Boadicea's Legacy (20 page)

Confusion riddled her thoughts. “Loving me will send you to hell?”

She heard him swallow as they stayed locked together, hip to hip. Finally he whispered, “I made a vow of chastity. Until I have land of my own—until I can take a wife … I
can't
. It would be the loss of your honor and mine.”

Ela exhaled, then put her hands to his chest and pushed him away from her. The lack of his heat physically hurt her. “Why did you make such a ridiculous oath?”

“I was in Jerusalem. I was honoring God.” He rocked back on his heels. “You are everything I can never have—I shouldn't even want you, and yet you run through my dreams like a succubus.”

“A demon?” Ela felt her eyes widen with shock. “I told you, I'm no witch!”

“I believe you—and yet, I've seen you with my own two eyes. I am caught in your spell. I've seen you heal—is that a miracle? I don't know. But even if you are the Black Witch of the Sixth Scroll, I wouldn't care—do you see what you do to me?”

Ela pinched the bridge of her nose to ward off the oncoming headache. It didn't help. Her temples pounded with tension. “You … I don't know what to say to you after that. You think of me as some kind of seed-sucking demon from hell—but you claim not to mind, although you push me away each time we get close. I thought I could love you. Me—Boadicea's kin, who loses everything by choosing poorly—I thought you might just be the one. Thank God—or whomever—that we had this talk before you truly broke my heart.”

She pushed past him, blinded by salty tears. She made her way into the yard behind the inn and found a sheltering oak tree. Crying couldn't ease the pain that felt familiar and ancient—it did nothing but make her eyes itch.

Henry chittered at her feet, pawing at the toes of her tight slippers before rolling over onto his back to be petted.

After wiping her face on her apron, Ela gathered Henry to her chest and let him snuggle under her chin. “Osbert Edyvean deserves to be miserable, Henry. I, however, do not. I guess I'll raise polecats and live in a hut in the forest. I can be crazy Aunt Ela.” She sniffed back the last of the tears.

Henry shook his head, tickling her neck with his whiskers.

“But before we do that, we'll get Osbert Boadicea's spear—
if it
exists. My pride demands the fulfillment of my own quest for answers. If it's true that the Iceni tribe lived around Norwich, then there has to be some sort of record. And if it exists, why does the earl want it? Lastly, if my nightmares are any indication, I believe that Boadicea
wants
me to find her.” She blew out a hot breath. “And then we will be free of that stubborn man.”

O
s watched Ela leave, and his entire body yearned. He could go after her—but what then? He had nothing to offer her, and he was not so blind that he couldn't see she had growing affections for him. Logically, he knew it would hurt them both less to stop the feelings now. He tapped his aching heart.

Even if he was granted a small parcel of land, that didn't mean he could afford a wife. Not a lady, anyway. Her abilities to heal, or see auras, only served to point out how wrong she was for him. She acted on emotion and thought nothing of giving hugs or kisses. She was as unfettered as the wind.

He was a restrained knight of God. He'd been to the Holy City, and his spirit had flourished. The Ten Commandments, the seven steps to Scripture—there were boundaries that kept a man on the straight road. Sir Percy's upbringing of strict faith reminded him every day that the path to God was black and white and held no room for those who strayed.

And Ela made him want to stray. Hell, she made him want to dive off the path and into the ecstasy he knew he'd find in her arms.

It couldn't happen.

Each time she kissed him, his willpower was sorely tested. There was such a strong pull between the two of them that it had to be magic.

It sapped his faith and made him doubt that what he'd been taught was true.

His back tensed as he recalled the lessons Sir Percy had drilled into his back with each switch of the hawthorn branch.

A good man had to be charitable to other men. Women were never to be trusted. A warrior's horse was his ally. Always put God before all else. Flesh will turn to dust, the soul is for eternity. Honor separates the strong from the weak
.

Albric found him next. “Brooding?”

“Thinking,” Os corrected.

“About your sister or what the earl will say once you arrive without the spear?”

“I would go straight to hell if she really were my sister.” Os rolled his shoulders, trying to ease the tension. “Lord knows I might go to hell anyway.”

Albric chuckled. “Bed her.”

“Nay.”

“Oh aye … the vow of chastity you made. What kind of man does that?”

“The kind that wants to prove himself worthy to God.” Os kicked at a bucket.

“I don't know what your priest taught ye, man, and I don't want to. My God hasn't said anything about not fornicating—except for my neighbor's wife, or something like that.”

“Adultery?” Os kept his voice dry.

“Right.” Albric grinned. “And for the most part, I manage to follow along. But every once in a while, there's a woman that's beggin' for me—”

“What lies are ye tellin' now, Albric?” Warin came in, St. Germaine on his heels.

Os sighed. His search for inner peace had come to a grinding halt.

“Beef pies and steamed turnips are on the table, lads. The innkeeper insisted that we all sit at the same time.” Warin glared at Albric. “I thought ye were going to find him and bring him inside?”

Albric shifted from one foot to the next. “He needed cheering up.”

“So you thought to scare him with stories of your perverted exploits? How many times have you had to escape out the window without your pants, eh?”

St. Germaine snorted while Os tried not to laugh. It didn't work. “You make wallowing in self-pity difficult. I don't want to know about Albric's lost pants. Let's go eat.” Os thought of how sad Ela had looked when she'd run from the stable. “And drink. Let's definitely drink.”

“That's the spirit,” Warin said, slapping him on the back.

“Aye.” St. Germaine agreed.

Albric ruined everything by asking, “Where's Ela?
She's probably starving.”

She was his responsibility. He didn't resent it, and he wasn't willing to give her over to the other knights just yet. “You go on ahead. I'll find her.”

