Born of Shadows (33 page)

Her mother was dead and she was being blamed for it. Every known government was looking to arrest and then execute them. Public humiliation and death.

My life is over and I’m innocent…

Caillen froze as he felt a hesitant hand brush through his hair. He turned his head to see Desideria staring at him with a look in her eyes that was both vulnerable and sexy.

He let out a relieved breath. “Oh thank the gods it’s you. It would have seriously messed up my day to have Hauk or Fain start coming on to me in the middle of all this shit.”

She laughed. “You are not right.”

“So they tell me. Often.” He jerked his chin to the seat beside him. “Lend us a hand?”

“I’m not a pilot.”

“I just need you to key in a sequence with me to unlock the controls so that I can get us out of here.”

“I can’t read Andarion,” she reminded him.

“You won’t need to. It’s a simple sequence. You move your hands with mine to the same place on your panel and we’ll be fine. Or we’ll explode, but I’m hoping you have more rhythm than Hauk.”

Cringing over what she hoped was more humor and not a true prognosis, she sat down and ran through it with him. She had no idea what she was doing, but his patient, calm voice walked her through every stroke and made it as simple as he’d promised.

Luckily they didn’t blow up.

Just as she finished, Hauk and Fain returned. There was a satisfied gleam in Fain’s eerie eyes that said he’d thoroughly enjoyed tossing the other Andarions off the ship.

Hauk moved to stand behind her chair as he went over her settings. Then he looked at Caillen. “We’ll have about two more minutes until the Andarions realize we’re alive and on this ship.”

Caillen nodded, punching in coordinates. “You know the drill. Strap tight what you don’t want to lose.”

As soon as they did, Caillen banked the ship and spun it straight toward the wormhole. That alerted the Enforcers who instantly gave chase.

Fain cursed as the Enforcers opened fire on them again. “You could learn a little subtlety, Dagan.”

Caillen scoffed. “Subtlety is for those who lack the skills and the balls to be bold.”

Fain’s glare was murderous. “Subtlety is for those with the brains to not get a fleet chasing after them.”

Caillen snorted a denial. “I’m in a real ship now, boy. You forget that this is what I do for fun. There’s no danger here.”

Desideria would argue that, but instead she gripped the arms of her chair as Caillen narrowly flew between two fighters, shooting the whole way.

A warning light flashed.

Fain cursed. “Ah now you’ve gone and broke the damn ship, Dagan. Can’t we let you do anything?”

Caillen made an obscene gesture at him.

Just as she was sure they’d be caught again, Caillen did a hard right and dip that slid them straight and smoothly into the wormhole. For a merest slip of time everything went dark. All power vanished before it came back on and they shot forward with a force so strong, it plastered her against the seat.

As they leveled out, Caillen turned a smug smirk at all of them. “And you actually doubted me.” He tsked chidingly.

“Every minute you live and breathe,” Fain muttered. He took the controls by slapping Caillen’s hands away. “Now get away from there before you do any more damage to my limited sanity.”

Caillen started to protest, but Hauk stopped him. “We have a couple of hours before we make it to Sentella VII. Why don’t you two take a breather?”

Fain agreed. “And a bath while you’re at it.”

“I don’t stink.” Caillen’s tone was completely offended.

Fain raked a contradictory grimace over Caillen’s scuffed appearance. “Trust me, human, you reek. When was the last time you washed anyway?”

Caillen tucked his hands into his back pockets before he recovered his usual good humor. “Yeah, all right. So I
might
resemble that remark. You still don’t have to be so rude about it.”

“You think this is rude—”

“People!” Hauk said, breaking up their argument. “Let’s stow the attitudes and take a moment to be grateful we’re alive and intact which given Caillen’s suicidal tendencies and limited piloting abilities is amazing. You know, we did just live through a miracle.”

Caillen would argue that it was a testament to his skills and not an esoteric being, but as he caught the grief that hung heavy in Desideria’s eyes, he decided to heed Hauk’s words. She could use a break and honestly, so could he. “Fine. We’ll be in the crew quarters if you need us.”

