Borden (Borden #1) (19 page)

I shut my eyes and tried to sort my thoughts out. One second I wanted him out of me and far away. But then when he pulled out, I felt loss at the mixture of pleasure coated in pain. He liked it rough. He gripped my hair again and pulled it sharply back so that I couldn’t try and pull away. He moved hard and fast inside of me, breaking me, moulding me to his dick.

The term fucking had taken on a new definition for me. It was this: raw, primal and everything poisonous when it came to sex. There was no intimate connection. Just the thumping of his cock inside of me and my body betraying me to the feel of this, despite knowing it wasn’t normal. I stopped pulling away when I felt the peak of something good coming. And every time it edged nearer, he pulled completely out of me and kept me waiting for seconds on end, until the feeling died off and I cried in frustration.

“No,” I whimpered.

My knees hurt, my back felt tight with tension, and on and on he went, moving in and out of me. He punished me with the rough rhythm of his piercing rubbing against what I knew was my g-spot. They were like waves crashing against me, and there was nothing I could do but ride them out.

It felt so good.

His hand left my sore scalp and roamed over my neck. I inhaled sharply as he wrapped it around my throat. It was tight, but loose enough for me to breathe evenly as he rested his chest against my back and grunted with the force of every thrust. I felt a finger roam to my mouth, pushing in between my parted lips, forcing me to suck it as he pounded relentlessly into me, never losing rhythm, never stopping to check on my own pleasure.

I hated myself even in that moment. I had a criminal on my back, and he was fucking me with a hand around my throat. It was crazy. It was wrong. It was everything filthy I never wanted to be a part of. Yet the peak approached again, and all I wanted was my pleasure that was in the hands of this mercurial man whose moans riled me up like none other before him.

I squeezed my eyes shut and cried out, biting at his finger and causing him to groan along with me, as the wave of bliss exploded through me. I remembered vaguely tasting copper on my tongue as I rode it out.

It was heaven before hell, and I savoured the seconds with everything in me, wanting nothing more than for it to last forever because I knew what was waiting on the other side.

He thrusted harder inside of me, that index finger re-joining the others around my throat. Moments later he stilled, cursing into the air right before he came. I felt his cock jerk within me. His face dropped to the back of my head as he rode out his own wave.

“Holy fuck,” he cursed out, his body shaking above me. “Holy fuck.”

I felt a few other jerks of his cock before he pulled out of me and collapsed beside me. Finally able to move, I rested on my side facing him and watched his chest heave up and down. His whole body was stricken with sweat; his hair was damp, falling over his forehead. He looked thoroughly fucked.

I willed myself not to think. I was successful for about a minute before the sounds of our breathing died down and there was nothing but silence in the room. It was unbearably awkward, and I was left to my thoughts.

What the fuck had I just done? Now that my arousal was as dead as the victims of Borden’s past, I felt sick and dirty. This wasn’t me! This had never been me! I never wanted him in this way.

Or did I?

Of course you did.

In the back of my mind, how many times had I wondered what he would be like? How many times had I fantasized about his hands roaming my body, fucking me into submission because I knew he was a dominating fucker?

Oh, God.

He looked at me, and there was still lust there in his eyes. Then he leaned over to me, and I jumped when his hand went for my face. He froze at the reaction, his brows coming together.

“Hey,” he whispered soothingly, “I’m not going to hurt you, babe.”

I didn’t respond, but my body was quaking. I felt so sick.

His fingers rubbed at my cheek. “There’s blood on your face.”

My breathing went still. “Yours?”

“Yeah.” He raised his finger, and I vaguely saw a smear of blood on it.

I sat up immediately and touched my face. I felt the moist feeling of his blood coated on me and shuddered in dismay. What the hell had possessed me to hurt him like that? Or all the times before that?

Oh, my God.

I was a fucking sadist, wasn’t I?

Oh, my God.

“Emma?”

I tensed, unable to hold it together any longer.

“Please go,” I said quietly, the dismay oozing out of my voice.

I felt him stir beside me. He sat up and looked at me, but I couldn’t look back. I didn’t know if I crossed a line by telling him to go, so I waited with bated breath for his reaction.

To my relief, he slid off the bed and stood up. I didn’t want to watch this massive hulk of a man dress. I turned away and buried my face in the pillow. I listened to the sound of him dressing and then the zip of his pants.

“If anyone asks,” his cold voice said from behind me, “I was here the entire night.”

His heavy footsteps disappeared out of the room, and a moment later I heard the front door slam shut.

I tore my heels off, leaped out of bed and raced into the bathroom with a hand cupped under my aching vagina. I sat on the toilet and wiped away the tiny bit of blood that was trickling out of me. My whole body shook in the raw pain, and I wept with a hand over my face, looking disgracefully down at my naked, aching, bloody state.

