Authors: Kade Boehme
Chapter 4
Jay was embarrassed he’d gotten so damn drunk at Woody’s. He’d apologized to Landon as soon as he saw him. He was accustomed to the occasional beer, but he’d overdone it without realizing it. He’d had a couple before he ordered the bucket and felt like a total jackass that he’d had to have a DD. Hell, his DD was the younger guy. Landon should have been the one that needed a ride, not Jay’s almost-middle-aged ass.
Landon insisted it was okay, though. Jay’d had a good time hanging out with Landon, but he was mortified he’d embarrassed himself in front of the man. And he’d drunkenly admitted to Landon and a very attractive younger woman that his cock was out of the game because of a few beers. Jesus, he’d never get laid again at this rate. No doubt, after blowing off Fiona—Alicia? Felicia?—his ability to pull with even the sure-things was going to go out the window.
Jay was certain Landon wouldn’t want to have a beer with him again since he couldn’t hold his damn booze. Jay was surprised, though, when he offered to make it up to Landon and invited him over for football at his place and Landon accepted. Landon teased him every time he offered him a beer, but over the next three weeks, Landon had come over a couple times, sometimes just to shoot the shit.
It’d been nice having someone around while his kids were at his ex in-laws. The visits weren’t much to write home about, but they would companionably chat about work or watch a game. The company was nice, but … that didn’t account for the still indescribable contentedness he had in Landon’s company. He’d had it once or twice with guy friends in high school, a co-worker in his earlier twenties, but he hadn’t been close to many folks after the kids got older and life got more demanding.
He’d lost himself in his marriage at some point. Bethany had too. They freely admitted it to each other the day she came to him with the idea to finally separate. They were not much more than roommates. And life’d been good, simple, but he wasn’t sure when he’d started feeling so old. He hadn’t realized he had no one other than his kids and Bethany until he’d actually been on his own again.
That was what he figured these feelings were with Landon, like he finally had a friend again. A guy to pal around with. Someone who wasn’t around to judge or talk about bills or expect anything from him. He loved his kids, and his family had always been important to him, but there was an easy peace that came with being around Landon.
“Hey, man,” Landon said with a wave as he plopped in a chair next to Jay’s desk, pulling Jay out of his thoughts.
“Hey. What’s up, man?” Jay leaned back in his chair and stretched a bit.
“Wanna come to my house this weekend? We’re doing a catfish fry—me, Mitchell, Brittany, and my folks. It’s kinda tradition the weekend before Thanksgiving. You can bring the kids.”
Jay hadn’t met Landon’s two closest friends yet, but he’d heard plenty about them. “Bethany is coming down from Atlanta and taking the kids this weekend. They’re spending the weekend with her parents, then off to hang out in the big city with their mama for Fall Break. So it’ll just be me rattling around the house.”
“Oh, yeah. Forgot you mentioned that. Well, definitely stop by then, if you feel up to it.”
“Great, I’ll plan on it.”
“Awesome.” Landon stood and went to drop his mileage log sheets on Ms. Lynne’s desk. “Y’all have a good afternoon. I’m taking an extra load out tonight.”
“Have a good afternoon, sugar,” Ms. Lynne said with a pleasant smile.
Jay went back to his work, but didn’t get far into it before Ms. Lynne sat in the chair Landon had just vacated. “Somethin’ I can do for you, Ms. Lynne?”
“You and Landon sure seem to have gotten close.”
Jay frowned at how she seemed to be accusing him of something, though of what, he wasn’t sure. “Yes, ma’am.”
She leaned in, conspiratorially. “Friendly word of advice.”
Jay put down the pen he’d been writing with and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair. “What’s that?”
“Be careful. You’re an attractive man, don’t wanna give him no wrong ideas, is all.”
Jay frowned. What the fuck did she mean by that? Ms. Lynne seemed fond of Landon, had worked with him for years. He didn’t understand the disapproval that came off her in waves. “I don’t think I get what you mean?”
“Look, I don’t like to tell people’s business. And I love that boy, known him since he was a little guy.” She looked around as if someone might be listening around the corner. “Landon is a bit fruity, if you know what I mean.”
Jay clenched his jaw. Yeah, he knew what she meant and it was fucked up of her to talk shit about Landon when he wasn’t here to defend himself. What if she’d said these lies to someone who’d take it out on Landon’s ass physically; someone who wasn’t Landon’s friend? “Ms. Lynne, I’m surprised at you.”
“Now, don’t look at me like that, Jay Hill. I don’t never gossip and you know that.” He did know that. She was loud and rough around the edges, but she was never one to talk out of turn. That was why this whole thing was surprising to him. “I just know you have him around your kids. I don’t mind what a grown man chooses to do on his own time, but you know how they are…”
“Ms. Lynne.” Jay’s voice was full of warning.
“I’m just sayin’. ‘Bout the only people who don’t know it are his parents. Everybody knows when he goes down to Jackson, he’s goin’ to that gay bar. My nephew Tim seen it with his own eyes.”
“So that means Tim was at a gay bar too?”
Ms. Lynne scoffed. “Means no such thing. There’s a liquor store right by that bar and Tim was comin’ out and happened to see ‘im.”
Jay was annoyed. Suuuure, Tim had been at the
liquor store
.
My left nut.
But could Landon really be gay? Not that he’d have a problem with it. Would he? It’d sure explain why Landon never seemed interested in any of the girls who tried to catch his eye when they were at Woody’s. Did it really matter either way?
