“I have to go,” Cali mumbled as she pushed against his hold, struggling to sit. To get away.
He let her go and pushed up on an elbow to watch as she scrambled around the room for her clothing.
“There’s a bathroom over there,” he said, pointing to a door.
She gratefully took his offered escape and rushed to the safety of the small room. The second the door closed, she collapsed against it and dropped to the floor, burying her head in her hands. Oh God, what had she been thinking? She wasn’t built for this. Nothing in her background had prepared her for how she would feel after. She’d been so focused on the event, she’d never stopped to think of the aftermath.
It wasn’t shame she was feeling. No. She’d done nothing to feel shameful about. In fact, the entire Scene had been more intimate and normal than she’d anticipated.
What she felt was longing. For everything she couldn’t have with that man in the room behind her. Jake.
After so many years of being physically starved for that emotional connection with a man, her body and mind were screaming to stay there with him. To let him touch her. Protect her.
She had to get out of there before she lost it completely.
Pushing to her feet, she quickly redressed. A passing glance in the mirror over the sink made her cringe and halt. Her hair was a mess, her face flushed, her lips red and swollen, her eyes dark and hungry. She looked like she’d been thoroughly fucked.
And she had.
Crap
. Doing what she could with her fingers, she tamed her hair down and then dampened a washcloth to press over her heated cheeks and neck. Calling it good, she braced herself to reenter the room.
To face Jake.
She’d act cool. Normal.
As if the entire evening hadn’t rocked her world and left her floundering at the bottom of an emotional hole she had no idea how to get out of.
* * *
Jake got dressed, his clothes feeling itchy and uncomfortable as he waited. It took every ounce of willpower to keep still. He didn’t pace over a sub—a woman he’d met only hours ago. He was always concerned that they were fine after a Scene, that they’d gotten what they desired, but he definitely didn’t worry about them.
Worrying meant attachment.
Cali had come to the club seeking a Dom, searching for an experience, and he’d given her that. Simple as that.
Fuck
. It wasn’t that simple and he knew it.
Everything about her was different. Something he’d sensed when he’d met her. Even Seth had picked up on it.
Shit
. Seth.
Realization smacked him hard between the eyes. Jake had been set up by his business partner. It all made sense now.
Anger rode front and center on his emotions. That asshole. Seth had been way too cagy, dodging Jake’s questions and practically pushing the second interview with Cali on Jake. That bastard had done it on purpose.
If Seth was hoping Jake would form an attachment with a sub and stay, it wasn’t going to work.
The low click of the door opening brought his attention back to her. Cali. He hardened his resolve and refused to play into the vulnerable look she was struggling rather poorly to cover. She lifted her chin and gave him a quick nod.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice level and strong. “I’ll be going now.”
She moved toward the door but he stepped in front of her, stopping her quick exit. Damn, what was he doing?
“Are you okay?” he found himself asking. He was only finishing the Scene, he tried to tell himself. Making sure she left safe, sound and unhurt.
“I’m fine,” she reassured him, her attention focused on the floor.
Every inflection of her body told him she wasn’t. But that wasn’t his problem. Physically, she was unharmed. And she was refusing his comfort. His job as a Dom was done.
But his honor as a man wasn’t.
He tilted her chin up in a now familiar move until her gaze met his. “Cali, I know you’re not telling me the truth.”
She stiffened, eyes going wide before she recovered and thinned her lips against whatever she’d been about to say.
“I can’t force you to talk to me,” he said, his tone crisp but gentle. “But don’t leave here feeling bad or ashamed of anything that took place. Everything that happened between us was open and consensual. No shame.”
She nibbled her lip and slowly nodded. It was almost like she was afraid to speak. Afraid to let out whatever she was keeping so tight inside.
And that was her choice. Whether he liked it or not.
“Thank you for giving me your trust tonight. I hope you got what you came for.” Jake stepped back and forced himself to open the door. “I’ll see you out.”
“That’s okay,” she rushed to say. “I can find the way.” Cali hurried by him, brisk strides that bordered on a run, but she was too controlled to do so. She was halfway down the hall before she stopped and turned back. Her eyes were dark, her face displaying the vulnerability she struggled to hide. “Thank you, Jake,” she said so quietly he almost didn’t hear her. “The night was beautiful. Everything I wanted.” Then she turned and disappeared down the stairs.
