He shoved away from her as if she’d smacked him across the face. “Where the fuck do you get these crazy ideas?” He ran his thumb and index finger around his lips slowly.
Eva swung her legs forward preparing to jump off, but Gio was on her in an instant.
“You’re not going anywhere.” His tone was harsh and unyielding. He stopped short of touching her, but he crowded her, making it impossible to move off the table. “I already told you what happened that first night. I’m not proud of my behavior. I should have been able to control my urges better.”
“You should have talked to me.” She refused to let him off the hook. Every muscle in her body was tense.
“Yeah, that too.” He hung his head. “Do you understand why I didn’t?” He met her gaze.
She exhaled slowly and allowed a bit of the tension between them to ease. “Maybe.” She had been about as straight-laced as they came back in college. It had taken her a while to find her way. As a teenager, all she’d dreamed of was getting away from the small community she’d been raised in. She’d chafed under their narrow-minded view of the world. But once she’d achieved her dream—a full-ride scholarship to Columbia—the big, bad world had been a bit more than she’d been prepared for. Instead of embracing the opportunity, she’d shrunk back into herself and clung to her familiar routines and restrictions. But it didn’t explain why he’d left without saying a word.
“Saturday night was un-fucking-believable. I wanted to spend our time together taking you in every position ever invented then invent some more and do it all over again, but as you pointed out at the time, we only had one condom. It was a miracle I had that one. I don’t usually walk around with a ready supply.”
She didn’t want to hear this. He was tearing down her defenses one by one and she couldn’t allow that. While she might trust him with her body, she’d never again trust him with her heart. He’d proven that when the going got tough, he got going. She needed to keep that in the forefront of her brain.
“Didn’t expect to get lucky?” So much for polite and distant. She’d switched to snarky and sarcastic.
“No, I’m not into casual pick-ups, and I never dreamed you’d be there or that you’d want to have sex with me. I hadn’t exactly proven my worth the first time.”
He seemed sincere and his sad smile pulled at her heart strings. Strings she needed to sever if Gio was going to be in the picture.
“Eva, we need to clear a few things up. Since our time together, I’ve never called another woman ‘sweetheart’. Unless something has changed, they are one of your favorite candies. Remember all those bags we bought on Valentine’s Day? We spent a whole evening stringing them together to form hilarious messages. For days afterward, you hid them in my backpack. Every time I opened it, I’d find a secret message from you.” He moved a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Those are special memories for me and I hold them dear. I would never cheapen them by calling some other woman ‘sweetheart’. Believe me. I knew exactly who I was making love to.”
And she had thought she was the sentimental one. He seemed to remember every moment of their time together and she’d done her best to push all those memories away. If he kept reminding her of those good times, her resolve would falter for sure. She couldn’t allow it.
“That was fun. Who would have guessed that by St. Paddy’s day, you’d pull a disappearing act?” Eva felt a bit guilty as she watched his shoulders sag and his head tip downward.
Gio sighed. “Eva, I screwed up. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I’ve regretted it every day since.” He held up his hand. “And before you make another smart ass comment about my education—don’t! I have my degree and a successful business. With start-up money from my parents, I opened Brothers Construction.” He rolled his shoulders as a pained expression chased across his face. “What I regret was losing you.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’d like us to try again.”
“No,” she answered too quickly. She should have pretended she hadn’t considered it.
He chuckled. “I knew that would be your first reaction.”
“It’s my first, second and third. The answer is no. Not now and not ever.” She couldn’t make it any clearer than that.
Gio tsked. “You should know me better than that. I want this more than I want my next breath. Do you really think I’ll take no for an answer?”
She knew he wouldn’t, and she was both scared and pleased by that knowledge. How was she going to manage him? “I’m not interested, Gio. You need to respect my wishes.”
“So Saturday night was just one more scene among many? It didn’t have any special meaning for you? I somehow doubt that.” Gio’s expression had softened as if he might be the slightest unsure of how to proceed.