Jay was inexplicably more disturbed by the thought that Landon didn’t trust him with that information then by the fact he was gay. Jay’d told Landon about his divorce and how hard it had been adjusting. He’d told Landon about how bad it’d hurt when he and Bethany lost the baby that had been the catalyst for their getting married in the first place. He knew being gay was a hard thing to admit to, especially where they lived. Surely, Landon would know Jay wouldn’t judge him and neither would his kids. At least Jay liked to think none of them would. He hated to admit he’d never really thought anything on gays or gay rights. Didn’t seem like something that was part of their world, though he knew that was silly.
Gays just seemed like a TV thing, a network news thing, a city thing. Jay had never even met someone who was openly gay. Thinking Landon might be, he cringed to admit, boggled his mind.
“Just thought you should know,” Ms. Lynne finished. She obviously had mistaken Jay’s silence, his being annoyed for the opposite reason that it was intended.
Jay knew he’d probably been strange around Landon since Ms. Lynne had opened her big mouth. But he felt it was something he should talk to Landon about one-on-one, if at all, and he’d been busy with his kids and work, and the next time he’d be around Landon was going to be that damn fish fry with Landon’s family and friends.
And strangely, very unwelcome, he suddenly felt itchy in his skin. Landon and Ms. Lynne’s information bomb—true or not—had sucker punched Jay in the gut. An awkward something sat on the edge of his mind, a sense of being too big for his own body.
Thankfully, with his kids busy with exams and getting ready to go off to Atlanta, and work being busy with huge orders and payroll, he hadn’t had five minutes to think on it.
When Friday came around, Jay had barely gotten in the front door before Bethany was knocking. “Hey, stranger,” she greeted with a smile and a hug.
“Hey, Beths.” It was nice to see her in person. He hadn’t seen her in months. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her until she was there in front of him.
“Where are the kids?”
“Getting their stuff ready.” Jay led the way to the kitchen where he offered Bethany some coffee. She took the mug with thanks. He couldn’t help appreciating how good she looked these days. She was glowing. Her hair was longer and her clothes much more chic than anything she’d owned when they were married. She looked every bit the city girl she was now.
“You look great,” he said, meaning it.
“Thanks,” she preened. “You do too. You seem happy.”
Jay wasn’t sure what to say to that. He knew he was much more settled these days, but didn’t think he was doing anything different.
That’s a lie and you know it.
The unbidden thoughts were rolling around. The ones he’d been trying to laugh off since Ms. Lynne had opened her big mouth. One emotional crisis at a time, please.
“Uh, thanks.”
“Are you seeing someone?” she asked with a hint of friendly suspicion.
“No, not seeing anyone.”
She eyed him carefully. “You sure? You haven’t been able to talk for weeks. The kids commented on you being out a lot on the weekends.”
“Oh, no. Just hanging out with my buddy, Landon. You remember Landon Petty?”
“Hell yeah. How’s he doing? Haven’t seen him since he was—what, twelve, thirteen?”
“Probably. He’s good. He’s working for his daddy.”
“Well, it’s good y’all are hanging out. Is he still a loner like he used to be?”
“Yeah, still pretty much keeps to himself.” Even trying to hide his irritation at the truth behind those words, Bethany picked up something wasn’t right. She knew him entirely too well to try to hide anything from her.
“Everything okay?”
“Oh. Just remembered something from work I forgot to do.” He hated lying and was sure she knew he was, but he didn’t want to talk about it with her. “So, any big plans for the week?”
She looked like she might keep trying to pry, but obviously decided against it. “Not really. Just doing the family stuff. Aunt Theresa and Uncle Robert are coming down from South Dakota, so it’ll be a full house at mama and daddy’s.”
Jay smiled at the memories that brought back. Bethany’s family always did holidays big. Everyone would come from their corners of the country to stay with her parents, and they did big feasts and everyone doted on the grandkids.
“You still planning to come for Thanksgiving?”
“Of course,” he answered. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Good,” she said. “Good.” She let out a contented sigh. “It’ll be good having the whole family around.”
“Sure will. It’s been a long time.”
“It has,” she agreed. She leaned back against the counter. “We’ve had it good.”
Jay nodded and leaned on the counter opposite her and it was like time had never passed. They sipped their coffee in companionable silence, listening to the kids bicker upstairs. They occasionally smiled, enjoying the memories the scenario brought back.
At some point, Bethany leaned in with her hand on Jay’s forearm, laughing at the kids’ banter. It was a move she’d done a million times since they’d known each other. But something was different. Jay couldn’t put his finger on it. It was like something was missing. Like someone who wasn’t Bethany should be here.
Then it struck him. Landon. He wished Landon was there. He wished Landon was leaning in with his strong, capable hands touching him.
Jay’s breath hitched.
Fuck.
Why was he thinking that way? He didn’t mind if Landon was gay, but Jay wasn’t. He’d never thought of a man like that. Ever. And here he was wanting to replace Bethany in his presence with Landon.
What the fuck?
“You okay?” Bethany was frowning at the obvious change in Jay’s mood. Jay wasn’t sure what the fuck to say. He was absolutely blown away with the sudden image of kissing Landon.
Thankfully, the kids chose that moment to bound into the kitchen. “Mommy!” Millie bounced over and hugged Bethany, who studied Jay for one more uncomfortable moment before turning her attention to her daughter.
“Hey, sweetie. Ready to go to grandma and poppaw’s?”
Jay watched silently as the kids hugged their mother and discussed the things they hoped to do while they were in Atlanta. Bethany and Jay shared amused glances.
“Alright, kiddos,” Jay said, plopping a hand on each of their shoulders and pulling them in for hugs. His heart felt full when they reciprocated. Pain in the ass teenagers they were, but they were also his.
“You two behave for your grandparents. And have fun with your mama.” He looked up at Bethany. “And if you need anything, give me a holler. I’ll be around.”