Out of his life.
Every instinct told him she wouldn’t be back. She’d had her night and now she was gone.
Fuck
. Why did that make him feel so empty?
And why the hell did he care what she did?
Damn it. He hated feeling like this. Doubt and uncertainty were not his game. He’d trashed those emotions long ago, learning the hard way that anything that left you feeling helpless and vulnerable also left you exposed.
He quickly picked apart the evening, dissecting each step, every interaction until he came to one resounding conclusion.
Seth was a dead man.
Chapter Seven
Cali stumbled up the stairs in her condo. Just a few more feet. Another step. That was all. She crossed the hallway, staggered into her bedroom and finally let her knees buckle. Collapsing onto the edge of her bed, her body sagged as all the strength and focus that had taken her from the club and allowed her to drive home dissipated.
She stared numbly at the beige carpet, not really seeing it. Her hand shook as she raised it to brush her hair behind her ear and let go of an equally quavering breath. Fisting her tangled curls, she tightened the hold until the tug of pain on her scalp forced her to double over in a silent shudder of emotion.
She’d done it. She’d gone to a sex club and had erotic sex with a stranger. Sex that had been more intimate and personal than she ever had with her ex-husband.
Peter. Just the thought of him made her groan. She didn’t want to think about him. Not now.
Not when she felt so good after being with Jake.
Cali rocked where she sat, moving in the soothing motion as the tension invaded her muscles. She couldn’t lie to herself; she’d loved every moment with Jake. Wanted more of what he gave her, of how he’d made her feel.
Her nipples tingled just thinking of his deep voice as he’d commanded her to trust him. To submit to his desires. Giving over control to him had been so easy. Almost too easy.
With Peter, asking for anything sexually had only led to guilt because she knew she wouldn’t get it. It had always resulted in disappointment and frustration for both of them. Ultimately, he made her feel ashamed of her desires.
Not with Jake.
She could see herself becoming addicted to what he’d given her. To the feelings he’d stirred. But mostly, to the warm cloak of protection that had wrapped around her and calmed her inner angst when she’d let go and trusted him. And he hadn’t let her down. No, he’d exceed all of her expectations.
Cali let the strangled groan escape her tight throat and squeezed her eyes closed. Now that she’d had a taste of what submission under the hands of an experienced Dom like Jake could be like, she wanted more. The reality was better than any of her deepest, dirtiest dreams.
Fantasies she never shared with Peter. The man she should have been able to share everything with. It was easy now to look back at her marriage and see all of the errors they’d both made. She was just as much to blame for the distance that had grown between them over the years. He might of have pushed her away, shunned her sexually, but she was the one who’d stopped fighting for the passion. Complacency on both of their parts had led to their eventual divorce.
A divorce she’d accepted as inevitable years before she’d finally asked for it.
Years she could have insisted on marriage counseling, or tried harder to breach the growing gap that had settled between them. It was when she’d stopped trying, though, that all intimacy between her and Peter had died. The simple fact that he hadn’t care enough to instigate it had been the final blow.
It’d been a one-way street that she’d gotten tired of traveling.
And now, she was on a new road. One she didn’t think she had the courage to continue down.
Cali swore into the silence, the sudden noise bouncing off the walls to smack at her. She released the grip on her hair and slowly straightened, swiping at the tears lingering on her cheeks. She inspected her rumpled outfit, the sexy one she’d bought specifically for that night.
It was doubtful she’d ever wear it again.
The sex had been amazing. But Jake was right; it was the connection she craved. The control he exerted over her would feel empty without the bond that went with it. One he’d cultivated so subtly that she’d been snared before she realized the trap had been set.
He’d made her feel special, safe, for the first time in years. But she couldn’t romanticize it. She was just another sub to him, nothing different. And it was doubtful that he’d want to pair with her again. Not someone as old and inexperienced as her. Hell, he owned the club. He could have any sub he wanted, whenever he wanted.
A spark of jealousy tightened her gut with surprising force. She puffed out a small laugh. Obviously she wasn’t a random-sex kind of girl. And after experiencing submission with Jake, she couldn’t see herself with any other Dom. She certainly couldn’t go back to his club and let her desire override her pride. She was way too old to live in a world of illusions and dreams, and lusting after an unattainable Dom wasn’t on her list of humiliating behaviors to model.
