Authors: Emily Jane Trent
But he couldn’t let her go. Tanner looked at the lackluster, darkened countryside of England and felt a void in his life, in his heart, that he could not endure. Without Natalie, this is what his life would be like, forever more.
He couldn’t live without her. He didn’t want to.
Tanner threw on his coat as he bounded out the door of the cottage. He revved up the magenta sports car and sped off. He’d have to persuade her, that was all there was to it. No matter the reason for her abrupt departure, he’d do whatever he had to, to convince her to stay.
He glided over the rolling hills with his bright lights on, driving fast but carefully. He had time to think. Different ideas tossed around in his mind. It had to work. They belonged together.
He reflected on his recent revelations by William, from his grave, via the detailed personal journal. He realized that William knew Tanner would find the journal, eventually. He hadn’t locked it up. So, that meant he wanted him to find it.
William wanted Tanner to know. Yes, he wanted him to know that he, William, was his
real
father. Tanner was still adjusting to the idea.
Caitlyn had come to the cottage with William, so many years ago. A few of her things were still in the closets. Tanner thought he’d recognized the dresses, but didn’t immediately place them. They were his mother’s.
William had one love in his life. He wanted Tanner to know. That love, the one woman he loved, was Caitlyn. It was unseemly to have an affair with the maid. William never stood on propriety. He loved her, and would have announced it to the world.
But Caitlyn had gotten pregnant. She’d told him the baby boy belonged to Kenneth Cassel. It would have made sense to William. He wasn’t able to be with Caitlyn often. Ken would fly into a rage of jealousy, if she weren’t home as expected.
Finding time alone was painfully rare
. Caitlyn worked for him, after all. And they stole precious moments alone together, a few times, when Ken had been detained for drunkenness. But, not often.
So, William believed Tanner was legitimately Kenneth’s son. He didn’t want to break up a family. Thus, he tried to stay away from Caitlyn. Yet, his heart was broken. He loved her, whether it was good for them or not. He just did.
The fatal day that Ken was imprisoned for abuse, William was besought with grief over the injuries to Caitlyn. He worried over Tanner, who was only a young boy at the time. Once Caitlyn pressed charges, Ken was sentenced. She knew he wouldn’t be coming home soon. She was able to be with William.
It was a happy day, despite the sad circumstances. They could be together. William’s conscience nagged at him that she was a married woman, although unhappily married. He loved her with all his heart.
When Ken didn’t survive prison, William asked Caitlyn to marry him. She agreed, but the marriage never happened. She grew very ill, and didn’t live long. Before she passed on, there was something very important she’d told William.
On her death bed, Caitlyn told William that he had a son. Tanner was his son. For many years, she’d turned away from Kenneth. She locked her bedroom door from him. He’d slept in another bed, or found other women on his drinking escapades.
She hadn’t wanted to burden William. She was married at the time, and could raise Tanner. But, now that she was dying, she couldn’t leave Tanner alone in the world. She didn’t have to. He’d still have his father, William.
DNA tests confirmed what Caitlyn had said. Tanner was legitimately William’s son, and rightful heir. He’d adopted him to make it legal.
Caitlyn
hadn’t wanted to marry from her death bed. She professed eternal love for William, and could go peacefully, knowing that Tanner would have a life with his father.
It was a lot to take in.
William had lost Caitlyn. But, Tanner vowed he wouldn’t lose Natalie.
Heathrow was bustling. Fortunately, Tanner knew one of the airport executives, and got help in his efforts to intercept Natalie. He rapidly learned her flight number and scheduled departure time. He might be too late. She might be stepping on board that very moment.
In fact, Natalie was standing, clutching her purse to her chest, feeling the emptiness. Life without Tanner would be an empty void. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, exactly. She took a step forward, in a daze.
Over the loudspeaker, a voice boomed out a message. But, it wasn’t a flight announcement, or an apology for a delayed flight.
It was Tanner’s voice!
It couldn’t be
. She was imagining things. She’d lost her mind. No, it was definitely Tanner.
“Natalie Baker, don’t walk onto that flight. Wait for me. If ever you should do what I ask, this is the time. Wait. I’m coming to you,” Tanner barked over the loudspeaker.
Stunned, Natalie stopped in her tracks. She froze in place, unsure of her next action. Her heart was hurting like a hand squeezed it. She wanted to see Tanner. She wanted, more than life itself, to feel his embrace.
Her head told her to get on the plane. It was the best thing for Tanner. But, her heart wouldn’t let her.
She looked behind the podium, where the flight times were electronically displayed. She noticed the attendant pick up the phone receiver and listen. The uniformed woman furrowed her brow, as if puzzled. Then, she shrugged and hung up the phone.
The display
on the electronic board shifted. Natalie thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. There, on the electronic screen, was - not a flight number or boarding time - but a message. The screen was clear, except for three, brightly lit words:
Please wait, Natalie!
Before she could react or make sense of it all, she felt his familiar warmth behind her. His male smell and scent of expensive cologne were burned in her mind. She’d never forget that scent. Tanner.
