Bound by Love's Gravity (14 page)

If Sarah had a dirty mouth, she would have cursed. “You, Kylia, and
some
of the Doms? You want to get me into trouble?”

Ansley appeared positively giddy as she rubbed her hands together. “Got it in one. Did you think we did this on our own? We’re good but not that good. And not that stupid either.” She glanced pointedly at the corner where the mouthwatering trainer stood. “Sebastian was kind enough to take responsibility for you tonight.”

Pointing at various people around the room, Ansley gave an entire rundown of her fellow conspirators. By the time she finished, Sarah’s head hurt. They had to have included twenty people to pull of this scheme of theirs. When all was said and done, she’d never remember who to thank or shun, depending on the outcome of tonight.

Outcome? I’m acting like I decided to stay and play.
Sarah couldn’t help it. She laughed at her unintentional double entendre, drawing strange stares from both blondes. “What?” she asked, batting her eyelashes innocently. “I was just thinking.”

“About?” Kylia asked curiously, her inner psychologist peeking out.

Ansley elbowed Sarah. “God, let it be dirty.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Whether or not to stay and play.”

Ansley chuckled. “If you stay, you’ll play all right—when Adam and Deke get here.”

“How long do you think it’ll be?” Sarah hated to ask, but she was dying to know. If she decided to stay, she needed to prepare herself—mind, body, and soul—for whatever came her way.

Deke wasn’t likely to go down without a fight. After all, he hadn’t spoken to her since the two men had fought, just like Adam hadn’t come to visit her, not even once. Other than a couple of impersonal phone calls from Adam, she’d had no contact with the men. Although, from what she’d heard from Ansley, Deke and Adam hadn’t even had that. She’d told Sarah that Adam was staying with Declan while Deke remained at the club.

Of course, Sarah didn’t know anything for sure. Right now, Ansley and Kylia were the only ones talking about anything of substance.
More like gossiping.
So Sarah was being forced to rely on them for information about Deke and Adam.

Sarah sighed. She just wished that Adam would really talk to her. Every time he called, he refused to say a word about how he was feeling or what was going on with him. He just asked if she was okay and if she needed anything. When she lied and said she was fine, he hung up with nothing more than a pithy
good-bye
. And while they were on the phone, he never spoke of Deke. In fact, the only time he’d even uttered his partner’s name was when he’d told her of their argument. Even then, he’d only given her a few details. He’d said that they’d fought and they needed some space from each other and her. She’d asked questions, but he shut every one of them down. After that, he’d pushed her away and acted as though Deke didn’t exist.

Sarah started hyperventilating as she remembered the distance between them. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.
But what if it is?

Time, Sarah needed more time. She had to find a way to calm her racing heart and wipe her sweaty palms. And she needed to find a changing room. If she was going to stay, she hardly looked appealing in her favorite gray dress.
Oh sugar snap peas.
She should just give it up and go home.
Maybe tomorrow?
No. Not tomorrow. Today, gosh darn it.

“If we’re lucky, a while.” Ansley leaned back, arching her back sensuously. Sarah couldn’t help but notice the way her friend stared into the security camera and licked her lips lustily. “I want to see how much trouble I can get us into.”

Kylia chuckled. “You just want your ass whipped by Hale and Wyatt. That’s why you’re flirting with the camera.”

“Shut up,” Ansley growled. “You want to fuck my brother and Declan. Good luck with that.”

Sarah didn’t say it, but she had a feeling they were going to need a lot more than luck. Six Doms plus three unruly subs equaled big trouble. And for the first time, Sarah wanted to find out exactly what
big trouble
was. So she stayed seated and waited for it to come and get her.

Deke shivered. But he wasn’t cold. The third floor of The Edge was a comfortable sixty-nine degrees. No, he was nervous. In a mere minute, he was going to knock on Adam’s office door, go inside, and fight for his life because the alternative was unfathomable. He wouldn’t lose Adam. Not now, not ever. He couldn’t seem to breathe without him.