Yet she couldn’t help but wonder where Jake would take her if they paired again. Would he push her more? Strap her to a bench and spank her? Or would he use something else on her, like a crop or even a whip? Take away all her control...
Cursing again, Cali jerked to stand and forced her legs to move toward the bathroom. What she needed was an icy cold shower to wash away the night and the emotions it’d stirred up. She’d tried. She’d gone after a dream, had been daring for once in her life. She could check it off and call it good.
Now, if she could only wash away the memories of Master Jake, maybe she could move on and put the night behind her. Forget her kinky desires and go back to life as usual.
If that were even possible.
* * *
The door crashed against the wall, the sound pounding through the room, causing the man behind the desk to flinch then duck his head when he saw Jake. The fucker practically admitted his guilt with that move.
“Something wrong?” Seth tried to act cool, leaning back in the chair.
“Cut the shit, Mathews,” Jake slammed the door closed behind him and stalked over to brace his hands on the desk. “You set me up.”
Seth cocked a brow and frowned. “Don’t know what you mean. Set you up how?”
“With Cali,” Jake bit out. He pushed from the desk and spun to pace the interior of the small office. His frustration hadn’t cooled in the hours since Cali left and the club finally closed. Instead, it had brewed and festered until he was now ready and itching for a fight.
One with fists would be nice.
“Cali?” Seth questioned. He leaned forward to rest his elbows on the desk in an awful attempt to look confused. As if the man didn’t know exactly who Jake was talking about.
“Don’t fuck with me. I’m not in the mood.”
Seth leaned back and raised his hands in a gesture of truce. “Not fucking with you, man. What’s your deal?”
Jake exhaled sharply and closed his eyes, giving a silent count to ten, the practiced attempt at forced calm having zero affect. He fisted his hands on his hips to keep from striking his long-time friend and business partner.
Soon-to-be ex-business partner, that is.
“Where’s Dek?” If Jake was dropping his news, he wanted to do it once, with both men in attendance.
Seth cocked his head, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to follow the change in topic. “He went home. You know it’s his night to head out early.” Seth pushed the chair back, the wheels giving a protesting squeak before he stood and came around to lean against the desk. He crossed his arms over his chest and nailed Jake with a hard glare. “What’s wrong?”
“You fucking in my business, for one,” Jake growled.
“How? What did I do to ‘fuck’ in your business?”
“Don’t play stupid. You practically shoved Cali at me.”
The confused look on Seth’s face hinted at honesty. “The newbie cougar I asked you to interview tonight? Her?”
Jake gave a nod, a tint of clarity starting to penetrate the edge of his red haze of anger to show just how irrational he was acting.
“What the hell?” Seth gave an angry shake of his head. “Second interviews are standard on First Friday if any one of us requests it. Club policy. Nothing more to it.”
Was Jake overreacting? Damn, it had all seemed so clear earlier. “Then what was wrong with her application that warranted a second interview?”
Seth shrugged. “I didn’t say there was a problem with the application. If there was, it would have been rejected. I only asked for another opinion on placement. I told you that. Despite her age and divorced status, she didn’t come across as a real cougar.” He ran a hand through his hair. “So, did Marcus fit for her?”
“No,” Jake said too quickly.
Shit
. What was wrong with him?
Seth grinned but wisely kept his mouth shut.
Jake turned his back to his friend and moved to lean against the far wall. “I escorted her myself. Marcus is a fine Dom, but Cali needed something different.”
“Something you could provide her?”
Jake ignored the hint of doubt—or was it mocking?—in Seth’s voice. “Fuck you. I did my job. Something you should try doing.”
“Right,” Seth scoffed, his hands bracing against the desk. “I’m not the one looking to bail on the business in three months.”
And there it was. The real elephant in the room. The one all three partners had been dancing around in anticipation of the looming December date.
He turned, his attention darting to the wall of security screens currently displaying the cleaning crew as they scrubbed and sterilized the place, preparing it for the next day’s business. He noted that a few of the third-floor rooms were still occupied, reserved by members for use until morning.
