Authors: Audrey Carlan
Going to bed early. Can’t do dinner tomorrow. Another time maybe.
Okay that should do it. One step at a time. The desire to hear his voice, just capture even one small “Baby” from his lips would soothe this hole in the pit of my being. I have to be strong, if not for me, for him. He didn’t sign on for this. I’m not going to allow a two week long relationship to ruin what he’s worked so hard for. His text message is immediate.
To: Gillian Callahan
From: Chase Davis
What’s wrong?
A sound between a laugh and a sob spills from my lips as I trace the letters. The man can read minds through a text. Strong. Be strong. Ignore it. Let it go. Don’t make the situation any worse. After twenty minutes my phone rings again. It’s him. I don’t pick it up. Instead I turn it off. I don’t want to hear him call again; it’s like a knife through the heart. I pull the covers over my head and fall into a fitful sleep.
Morning doesn’t bring any new conclusions other than the fact that I’m still miserable. I grab my phone and turn it on. It loads and I hear a litany of pings. I scroll through the notifications. Chase called again and left a voicemail message. Two texts from Kat. Another text from Chase. A text from Ria and a text from Bree. Holy hell, last night was chock full of activity. I start reading Kathleen’s texts first.
To: Gillian Callahan
From: Kathleen Bennett
I’m here at Chloe’s showroom. Where are you?
Regret slams into me. Shit! I totally forgot. With the horrible morning, I wallowed in my own self-pity all day and forgot that I was supposed to meet Kat at Chloe’s designer showroom. Kat is going to be livid. I check her next message.
To: Gillian Callahan
From: Kathleen Bennett
I can’t believe you no-showed on me! Are you okay? What’s going on? You’re so lucky I love you. Chloe is amazing. I’m on Cloud 9. Call me ASAP. Besos
At least someone had a good day. I skip down to Chase’s text message.
To: Gillian Callahan
From: Chase Davis
Chloe said you didn’t show up at her showroom but Kathleen did. I’m worried. Call me whenever you get this.
Hold strong Gigi. No way in hell I’m calling him. I’m sticking to my guns on this one. I need time to sort this all out. I will however call Chloe and apologize for no-showing. That was just plain rude. I’ll also have to do damage control with Kat. One thing me and my girls don’t do is blow one another off without an explanation. I’m sure she got ahold of Maria and found out that I was fine, otherwise I would have had a pissed off friend at my door late last night. The next text is Bree.
To: Gillian Callahan
From: Bree Simmons
Thank you for the hook up with Phillip. We had a great time on Sunday. He’s taking me out this weekend! Woot woot! Oh and your ass is going to need its own zip code if you don’t get it to class soon. Besos
I laugh out loud. Oh, Bree, you’re just what I need right now. I’m definitely going to attend class tonight. The mental relief and peace yoga provides is exactly what I need. For me yoga has always been a form of moving meditation. I quickly text her that I’ll be there tonight for class. Kat is next. I call her and get her voice mail. Score! I leave her a detailed message telling her a little about what happened yesterday and that I was in no mood to see Chase’s family. An apology coupled with kiss noises is the icing on that apology. She’ll forgive me. Soul sisters don’t hold grudges and the unwritten rule book states when one sister is flipping out, the others have to accept that the current sister may be out of her mind and not to take offense.
Ria’s text was just to see if I was okay, but I slept through it. She knew where I was when she came home, and I was asleep in the same position she left me in hours before.
I walk around my empty apartment. It’s Wednesday morning and I’m not at work. I’m not sick, though I feel as though I could toss my cookies at any moment. I decide to hit the gym. A nice long run on the treadmill will help clear my head.
A couple hours of cardio later, I’m still no closer to figuring out what to do about work and Chase. After eating a quick lunch I decide to hit the Yoga studio early in the evening. No reason to wait around doing nothing at home.
I arrive at I Am Yoga and the five o’clock class is just getting settled on their mats. Bree sees me and looks up at the clock then back at me and frowns. She walks over and gives me a hug.
“Hey, everything okay?” Concern fills her gaze. I shake my head and take a deep breath. “Are you sure you want to be here right now?” She holds my hand and squeezes.
“I need to be somewhere right now,” I confide.
