Authors: Candace Knoebel
“Fenn,” I started, cut off by the strum of his fingers on the guitar. I loved when he played. Many a night he would play for me after a nightmare, or if I had a really bad day, but lately we had been so busy… It had been forever since he played for me.
He closed his eyes and let his fingers work their magic as a silken breeze wove around us. Beautiful notes played softly in my ears while his velvet voice hummed along. I knew this song. I had heard it before. I leaned in, trying to remember where I knew it from, when suddenly it dawned on me. It was the same song I heard playing whenever an intimate moment occurred between us. Eve had said our souls were bound by The Fates…
He opened his eyes. They burned with an intensity that touched my soul as his voice continued humming, pulling me to a place I had never been before.
I was so completely enthralled by him and by the delicate notes he strummed. I closed my eyes and for a moment was lost in our future. Hand in hand, having children and turning grey together, laughter lines etched around our mouths. My heart slowed as it recognized the truth.
I was wholeheartedly in love with him.
The music stopped and he laid his guitar down and took a seat next to me, nudging my side with his elbow. I was still mesmerized, gazing at him dreamily. A smile lit up his face and then he said, “Look Rory, a shooting star!”
I followed his gaze and caught sight of the tail of the star falling. “Make a wish,” he whispered into my hair. I squeezed my eyes as tight as they would go, wishing that Fenn and I would get through this together in one piece.
Suddenly, I felt heavy. The dream began to fade as blood red eyes replaced the laughter lines and silver hair. The pressure to fulfill my destiny and the responsibility to figure everything out before I ran out of time was too much to handle. It will always be there no matter how much I want to be normal. I can’t escape it.
I stood to excuse myself, caught up in the moment and needing some space. But Fenn grabbed my arm.
“Rory, look, I’m in love with you,” he confessed, his eyes full of passion.
No, don’t do this to me, not right now. This isn’t how I imagined easing into things.
“I just don’t know what to feel. That kiss, it was, it just, it happened, and now I don’t know how to come back from that, how to move on pretending that I didn’t kiss your beautiful, perfect mouth.”
He grabbed my face and stared at my lips, making my knees feel like jelly.
“Fenn, I can’t.” I pulled my face from his hands and went back inside. He followed me in. I stopped and faced him. “I don’t want to ruin what we have. What if a relationship doesn’t work between us? I mean, you haven’t even told me what happened back at the library.”
Tears fell as I put my head in my hands. Why was this so confusing? It should have been easy. I love him, he loves me… But I had never worn my heart on my sleeve so it wasn’t that easy.
Fenn took two steps and stood in front of me, holding onto my arms. “Tell me you don’t feel anything. Tell me you didn’t enjoy that kiss and that you don't want more,” he begged through pained words. “Tell me that you haven’t felt this way for a long time. Put all the other crap aside…you’ve decided to give it all up, Rory, for what?” He let the question hang. “That tells me something, Rory. Whatever it was that brought you to that decision, hang on to it. For once, be honest and fair to yourself. I know you’ve heard the lullaby before tonight. It drives me insane every time it plays in my head. I can’t seem to shake it.” He was frantic, making it harder for me to reject my feelings. I didn’t want to let him down or even let my own heart down, but how could I go along with this? One of us had to salvage our friendship.
“All I want is to love you, Rory. I want so much more than our friendship.” He looked up to the ceiling with the most angelic smile I’d ever seen on him and then continued with laughter tingeing his voice. “I can finally say this after all this time of denying.”
His eyes were desperate as he waited for a response. I couldn’t lie, but I hoped that I could hide the shock from him. I had heard the lullaby, and I had felt this way…for a really long time. I may not have paid attention, but my heart had always pounded for only him.
“Fenn, I…” I hesitated, contemplating my answer to make sure I was being fair to myself. I should just go for it, I should. But a knock came at the door. Once again, a stupid sign.
Fenn looked over and headed to answer it. A second knock sounded, reminding me to exhale. At least I had another moment to think.
“Who is it?” Fenn asked, his voice going an octave lower. I had to admit that I found it sexy when he got territorial. He looked out the peephole and waited for the person to respond. I fidgeted, straightening out my shirt and checking my breath.
“I’ve got a message for you,” came the voice from the other side of the door. It was close to midnight. Was it someone from the other realm?