His arms wrapped around her, from behind, and he held her tightly. Neither spoke. He hugged her tighter. And, she sagged against him. Tears of relief rolled down her cheeks.
Back in control, or at least getting there, Tanner spun her around and put his arm under her legs, lifting her and walking away, carrying her, possessively. He strode through the airport to a private VIP lounge. He sat her on a cushioned bench and locked the door behind him. It reminded Natalie of their first encounter in the small room at the concert hall. Did he know of private places everywhere?
“You can’t leave me,” he said, walking back to her. He sat next to her. “I mean…please, don’t leave me.” His blue eyes were intense. He held her hands in his, and Natalie felt weak.
“I’m freeing you,” she blurted out, before she considered what to say.
“What are you talking about?” Tanner looked at her, puzzled. “Who says I want to be free? Free of what?”
Natalie blushed. Surprisingly, she found it hard to talk about. What would she say? I saw you with another woman and I know you want to do things sexually that….
“Natalie?” Tanner was looking at her, his eyes soft, but worried.
It occurred to her that he was the one that started all this. He was the one with Aime. He was the one playing dumb here. Well, she wouldn’t be fooled, or be made a fool of. Emotions were running high, rationality had left her.
“You know what I’m talking about… Aime,” she accused.
“Aime?” Tanner repeated.
Natalie just looked at him.
“What about Aime? What’s she got to do with this?”
“I saw….,” Natalie looked away, tears filling her eyes again. Her heart was breaking, right here, in front of him. “I saw you…I saw her…hugging you.” Natalie began to sob, much against her will. She was at a loss to regain any composure. Her life, the only life she wanted was crumbling before her, and she was powerless to do anything about it.
“You were there?” Tanner said, incredulously.
“Yes,” she said through her sobs. “I was there.”
The silence grew heavy.
“I went by…after my meeting. I was going to have some tea. I knew you were going to be late, and it was a nice place to spend time. We…uh…we had a good time there.” Natalie sobbed, her chest heaving, involuntarily. She didn’t know if she’d ever stop crying.
“Baby,” Tanner said in a soft voice.
Something about his tone threw her of
f. Why wasn’t he apologetic? Or even remorseful? He sounded – kind. Just….kind. Natalie turned to look at him.
“You thought it was a romantic rendezvous?” Tanner said, knowing that’s exactly what she’d thought. He shook his head. “That’s what all this is about?”
“You weren’t
seeing
her? Aime?”
Tanner shook his head. “No, baby, I wasn’t. I was meeting one
of my managers, Joel Burton. He’s in charge of Clarke brands at the upcoming fashion show for London Fashion Week. He’s a Londoner, so we agreed to meet for tea.
I was as surprised to see
Aime as you were. She lives in Milan. She arrived to the meeting early. I didn’t even know she was going to be there. She wanted to explain that Joel had allowed her into the model line-up for the show. But, it was contingent on my approval. Joel knew about our blow-up in Milan.
I hadn’t told anyone
about what happened with Aime, but in the fashion world, word gets around. In her upset, Aime had blown off steam, and the incident in my lobby became a hot news item. I never mentioned it to you. I really didn’t care.
Aime
came to apologize. She wanted me to know that she’d behaved badly. She’d been overly emotional. She assured me that she wished me happiness. In fact, she’s met someone. He lives here in London, another reason for her working here.
I assured her that I didn’t hold a grudge. I’m not in the habit of being vindictive. And, that I’d let Joel know he had full approval to hire her. She was grateful
and hugged me. It was all very natural, and there was nothing more to it.”
Natalie flushed. She’d jumped to conclusions. She should have trusted him. Of all people, she should have trusted Tanner, but she hadn’t.
“I assumed you’d want a woman like Aime,” Natalie stuttered.
“A woman like what?”
Tanner retorted.
“A woman who…is more
experienced…who can give you the pleasure you need and deserve….who can do more for you than I can. I try, but….,” Natalie stalled, unable to explain how deeply she felt the pain of her insufficiency.
Tanner put his hands on her cheeks, forcing her to look directly at him. He kissed her gently, and leaned back to look at her again, without releasing her from his loving touch.
“The only woman I want is a woman like you, not Aime. No, I don’t want a woman like you. I want you. I want only you, and no other woman,” Tanner stated. He paused giving a moment for his words to sink in. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Natalie nodded, and then the impact of his statement imbued her body with
relief, pushing aside the pain of heartache. She might live, after all.
Tanner had confessed that his joy in life rested with her, that it would destroy him, if she left.
He drove her back to the cottage, stealing glances the whole way, like she might disappear, if he blinked. He had one strong hand on her thigh, squeezing reassuringly.
Natalie could not refuse him. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to be without him.
Whether he was good or bad for her, she’d see this through. Tanner is all she wanted. He was her life. And he’d convinced her that she was good for him, the best thing in his life.
It was
late by the time they got to the warmth of the little cottage. Natalie had the bizarre thought that she wished he’d punish her for running away. Her reactions weren’t recognizable to her anymore. Her love for Tanner seemed to be matched by her desire for the wild, taboo, deliciously sexual experiences they had together.