I had become one of those girls – those stupid fucking girls that did the dumbest shit, the kind that you roll your eyes at and think, “You deserved that, you dumb bitch.” How could I have let my body control me like that? Why did I feel like an orgasm was worth throwing away my dignity to a man I swore I would never get close to?

Stupid. So fucking stupid.

Now look at me. I was bleeding thanks to a pierced cock that belonged to a man I hated to admit rocked my body like a sex god.

BORDEN

That blood on her cheek. Shit, it was like a spitting image of her back at that alleyway nine years ago, but just an older, hotter version.

Borden recklessly drove down the road away from her apartment building. He didn’t care how fast he was going. He just needed to get away. His head was all kinds of messed up after that. What he was pissed off the most about was the strange feeling that sprouted the second he’d finished inside of her…

It was the feeling of guilt. He’d treated her like a whore. Fucked her to oblivion without giving a shit about her needs. She hadn’t been prepared for that. Frankly, neither had he been. For the first time in ever, he’d lost control and fucked her the way he’d always fantasized about.

He crossed a line. There was no going back and he couldn’t undo his mistakes. But Kate’s face haunted him and he ended up veering off the road and to the emergency lane. He rubbed both his hands over his face and tried to get that nagging, disgusting feeling of guilt out of him.

Fuck this feeling. He did nothing wrong! He consoled himself of this over and over again. She wanted it. She
begged
. Hell, she came too. It wasn’t all take, take, take.

He didn’t know how long he sat there with that bitch of a feeling festering inside of him. If Kate was still alive, what would she have said to him? She would have ripped those balls out of him and then she’d have asked him if he was proud of himself for what he’d become.

No. He wasn’t proud. He hated his past, and it had become him somehow, tangled in his being, unwilling to go away so he could move forward. But since meeting that firecracker, his whole life seemed all the more bearable. It was like… like he was feeling purpose all over again. And maybe he was being a pussy thinking along these lines, but purpose was what drove him back to this place long ago. When that was torn from him, he lived in his emotionless tomb and did what he was best at: controlling. There wasn’t anything around him he didn’t have power over, and maybe that had cheapened the thrill of it after so long.

Borden went too rough, he decided. Way too rough on her. Way too unfeeling for her. She would have been treated better by that skinny jeans ass-wipe –

He stopped that thought immediately. It pissed him off way too much. She was his. From the moment she opened her mouth to him in that diner, she had signed away herself to him.

No.

No, actually. Since the moment she’d pulled the switchblade out at him in that alleyway she’d signed herself away. It had only been a matter of time before she came back in his life, when fate had decided it was time.

Never had he felt so good or more alive before since bringing her into his office. And while he regretted the way he treated her, she still felt fantastic.

The kind of fantastic you could get addicted to.

And Borden was addicted.

Deep in his bones, he pined for her.

And that was what hurt the most. Because he knew, deep down, he couldn’t really have her. He’d taken it too far.

He wasn’t supposed to bring another person close again.

Emma

I sat at my desk and stared at the numbers on the spreadsheet in front of me as if they were written in Sanskrit. I couldn’t concentrate. My whole body was tight as a drum. The anticipation was killing me.

It was mid-morning and he hadn’t showed up at the office. This was so unlike him. He usually tormented me at this point. I didn’t pretend that Friday night’s events hadn’t changed everything, but I certainly didn’t think it would have for him. In fact, I expected him to be here making smart-ass, egotistical remarks about our time together.

Maybe he regretted it as much as I did. That would be good if he did. That would be… Fuck, why would he regret it? Was I some kind of let-down in the sack? Was that why he didn’t want to be around me, because I repulsed him and ruined whatever allure he had for me?

I bit down on my lip, hating how shit that possibility made me feel. How dare he not show up! He made my vagina bleed for fuck’s sake. I deserved an apology for that! And for him propositioning me for sex! And for him tasting like heaven on earth! And for him taking me so hard and fast and giving me an experience I’d never felt before!

I groaned at my stupidity.
One of those girls, Emma, you’re one of
those
girls now
.

It was true. I had become one of those girls. I thought about our time together all weekend. I picked apart every tiny detail. He didn’t owe me an apology! I took him willingly. He didn’t proposition me for sex. He knew it would rile me up, and that’s what he wanted – that was his fetish. To rile me up so that I slapped him, and I hated how hot that suddenly made me feel.

I’d never felt power over a man before, yet he’d relinquished it in that moment, allowing me to pain him for pleasurable reasons. I’d come to the conclusion that I didn’t regret our time together. The tension had been thick between us for a while now. It was the kind of release we both needed.