She nods. “Well, it looks to me like you need to center your Heart Chakra. The Heart Chakra is your heart’s power station. It connects you to your emotions. It is the center that allows you to love and give unconditionally. The heart governs your relationships. It is the energy center that integrates one's physical reality to one's spiritual connection.” She smiles and continues. “Are you having trouble with Chase?”
“Sort of. It’s hard to explain right now.” I gesture to the room of individuals sitting quietly waiting for class to start.
“Okay, but we will discuss this after class.” She quirks a brow leaving no room for argument. “Now, get ready to fill that chakra full of love again!” She smiles and saunters to the head of the class. She has a raised step where her mat sits and situates herself into the lotus position. There’s track lighting above her shining on her form. She practically glows with her shiny blonde hair reflecting the light. You can almost feel the ephemeral zenful vibes she exudes.
Behind her is an entire wall of mirrors so that patrons can see their positions and adjust accordingly. The lights in the large open room are dimmed and candles are lit throughout each corner of the room. She has middle-eastern music softly pumping through the surround sound. It’s just loud enough to have something to focus on when you’re holding a position. The room smells like Valor, an essential oil that Bree burns in the corner of the room to help heighten the senses. It’s meant to help people calm and find their own personal center. Along the back wall are a total of five, six foot tall and several feet wide brushed metal symbols. The one in the middle represents the “Om” symbol. The only reason I know that is because Bree has it tattooed on her wrist in the same position I have my trinity. The other four are pictorial symbols of the words “Mind, Body, Soul, and Happiness.”
I set my mat down and start to breathe deeply. I feel myself starting to dissolve into my headspace, otherwise known as my happy place. Nothing can hurt me here. Everything is calm and peaceful and there are no worries to be had. I focus my full attention on the sound of Bree’s melodic voice bringing us into one asana or pose after another. My body reacts naturally to the instructions, seamlessly moving from position to position without problem. When my mind tries to muddy my happy place I just breathe deep and focus on my breath and the pose I’m in. All thoughts are drowned out by the pure essence of the experience.
After Bree brings us out of what she refers to as “deep relaxation” or Shavasana in Sanskrit, I give her the low down. She is saddened by what I had to go through and wishes me luck finding my answers. Like Maria, she also encourages me to talk to Chase about it. I assure her that I’ll think about it and touch base with her in a couple days. She hugs me tightly and then I am on my way home. My mind and body feel lighter, more relaxed, but my heart still hurts.
I still haven’t come to any conclusions as I walk to my building. I enter the hallway and stop dead in my tracks. A large, ominous man in a dark suit is leaning against my doorframe, obviously waiting for me. His face is stoic and unmoving but no less beautiful.
Chase.
I close my eyes take a deep breath and walk towards him.
He doesn’t wait until I get to the door. In three strides, he’s looming over me. He grips my biceps and hauls me into a fierce kiss, moving to cup each cheek with his hands. I’m completely taken by surprise, his response not at all what I expected. Anger, yelling, those are emotions I expect, not bone-crushing lust. His lips fuse with mine as his tongue demands entry. I give in to him instantly, starved for his mouth, his taste, his everything. My body melts into him, gripping and clawing at his neck and back to get closer, go deeper. He holds my head tightly, turning my face to the side, always inserting control. I am at his mercy and right now I bend to his will, kissing him with a ferocity I hadn’t realized I had in me. Eventually he pulls his mouth away. His forehead presses to mine as we both pant and gulp for air.
“What the fuck is wrong, Gillian?” He’s fuming and I don’t blame him. “You ignore my calls, my texts, ditch me and my family?” His voice is scathing, ripping into my soul with each exhalation. Chase groans, pressing our bodies together. He barely contains his emotions. Physically, his back is ramrod straight. Muscles strained along the taut skin of his tight back. He holds his neck stiff as a board with a clenched jaw and that ever present ticking muscle.
“I know, I’m sorry,” I say miserably. Tears stream down my face. He pulls away and sees the misery in my eyes. He searches my face and kisses my tears away.
“Baby, tell me. I’ll fix it. Whatever it is, just tell me,” he pleads. His anger is completely replaced with concern and I want to fall into his arms and cry until I can’t cry anymore. The situation feels so hopeless.