She wanted to lie, to squash any avenue he may have of reaching her, and yet she couldn’t. “Of course it was special, Gio. We have a past together. It was nice to reconnect, but that’s all it was.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Eva, because to me it was so much more.” He searched her face.
Eva had to stand firm, but seeing the pain reflected in his eyes ate at her. She’d never wanted to cause Gio pain. She just needed to keep a safe distance between them. When he’d left, she’d crumbled inside. It had been a horrible time. She had considered returning home. Worse than that, she’d spent a few terrifying moments contemplating suicide.
She wasn’t proud of those thoughts and refused to ever be in a situation where she might revisit them. And that meant she had to keep Gio at arm’s length.
Gio needed to consider his actions carefully. He’d promised himself he would respect her wishes. Saturday night, she’d refused to talk to him. Every time he’d discussed their past or in any way spoke of emotions, she’d shut down. Maybe sex was the key.
“The sex was just mediocre, huh?” He clutched his hands over his heart. “I’m crushed. I thought we had a certain chemistry together.”
She opened her mouth then closed it again, probably rethinking what she was about to say.
“No, I wouldn’t call it mediocre.” Her cheeks turned a beautiful pink.
“Slightly above average then?” He smiled as innocently as possible.
“Yeah, I would agree to that summation.” The blush darkened and her lips quivered.
“But saying it was the best you’ve ever had would be pushing it, huh?” Every time he asked for a deeper explanation, he hoped she remembered just how good they were together.
“I… I don’t think it’s nice to compare partners.” Her voice was husky, barely more than a whisper.
“Honestly, I’d be pissed if you were thinking of another man in my presence. I didn’t ask you to compare me to your other lovers, I asked if our experience together had been your best. There’s a difference. Every guy is bound to have his good and bad days.” He smiled and tried to appear casual.
“I think it’s time to plead the fifth. This is not a conversation I want to have with you.” She sounded suddenly confident, like she’d found a way out of this discussion.
Not so fast, said the spider to the fly. He slumped his shoulders and hung his head. He shielded his eyes and groaned. “That bad, huh? Ouch.”
“Oh, Gio, stop.” She looked at the ceiling panels as if hoping for divine intervention. “All right. If you need your ego stroked… Yes, Saturday night was one of the best.”
“If not
the
best?” He grinned at her as he pushed his luck.
“Maybe,” she conceded.
“It was for me too, Eva.” He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation. After a scene, he’d often discussed the mechanics of it, what aspects worked for a sub and what did not, but never before had he wheedled a positive review of his sexual skills. This chat was the most contrived and uncomfortable experience he’d had in a while. As long as it fit his purpose, it’d be worth it, though.
“I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time finding a partner that I’m in sync with.” When Eva started to interrupt, he held up his hand. “You’ve made it clear that we had our chance at a relationship and I blew it. I accept that. I don’t like it, mind you, but I accept it. Still, that doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy each other’s company here at your club, does it?” He was practically holding his breath while he waited for her response.
“You mean sex just for sex’s sake?” Several expressions darted across her face.
If he read her wrong, this could get really messy, really fast. “No, I’m talking about scening together. In school you didn’t trust anyone easily and I suspect that hasn’t changed. I understand you don’t want any emotional ties with me, but you have to know me well enough to believe that I would always keep you safe. I would never allow you to be injured, nor would I ignore your safeword. You know that, don’t you, Eva?”
She was quiet so long he feared she wasn’t going to answer and if she did, she’d shoot him down.
“Yeah, I trust you with my body, Gio,” she answered sadly.
But not with my heart.
She hadn’t actually said it out loud, but it hung there between them, forging a gulf the size of the Grand Canyon.
Why had he thought this was the right course to take? Fuck. He’d started down this path. Now he had to see it through. “I suspect you rarely scene with the same man twice. Am I wrong?” As soon as she shook her head, he continued. “Imagine what it would be like to enjoy the lifestyle with a man you knew would keep you safe, to scene on an ongoing basis with the same man.” He was afraid to use the word ‘trust’.
“It sounds heavenly, Gio, but don’t you think it would be difficult to keep the lines crisp and clean?”
