurted out. My eyes widened, and I looked between Jade and the road.

Shit.

It was supposed to be a surprise.

“What makes you think that?” I tried sounding casual about it, but there were very few things I could hide from Jade. When she got wind of something, she became a bloodhound and wouldn’t stop until she found what she was after.

“Kennedy told me he’s been acting weird all week, and when she asked him about it he was very evasive.”

I pursed my lips, and looked at her out of the corner of my eye. “I plead the fifth.”

Jade’s face lit up with a grin. “Oh My God, he is isn’t he?”

I shrugged, and Jade started clapping like a five year old. “I knew it!”

I shook my head, and laughed. “Don’t tell her. He’s nervous as hell already.”

Jade made a zipping motion over her mouth, and then asked, “When is he doing it?”

“Tonight at the party,” I replied.

Both my and Jade’s birthdays had passed, but rather than celebrate with our friends, we spent a quiet evening at home, just the two of us. We weren’t in the mood to celebrate, and opted for something simpler. Unfortunately Grady and Kennedy weren’t having that, and convinced us to have a small get-together at our place with family and friends tonight.

“I’m so excited,” said Jade. “Kennedy’s going to freak!”

“That’s if Dane has the balls to go through with it,” I snickered. “Poor guy’s been calling me all week in a tizzy.”

“He loves her,” Jade stated simply.

I shifted in my seat, and cleared my throat. “You think they’ll beat us to the alter?”

Jade twisted in her seat, and eyed me with suspicion. “I hope so,” – I relaxed a little – “If we get married before Daniela is one year old I think our parents would all lose their shit. Together.”

“So you’re not upset that Kennedy is getting a ring before you are?”

Jade snorted. “Reid, if you propose to me now I’d kick your ass. Let’s survive the first year of parenthood before we talk about nuptiaaaaaahhhh - ” Jade stopped talking, and clutched her stomach.

“What’s wrong?” My body tensed.

“The baby,” – Jade inhaled sharply – “She’s coming.”

“Are you sure?”

Jade nodded frantically, and gripped my hand.

“Dios Mio,” she groaned. I squeezed her hand, and stepped on the gas. “Sit tight, baby. I’ll get you to the hospital.”

JADE PANTED AND rested her head against the bed.

“You’re doing great, Jade,” said Dr. Burke. “Just one more push, okay?”

Jade looked up at me, her face red and sweaty, and so perfect.

I pressed my forehead against hers, battling the collision of excitement and apprehension in my chest.

“This is it,” I told her, staring into her tired brown eyes. “You ready to meet our daughter?”

Jade smiled at me, and nodded as she braced herself. I held her hand in mine, and watched as she gave it her all. We heard the piercing cry of our daughter, and I couldn’t keep my own emotions at bay anymore.

I kissed Jade’s forehead, burying me free hand in her hair.

“God, you’re amazing. You did it.”

“She’s here,” cried Jade. She was exhausted, and in a lot of pain, but she never once gave up. By the time we’d arrived it was too late for Jade to have an epidural, so she had no choice but give natural birth without the help of medication. An hour and fifteen minutes later our daughter was born.

“You did a great job,” said Dr. Burke. She got Jade cleaned up, and we waited as Nurse Alba – who Jade demanded be present – took care of our baby. “Six pounds, and eight ounces,” said Nurse Alba. “And perfectly healthy.”

I held my breath as she walked closer, carrying the small pink bundle in her arms. Jade reached out, and cradled our child.

I looked down at the small face, so much like Jade’s, and mine and felt my eyes grow wet. She had perfect pink, pouty lips, and the cutest button nose, with a head of beautiful dark hair.

“She’s perfect,” cried Jade, smiling. “God, Reid. Look at her.”

Just then our baby opened her eyes, and peered up at us, her irises a slate-gray.

“Hi Daniela Sofia,” whispered Jade. “We’ve been dying to meet you.”

Daniela yawned, and moved her head around. “You want to meet your daddy?”

Jade lifted her, and with slightly shaky hands I held my daughter for the first time. My cheeks were wet, but I didn’t care. My daughter was looking at me like she
knew
me, and I felt my heart expanding with every breath, filling up with an all-consuming love.

“Hi, baby girl.” Daniela’s eyes widened like she’d recognized my voice. “I’m your daddy, and I love you so much.”

I SAT NEXT to Jade as she nursed Daniela, stroking her cheek. Our family and friends had finally been ushered out by Nurse Alba, and after some teary introductions, it was clear that everyone was smitten with the newest addition to the group.

“She’s so small,” murmured Jade. I could tell she was tired, and needed some rest, but she seemed so content just sitting there looking at Daniela.

“She won’t stay that way for long,” I mused. Jade yawned, and looked a little relieved when Daniela had stopped eating. Jade closed her gown, and slowly started rocking our baby.

I stood up, and held out my hands. “I’ll get her,” I said. “You’re tired.”

Jade smiled gratefully, and settled into bed as soon as I took Daniela. I placed her on my shoulder, and after breaking her winds I placed her in the crook of my arm. When I looked at Jade again, her eyes started drifting closed.

It was only late afternoon, the sun slowly starting to set on the horizon, and it had quite possibly been the longest day of our lives. But also one I would most likely never forget.

Daniela lifted her little fist to her mouth as I sat down in the rocking chair, and her eyes sought me out when I started talking.

“Some day, Princess, I’m going to tell you the story of how your mommy and I got together. I’ll tell you how silly daddy was, and how stubborn mommy was, and then I’ll teach you that boys are trouble, and your daddy is the only man you’ll ever need.”

I heard a snicker, and lifted my head to see Jade watching us. “I thought you were sleeping?”

“It’s a little hard to do when you’re staring down at our baby like she’s the most precious thing in the world.”

I dropped my eyes back to Daniela, and slowly started rocking her. “She is,” I replied softly. I kissed her head, and inhaled that sweet baby scent. “And she’ll never go a day without knowing it.”

After Daniela had fallen asleep, Nurse Alba had taken her to the nursery, leaving Jade and I alone.

“It feels weird doesn’t it?” asked Jade. She was lying on her side, her arm under her head. “To finally have her here?”

“Feels like just the other day you told me you were pregnant...” I trailed off.

“Don’t remind me,” groaned Jade. “That was not a good day for either of us.”

“Maybe not,” I replied, taking her free hand and clasping it between mine. “But I’d be wrong if I said I regret anything.”

“We did make quite a mess of things, huh?” mused Jade.

I shook my head. “No, we just blurred a few lines that shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

“Have you always been so sure about us?”

“I’ve loved you all my life, Jade, even before I knew what it meant. We’ve made some mistakes a long the way, been through some pretty crazy shit, but somehow we ended up right here, and I don’t think I’d want to be anywhere else.”

“Being a dad has made you soft,” giggled Jade. She lifted her hand, and brushed my jaw. “But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else either.” She sighed, and then added, “Can we wait at least three more years before you knock me up again?”

I threw my head back as a throaty laugh echoed through the room. “Yes! I don’t think I’m ready for another one just yet, but I’m definitely looking forward to getting back to practicing.”

“You’ll have to get rid of the cobwebs first,” replied Jade. “It’s been
that
long.”

“You know we have to wait at least another six weeks right?”

Jade frowned, looking displeased. “I know.”

I chuckled. “You’re unbelievable.”

“But you love me anyway.”

“That I do, Jade Matthews, that I do.”