I nod. “Let’s go inside. I’ll tell you everything.” I know now that it was stupid of me to even think I could manage such a harrowing decision on my own. It’s not fair of me to keep him in the dark when the outcome directly affects his role on the Board or our relationship as it stands now.
Over the course of the next hour I explain in great detail what occurred yesterday morning, not leaving anything out. He paces the floor in front of me while I sit on the couch hunched. My arms hold my knees to my chest in a protective ball.
“So, I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t.” I sound like a whiney loser.
“That bitch! She will regret this,” he says out loud. His jaw is set, teeth clenched and his fists are at his side as he wears a path in my carpet with his pacing.
“What? Who are you talking about?” I ask dumbfounded.
“Peterson. She’s pulling this shit because she found out that we’re together,” he says.
“That’s exactly what I just told you.” I’m still confused when he stops and removes his jacket, folding it and setting it on the arm of the couch. His tie follows and he unhooks a couple of buttons at his collar. He takes a deep breath and adjusts his shoulders back and down.
He looks at me, not really wanting to continue. I plead with him with my eyes to be open to me the same way I have been with him. He sighs. “Gillian, she has made several advancements towards me, none too subtly. I’ve turned her down each time.”
It finally dawns on me what he’s saying. “Are you telling me she’s doing this to us because she’s jealous? That it has nothing to do with the Foundation being defamed or unethical business practices?” I’m completely stunned by his admission.
He smiles at me and points to his nose. “Exactly, my sweet. Obviously, it’s not ideal for a Board member to date a staff member, but it’s not the end of the world. Not something she can use against you or threaten your job with. I’ll handle it,” he says with finality.
“Chase, what do you plan on doing?” I ask, scared of his answer. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to step down as Chairman of the Board. I couldn’t handle that.” The fear creaks up my spine as I stare at his disheveled appearance, from his wrinkled shirt to his finger-combed unruly hair. I put him through hell the last couple nights and for what? I should have gone to him at the very beginning.
He goes to his knees and places his hands on mine. “Baby, no. Just…” He takes a deep breath. “Trust me to handle this.” I stare deeply into his eyes, trying to figure out my mercurial man. “You are not going to lose your job. I am not stepping down from my position, and we are not ending our relationship.” He says in a calming tone. “Unless, of course, that’s what you want?”
“No, God, no. That’s the last thing I want.” Chase visibly relaxes. He pulls my legs off the couch, separates my knees and settles his large frame between them. He hugs me tight, leaving no room between us. I lean my head on his shoulder, taking in his scent. His wood and fruit scent cling to his clothes, soothing and enchanting. The man smells so good it makes every nerve ending in my body tingle. Finally I’m able to relax. The last two days drained me and feeling his arms hold me tight makes me realize I should have never tried to figure this out on my own. Lesson learned. I squeeze him tighter to my body. His hand sweeps through my hair. I close my eyes and allow him to just touch me.
“I need to be with you tonight,” he whispers in my ear. His tone is thick with emotion.
I nod into his shoulder and he lifts me off the couch. My legs wrap around his waist. I think the alpha caveman in him likes carrying me to bed. While he walks to my room, he pulls out his phone and hits one button. The other arm rests securely under my bottom.
“I’ll be staying at Gillian’s,” he says into the phone. “Pick me up 7:00 a.m. with a fresh change of clothing. Tell Dana to secure a meeting with David as early as possible first thing in the morning.” He hangs up without saying goodbye. His take charge voice and tone sends shivers of excitement through my body, making the space between my thighs soften and moisten.
He sets me on the bed and slowly removes my clothing. His fingers graze my ribs, down my sides, circle the flesh at my hips in a worshiping manner.
“I’d like to take a shower.” He frowns for a moment. “Join me?” And there’s the smile.
We take a nice long shower making sure to wash every nook and cranny. Chase leads me to bed and spends the next couple hours making love to me. It isn’t the heated, rushed, can’t wait to slake the lust, type of sex we’ve had before. He spends his time pleasuring me, bringing me to release several times over the course of our love making. He’s relentless in his efforts. It’s as if he’s ensuring his position in my life, in my heart…within my body, deep into my soul.