For the past three days, Deke had done some serious soul-searching, and he found that he didn’t like what he saw. Adam had been right. Deke was a coward and a selfish bastard. That was a certainty. And Adam was strong and giving. That was unquestionable. But when Deke thought about not loving Adam, not sharing their lives together, he’d been gutted. How could he survive without a deeply ingrained part of his soul?

Then there was Sarah. She scared the shit out of him. But he cared for her. He cared way too much. And no matter what he did or how hard he fought, the truth was he couldn’t walk away from her. Not now, and he feared not ever. Believing any differently was delusional.

Accepting his need for both Adam and Sarah had been excruciating. Not because of them, but because of him. He’d screwed everything up—time and again. Now he had to fight to win back the things he’d callously thrown away. The irony was incredible.

Deke sighed then raised his trembling hand and tapped on the door. A curse later, the door swung open and revealed a haphazard Adam.

Deke’s eyebrows shot up.
What the hell?
Adam looked as though he’d been dancing in the eye of a Kansas tornado. His hair was mussed in a way that shouldn’t have been sexy but somehow was. He’d stripped down to black slacks that were at one point pressed and a crisp white button-down shirt he’d left half tucked in, half hanging out. His feet were bare, and he had a frown firmly in place.

Adam didn’t speak. Neither did Deke. They stood in awkward silence, his partner inside the office and him on the outside looking in. Finally, Deke asked anxiously, “Can I come in?”

Adam stared at Deke, and his heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t going to let Deke in. Deke knew it. His lifeline was slipping away. Desperate, Deke murmured, “Please.”

Adam nodded then moved aside and granted him entrance. Deke ambled into the room. Unsure of what to do or where to sit, he stood in the middle of the space, silently waiting—for what, he didn’t know. Seconds passed, and Deke counted each one in his head. Then minutes drifted by, and he mentally ticked those off, too. It was that or listening to the obnoxious roaring in his ears or counting the rapid thrum of his beating heart.

Finally, Adam closed the door to his office and took a seat on his modern lounge chair. “Why don’t you sit down?” He pointed toward the identical black chair opposite him. “We need to talk.”

Deke nodded then skirted around the edge of the chair before lowering himself into it hesitantly. He reclined against the thick cushions, resting his hands on the arms of the chair. “Yes, we do.”

God, Deke hated this. He despised being unsure of himself. It was like his childhood all over again, and he’d once promised himself he’d never feel that way again. Yet here he was, feeling self-conscious and insecure. And he couldn’t stop it.

“Okay.” Adam met his gaze levelly, only his eyes were off. The blue was deeper, more intense, and tinged with trepidation. “Talk.”

Deke forced back his grimace. “I was wrong.”

Evidently taken off guard by Deke’s proclamation, Adam’s eyes flared, but he said nothing.

“You were right.”

Adam’s lips twitched as though he were fighting a smile. Still though, he didn’t speak.

“I was a coward—with you and Sarah.”

Adam nodded.

“You know why.”

“Yes, Deke, I know why. I guess I should say, the whos—your parents, Chloe, and Megan.”

Deke couldn’t combat his grimace this time. Hearing the names of the four people who’d nearly broken him, one at a time, slammed into his chest. For a second, breathing hurt. He took a couple of long, laborious breaths then forged on. “I let my past rule me. Even with you, I couldn’t give myself to you completely. Handing you my heart and soul gave you the power to destroy me. I couldn’t handle that.”

Adam frowned. “I understand that, Deke. But I’m not them. I would
never
hurt you like that.”

No, Adam was nothing like Deke’s birth parents, the two individuals who’d fucked him up royally in only five years. He wasn’t cruel like his father had been. In the time they’d been together, no day had gone by that Adam had tortured him or threatened him. And Adam wasn’t hardhearted or irresponsible like his mother had been. He’d never thrown Deke out because he was baggage he’d never wanted to be saddled with.