I was going to mention that before he opened the door, but he beat me to it as parking lot lights flooded our dimly lit room.
“One sec,” he said as he cracked the door. Whoever was on the other side must have handed him a letter because a moment later he was standing in front of me, a note in his hand.
“What is it?”
Fenn stood there for a second examining the delivery.
“Well, it’s a letter to…” He flipped over the envelope and read, “Fenn?”
“It’s for you?” I asked as my earlier dread resurfaced.
He ripped open the seal and unfolded the crinkled paper. His eyes danced wildly over the words as he read silently to himself. No emotion showed on his face. It seemed like a millennium of waiting. I bit my fingernails in nervous anticipation.
“Well?” I asked impatiently.
He paused and looked up at me with a strange look in his eyes. Where had my Fenn gone?
“It’s from my mom,” he answered in disbelief. He rushed over to his suitcase and started throwing anything and everything he could into it. It startled me so I followed him, trying to stop him with my hands on his chest.
“Fenn, stop, listen to me. What’s going on?” I asked. “Where are you going?” I paused, waiting for his answer that didn’t come. “What are you doing?” The questions kept rolling but he kept ignoring me. My worry had built to boiling point. I felt him slipping away. I could no longer maintain my cool.
“Stop it, Fenn!” I shouted, shoving the clothes out of his hands with force. My voice had changed slightly, my dragon side trying to take over from the swell of emotion.
He stopped, looking up at me through new eyes. “I remember,” he said, his tone strangely detached. His face held such pain, it twisted a knife into my heart. The something that I had known was coming just made its sparkling appearance. I had known all along that one day he would eventually leave me, but why did it have to be today?
“What do you mean, you remember?” I shoved him away from his suitcase and got into his face. “Fenn, what's going on? What are you hiding from me? Why are you doing this? I thought I meant more to you,” I kept on, pushing him back with my hands, letting all of my frustration surface. His eyes filled with anger, his pupils shrinking, and I felt my own rage flourish from the betrayal. “I knew you would do this to me,” I shouted. “I knew you would leave me, everyone always does!”
Fenn looked up with a dark gaze, one I had never seen before. In a flash he had me pinned to the wall I had backed him into. “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!” His fist landed beside my head, leaving a hole as a trace of the moment.
Both of our chests panted heavily as we realized that the level of anger had gone too far. “You’re scaring me,” was the only thing I managed to say as my face fell, the adrenaline subsiding. Fear and pain pushed tears to my eyes. His whole demeanor had changed, like there was a stranger standing in front of me. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, drawing his forehead down to rest on mine.
I felt him soften. “I remember everything from before, Rory. And now you’re in danger because of it. I should never have put on that ring. It’s mine, and it was my way to return home, but I shouldn’t have put it on until after we found all the keys. I’ve screwed it all up, Rory,” he said, breaking off on the verge of tears, “and now I have to leave because if I stay, they will find you. My memories are traceable and weaken the spell that is protecting you. Being around me is…not safe anymore,” he broke off, barely able to finish. “I’m so sorry, Rory.” His voice was strained, his teeth clenched tight.
“Who are
they
, Fenn?” I asked, my voice guarded.
“Zordon…he will find you. I have to go, like right now. The letter enforced what unlocked inside me this afternoon. Remember the prophecy? Well, I’m the third of three, deemed protector to the progeny,” he finished, repeating that line of the prophecy. “I don’t know how I am third of something, but I do know that you’re the progeny and I am your protector, and right now leaving is the best way I can protect you.” He resumed packing. I was as still as a statue, trying to absorb everything at lightning speed.
He stopped and walked back over to me, grabbing hold of my arms. “Are you listening?” I nodded.
“I need you to keep going. Giving up would have been a mistake. Everything makes sense now, and it will for you soon. We will be together again, I promise. You just have to stay safe and get to the altar. Here,” he said, taking the ring off and handing it to me. “It will unlock the altar which holds a key. Bob was right about that. Find the keys, and you will find your way back to me. They’re waiting for me. I have to go now okay? I love you, Rory,” he finished hoarsely, firmly kissing my forehead, holding my neck with both hands, and then pushing away from me.
They?
I slid the ring back on and watched in disbelief as he impatiently finished his packing and zipped up his bag. Then he headed towards the door.
