Blurring the Lines-nook (13 page)

He led me to the bench and I sat. My fingers and toes had gone ice cold. Everything
else was numb. Harris sat next to me, heat radiating from him. I stared down at my
hands. They looked too pale in the moonlight. Silvery. “Were you with me on the beach
tonight?”

Harris laid his hand over mine. “I couldn’t get to you here. Not until you asked.
This place is different. It lets me…” He pressed my chilled hand between his palms.
“…be with you. Touch you.”

“This is only a dream,” I said softly.

He shook his head and shifted his body so that we could be face-to-face. “No, baby,
it’s not. I can be here.
We
can be here. Together. For as long as we want.”

My stomach flipped over. “What do you mean?”

“This place is beautiful and special. You don’t have to leave.
I
don’t have to leave.”

I blinked. “Not leave?”

“You can paint, live in one of the cabanas on the island. We can be together, Gretchen.”

Only bits and pieces of what he said registered. But I got the most important part.
I could have Harris back. If this wasn’t some dream to wake up from, I could have
him back. The thought made everything inside me tug and pull and twist in directions
I couldn’t identify. I reached out and touched his face. The freshly shaven jaw. The
dimple. All so solid and familiar. And the look in his eyes was one of utter devotion
and unwavering hope.

Harris was here. And we could be together.

The possibility should have sent me soaring. But my emotions were so all over the
place that I simply sat there, dumbfounded.

And that’s when he leaned over, took my face in his hands, and kissed me.

He tasted like Altoids. He’d always tasted like that—minty and clean. A man who’d
never be caught with bad breath. That familiarity jolted me out of my stupor, allowing
panic to rush in. The kiss was warm and eager, an aching edge to it, and my body responded
almost automatically. I’d done this a thousand times with Harris. But this time, there
was guilt weaving through me, a sense of betrayal. And I couldn’t decipher where that
guilt was coming from.

“Gretchen,” he murmured against my lips. “Baby, I’ve missed you so much. I love you.
Always. We can have always.”

Before I could respond, his mouth was on me again, and I let myself have that moment
with him. This was the point I’d wake up. This was my closure. Our real good-bye.

But when he pulled me onto his lap to straddle him, his very real erection rubbing
against me, the scene didn’t fade. I didn’t wake up. Instead, everything became more
vivid. My body awakening. My senses coming alive.

His hands cupped my bottom, his expression fevered. “Make love to me, baby, and I
won’t have to ever leave you again. That’s all we have to do. And we can be together.”

He slid his hot palm beneath the waistband of my shorts and moved his thumb exactly
where he knew I liked it best before tucking his fingers inside me. Harris had learned
me after so many years together and played every hot spot of mine like a master musician.
I came almost immediately, my breath moving in short bursts and my head tilting back.

That was when I realized this wasn’t a dream at all.

Because I always woke up after an orgasm in a hot dream.

And the man about to fuck me was very, very real.

All we have to do is make love, and we can be together.

The words whispered through my head as Harris reached for the button of his pants.
There was a finality in this. What we were about to do would seal some pact. I didn’t
know what or how, but I’d been around my gran’s shop long enough to know that pacts
or deals weren’t anything to take lightly. And Harris was in a hurry, sweat marking
his brow, his fingers fumbling. He’d never been a fast and furious lover. Something
was wrong.

Nerves chased over me, indecision burning hot in my belly. In a dream, one last time
with Harris had seemed like an appropriate way to close that chapter with a man I
had loved. But all of sudden, I had the distinct feeling this was less about closing
and more about opening.

I put my hands over his. “Harris, wait.”

He lifted his head and kissed me again. “We don’t have time to spare. I can’t wait
another day to be with you. Please, love.”

“Let’s just slow down for a minute. Kiss me.” I needed something to halt this roller
coaster. I needed time to process what this was, what it could mean, how I felt about
it.

He kissed me. Deep and hungry and in a way that reminded me of our early days in college.
But his hands were still opening his fly. The breeze picked up, lifting the hairs
on my neck, and I pulled back.