God knew Adam had nothing in common with Chloe or Megan. He hadn’t cheated on Deke then dumped him callously like Chloe had. He was too honorable to treat him that way. By the time she’d been through with him, he’d felt no better than yesterday’s trash. Adam was the polar opposite. He made Deke feel special. He made him feel loved. And other than with Sarah, that wasn’t something Deke had ever felt.

Then there was Megan. Adam might have dated her, and he’d definitely fucked her. But they couldn’t have been more different if they’d tried. Adam loved selflessly and unconditionally. He would never kill himself over their relationship and blame Deke in the note he left behind.

“I know you’re not them, but I just couldn’t get past it. I kept hoping that if I held back, even a little, I would survive when you hurt me. But what I didn’t realize was that I had already given my heart and soul to you. When you left the other day”—he gulped—“my world collapsed because I’m not me without you.”

“And Sarah?”

Deke averted his eyes, unable to say the words while he was looking at his longtime lover. “I’m not me without her, either.” And that made him want to retch. He’d taken seventeen years to get to this point with Adam. How was he supposed to reach the same place in just a few days with Sarah? He didn’t know, but he was going to figure it out because he couldn’t lose her. And he wasn’t going to wait long. After that kiss, his impatience was palpable.

Coughing nervously, Deke tacked on, “She’s a part of me, and I lo…care for her.” Damn, why couldn’t he say the
L
word?

“Well, that’s enough,” Adam said. “We have a place to start.”

“Start?”

“Yeah, Deke. I don’t expect everything to be better overnight. I know you’re not ready to admit what you feel for Sarah, and that’s fine. At least, you’ve realized you care for her and are willing to try. That’s what counts.”

“What about you? I hurt you, too.”

Adam smiled. “Deke, love is tangled and complicated and, at times, an all-around pain. There are going to be fights. You’re going to hurt me, and I’m going to hurt you. But we can work it out. We will. We have to because I found out that I can’t live without you. It’s rather sick how attached I am to you.” His cheeks flushed. “I have a confession to make. If you hadn’t shown up when you did, I would have come to you. Hell, I planned to talk to you later today. I was just sitting in here, drinking, and working up the courage to approach you.”

Deke’s head swam. That was his Adam—forgiving, accepting, and loving. He smiled then stood and strode toward his partner. Then he did something he’d never done. He parted Adam’s legs and situated himself on his knees in front of him.

“God, Adam. I know what you mean. I was a nervous wreck when I knocked on your door.” Taking his partner’s hands in his, he squeezed tightly. “And it’s not sick. I’m just as attached to you as you are to me.”

Adam chuckled. “I’m glad to hear that.”

Deke was, too. But he had more to say to his partner. He had things he needed to do. So he inhaled what was supposed to be a calming breath but wasn’t. Then he murmured, “You said that you have always given to me, and I’ve always taken. You’re right. Now I want to give something back to you.” Deke slid his eyes closed with a sigh then lifted his lids a second later. “I want you to know how much I l–love you.”
I sound like a moron.
“I want to show you that we’re equals.”

Adam eyed him nervously. “And how are you going to do that?”

“I want you to”—he paused to suck in a stabilizing breath—“top me.”

* * * *

Sitting in his office with Deke kneeling between his legs, Adam wondered if he’d lost his mind. Surely, Deke hadn’t just said what it sounded like. His partner would
never
submit to anyone, not even Adam. That was a sacrifice even he couldn’t make. And if he tried, Adam wouldn’t let him. Give and take was one thing. Stealing was another.

Deke stared up at Adam. “Top me,” he repeated, this time sounding stronger and surer than before, but his chocolate eyes contradicted him. The desperate plea for understanding in his eyes, the raw emotion written on his face nearly tore Adam apart. He was grateful that he was sitting down. If he hadn’t been, his knees would’ve buckled.

My God. I did this to him.
“Deke,” he grated out. “No.”

“Yes.” Deke nodded. “I want you to top me.”