Jake finally met Seth’s sharp scrutiny. There was anger in the deep brown eyes. But he also detected the hidden hurt. That bit of betrayal Jake always saw whenever he took off. It didn’t matter if he gave fair warning of his departures, because someone was always hurt when he followed his gut and moved on.
His anger faded behind the guilt he’d been trying to avoid. “It’s not like you didn’t know I’d leave,” Jake said as he tried to push off some of the responsibility. “There was a reason you made me sign the five-year contract.”
Seth’s lips thinned, the tight line doing nothing to detract from the sharp angles that attracted so many to him. After a tense minute he sighed, his shoulders sagging with the release of the tension. “Shit. I’d hoped I was wrong.”
“So I just confirmed it for you,” Jake stated. No sense in leaving the possibility open now that it was out.
Seth nodded, a simple signal of acceptance. “You have to tell Dek yourself,” he said after a pause, then smiled. “I’m not stepping in that shit.”
Right. Dek. Jake had to smile as well. Of the three men, Dek was the most volatile. Part of the reason the man headed up more of the behind-the-scenes portions of the club. Dek was a security guru and had personally installed every camera, lock and alarm in the building. He also saw to the security staff, recruiting bouncers from his extensive and sometimes scary list of acquaintances from his years in military special ops.
“Yeah,” Jake finally agreed with a snort. “Can’t talk you into being there?”
“Hell, no. Your shit, your wading.”
Too true. But it didn’t make the prospect of doing it any more enticing. “I’ll take care of it this weekend.” Might as well get it over with so they could all deal with the changes that would need to be made. “This doesn’t mean I’m dropping everything, Seth.”
The other man gave a non-committal shrug and moved to sit behind the desk once again. “But you’ll be gone. Like it or not, that means changes for all of us. And for the club too.”
Damn, Jake wouldn’t let the guilt sway him. He would only damage things more if he stayed. “Sorry.”
The curt apology wasn’t enough. It was never enough, but it was all he had to offer.
“Look, I need to finish the books before I head up tonight,” Seth said dismissively as he turned toward the computer screen and clicked the mouse. “We can finish this discussion after you’ve talked with Deklan.”
Jake bit his tongue and nodded. There was nothing left to say. He left the room, the soft tapping of keys following him into the hall before the door closed and cut off both the sound and the man.
It held a finality that he wasn’t quite ready for. There were still three months before he could leave. Three months to make the other men understand.
Shit
. Jake thumped his fist against the wall. Not only had Seth forced him to play his hand before he was ready, the other man had completely avoided answering Jake’s questions about Cali.
Double fuck. When had he ever let Seth beat him in a verbal sparring match?
Never—that’s when. Jake was truly off his game to let that happen. And who was to blame for that?
The image of one Cali Reynolds leaped unwanted into his mind. Her body spread naked and waiting on a sheet of black that made her skin look like caramel and cream. His dick hardened instantly.
Damn
. It was definitely time to get the hell out there.
He was becoming too comfortable. Too settled. Wanting and wishing for so much more than he could have. It was time to go before the shit landed. It was better to control his own destiny than let it hit him from behind.
He rubbed his hands over his tired eyes, trying once again to focus his mind and temper his thoughts. With a sigh, he moved down the hall toward the back storage area. He opened the door and flicked on the light. The room was littered with broken equipment, the standard cleaning supplies and other random stuff that got shoved into the room. But the area along the back was his workspace. Nobody put anything there without his permission.
He walked past the junk and let the wood and grease smells of the workshop calm him as he went through the process of getting his tools and turning on the bright work lights. He was currently in the middle of two projects: a modification to a pommel horse he was still tinkering with, and a more complicated revolving cross that would allow the sub to be bound and then positioned at various angles by the Dom.
The simplicity of working with the wood and metal soothed him in a way few other things did. He was in charge of the equipment at The Den. He loved the challenge of taking standard stuff and making it better, tweaking it until it suited the needs of both Dom and sub. He took special requests, thought of his own and repeatedly hunted the internet for new ideas. It was just one more thing that distinguished The Den from other clubs.
Working with inanimate objects was way preferred to dealing with his emotions. Wood and metal didn’t talk back, didn’t disappear and leave you to fend for yourself. No, the materials would meld and form to his control until it became exactly what he wanted. Sometimes they would struggle and fight, resist his vision, but the end product was always his.