The dark sky was morphing, the songs of the birds becoming more fervent.

“No.” Harris yanked at my shorts.

But as his fingers moved over the button, nothing happened. His skin was losing color
and substance.

“No!” Torment filled his face, and he tried to hug me to him. His arms moved right
through me.

“Harris,” I said in a choked voice, not knowing what to do to help him.

Pink tinged the sky and he began to cry. His hand cupped my face, but I could no longer
feel it. “Tomorrow night. Come back and we won’t have to ever be apart again. Please,
baby.”

I opened my mouth to say something—though I wasn’t sure what—but he was gone before
anything came to me. I was left on the bench, kneeling on the wood with nothing else
beneath me but empty space where he once had been.

I’d lost him again.

And this time, it was definitely my fault.

~Burke~

Burke couldn’t move or think or breathe. At some point, he’d crouched in the sand
behind a large flowering bush, but he hadn’t remembered how he’d gotten there. All
he knew was that he was watching the woman he loved make out with his dead brother. 

He pinched himself hard enough to bruise, trying to wake himself up. But the scene
didn’t change. It was Gretchen. And Harris. His brother who he’d seen lowered into
the ground—alive and kissing his girl.

Burke couldn’t decide if he wanted to cry or scream. Seeing his brother in the flesh
was impossible to process. Part of him wanted to run and embrace him, to tell him
how much he missed him, how pissed he was that he’d left, to ask all the questions
he wanted to ask. But seeing Harris and Gretchen together stirred other not so brotherly
feelings deep inside him. Anger. Possessiveness. Heartbreak.

He looked on in anguish as the kissing turned more ardent. Harris slid his hand down
Gretchen’s belly and then lower, into her shorts, touching her. Burke’s ribs squeezed,
robbing him of air. Gretchen’s head lolled back, exposing that gorgeous throat, and
in no time at all, she came hard against his brother’s hand. Even though Burke was
far away, he knew what she had to be saying.
Harris. Harris. Harris.

It was like a rusty knife jabbing into Burke’s side and twisting. A few hours ago,
it had been his name on her lips. His body giving her pleasure. Those bright eyes
shining his way. He’d let himself believe it for a moment. Really believe it. That
maybe they were finally getting their chance. But he should’ve known.

Hell, maybe he’d always known.

No matter what happened, no matter how much time passed, he’d forever be the consolation
prize. The second place ribbon.

This island had given Gretchen what she most wanted.

And it wasn’t him.

It never would be.

He forced himself to his feet and, as quietly as possible, headed back to the cabana.
The sun was just coming up when he opened the door and slipped inside.

One day.

That was all they’d had.

He knew nothing in life was forever, but he’d thought for once, he might have a shot
at something close to it.

He grabbed his suitcase and walked out.

~Gretchen~

I stared out at the water, holding a conch shell to my ear. The animal who’d called
it home was long gone, so only the cavernous sound remained. I closed my eyes and
listened to the whooshing noise. People said it was supposed to sound like the ocean.
But with the waves already in the background, it only sounded like a void. I suspected
the same dead space was trapped inside of me—just white noise filling all the corners.
I had no more tears left to cry. No more energy to give.  

I’d found what I thought I’d most wanted. The impossible. A miracle.
Magic
. I should be falling to my knees in thanks, ecstatic. But I couldn’t access that
emotion. All I could think about was the decision that hovered over me, a decision
that would have to be made tonight. Harris had told me to come back. He wouldn’t have
to leave again. We could be together.

All we had to do was make love. And live here.

I set the shell down and hugged my knees.

Could I do that? Stay here with Harris for good? Live here and grow old while he…well,
I didn’t know what he would do. Probably never change. If someone had asked me a month
ago if I’d give it all up—home, job, the possibility of children—to have Harris again,
I wouldn’t have blinked. I would’ve made a deal with the devil himself to get him
back.

But now, everything was shaded with different hues.