Hauk took over his chair the minute he left it. Relinquishing the controls—which was a really hard thing for him to do—Caillen led Desideria down the narrow hallway, so designed to keep any outside attackers in single file and to limit their movements, to the small bunk room where the normal crew could take their breaks should they be on a long patrol. There wouldn’t be much of a shower there, but it would be enough for a quick rinse and hopefully one of the original Andarion crew members would have had a penchant for soap. Maybe even shampoo.

He opened the door to the room and let Desideria enter first. The lights came on automatically as she headed to the corner where a small round table and two padded chairs were set next to a cooling unit and food cabinet. Three narrow, stacked bunks lined the opposite wall next to the small shower stall. “You okay?”

Her eyes were haunted. “Nnse andeally. I’m… weirdly numb.”

“Yeah. Me too. It’s a lot to take in and we’ve been hammered with it over a very short period of time. The mind tends to shut down so that we can cope.” Unfortunately, it would hit them both later and be even harder to deal with.

Like when his adoptive father had died when he was a kid.

He’d been completely normal for three days as he bribed the doctors and helped his sisters cope, then after the funeral when he’d been on his way to school, something inside him had snapped. In a back alley alone, he’d cried until he made himself sick.

No one knew about that and they never would. It’d taken him hours to pull himself back together.

“Don’t worry, Princess. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

Desideria didn’t respond as the reality of her predicament hit her all over again. There was no escape for them. No hope. All of her dreams of a future were gone. This could very well be the last day she’d live…

Fear and grief choked her. “I’m not ready to die yet.”

“You won’t.”

How easy he made that sound. But not even his conviction could sell that lie to her. The truth was cold and harsh.

And it was in her face.

I’m the walking dead.
They would condemn her for this and there was nothing she could do.

He held his hand out to her. “C’mon. Take a shower and you’ll feel better.”

She scoffed at his useless optimism. “A shower won’t cure my problems.”

“No, but it’ll help your mood. I promise.”

“Yeah, right. It won’t—”

He silenced her words with a kiss so hot it set fire to her blood. Her head spun at the warmth of his hard body pressing against hers. Of the sensation of his arms wrapped around her waist. Her raw and ragged emotions were so overwhelming and confusing.

No one had ever held her like this before.

Like she was precious. Like she mattered.

Like she was loved…

In that moment, something inside her burst. All her repressed emotions flooded through her with a ferocity so intense that it left her as breathless as his kiss.

But the one thing that held her grounded fast and kept her sane during this insanity was the taste of his lips. The scent of a man who had walked her through hell and had stood by her every step of the way.

A man who had protected her even when they’d been fighting against each other. No one had ever sown her that kindness or consideration.

One way or another, her life would be forfeit. Even though she’d lived her entire existence with her singular purpose to be dutiful and to make her mother proud—all of that was for nothing now.

Absolutely nothing.

But if she had to die, she wanted something for herself. Something uniquely hers.

She wanted Caillen. She wanted to go to her grave with the memory of his touch forever branded on her skin. To know what it was like to be with him, just the two of them with no pretense or regrets.

For the first time in her life, she felt like she was making a choice not out of duty or obligation. She was making a choice for her because it was something she wanted.

You’re Qillaq, bound by the laws of your people
.

Yes, and part of that was knowing herself. Deciding her own fate and not allowing anyone to rule her. Ever. Her mother was dead. It was up to her to find the killers and bring them to justice. Only she could do that. But until they landed, there was no way to pursue her traitors. Nothing to do except claim the only man who’d ever made her feel like she was human.

A man who touched a part of her no one ever had before.

Caillen growled as he felt the change in Desideria’s kiss and in her mood. She clutched him against her, taking control of the situation in a way he’d only dreamed about. His senses spun as she explored his mouth and teased his lips with her teeth.