Warin's brow furrowed. “At this rate, we'll never eat.”

Os patted the handle of his sword. “And who has the bigger weapon—you or the innkeeper?”

Albric's smile reached from ear to ear. “I do, by God,

I do.”

The three knights turned toward the inn, while Os went the direction Ela had gone. He found her, sitting beneath the tree and talking to Henry.

She saw him walk toward her. She didn't run away, which he took as an invitation to continue on.

Her bare feet were tucked beneath her, the slippers tossed to one side. Henry was curled up in her lap like a cat. Ela's hair had come unpinned, and it fell down around her shoulders and along the grass like red vines.

Os dropped to his knees before her. “I apologize for my rudeness this evening.”

Her green eyes, round and wide, gave away nothing. Had he thought her expressive? She could be a marble statue. And just as cold.

Was this how he appeared to her? He swallowed, then coughed to clear away the lump lodged in his throat. “You scare me. Because you make me feel things that I never thought I would. I am a knight. I stay alive because I am logical and coolheaded. When I am around you, I want
to tell jokes and laugh. You make me think that I can be different.”

She didn't move a muscle, and he could only hope that she was listening.

“If I am not rewarded with land, I will go back to earn my living with my sword until I have enough money to buy some. Ela, I can't offer you anything, and you deserve
everything
. I don't want you to be hurt.”

Henry stared at him from the safety of his mistress's lap, his eyes as unblinking as Ela's.

“So.” She inhaled. Exhaled. “So. You think that you can tell me how to feel? You think to choose my hurt, or not? Have you learned nothing of me? Above all else, I want the freedom to choose my fate for myself.”

He bowed his head. He
had
known that. It just didn't change anything. “Again, I'm sorry, my lady. I came to tell you that dinner is done. The innkeeper has requested that we all eat together.”

She closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the trunk of the tree. “Thank you. I am not hungry. Please tell the innkeeper that I am indisposed.” When she opened her eyes again, they were fiery and brilliant and they seared his soul.

“I release you from your pledge.”

It felt like she'd cut out his heart.

Ela stood on trembling legs as Os walked away. The best
way to smother the flames of a fire was to douse it in water, so she went in search of the horse trough and dunked her entire body in.

Lady Steffen found her shivering so hard her teeth were chattering. She carried a large towel over her arm, and her eyes glittered with suppressed mirth. “Only a woman with a broken heart would risk a chill when searching for a new position. If you are trying to kill yourself, Kathryn, I can't allow it.”

Ela held on to the edges of the wooden trough, pulling herself out and over the side. “I was but trying to douse the flame of love. I don't think it worked.”

“Ah. Well, in thanks for banishing my headache, I will tell you how to vanquish heartache.”

Ela accepted the warmth of the blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She looked for Henry, who had disappeared—more than likely to the stables to be with Bartholomew.

“I'm listening,” Ela said with chattering teeth.

“I ordered hot soup and bread to our room. We can talk while you dry.”

Within moments, Ela was settled before the fire cocooned in a towel and holding a warm mug of soup in her hands. She took a sip of the thick beef broth.

“You need to take a lover.”

And choked on it. “A lover?” Her skin flushed. “I couldn't.”

“Still a virgin, then? Well, that's all well and good until
we get you married. You're very pretty, with your hair down. Tan, though—have you spent your life outdoors, girl?” Lady Steffen gathered together various pots and jars. “Here. Apply this, very liberally, and it will soften your hands.”

After setting down the broth, Ela opened a jar and sniffed. “Orange? My sister makes perfumes …” She quickly bit her tongue. “I mean, she loves perfumes and wishes that she knew how to make them.”

Lady Steffen arched a perfect black brow. “I see.”

“Why are you being so kind to me?” Ela set the lotion down.

“A lady to a maid, do you mean?”

“Aye.”

“I don't think you are who you are.” She held up one hand. “But I won't pry. God knows I've got secrets of my own that I hope to take to my grave.”

“Thank you.” Ela faced the flames, grateful.

“So, are you really looking for a husband?”

Ela shook her head. “No.”

“What then do you want?”

Running a comb through the tangles of her hair, Ela bit her lip. “I can't say.”

“I see.”

Ela turned toward Lady Steffen. “Please don't be angry. I appreciate your help, more than you can know. I will tell you everything as soon as we reach the castle, I promise.” Reaching for Lady Steffen's hand, Ela gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I would like for us to be friends. I don't have many.”

“You are a strange one.” She tapped her lips with a slim
finger. “I will wait until then, and in the meantime, we can keep up the charade. Which means you can help me get all of the makeup off of my face and braid my hair for bed.”

Ela stood, wrapping the towel around her like a Roman toga. “It would be my pleasure to serve you, my lady.”

“Why do I think that such service won't last?” Lady Steffen chuckled. “Here. Tie my hair back. If you look in the case by the bed, you'll find the sponges I use for getting this off.”

Ela was more than content with the bargain.

With Lady Steffen's help, Ela avoided Os and the other knights. She was polite to all and friendly with none as the days passed. Lady Steffen coached her on what to expect when they reached Norwich Castle. “‘Tis lavish and designed for kings. Or earls,” she laughed. “The stone is from Caen and simply lovely. Inside it is so huge you might get lost, but that can be part of the fun,” she said with a wink. “One never knows who will also be visiting the earl and countess. You'll have to be at your best, Kathryn.”

“I just want to survive it, my lady.” Ela could think of a lot of things that could go wrong—courtesy of Osbert's doubt. In truth, she wanted to go home to her parents. But how would they survive de Havel if the rogue decided he would have her despite her saying no? Mayhap the earl could help her, if she was able to help him.