“Between dating you and scening with you?” He shrugged with a casualness he had to force. “Yeah, I can keep a distinction between the two.” He infused confidence into his voice—a confidence he didn’t feel at all. “How about you? Can you scene with me without feeling the sting of Cupid’s arrow?” He used his voice to make sure she knew he was teasing.
She laughed, just like he’d hoped she would. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m immune to that bastard’s influence.”
“Then there won’t be any problems. How is it done at DiscipliNation? Do you want a written contract?” He knew he was jumping ahead of himself. He hadn’t actually asked her if she was willing to scene with him. So far, they’d been speaking in generalities. If his luck held, she might let him get away with it.
“André prefers everything to be spelled out in a contract, but ultimately it’s left up to the people playing. He wouldn’t cancel a membership if consensual partners neglected to put their agreement in writing. He would, however, throw someone out for violating a contract.” She had answered half his question.
If that were the case, then Gio would prefer not to have anything in writing. “What’s your preference, Eva? Do you want all the i’s dotted and the t’s crossed or do you want to keep this casual?”
Eva shook her head and put her hand on his chest, pushing him backward. “Gio, I never said I wanted to scene with you. I said I wasn’t afraid of Cupid.”
“You wouldn’t have slept with me if you had an interest in someone else. So that means you’re in the same boat I am—single and without anyone waiting in the wings. Will you give me that much?” He had to tear down her resistance one issue at a time.
“Yes, I’m single. As far as prospects go”—she shrugged—“there’s a few untapped potentials.”
“If that’s the case, then they’re untapped for a reason.” He used his ‘I mean business’ tone and he was pleased when she blushed. “The offer of good sex with someone you feel safe with isn’t something you toss out the window as worthless, Eva. If there’s another issue, let’s hear it.”
He wasn’t giving her any wiggle room. Either she agreed to scene with him or she had to admit to having feelings for him—be they positive or negative feelings.
“Just sex and only on the club’s premises? We will not see each other in a social setting beyond the club?” She was obviously reluctant.
“That would meet my requirements. Would you be agreeable to occasionally scening at my family’s club?” It wasn’t the most exuberant negotiation he’d ever participated in, but he’d take it.
“Why?”
Why?
She was going to fight him every step of the way. “We may have different equipment.” He hadn’t expected that question and was reaching for an answer. André’s club, what little he’d seen so far, seemed perfectly outfitted. He’d need to do better than that lame excuse. “We sometimes have themed nights or special events that you might find entertaining. And besides, I’d like you to see my club. My company did a lot of renovations and I’d like to show it off.”
He wondered how much it was safe to share with her. “I’m happy, Eva. As far as my career goes, I’m living my dream. Leaving Columbia didn’t ruin my life. It delayed it a bit,” he conceded. “After coming home, I got my head together and I focused on school like I never would have at Columbia.”
Eva looked up with unshed tears in her eyes. He wished he had a clue how to reach her. Everything he tried seemed to backfire.
“I’m relieved to hear that, Gio. I’ve always felt guilty for you leaving school.”
“That’s ridiculous, Eva. It was my choice, my mistake. I should have talked to you. I should have told you what I was thinking. You, my sweet subbie, have nothing to be guilty about.” Gio watched as she blinked away the tears. “So how ‘bout it? You gonna prove you’re smarter than me and take advantage of this great offer or are you going to follow my path and allow this wonderful opportunity to fly out the window because of a little fear?” He hoped he’d added the right amount of teasing to his challenge.
“Great offer, huh?” She glanced up at him with a sideways smirk on her face.
“Damn straight!” He thought it was interesting that she had ignored the fear part of his query.
“No dating. No messy emotions. Just straight up sex?” She was looking him in the eye, seemingly making sure that there were no misunderstandings.
“Well, I think we both want kinky sex, but other than that caveat, yes.” He winked at her and smiled.
Eva quickly tipped her head down, yet Gio still caught the beautiful pink blush that appeared on her cheeks. “Yes, kinky sex,” she muttered. Suddenly, her head popped up as if a thought came to mind. “No threesomes. I’m not into that.”