Harris had admitted he hadn’t always been honest with me. He’d made up lies about
Burke. He’d moved me away from home and my family to keep me far from his brother.
And to get the house we’d wanted, he’d made what sounded like under the table deals.
In a lot of ways, those things showed his devotion, how far he was willing to go to
have me. I didn’t doubt that he loved me. But I couldn’t help but wonder what else
he’d manipulated and how well I really knew him.

I also couldn’t stop thinking about what might’ve happened if he hadn’t interfered.

If he hadn’t told me that Burke fooled around with that dance team girl, would I have
continued to harbor my crush on Burke? Would I have pursued him instead of growing
closer to Harris? I didn’t know. That was one of those forks in the road of life where
once you chose one path, you couldn’t see what lay at the end of the other.

Only this time, I was staring down that same forked road again—two paths splitting
from the spot I stood on, and the same two men waiting at each end. If I said no to
one, I’d break his heart and lose my best friend. If I said no to the other, I’d end
his second chance at life. I pressed my forehead to my knees, wishing I could crawl
into that shell and disappear for a while.

“Hey there,” a low, soft voice said behind me.

I lifted my head, knowing the voice without having to look. My chest squeezed tight.
“Hey.”

“This seat taken?”

When I shook my head, Burke lowered himself to the spot next to me in the sand, leaving
at least a foot of space between us.

He gazed at the water. “How long have you been out here?”

I traced my fingers through the sand. I hadn’t gone back to the cabana after Harris
had disappeared. The thought of facing Burke had been too much. “Since a little after
sunrise.”

“You followed Dr. Magdalene’s advice.” A statement, not a question.

I kept my focus on the horizon. Seagulls were dive-bombing the waves as they crested.
“Yeah.”

I didn’t know what else to say. How could I even begin to tell him what had happened?
He would want to lock me up in the psych ward.

He rocked forward, a barely there nod. “You remember.”

I swallowed past the dryness in my throat. “I do.”

He exhaled loudly. “Now you know why it wouldn’t have been right to touch you last
night.”

I wanted him to touch me right now. The cold, dead space between us was almost too
much to bear. He’d always been the one I could go to when I felt off balance or confused.
The friend I could count on. I wanted his arm around me, telling me it would be okay.
But I had no idea if it would be. It might not ever be again. He’d told me he loved
me, and I’d left and let another man kiss me…touch me.

Yes, it’d been Harris, but that didn’t make it feel any less like a betrayal. 

“Burke—”

“I’m leaving on the next plane out tomorrow morning. They aren’t running any today.”

My attention jerked his way. “What?”

He peered down at the tracks I’d left in the sand, those dark brows sinking low. “I
saw you with him last night, Gretch. I thought I was going fucking crazy, but I know
I wasn’t dreaming. I know that somehow, he’s here.”

I closed my eyes, misery flooding me. “God.”

“And I don’t know what that means exactly or how it works. All I know is that I can’t
stay.”

He was leaving. Burke was leaving. I reached for his arm.

He turned to me, resignation on his face. “I’m sorry, Gretch, but I can’t do it. It
probably makes me a selfish asshole. But I don’t want a life where I know someone
settled for me, that I’m what you got instead of what you wanted. I saw you kissing
him last night, and it all came rushing back. You were his. If you decided to be with
me now, it’d be because he’s not around anymore. If he were, you’d be with him.”

“Burke.” Something was breaking inside me. Splintering.

“I love you,
cher
, but I can’t be the guy in your life who sorta fits the spot my brother left behind
well enough to call it good. I’ll never be able to be him for you.”

The words were like shards of glass, slicing at my skin. “I never asked you to be
him. You could never—”

He scoffed at that, an ugly sneer touching his lips. “Exactly. That’s always been
the problem, hasn’t it? I could never be him.”

He stood and brushed the sand off his shorts, leaving me gaping up at him in shock.
“Burke—”

“So what’s the deal with this hocus pocus, huh?” He spread his arms wide. “Was it
a one time visit or is he here now? Can you call him when you want? Or does he just
show up at night to fuck you?”