From loathing him, to simply hating him, to suddenly wanting nothing more than to tear his clothes off and feel myself get shredded by him… This was the most epic whiplash I’d ever endured.

I re-adjusted myself in the seat, trying to find a comfortable position because I was still a little sore. It didn’t bother me. I’d finally gotten laid, and I’d never had these memorable bruises carried with me as a reminder in the days following.

“You’re going to remember I’ve been here. You’re going to hurt and remember how deep my cock was buried inside of you.”
Job well done, asshole.

I looked over at the empty chair beside me. He should have been here ages ago.

What the fuck, Borden?

*

He showed up in the afternoon.

He strode into the office in a suit, which meant he’d been doing business all day. There was no ham and cheese sandwich on him for me. He didn’t have a lollipop in his mouth. He didn’t even look in my direction.

It suddenly felt like a dark cloud had settled over the entire room.

I sat up straighter, my hand shaking over my mouse as I watched him settle into his chair, not a word said to me. He opened a few files, sorted through some papers, and I practically felt invisible, which was alright because I was probably staring at him like a goddamn puppy begging for attention.

I needed to discuss what happened between us. I needed to tell him that I didn’t regret it, and that kicking him out was a mistake.

“Borden,” I whispered, nervously.

He didn’t turn to me. “What do you want?” he growled out irritably.

I swallowed hard, surprised by his tone. He’d never spoken to me like that before.

“Um…”

I didn’t know what to say, or how to put the words together. Especially when he was angry because he was usually a lost cause in these moods.

He finally looked up at me, an icy glare on his face. “Um
what
, Emma?”

I licked my lips and his eyes narrowed furiously at my mouth.

“I wanted to talk to you,” I pushed out.

“You wanted to talk about what?” he retorted.

“About Friday.”

“Is this regarding work matters?”

“Well, no.”

“Your employment?”

“No.”

“Then keep it to yourself.”

I frowned at him, my heart twisting. “Now all of a sudden we’re going to be professional?”

“That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?” he shot back. “So you got it, Miss Warne. Return to your work and only speak to me if you have something informative to say.”

I blinked back sudden tears in my eyes. I looked away quickly before he could see them water and stared at the computer screen. I was flustered and hurt. I didn’t expect
this
reaction out of him.

He’d finally gotten what he wanted out of me, didn’t he?

I swallowed the lump, angry at myself for feeling emotional. Clearly it was that time of the month. It was
not
him, no. Not at all. Men didn’t make me cry. Never, ever did I give them the power to hurt me. Borden was no different.

Liar.

It was so hard trying to appear normal, trying to do work, when my mind was elsewhere the entire time. I was conscious of his movements, of his damn heated presence every second I sat there next to him. Without thinking, my eyes glimpsed at his fingers, and I saw the red mark I’d left on his index. Deep bite marks that made my heart rate skyrocket even more and my sex clench deliciously. It was proof of how far we’d gone, and now I felt like we were a million miles apart.

“Stare at your work, Miss Warne,” he bit out without looking up.

Red in the face, I turned away and stopped looking at him directly. Part of me was angry, the other part confused. I watched the clock tick, begging for time to hurry along so I could go home and ugly cry.

“Do you mind if I slipped out and grabbed something to eat?” I managed out. I’d been waiting for him all day, I’d trudged straight through lunch, and because he hadn’t gotten me a sandwich like usual, my stomach was swirling with hunger.

“Your lunch hour was two hours ago,” he snipped back. “If you didn’t get yourself something then, you’ve wasted your own time.”

“But I’m all done my work.”

“In that case, I can think of six toilets that need cleaning if you’ve truly got nothing else to do.”

I stilled in shock and anger before turning back to my computer. “I’ll just go through the account register again.”

I could feel his smug smirk from where I sat, and I had to take breaths in so I wouldn’t lash out. What a dickhead. Did he really think that he could turn into an asshole after fucking me?

I’ll fix you.

I opened my internet browser and went straight to work.

If I couldn’t go out for food, then the food was going out to me.

*

Thirty minutes later, there was a knock on the office door. I resisted smiling because I knew who it was.

“Come in,” Borden said, looking up from his paperwork.

The door opened and one of his men, Gerry, came striding in holding two bags of food.

“Got a food delivery, Mr Borden,” he said, standing infront of his desk.

Borden shot him a face. “For who?”

Gerry opened the bag and pulled out one of the Tupperware containers and read the name on top.

“Says it’s for…Boss Man Emma.”

Borden’s jaw clenched and slowly he turned to me, his face grim. Ignoring him, I raised my hand up to Gerry and said, “Oh, that’s for me. Thanks, Gerry.”

He set the two bags down on my desk and left the room. I could feel Borden’s glare as I went about opening the bags and removing the containers. There were ten of them, and I spread my giant expensive feast out all over my desk, a content smile on my face.