Oh yeah, baby…

This was what he’d been craving since the moment he first saw her. Every hormone inside him was salivating, dying for a taste of her body. When she pulled back to stare up at him, he felt his cock harden even more. He waited for her to speak, but she didn’t. Instead, she opened his shirt and splayed her hands over his chest, brushing against his bruised flesh. Her caress sent chills down the entire length of his body.

In that moment he was undone and he knew there was no going back.

“Don’t start this fire, Desideria. Not unless you intend to see it through.”

She leaned in to nip his chin. “I’m willing to see it through.”

He kissed her quickly, then moved toward the shower so that he could start the water.

She frowned at him. “What are you doing?”

“In the event Fain is right for the first time in his life, I don’t want to offend you with my body odor.”

Laughing, she shook her head. “As you would say, I think I resemble that remark. It’s been a few days for me too.”

“Yes, but you smell a lot better than I do. Believe me, my sisters tutored me well on the fact that men stink more than womeneve me, ont>

“I don’t know. I’d run my sisters up against the smelliest beasts in the universe. In fact, Cissy is always complaining that if we could bottle Gwen’s sweat we’d have an entirely new biological weapon capable of dropping entire armies after one sniff. And I have to say, it’s pretty potent.”

Desideria sobered as Caillen undressed and he exposed more and more of that delectable flesh for her hungry gaze. Okay, her sisters weren’t crazy. There was definitely something to be said for a man’s naked body and Caillen’s was exquisite. From his broad, muscled shoulders to the flat, tight stomach she could do laundry on, down his long, hairy legs all the way to his feet. Yes, he was bruised and wounded, but it didn’t detract from the beauty of him at all.

She reversed her gaze and heat exploded across her face as she saw the part of him that was uniquely male. God love him, he was totally unabashed by his nudity. What she wouldn’t give to be so secure in her own looks. And she was both fascinated and terrified by that stiff male part of him. It was alien and strange, and at the same time beautiful and beguiling.

His gentle laughter teased her as he reached out and pulled her closer to him. “It won’t bite you, sweet, and neither will I… at least not without an invitation.”

She shivered as he started opening her shirt and her old insecurities slammed into her. Would he find her unappealing? “You know I’ve never been with a man before.”

He froze before those sharp eyes narrowed on her. “How is that possible?”

“I haven’t earned the right yet.”

He scowled at her. “Then why would you—”

She cut his words off by placing the tip of her finger against his lips. “We’re not on Qilla now. I think I want to try your customs for a while.”

He nibbled her fingertip, savoring the salty taste of her skin. “Are you sure about this? Sex is the one thing you can’t undo. The last thing I want to be is a mistake that eats on your conscience.”

She stared at him in awe. “Are you always so concerned about your lovers and their feelings?”

Caillen swallowed as those words took him back to the day he’d found his sister after her rape. She’d been so shattered and hurt. So damaged both mentally and physically. That one moment in time was forever branded into his heart and mind. The way Shahara had clung to him, then cursed him for being male. The way she’d cut her hair and then refused to be touched by anyone for years afterward. All the times she’d been afraid to leave their apartment. Even now, after all this time and her extensive combat training, she’d cringe if he came up behind her when she wasn’t paying attention. And she still rarely hugged or touched him.

He would never do that to another human being. Never tear a woman down to that level, especially not one who meant as much to him as Desideria did. “I don’t want to be something you regret. Ever.”

Desideria’s eyes teared up. In that oment, she made a horrifying discovery.

She was falling in love with a lunatic rogue who lived with a death wish. One who had an amazing smile and an irritating ego. That realization floored her.

Love. Such a stupid emotion. She’d never understood it. Not until right now as she stared into the dark eyes of the only person she’d ever trusted with her safety. The only person she’d ever taken care of even though she didn’t know how. This man who was grating, arrogant and annoying.

And perfectly wonderful.

She wanted to cry from the fierce emotions that swelled inside her. A part of her wanted to devour him. Another part just wanted to hold him until everything was good again.

Unable to stand it, she pulled him into her arms and just let the sensation of his body soothe hers. It felt so good to be so close to him.