“Stay with me,” I heard myself saying, or did I say it? I must have been in shock because I couldn’t think or see anymore. Tears clouded my vision. I heard Fenn pause at the door, and then, just like that, he was gone. My heart shattered.
Just when I thought I had made my decision and found my life, it was cruelly stolen from me. This couldn’t be happening. Not to me, not to us. In between all of the craziness of the past few days, I’d somehow managed to believe that we were going to make it through all of this…together. But it was too late now, too late for me to prepare myself and too late for me to change the situation.
Chapter 18
Wake Up Already!
TIME HAD NO SIGNIFICANCE. I sat in our room that night, barely moving from my place on the floor where I had collapsed in a fit of tears after he left. I found myself thinking Emo thoughts, like if my heart stopped, then maybe this ripping pain would go away.
It was the worst and most un-like me moment of my life. Being a zombie was not something I enjoyed, but it was all I could muster.
The next morning I numbly stood in the shower for hours, lost in despair. The sting of ice-cold water shocked me into turning it off. Where had the comforting, numbing burn of hot water gone? I grimaced. I must have emptied the hot water heater.
I was shivering as I tried to uncurl myself from the bunched up position I sat in. It took me a good minute since a few of my muscles had fallen asleep.
I wrapped a towel around me and then another around my hair, finally looking at myself for the first time. My eyes looked permanently red and swollen. I reached up and gently ran my fingers around them. My skin felt raw. “I’m a mess,” I said out loud.
Being like this was not going to cut it. I needed to pull myself together. Worse things had happened to me, right? That thought almost had me sliding further into the pit of despair I was trying to pull myself out of.
I left the bathroom and found tissues scattered aimlessly around the room, making me feel totally pathetic. Nothing had ever affected me this much, but then again, I’d never been left completely alone before. If I could take my parents leaving me, then why couldn’t I handle this? I huffed to myself as the answer hit me. I knew and loved Fenn, as opposed to my parents who I didn’t even remember.
Anger began to rise up from the depths of my belly. How could he do this to me? I had picked him, had decided to give up on my destiny so we could have a life together. And all for what? For this? For him to selfishly leave me? What if he’s in trouble? And he expects me to do all of this alone?
Boy, did I make a wrong choice. It was then that I noticed the stars on the ceiling, the constellation he had carefully mapped out for me after we had first moved in. Stupid shooting star. I cursed myself for jinxing us last night.
In a hazy blur I tore each and every star from that ceiling, vehemently throwing them into a garbage bag. Cursing each one. Cursing Fenn. But most of all, cursing myself for listening to what my heart wanted.
It felt good to wipe him away, to try and burn the evidence of the hole he’d left in me. It felt like I was getting back at him.
“Screw you, Fenn,” I screamed, tears welling up again. What was I thinking, falling for him? I knew it would never have worked. If my parents deserted me so easily, why would I expect Fenn to stick around? I mean, come on, do I have some sort of “Abandon me” expiration date stamped across my forehead? He didn’t have to leave. We could have made it through the danger together. I know we could have.
I put the engorged garbage bag full of my heartbreak by the door, thinking that I would take it to the dumpster later.
I dusted off my hands. The room was barren. No more stars on the ceiling, no more posters on the wall, no more of Fenn’s clothes that he’d forgotten to grab lying on the floor. It was as if he was never here.
And suddenly I felt like the most selfish person in the world. Erasing him didn’t erase the hurt I felt, and it didn’t justify giving up on him. He told me to find him. It’s not about my destiny anymore, or finding the keys. It’s about finding Fenn. He had to go back to our past…without me…and I needed to get to that place so I could tell him that I loved him. So I could make things right.
I looked around with a sudden burst of hope. I had to find those keys if I was going to find Fenn. Nothing was going to stop me.
First, I needed to find Mr. Creepy.
I locked up and headed down the stairs towards the infamous bus stop. I needed to eat, and I needed to bump into Mr. Creepy. That always seemed to happen when I was out.
As I walked past the rooms on the bottom level of the motel, I popped a piece of chewing gum in my mouth to curb my hunger. One of the dingy moth-eaten curtains moved, and a set of pale, bloodshot eyes met mine, instantly freezing me on spot. Oh…my…god. Those are Mr. Creepy’s eyes. My blood began to boil at the sight of him, energy instantly rushing towards the palms of my hands.