“Since when do
you
like Chinese food?”

“Well, I don’t,” I explained, “but because I’m not on my
own
lunch break, I’m on company time, and this place was on the company account for catering. And don’t worry, you left a nice tip. Thank you, Mr Borden.”

He didn’t respond. I was sure he was twitching like a rage-case that he was, and I loved that. I went about eating as I worked, all the while ignoring him watching me take a bite out of everything.

“I’m going to go out and get something to drink,” I told him after I’d finished. “Unless…I’m not allowed to.”

I glanced at him expectantly, and I saw the wheels turning in his brain. If he didn’t allow me this, I’d fucking fix him again. Maybe I’d buy a vending machine and place it in the goddamn office. The thought actually thrilled me.

“Just go,” he muttered, fuming.

I did, and after I had something to drink, I went to the toilet and took a long ass time brushing my teeth and pacing the room. Pretty much, I did what I could to prove to him that I’d always find a way out of his reins, and he wasn’t happy about it.

The animosity in the room was so palpable after that, I felt nervous through my façade. I was doing this whole thing because I was hurt, and I didn’t want to be stepped on. However, I was quietly aware that I might be doing more damage between us, and the last thing I wanted was for him to hate me. The thought unsettled me so much, I found myself trembling, searching for ways to mend the bridge but coming up short at how unapproachable he was.

When it was time to go, I couldn’t have been more relieved. I began packing away my things. I was slow, unsure of how the kiss on his cheek was going to go. I stood up, awkwardly turning in his direction. My palms were sweaty, I didn’t know what to do. Go to him? Leave? With his awful demeanour, I decided it was best to just go.

I made it three steps to the door when his voice rang out.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

I stopped, and my lips curled up. So much for professionalism. I turned around and went to him, a tsunami of emotions taking over. I bent down to his side and kissed his stubbled cheek. It wasn’t a peck, though, not this time. My lips stayed there for several seconds, kissing him like I meant it with everything inside of me. I felt him go still, and I pulled away, when he abruptly grabbed me around the back of my neck and forced my face back to his. He brought me inches away and he stared at me, his eyes so blue, I swam in their depths, my head dizzying with lust.

I breathed harder, and every part of me stirred alive. That same thrilling feeling when he kissed me before emerged, and I silently pleaded for him to do it. To bring me back to his mouth and ravage me.

Suddenly, nothing about the day mattered. All of that anger and frustration was utterly forgotten.

There was hunger in his eyes, but also conflict. It was as though he was fighting to keep me at a distance.

“Do it,” I whispered to him.

If there was a switch, I’d just flipped it.

He pulled me to him quickly, taking my mouth against his. I sank into him, sucking at his lips and tongue, feeling like a crack addict getting a fix. He kissed me with such depth, I was lost to him, incapable of thought or reason.

His whole body moved instantly, shoving me back, situating me on the edge of his desk. He hiked up my skirt, his fingers shoving aside my very nice pair of thongs – because a part of me wanted this to happen – and lightly stroked at my clit. I bucked under the touch, and sparks flew through me at his touch.

Yes, yes, yes. My body chanted.

Then…

RIP!

He tore the thong off and stood up, kicking back his computer chair as he leaned into me. His hands were everywhere. Groping my breast, unbuttoning my shirt, bringing my skirt up over my thighs and around my hips, skimming over my bare sex with just enough pressure to make me moan.

I couldn’t explain my excitement in that moment. There were no words. I felt my heart explode in my chest as I kissed him, savouring that beautiful rush between us. My hands ran up his chest, tugging off his suit jacket. I ran my fingers into his hair, yanking at the ends.

All the while I was vaguely aware of him shifting things behind me. Paperwork and containers flew off the table, and the computer monitor got shoved to the other end of his desk. Abruptly he grabbed me around the neck and shoved me away from his mouth, until my back was against the hard desk. I opened my eyes to look at him and saw the raw heat radiating out of his gaze as he hurriedly unbuckled himself.

We were both panting, and along with my quickening heartbeats, it was the only sound I heard in the room… until the head of his cock brushed against my entrance, and I moaned low in my throat.

“Beg for it,” he demanded.

“Just fuck me, Borden.”

“Say ‘please’.”

I paused, and then I pushed against his hand still around my throat and slapped him across his cheek.

Always that stunned look on his face.

And hunger.

My God, the hunger in his eyes gave me chills.

Suddenly spurred on, he thrusted hard into me, filling me up in one smooth glide, and I tensed beneath him. That damn blessed piercing rubbed against my g-spot, and I saw stars. I wasn’t sure how loud I was moaning. I was too busy feeling to know, and bloody hell, what a feeling it was. I’d never go without a pierced cock again, I knew.